Assignment 2: Post here!

[Tamur]

I'm not sure I like this ending better, even though it is much smoother.

Agreed. Seeing it in print makes me think that change didn't help.

I think the issue is, there is the narrative, and there is this curious but very nicely worded philosophy on the desert wind. I think you may need to try something non-standard to fit it in well, like titling the piece with a part of that line and ending it with the line, or adding the line in italics at the beginning of the piece and not putting it at the end, or something else.

Tricky. It's a great line, and I want to see it there. I'm just not sure of a good way to make it fit.

Regarding 'parcel'... I'm a Canadian which doesn't help too much with the English/American issue I think you're right, though, that it will be audience-specific.