You need to have destroyed a lot of the happiness buildings (but leave alone those which don't affect it - like barracks), and then loaded the place up with spies, or a good spy. Then have assassins damage anything the new owners build. And you need to do it in the first turns of new ownership while it's got the "new government" unrest penalty.
I made Qarthadast and the Lusotanii go to war having been allies in my game recently, now Qarthadast are conquering nicely.
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