Assignment 1: Post Here!

[Tamur]

Stephen Asen

An old man is walking in the graden. His coat is threadbare, his body is stooped, and his hair is as white as the [snow, which the spring sun had just melted] White as snow is often used, but pulling it into the setting like this is a brilliant move. He moves slowly as every movement makes his old body ache. As he approached the bench he stopped and then slowly sat on it. He sat still as ages had [passed]. He was watching at his [past] passed... past... slightly different but they stick out. [He was observing a woman with a small child.] This made me very curious as a reader

The child was picking flowers bent on a large stone in the garden. [His face is shined by] His face shines with... nice description a large baby smile and that inquisitiveness typical for his young age. His mother was close to him and she soon takes him in her hands. She smiles and then she puts the child on a the paved path [where he is far from the dust] Good insight into her character. But the baby is reluctant to stay far from the flowers, which had become his new toys...

This is a beautiful moment, very nicely described and with a lot of empathy for the subject.

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When I entered in the office, she asked:

" What may I do for you? "

Then we had a short conversation about the copies that had to be made. Her voice was calm and polite, [the artificial smile] Something everyone can picture instantly, good on her face and she held her left hand with her right one so that her hands were crossed just in front of her belt. She was an office assisstant and she was trying to hide her nervousness. [It was all clear. She was new there.] Short punchy ending!

Nicely described and worded. Some basic grammar and spelling issues but the writing itself is very good.