The Basileus is crazy

[General Appo]

Hopefully the loading times will be shorter now, as I have believe I have succesfully followed the advice given to me by Senshi.
That battle was actually a lot closer then it looks. I intended to roleplay the battle and just charge Helenos at the closest enemies while the infantry just stood by and watched. In fact I was kinda hoping that Helenos would die and I would lose the city. But no deal, the AI was way to stupid for that to happen. Not only did it refuse to use half of its force until the moments before the entire army routed, their general keept doing suicidal charges and they left their skirmishers unprotected at every turn.
Stupid AI.

[Swordmaster]

I was afraid this had died, but I'm glad to see an update. I'm still a fan of Helenos .

[General Appo]

This never dies! It might play dead for a few weeks or months, but it never dies. I´m a busy man, that´s all.

[General Appo]

Okay, it seems I won´t be able to play any EB at all for... 1 to 3 weeks. Crap I know, but don´t worry, this never dies. NEVER!!

[d'Arthez]

Bummer.

[General Appo]

Chapter 13: Betrayal

The somethingt year of the somethingt Olympiad 2198 years before a man named Colin Powell was born began peacefully, with no clues given to the disastrous turn events would take.
At Syrakousai the first great festival, one to truly rival the Panathenaia and Ptolemaia, was held at Alexandros expense, and in Phoinike Helenos first (legitimate) son, Blastos, was born, and proclaimed Helenos heir in all things, with great festivities held in Sidon.


The newfound peace and prosperity would not last long though. Last winter had seen the death of Antiochus I Soter and the accension of his son Antiochus II. With the new Basileus came new politics.
Antiochus I had been satisfied to maintain his fathers empire, rather than expand it, and to this end had allied himself with Antigonus Gonatas against the Greek city-states, and had managed to contain the Pahlavan nomads through focusing on garrisoning the frontier borders. When Helenos Aiakides had conquered Phoinike he had been contempt to leave the area to him to defend from the destined Ptolemaioi attacks. His stragies had worked well, and his empire had prospered, but even so his son does not embrace them.
Antiochus II has great plans for the empire of Seleucos Nicator, and the former Epeirotes does not fit into them. He needs the ports of Phoinike in order to challenge Ptolemaios Philadelphus naval supremacy. But he also needed the prestige and treasure that comes from further conquests, and for this the other Epeirote possesion, Karia, suited well. Ptolemaios Aiakides was unlikely to be capable of any counter-attack, and the tribes of Karia would make a fine addition to Antiochus armies.
But Antiochus needed some breathing space if he was to conquer Karia and Phoinike, and to this end a ceasefire was engineered with Ptolemaios Philadelphus, who equally needed time to regroup after Helenos destruction of his main Levantine army and rebellions amongst the native Egyptians.

Neither Helenos nor the conqueror and subsequent governor of Karia, Echemenes, had recieved any warning when suddenly Antiochus armies marched unto their territory, plundering and pillaging, forcing the Epeirotes to withdraw behind their city walls.


As word reached Ptolemaios at Krete of this, he despared. He and his brothers were now at war with almost all the great powers of the world, with no allies able to aid them. The Karchedoi fiercly resisted Alexandros rule on Sicilia, the Greek city-states refused trade with Ptolemaios and Attidas at Rhodos and frequently sent their fleets toward him, and now the forces of Ptolemaios Philadelphus and Antiochus had made peace with each other in order to deal with Ptolemaios and his brothers. With most of the armies disbanded and contact nets left to rot, things had never looked grimer.
In this hour of darkness only the vitality, courage and bravery of the Aiakides and their soldiers would save them from total extinction.


As no reinforcements could be sent to Echemenes in Karia, his forces would have to fend for themselves. The army having invaded Karia was large in numbers, but not so in quality. Most were levies and light infantry, but even so, greater numbers have often carried the day.
Echemenes had at his disposal a far less numerous force, it consisted of many veterans from the Karian campaign, with Thorakitai and local Hoplitai as its core and Rhodioi and Kretoi light infantry supporting.

Antiochus had ordered his army to take Karia as swiftly as possible, and so assaults were soon begun on Halikarnassos, were Echemenes and his army had been fled. Three major assault parties were equipped in order to make three separate breaches in Halikarnassos eastern defences.
Echemenes accordingly deployed all his infantry behind the eastern wall, and awaited the assault. It soon came.


The city´s wooden walls were bound to fall to the assault parties, and Echemenes knew the battle would be decided by the infantry behind them.


As the great army approached the wooden walls the Kretoi began firing upon the rams, hoping to set them ablaze.


No suck luck was achieved, and soon enough the assault parties had reached the wall, begining to smash them down while the skirmishers on both sides poured, javelins, stones and arrows over the defences.


Three separate sections of the wall soon collapsed, and the true battle begun as the attackers poured through the breaches.


The battle was fierce as the defenders fought for their lives to keep the invaders back. The two sides appeared evenly matched, but the attackers greater numbers showed.


Even as some attackers buckled under the pressure and fled they gave room for the phalanxes to enter the city and establish a foothold.


The dead amassed and Echemenes realised he must do something to save his men.


To this end Echemenes and his cavalry entered the fray at the destroyed gate, momentarily pushing back Antiochus men with great élan.


Even as Echemenes men left the fight he shouted for the Kretoi and Rhodioi to enter it, bringing further disorder to the Seleukid lines and giving the heavily pressed defenders some breathing space.


Echemenes now rode around to the eastmost breach, were the enemies were weakest. The very appearance of Echemenes bodyguard was almost enough to send them fleeing, and when they were charged in the flank they fled out through the breach they had previously entered through.


Echemenes ordered his cavalry and the men who had held the now fleeing enemes back to follow them through the breach, but instead of following the routers they fell upon the enemy at the gate, trapping the panicking Seleukids and in a chaotic fight cutting them down to the last man.


Seeing the allies defeated caused the rest of the attackers to flee as well.


The chase was long and ardous, the even more so. Masses of dead were left behind as the army pursued the routers.

The battle had been a close run thing, but at the end of the day as the result was overviewed, the Aiakides flag still flew over Halikarnassos as Antiochus plan had been thwarted by the heroic struggle of soldiers from Krete, Rhodos and Karia, led by an half-Illyrian raised in Epeiros and Syrakousai.


In Phoinike though, Helenos was still under siege in Sidon, and with more of Antiochus armies marching to reinforce the besiegers.

Next chapter: Such father such son

[General Appo]

Yep, I´m back. I´ve got the next chapter already played planned, and have some ideas about what to do, but we´ll see what happens.
The Seleukids betrayal really pissed me off, I had been their close ally and helped them a lot, and then all of a sudden they betray me and make peace with the Ptolies? They´ll pay for their insolence.
When I was playing I didn´t have a thought that this was actually the year when Antiochus I Soter died (262/261 BC) and his son Antiochus II Theos succeeded him, giving a perfect excuse for a policy change.
Pyrrhos won´t be in the next chapter, but don´t worry, I´ll get back to him (unless he dies, in which case I´ll just try to cover it up).
Anyway, things really aren´t looking good now. Just as I had gotten my economy going I was betrayed by my biggest trading partner, and seeing as neither the Carthies, Greeks, Ptolies nor Sele´s will trade with me I don´t see how I will find money. Oh well, I can always do some desperate measures.

[d'Arthez]

Anyway, things really aren´t looking good now. Just as I had gotten my economy going I was betrayed by my biggest trading partner, and seeing as neither the Carthies, Greeks, Ptolies nor Sele´s will trade with me I don´t see how I will find money. Oh well, I can always do some desperate measures.

Somehow I sense that Pyrrhos lost his ways and goes all the way to Rome / Kart-Hadast, for a sacking party. He'd be too drunk to notice, until he is there, and we know he can improvise. He would be enraged as neither city can offer him his beloved bearded Skythian women.

Seleukeia will be too far from your base for such an operation.

[General Appo]

Seleukeia will be too far from your base for such an operation.

For Pyrrhos, yes...

[General Appo]

Chapter 14: Such Father Such Son

Despite Echemenes victory the crisis is far from over. Antiochus still has numerous armies near Kilika and in Phoinike Helenos was still under siege. The actual amry besieging Sidon was not a large nor elite one, but great reinforcements were marching to its aid. Some might argue that it was due to the need for haste that Helenos sallied so quickly, but more likely is that Sidon´s wine supply had simply run out after the soldiers ruling on Kypros had decided to their wine to themselves and the Phoinike winegardens had been plundered.
At any case, a battle soon began. Helenos still commanded the same soldiers as during the last battle for Sidon, Galatikoi mercenaries and levy spearmen. Antiochus army consisted of allied contigents from Ioudaia, worshippers of a single god (wierdos) and Peltastai from Makedonian colonies.


Greatly outnumbering the enemy Helenos army is confident of victory, but still nervous over the rumours of Seleukids reinforcements that might be a hundred miles away or hiding behind the nearest hill.


Helenos and his heavy cavalry exits the city first, the army just behind. The enemy withdraw to a better position, but it will do them little good.


Just as the enemy Peltasati have managed to get into position infront of the Ioudaioi the cavalry charges, Helenos in the first line.


They deal massive damage to the Peltastai, and withdraw before the Ioudaioi can react.


Some javelins are thrown after the cavalry, and one man, one of Helenos closest drinking companions, is struck and falls of his horse.


Enraged Helenos charges again, his men following him, and this time they fight ´till the Peltastai flee or die.


Strangely the Ioudaioi just stand idely and watch as their comrades are slaughtered, perhaps there are some hostilities between the Ioudaioi and the rest of Antiochus subjects? At any case, the Peltastai are slaugheted until the final few men flee in terror and Helenos retreats again.


By now the rest of Helenos army has moved into position and begins bombarding the Ioudaioi with javelins.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

For all the perverts out there. Okay, it´s really not a lot, but you can maybe see a bit of a dick behind the grass. I don´t know, I don´t usually stare hard at such stuff.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

All the levy spearmen, Galatikoi and cavalry now charged the Ioudaioi from all sides.


The battle was short but ferocious.


The slaugher was immense, the Ioudaioi fell in scores as the screams of the dying mixed with the clash of weapons.


The pressure became to much and the few Ioudaioi alive fled, only to be hunted down and killed.


Victory had been achieved.


There was no time for celebrations though, as Antiochus armies were approaching with speed. With no chance of defending their position, Helenos and his advisors took the decision to flee from the city togheter with the army. But while the advisors argued that they should board the ships in the harbour and sail for Kypros, Helenos had a greater plan in mind, a plan that if it suceeded would make him as legendary as his father.
As winter came Helenos ordered the army to tear down the city and burn the crops, and then marched east with it, narrowly escaping the pursuing Seleukids.
Marching past Mount Lebanon and the tributaries of the River Jordan the army arrived at the gates of Damaskus, where the startled garrison closed the gates and called for help.


The reinforcements were still busy in Phoinike where the people of Tyre had refused to open their gates and the city of Karkhedon declared their support for liberty of their ancestral home
Helenos army began the building of siege engines as they prepared for the assault.


Next chapter: No fricking idea

[General Appo]

Yep, that was the desperate measure I was talking about. Destroying every building in Sidon has momentarily gotten my economy on it´s feet. Plus there was no way I´d be able to hold on to it, 3 Seleukid and 2 Ptolemai armies were marching towards it. Better just to risk it all at an incredible adventure, Pyrrhos style!
I actually giften Sidon to the Carthies, maybe the Sele´s and Ptolies won´t attack them. Still at war with all those 3 superpowers though, diplomacy-wise this campaign hasn´t really been my best.

[White_eyes:D]

Wow, looks grim....but at least you now have a self-destructing army running behind enemy lines that way you can at least hurt them and keep making money....

Oh yes, I remember playing CoH one time and one LONE sniper saved, like half my army...but died when they bought out the tigers...

[General Appo]

Snipers in CoH are freaky. One MP battle I used just snipers and Tigers to destroy the enemy, snipers advance, kill infantry and AT emplacements, Tigers roll in and shoot up tanks. Nothing the other guy did could stop my snipers. Snipers FTW!

[General Appo]

Chapter 15: The End is just Another Beginning

As Pyrrhos´s great ship rounded the country of Aremorica they were faced with the greatest armada the world had seen since Ptolemaios Soter and Demetrius Poliorcetes clashed at Salamis a good 40 years ago.
The varius tribes and pirates of the Keltoi had amassed to defeat what they saw as a great threat to their independence, and led by the skilled Veneti they now sailed straight for Pyrrhos ship. It was only due to skillful manuevering that Admiral Agapetos managed to guide his ship to safety, and in the procces he lost most of his crew.

After previous conflicts between the sailoirs and soldiers the latter now refused to aid the former, even when death seemed the most likely consequence of this decision. Even as the great enemy fleet sailed towards them with alarming speed the soldiers refused to offer any aid.

However, Agapetos isn´t known as the greatest admiral of all time without reason. In a series of battles Agapetos defeated many times more numerous enemies, through the use of certain rather shady tactics which have never been satisfactory explained.




Despite his no doubt brilliant tactics Agapetos lost his entire crew in these battles and since the soldiers still refused to do absolutely anything except perform rather disturbing experiements on the shiprats and throw up against the wind, he was kinda screwed.
But, with even more enemy fleet appearing on the horizon, Agapetos performed his greatest deed of all. Without any help what so ever he moved the ship several days worth of goodwind sailing in just under 93 minutes.



Temporarily safe he could guide the ship in bit more manageable speed, and plotted the course further north, where a prisoner from the previous battles claimed the true end of the world lay. Just as Agapetos had decided on this course, Pyrrhos exited his cabin for the first time in months (strangely enough no one had entered it either, not even to bring food or empty the pot) and shouted with all his lungs:
"Listen not to the words of this barbaroi, we shall make land right here, and we shall conquer and pillage, wether this be the end of the world or not!"
The soldiers who were royally tired of being caught on a ship cheered and threw the prisoner of the ship, along with most of the supplies and some random stuff laying about.

So the great army finally made it ashore, on the great island of Iouernia. By coincidence or divine intervention, they had landed right next to the great city of Ivernis, the stronghold of all of southern Iouernia.
Before the inhabitants had any clue of what was going on, the army had surrounded the city.

Agapetos was left completely alone with just a single former Gaesate to keep him company on the ship. The Geasatae´s name was Leo, and he was a former Gaesatae after having his vital parts crushed by a falling mast during one of the fleet battles. Too ashamed to join the non-Gaesatae ranks he had befriended Agapetos, and the two now sat all alone waiting for something to happen.

Something soon did happen. The remnants of the great Keltoi armada had followed Agapetos, licking their wounds and cursing his name. Now they had caught up with him, and this time there was nothing to save him. Seeing their options were rather limited, Agapetos and Leo threw themselves into the water and managed to evade the Keltoi.
After a long days swimming the arrived at a extremely steep rock island, where they dragged themselves ashore, and lived the rest of their days eating seagulls and building little stone huts.



But the most important fact remains to be stated.

Pyrrhos Aiakides, son of Aeacides of Epirus, second cousin of Megas Alexandros, former Basileus of the Molossoi, Epirus, Makedonia, conqueror of Syrakousai, Kretos, Rhodos and Kypros, Overhead of the Aiakidoi, father of two Olympionikoi, Famous Looney, Deadly Foe of Roma, Bane of the Karchedoi, Brother-in-Law of Demetrius Poliorcetes, Participant at the Battle of Ipsos, Stepson of Ptolemaios Soter, Inventor of at Least One Famous Modern Saying, Ruler of Sicily, Conqueror of Eryx, the Last of the Diadochi, The Last of a Greater Breed, the First of a Lesser One, 58 years old and suffering from an 2 years old hangover, now stood on the soil of an unknown island thousands of miles from civilization with hundreds of unruly and unwashed barbarians just waiting to overthrow him and no way of escape.

The fact that wine was unknown here didn´t make it any better.

[General Appo]

Bit of a short chapter I know, but it really didn´t fit in with the next chapter I´ve got planned, sooo.... bleh.

[satalexton]

ur crazy =P

[General Appo]

That´s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

[Dumbass]

I think you should sail to India!

[General Appo]

I can promise, I will not sail there..........

[Cbvani]

I think he plans to march instead.

[General Appo]

Never! What a preposterous suggestion!
Marching indicates walking in rhytm, something Helenos have never been able to do.

[General Appo]

Chapter 16: Wretched War


Last time we saw Helenos the Fat, or Megas Helenos as he demands that his soldiers call him, he was besieging the city of Damaskos in Syria Koile. Now the rams needed to knock down the wallks of Damaskos are ready, and the assault begins.

Facing Helenos is just a small garrison of levied citizen. Damaskos had long been removed from the many conflicts of the era, and the city had lived in peace, untouched by war and famine for centuries. Now however, Megas Helenos stands outside its walls, and its citizen tremble in fear, fully knowing the fate of all people defeated by the marauding armies of the rouge family of Aiakides.
The garrison is weak, small and poorly trained, but they are determined to fight until their last breath for their homes, wives and children.





Helenos orders the advance, and two breaches are soon created, and his troops pour in.


The cavalry ride unopposed into the city. The women, the children and the old have hid in their houses, praying for the Gods mercy but expecting none from the invaders.


At the city´s centre, near the temple of Apollo, the men of the Damaskoi have gathered to make their final stand. The Keltoi cavalry bombard them with spears, but Helenos has no patience for games.


His soldiers quickly spread to surround the immobile phalanx, and then charge from all directions.


The battle that breaks out is more like a streetfight with deadly weapons, savage Keltoi rushing to the fight without formation, desperate Damaskoi struggling to survive every second, the worst robbers and looters of Sidon that would follow Helenos on his march and Helenos own bodyguard, disowned young men with no future except what they can grab for themselves through war.


The truth is soon made clear, the Damaskoi stand no chance. One by one they fall, divided and united, it makes no difference.


The fight turns to massacre as the cries of the dying compete with the clash of weapons and armour and the wails of the women and children who now know for certain what horrible faith awaits them.


The very last to fall is the noble Aspianas, leader of the Damaskoi. Donned in the traditional silver mask and decorated armour, he fights to the last, but his life is ended without remorse.


The Damaskoi, are defeated.


Helenos warriors celebrate, but there lies no glory in victory like this, over outnumbered townsmen untrained in the arts of war and wanting nothing more than peace.


Helenos victory is complete, his losses few, his bounty great.



Helenos lets his men lose for 3 days of looting, pillaging and fouler deeds, many of which Helenos too in his corruption takes part of.
As a final insult to the Phoinike Helenos takes a few extra days to raze the sacred city of Heliopolis, sacred to both Phoinike, Aigyptioi and Hellenes, surely drawing the wrath of the gods upon him.


Few were the buildings left standing, the men left living and the women left untouched when the conquerors leave the city to march further east, into the Syrian desert, towards the oasis city of Palmyra.

[General Appo]

I know it´s been a while since the last update, but that´s just how I work, I work on this AAR when I feel like working on it. Next chapter might come tomorrow, might come in 2 months. I don´t know.

[Lysimachos]

Ah, Helenos the (at least regarding the amount of body fat) Great leaves a trail of dead! May the jackals feast on his corpse soon!

[General Appo]

The gods look out for drunks and fools. And calling Helenos a drunken fool would be an insult to the drunken fools.

[julius_caesar_the_first]

Well congratulations on a great AAR so far. I really like how you split your kingdom like that. Makes it more realistic. And of course Phyrrus was hilarious at the beginning.

[General Appo]

Makes it more realistic.

Say what?

And yes, I know Pyrrhus hasn´t been very funny as of late. Well, this is my first ever AAR, and I´m exploring different genres within the AAR. Plus, it gets kinda difficult to come up with new jokes after a while, it´ll just feel too repetetive and cliché.

[ezekiel2517]

does Helenos the fat have any sons?

[General Appo]

He does. Can´t remeber how many right now, but I think 2 sons and 1 daughter. I think I even mentioned his oldest son in an earlier chapter. He´s something like 3 years old though.

[julius_caesar_the_first]

Say what?

In my opinion it's more realistic given the nature of the kingdom (islands and enclaves) and the different personalities of Phyrrus' sons that the kingdom isn't united but fractured amongst the various leaders.