Efstratios continues to lie unconscious on the floor of the Senate, blood pooling from his rainbow-coloured wig, as no one has bothered to drag him from the floor. A servant finally tiptoes up to the body and pokes it with a stick, and Efstratios stirs a bit.
I must agree with the most honourable Savvas ek Militou, the bloody Catholics will unite against us and send their bleedin ships across the bleedin sea to attack us. If not in Holy Crusade now, then in the name of Venetian and Sicilian Imperialism, and in Papal Imperialism later. The Muslims are nothing!
So nothing are they that we could march against their Capital at this very moment, crush the idiots, and continue on eastward and destroy the next in line for Sultan. Then how would we fear the Muslims? I would wager my enormous bowtie that the Fatmids would not even care, they hate the Turkish Sultan more than we do!
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
OOC- I should know, I've played as the Turks enough times. Were it not for certain changes, such a move could wipe them all out in a few short turns!
The Muslims are divided. If a Jihad were to be called, few if any would respond. And they would march right up to the heart of our empire, only to be slaughtered by our combined might. Personally I think a few assassins would take care of any crusaders or jihadis, as the religious zealots scatter like rabbits whenever their leader is slain. Bloody sheep.
The servant begins to blot up all the blood from the Strator's face with a cloth towel.
We do, however, face the greater horde of Catholic zealots, who require no crusade or jihad to exploit our weakness. They will most likely begin their expansion into our homeland right away via ship. If the Venetians don't do it, the Sicilians certainly will. And the Sicilians are so vulnerable that I could probably destroy them myself, just grant me a ship and I'll hire the spearmen when I land. They will be off capturing Tunis as we speak, or Cagliari or some other nameless, worthless settlement.
Strike whilst the iron is hot, gentlemen, and to catch our foes as they arm for war, rather than when they deploy for war, is to win the war before it even starts. With Sicily gone, we would be a stone's throw from the Pointy-Hatted One, and we could march right up to Rome and claim it for the Emperor.
The servant takes out a mop and begins to soak up the large blood spill from the senate floor.
Then the Man in the White Dress and Ruby Slippers could call a crusade on Rome, which would ensure that no Catholic could crusade through our empire for many decades.
Ambitious? Yes. Risky? Yes. But after the rebels in Greece fall, we cannot sit inside our walls with our thumbs in our collective arses while the bleedin' Catholics arm themselves to the teeth and prepare to land troops on our shores. Or perhaps we are so enamoured with the idea of destroying Muslims that we forget how vulnerable and vital our western shore is, and how losing control of Greece would cripple the Empire forever.
The Emperor has decided not to engage in war with the Catholics before the rebels are taken, so let's take them quickly, men. Then we should put to sleep the sick dog of Sicily and destroy quickly the virulent pests of Venice, followed by the Pontificating One and his Papal Empire.
After that, we can construct our Orthodox churches, spit out a couple of priests, and wait patiently for our citizens to see the light.
With that, Efstratios passes out from the extensive blood loss, his head smashing into the stone floor a second time with a sickening thud.
A look of amusement crosses his face at the words spoken by Efstratios. In a flat and direct tone he address the Strator.
I would not be so quick to dismiss the military capabilities of the Egyptian Sultan my Lord. To do so would invite destruction on a scale this Empire may not be able to survive.
Efstratios lifts his head momentarily, and addresses Apionnas
I quite disagree. The Egyptian Sultan is too predictable. If he doesn't sit his fat arse in Cairo for the next 15 decades, spawning generation after generation of bleedin' idiots, then he will go after Jerusalem and the Teutonic Order.
If we should fear the Egyptians so, then it makes ever more sense to construct a NAVY and sink the bastards en route.
Does no one else see that our generals and a few peasant spearmen can take care of our rebel situation, and that our main forces at this point should be NAVIES?
Our bodyguards alone could likely take care of the inner empire. But we will never HAVE an outer empire without some bloody ships.
He pauses for a moment to let this sink in:
SAILING VESSELS! Masted war machines! Rafts and freaking ROWBOATS!!! ANYTHING!!!!
Efstratios now has a pounding headache, not from his multiple skull fractures and oxygen-deprived brain, but from the utter lack of proper naval forces to defend the realm. He passes out yet again.
Savvas looks at the clownish outfit from his esteemed colleague, Efstratios and sighs.
Can someone propose some kind of dress code for our next sessions, please? I can live with some extravaganza every now and then like any other man, but not during a Senate meeting.
About to reply, Apionnas simply shakes his head in wonder at the figure of Efstratios now slumped before him. Standing the officer moves over to Efstratios and begins a series of quick, efficient medical checks. Finally he glances to a nearby court official.
I think you should call the royal physician. This man needs assistance.
A man that sputters incoherently about chickens one minute, passes out the next, and then tells us of his wild fancies of attacking entire cities with nothing more than his retinue and some peasants. I bloody hope the physicians will get his head fixed, before he comes in here again!"
I'm getting confused by the edicts and seconds so I'm just going to put up an OOC list. Please let me know if I made any mistakes.
Edict 1.1: At any given moment, the Basileus can decide to use all resources of the Empire for a direct assault on Rome. Every nobleman who is ordered to join this assault on Rome, will have to follow the call of the Emperor and will use all his available resources for the conquest of Rome.
Proposed by Savvas ek Militou
Edict 1.2: All military assets will be devoted to the conquest of the rebel settlements of Canakkale, Arta, Durazzo, Scopia, Sofia, Sinop, Smyrna, and Rhodes before they can be released for other purposes. Bari and Trebizond may be included in this list at the discretion of the Megas Logothetes. No attack will be made on any foreign nation until this reconquest is complete. This Edict does not apply to any of the above settlements which are conquered by a foreign nation before they are reincorporated into the Empire. This Edict is void if a foreign nation attacks the Empire.
Proposed by Khristophoros Diogenis
Seconded by Markianos Ampelas and Pavlos Chrysovergos
Edict 1.3: A Priest is to be sent in the region surrounding Caesarea to help our Orthodox brethern against their Muslim overlords.
Proposed by Pavlos Chrysovergos
Seconded by Makedonios Ksanthopoulos and Savvas ek Militou
Edict 1.4: If Edict 1.2 passes, Antioch will be added to the list.
Proposed by Makedonios Ksanthopoulos
Seconded by Hypatios Machonios and Iakovos ek Kallipoleos
Edict 1.5: The training of a boat or hiring of a mercenary craft is required outside of Athens in order to transport men to Rhodes, as per Edict 1.2. The fleet we already own further North may also be used if it has no other orders.
Proposed by Hypatios Machonios
Seconded by Armatos ek Naksou and Makedonios Ksanthopoulos
Edict 1.6: That a ship be sent immediately towards Epirus to ferry a commander and a battalion of spearmen to Apulia with the intent of capturing the castle of Bari.
Proposed by Anastasios Neokaisareitis
Seconded by Ioannis Kalameteros and Kosmas Mavrozomis
Edict 1.7: The Empire shall strive to capture Durazzo and Arta utalising the General's Anastasios and Michail respectively, within the first "term".
Proposed by Michail Arianitis
Edict 1.8: The creation of 2 agents. A diplomat to make contact with the Orthodox Factions of the north for an alliance and trade. The other diplomat to head west to contact European Factions for diplomatic talk and trade.
Proposed by Aleksios ek Ikoniou
Seconded by Khristophoros Diogenis and Methodios Tagaris
NN had his 1.8 as 1.7 for a short time. Two people seconded 1.7 when they meant 1.8
*edit*
TC has confirmed this. Therefore there are still no seconds on 1.7 but 1.8 has the required amount.
OOC: 1.8 was numbered 1.7 at the time Andres and I seconded it. NN later changed it to 1.8, hence the discrepancy. We both were seconding NN's Edict, not the one before it.
A grotesquely fat man in outrageously stylish italian clothes appears at the doors of the Senate chamber. He has a very business-like attitude and, taking advantage of a lul in the debates, walks up to the Protoasecretes and demands, in a skweaky italian voice to be given a room and a dinner, preferably, of mutton chops. Before the befuddled official gets any chance to understand what is happening, the man turns to the assembled Senators:
What is the meaning of this farce! I am Voluminoso Maiale of Genoa! Merchant extraordinaire! I control the entire mutton chop trade from Venice to Lisboa, I could buy palaces in Egypt and this here inkeeper refuses me a simple meal! OUTRAGEOUS! Mama mia! If we were back in Italia I would have you clean the stables with your tongue, arlecchino!
As Voluminoso speaks and gesticulates, globs of greasy sweat that had been accumulating on his face and hands fly wildly about the room, forcing certain senators to run for cover. The poor Protoasecretes is forced to bear the brunt of the oily attack but is fortunatly saved a terrible beating at the hands of the italian as two guards quickly move to control the situation.
As the guards painfully attempt to drag him out while he flings energetically his enormous, feathered hat at them, he bellows ominously:
Terrible service! Servizio terribile! TERRIBILE!!! I will complain to the highest authorities! You scimmie have not heard the last of me! No one insults Voluminoso with impunity!
As he spits (literally) his final words at the Senate, the guards manage to throw him out. But in a terrible twist of fate, Voluminoso manages to grip a guardsman by the arm and drags him down with him, cushioning his fall. The other guards quickly close the doors of the Senate, but the wail of their unfortunate comrade can be heard through the wood and masonry. The most pious Senators send a heartfelt prayer for the poor guardsmen and someone can be seen running for a doctor.