French Court (IC Thread)

[TinCow]

This is the IC Thread for the Test Game. Since we won't have any 'Diet' sessions at all, there's no need for this to take place in some kind of voting body area. We'll just call it the 'French Court' for convenience, and we can assume it's in Paris.

Please remember that as of this moment, army compositions and precise avatar placement are not yet known, so it would be best to avoid talking about those topics.

[Ferret]

Bonjour mes amis.

[Privateerkev]

Count Guillemot de Lyon walks into the court. With purpose he strides to the center to speak. Serious yet sad, he addresses the body.

Fellow countrymen,

It is with great regret that I come to inform all of you that House Gascony has declared war upon House Anjou. Our grievances are simple.

While the King's father, God rest his soul, saw the importance of the Iberian theater, his son does not. The Moors are at the gates of Europe! And who do you trust to stop them? The Spanish? The Portuguese? No! It should be us!

House Gascony has served loyally and has protected France for years! And what do we get? How are our sacrifices rewarded? By neglect...

I'm sorry but this can not continue. We will re-balance the power of the Houses. And then, and only then, we will get back to the business of conquering Europe, as is our place as Frenchmen.

I wish it to be known that those in House Anjou will be given full quarter. Any who wish to be left out of the current hostilities will be given asylum in my House. I wish for this war to be short and quick. No need for great amounts of bloodshed. But we do wish to let it be known that we are to be taken seriously.

Let every other House, here and in the future, take notice! If we, loyal sons of France can be treated so badly by the King, so can you! We fight to show that while we are loyal, loyalty is a two-way street. If the King can get away with treating House Gascony such, then it is only a matter of time before House Normandy, House Albion, and yes even House Anjou are treated the same way.

Thank you my fellow countrymen and may God save France.

[_Tristan_]

Bohemond Chanteur :

Messeigneurs, un grand boujour à la noblesse de France assemblée ici

Que Dieu vous garde

(I had to do it... Now reverting to English )

[_Tristan_]

Bohemond Chanteur :

Bowing to Guillemot de Lyon.

I would answer here and now but I would not speak out of turn and will let my liege tell you how things stand between our Houses.

Sit down to wait for the arrival of his liege.

[Privateerkev]

nodding to Bohemond, Guillemot is seen at his desk writing many letters.

[The Lemongate]

Uneasy silence follows. There is clearly tension in the air.

Suddenly, from the back of the room, a man starts clapping his hands. Slowly. Deliberately.

The tension rises.

"BRAVO!"

Marquess Poitevin walks up to Count Guillemot. Claps his shoulder, smiles and turns towards the assembled nobles:

"Bravo, mon ami! You show great courage on this day. You make the House of Gascony proud. Non, par Saint-Denis, you make all of France proud! Such a show of character, such a display of righteous moral strength when a drunkard can leave the bottle long enough to declare war upon his own kinsmen! And he didn't even bring any girls with him this time! Truly Count you surprise me!"

With a grin, the Marquess looks at the de Lyon's reddening countenance before turning again to the assembly. Leaving behind the sarcasm, he takes on a more serious tone:

"Truly the House of Gascony has fallen low to resort to such antics to get the King's notice. War between Frenchmen! We shall defend our cities against your naked aggression count and we shall defend France against the Germans enemy. And if the Moors and the Arabs do threaten la mère patrie, our arms will join yours to defeat them as well!

All who love France and her King will stand tall and condemn your opportunism! May this war be quick and may God grant Anjou justice. Vive la France! Et vive le Roy!"

[Privateerkev]

Guillemot sits at his desk for a moment in shock at the nerve that the Marquess had in touching him. Finally he stands up and stares at Poitevin with a look that could kill.

Do not presume you can touch me. Ever. Do that again and you will draw back a stump, despite our pledge to not do violence in this sacred place.

You and the King brought this upon yourselves. You profited quite well by being his lackey. And France suffered. Our armies were left rotting for years while you gallivanted all over Germany. Someone has to put you in your place. You are but one front in the war to spread our benevolent rule across Europe. One! Yet you get the resources that almost top all of ours combined!

And the best you can do to defend yourself is attack my character. Some men in this room pretend I am the only one of us who enjoys a good French wine and the company of a warm woman. But I have seen many of you in the places I frequent. Some of you are total hypocrites. My leisure activities are not on trial here. It is our King's negligence and your enabling of that negligence that are the issue.

The next time you walk up that close to me, you better have a sword in your hand...

[GeneralHankerchief]

Prince Louis:

Patience, mes seigneurs. Patience and decency.

Just because we are in a war does not mean that we should not treat our fellow commanders with the utmost respect and decency. It is unbecoming of a proper Frenchman.

It appears that internal war is upon us, despite the best efforts of our diplomats. I will remind everyone, however, that we are still fighting external enemies and that they will be all too willing to take advantage of our current state of affairs. Be careful, mes seigneurs, not to draw this conflict out unnecessarily.

[Privateerkev]

with a nod towards the Prince and a parting glare at Poitevin, Guillemot sits back down.

[Ramses II CP]

The King rises to his feet, and after a quick, sharp glance at his son, addresses Count Guillemot de Lyon. While speaking the King paces slowly around the entire length of the table in the center of the chamber, forcing all eyes to turn with him and follow his progress.

Nobles of France, this is a black day to raise the spector of civil war. Hegemony has only just been established over the English while the Reich's endless riches pour forth armies against our eastern marches. I am especially shocked that the good Count would offer the Moorish threat as a rationale for weakening the very front along which the Moors would invade!

That being said, I can only lament my own lack of powers sufficient to redress these matters. My influence with the Chancellor is slight. If the men of Gascony's chief complaint is a lack of soldiers to claim new territory, then I recommend they speak with the man who can rectify that situation and leave the heart of France undisturbed.

I note that Spain stands belittled in these chambers, but do not sleep on their capacity for war. If Gascony means to threaten Spain and Anjou both then Gascony may well turn out to be a greater threat than even the Germans. That being said, I cannot and will not play favorites among my subjects.

My charge is not to satisfy the territorial aims of my nobles, but to ward an entire nation. I will look to the good of that nation first and foremost, and strike down an the external threats to it's continued existence.

At this point the King has reached the seats of the newest house, Albion, and as he passes he briefly places a friendly hand on each of those noble's right shoulders while carrying on with his speech.

With that in mind, I will make it known that I intend to personally gather an army and lead a fresh offensive against the Reich. If this squabble through the center of France proceeds it may even threaten Paris, and so I must call on one of my loyal retainers to guard my lands. I will be in touch with the man I count worthy very soon, and rest assured the potential reward will be very great.

Whether by chance or cold calculation the King's amble around the table has passed behind Loius and come to a stop just to the left of the Prince's seat, forcing him to turn his whole body around in his chair to see Philip. When the word worthy passes the King's lips his gaze falls squarely on his son and a faintly unpleasant look comes onto Philip's face.

[Privateerkev]

Guillemot sits quietly as the King speaks. It is clear he is not happy with what he hears. When it is clear the King is done, Guillemot stands but remains behind his desk.

Your majesty, with all due respect,

The lack of manpower along the Iberian front was a problem you caused, not the Prince. The Prince has tried to rectify it. Your the one that pulled men away when the corpses were hardly dry on the battlefield. Your father understood the importance of keeping a strong army in Iberia.

This is to rectify an old wound. And to ensure it never ever happens again. You claim you do not play favorites but it is clear that one House has benefited fully out of proportion with regards to the others. And another was created out of thin air when men from another House fought gloriously to win the land this new House stands on.

It is time you learn that while we are loyal, we are not dogs to be kicked. This is not something I do for myself, or my House. But it is done for the good of France. The nobles need to know they will be treated fairly by their ruler.

You reap what you sow my King...

Guillemot waits to see if the King responds.

[GeneralHankerchief]

Prince Louis:

Actually Father, I had planned on sending you down to Iberia to hold off the numerous enemies there. If, as you have suggested over the course of your entire career's actions, the Holy Roman Empire is the greatest threat to French sovereignty, then surely you would have no objection if her most accomplished general saw to the task of defending that particular front.

[Ignoramus]

Richart Marcel, Viscount of Guyenne, sighs as he rises to his feet.

All too plainly we see the pox of arrogance in our Angevin friends. They speak as if they are France herself, but as they have the King as a puppet I suppose they have a sliver of legitimacy to that claim.

We are taking this drastic action to not let the good work of our forefather, Charlemagne, go to waste. King Philippe has clearly favoured Anjou to the extent of risking the loss of French territory. Is Anjou so pampered that they the need the whole of France to march under their command before they march against the Germans?

It will be a long time before the Gascons trust their king again.

[Ramses II CP]

The King stands again with a wry grin, nodding to the Prince in an 'exactly what I thought you'd say' sort of way.

Which enemies in particular did you mean? The Portugese, who are trapped at Lisbon and haven't fought us for decades, the Spanish, with whom we are not at war and have quite cordial relations, or the Moors, whose lands are isolated from ours and require marching across the whole of Iberia?

Sounds like precisely the sort of plan you'd put together. Aside from an internal conflict let's put ourselves in the ill graces of the Pope and our allies by attacking a Catholic nation or marching armies across their lands to capture their former holdings from the Moors.

Turning to Count Guillemot the King raises an eyebrow and continues in an ironic vein.

It can hardly be said that I caused a lack of manpower if you feel you have enough left over to attack your fellow nobles. Indeed, it would seem I gave you a bit too much.

I have kicked no dogs but English ones lately. I suppose if the Prince has his way I'll have a few more placed beneath my feet soon enough though.

Though the grin remains the King's face hardens while he continues to gaze at the Count. He carries on in a subtly insulting tone.

'For the good of France let's kill some Frenchmen!' Oh yes, my good Count, I can see very well where you get your ideas.

A moment's glace at the Prince is more than enough to let the entire chamber know the King's meaning.

Now then, where was I? Oh yes, a fresh German offensive. New lands, new titles, who knows where it will all end? If the English campaign is any example, as I mean it to be, there may be few Germans left by the time we're done. Think well on it before you press a foolhardy assault against your own countrymen nobles of House Gascony.

[GeneralHankerchief]

Prince Louis:

I cannot, in good conscience, allow our large Iberian front to be abandoned totally, no matter the current situation with our neighbors. Surely your presence will be enough to keep the status quo, Father. Ordinarily, this task would fall to the Gascons, as it has for generations, but unfortunately their armies are beyond my control at the moment.

Again: No offense meant, but considering that, between the two of us, *I* am the better general, and also considering that you are placing priority on the Imperial front, and finally considering that I am loath to abandon Iberia and leave one of our four great Houses, no matter her current state of mind, to the dogs, I would be the better general to begin making these advances into Imperial territory.

[Ramses II CP]

(OOC aside: Do you actually have access to the save at the moment GH? I can send you some info from it if not. FYI half of House G is still 'at home' holding both ends of the line in Iberia. If you're aware of that and mean plugging the King into that space anyway, sorry, but I thought you mentioned some technical problems so I wanted to offer before you commit IC to a course. )

[Privateerkev]

Guillemot sits and watches the exchange. A messenger comes in and whispers something into his ear. Guillemot gets a big smile on his face, quickly subdues it, and stands up.

Your majesty, I wish to thank you for volunteering to hold the Iberian front while House Gascony takes care of internal matters. While you have starved our area of forces in the past, your generous offer to guard the southern front personally will go a long way towards mending old wounds. Even now a Spanish force makes it's way north. And yes I do have two of my men down there but they don't have anything like the forces a Royal Army possesses.

Thank you again for agreeing to go south.

Guillemot makes a long elaborate bow towards the King.

He then turns to Richart and smiles.

Richart! It is good to see you! It has been a long time old friend! We must talk later. Please come find me, we'll go hit that one place around the corner. I hear it is hopping these days.

After that, the Count's large grin, from when he heard the messenger's news, returns. He looks out at Marquess Poitevin.

Oh my dear Marquess! I have heard the most fascinating news! As you alluded to, I do spend a fair amount of time in certain places. And I have developed a bit of a network. And you would never guess who was seen keeping company with a woman of very... very dark complexion...

I think someone needs to make sure they don't live in a glass house...

Quite pleased with himself, Guillemot sits.

[The Lemongate]

Poitevin's eyes flare, but his tone remains neutral:

"If you are alluding to the maids and servants that accompany my retinue during wartime, I do not see what shame I should take from being seen with mamluk Turks! They are after all the finest slaves one can buy in the great markets of Genoa and Constantinople, resilient, obedient and quite expendable. Would you rather have me drag poor, civilized French girls into the dark forests of Germany? Though now that I think of it, that probably happens to be a habit of yours... all those years under the sun of Iberia must have left it's mark.

Unless you have something relevant to say Count, I suggest you keep to your ill-conceived war. It suits you more then petty attempts at vendetta. You don't have any Corsican blood by any chance? Heh..."

To the assembled nobles:

"Having reviewed our situation a on the German front, I am please to assure the nobility of France that Frankfurt will soon fall into our hands. We will do what we can to facilitate its annexation to our glorious kingdom and ease its people's suffering as true Frenchmen ought to do. However, House of Anjou will unfortunately have to postpone expeditions to capture the great fortresses of Hamburg and Staufen to meet the threat of our own kinsmen who are massing near Dijon.

Of course, the Gascons could always chose to turn their arms towards the enemy and gain prestige and power for France, not to mention the German ale they seem so fond of... But I doubt they have our great Kingdom's interest much at heart."

[Privateerkev]

Guillemot raises an eyebrow but remains seated.

Maid? Is that what you call them now-a-days?

I hear she is very well "trained" for a... maid...

I guess she's very good at cleaning pipes...

What say you Poitevin? Does she do a good job cleaning pipes?

The Count leans back in his chair, folds his hands behind his head, and smiles.

[Csargo]

Thomas Maquereau sits, obviously annoyed with the current conversation...

I hardly see how this is a relevant topic to be discussing now. We have more important things to discuss.

[deguerra]

His face tight at his Count's latest remark, Michiel sits silently, obviously restraining himself to hold his tongue

[Privateerkev]

The Count bristles at Thomas's remark. But, seeing his Baronet's expression, Count Guillemot's features soften.

That is a wonderful question Baronet Thomas Maquereau! You might want to ask your Marquess why he brought it up in the first place earlier in the day. All I've done is shed some light on a certain... habit of someone's that happens to be similar to the one that I tend to get raked over the coals for.

Speaking of being over something, it seems the Marquess and I have more in common than I thought...

A mischievous little grin brightens the Count's face.

[The Lemongate]

"Mais oui, Guillemot, mais oui! Keep on discrediting yourself at the court! What would other uncivilized nations think of us if they saw educated Frenchmen bicker like little girls rather then men talking about the future of our world?

Nobles gens, I am truly sorry to have to have inspired de Lyon to show us the depth of his earthly knowledge.

Guillemot, you should try to listen when the grown ups are talking about a serious matter. The Germans, unless decisively defeated, pose an important threat and your childish games distract all of us here. Perhaps if your household servants spent more time cleaning your clothes then, cleaning your pipes, you would not bring with you the whiff of alcohol in every court session you attend. It really does nothing for your credibility."

[The Lemongate]

Turning to face Prince Louis:

"My Prince, the House of Anjou would be delighted to have you orchestrate the next military campaigns against the Germans. However, we must note that due to you being the next in line to the throne and the impressive threat posed by our Germanic foes, it might not be advised to send the cream of France's nobility into such dangerous territory. Especially if most of House Anjou is distracted by a petty struggle back home."

[Privateerkev]

Guillemot ponders what the Marquess has said. He calls over a servant. You can barely make out the words but if you listen closely you hear.

That old goat has a point. Go get Marcy, Darcy, Charlene, what? Charlene has a rash? Ok get Mary then. Tell them all to be at my place later tonight and to find a way to "clean" both things at the same time.

[The Lemongate]

Raoulet sighs.

[GeneralHankerchief]

Prince Louis:

Do not doubt my military acumen, Marquess. In case you have forgotten, I have participated in numerous successful campaigns, most notably the invasion of England itself, time and time again demonstrating that I can keep myself as well as other nobles out of danger.

[rossahh]

Baron Arnoud stands


Please, my prince, the Marquess only meant that with threat of Gascony striking from the west, France's eastern front with the Holy Roman Empire could collapse to the ruin of us all. We do not wish our prince to be stranded and alone in the Reich's territory.

[gibsonsg91921]

Bah! The petty House Gascon shall learn what the noble House Anjou does to traitors.