Learn me some Java.

[Whacker]

So before we begin, the first question is: In the name of the gods, WHY? Seriously, Java is easily one of the WORST platforms to code in/on/for, it's a resource hog, and is generally reviled by all who understand the technical details behind it.

[CrossLOPER]

I apparently have to go through two courses of the stuff. I'm not too happy either. I had some experience with it, and it did not go too well. I want something that will just help me through those two courses.

[Whacker]

You have my condolences.

Try here: http://java.sun.com/new2java/

or here: http://www.netbeans.org/kb/articles/learn-java.html

for some free online stuff. Or go out to your bookstore and get something like this: http://oreilly.com/catalog/9780596008734/

Most tech guys you'll talk to are a big fan of O'Reilly books, so if you are the type who works better by having a physical book to work from, maybe try that out. Otherwise, stick to the free online crap you can find.