Depression

[BigTex]

I thought that would be something to take her mind off it, but she hasnt even wanted to be very close to me. She has been feeling a bit sick every time i was with her though.

Generally with depression comes lack of libido and teh desire to be alone. Basicly everything that could pull you out you don't want. Tricky stuff, hope/pray for the best, hope that it doesnt end up tearing you two apart.

[pevergreen]

Thanks BigTex. It shouldnt, she alternates between not really wanting me there and needing me there.

[CBR]

Hm how long has she been on anti-depression drugs? Is she seeing a doctor regularly?


CBR

[pevergreen]

She went to a public hospital yesterday, seeing a specialist in a week or two.

The drugs for a few days. I think no more than 4.

[CBR]

Ok so she got the drugs after the panic attack. If they work it will take several weeks before they will have an effect. Be there for her and don't let her negativity get to you.

But what is a post without a link http://www.helpguide.org/mental/livi...sed_person.htm


CBR

[pevergreen]

To make matters worse, the sexual side effects of depression, and the antidepressant medications used to treat it, can further erode intimacy.

That seems to contradict to me, unless it meant that both parts of the sentance lean towards to moving away from it.

[Redleg]

Hmm where to go with this - my wife is a rapid cycle bi-polar, which equates to some pretty serious medications to help control the manic/depression cycles to prevent them from becoming to extreme.

First off, if she is just depressed because of a triggered event, there is hope that counselling alone will get her through the episode. That along with short period meds to help her cope with her anxity.

Now if you live together the best thing is to be supportive of her feelings, about the issues, provide her a solid base of emotion for her roller coaster emotions from the depression. Be consistent in what you tell her concerning the depression, and be supportive.

Other then that - don't take the suicide attempt lightly. It was a call for help because she is overwhelmed with the situation.

There are some excellent books and even internet support sites for bi-polar and severe depression, they will provide better advice then what I could for you.

[pevergreen]

I dont live with her, but I plan to see her more.

She said she would tell me before trying it again, if it got to that. That combined with her just coming out and telling me, with no questions, makes me think that she will not dip to that idea again.

[Papewaio]

Imagine yourself at your happiest (not pleasured, happiest).

In your daily life you are fit, have had plenty of sleep, are exercising regularly. You feel that what you do is important, that you contribute to your life, family and society. You move through each day with a purpose. You don't run or strut you glide and glow so brightly that you seem to be smiling even when you aren't. You have so many options and things to do and at the same time you know which needs to be done first, and then second and then third... You are a dynamo of happiness and motivation.

Now turn that upside down and inside out and you have depression. Depressed you can't see any options, there is no way out, it is black and you are at the bottom of a well in which you can't see any way out. You are so scared that nothing can get better that nothing must be better then here and now. You fear the blankness so much that eternal death looks a much rosier option. No known options in life remain, but there is the unknown option of death.

The irony is when you are depressed or better when you feel yourself on that very real slippery slope. It is just then when have have lost all motivation that you need to grab on and get motivated. To find that light, to change your life, to take back control and to see the big picture.

Everyone has a different way of sparking those epiphany moments. While depressed one forgets that you can change your own environment. It is at this time that changing the locale can be most important. Mine is hiking in the wilderness, or swimming deep in the ocean, or seeing those sunsets. Nature is generally a good way to make someone feel connected to the greater world. That's half the problem about depression is that you feel you have lost all worthwhile connections with the world, the other half is being so blinkered to realise that you can actually rebuild these connections. The other way is to show people in worse misery who need help. Go to town, take your girlfriend, watch a light hearted movie, tip every homeless person you see, walk an old lady across the road. Go and make other peoples day. Smile (double points for old people, half for Hare Krishna).

Be there for her, but don't place the responsibility for her happiness on your shoulders. Just show her the path and hopefully she can follow your lead.

Most important follow the advice of medical professionals.

[Andres]

As cliché as it may sound: be there for her. Take her out, make sure she goes somewhere on a regular basis.

Sports will do her good. Building up your stamina and your physical condition usually gives a boost to your self-confidence. Do fun things, that'll make her realise that life isn't that bad.

Listen to her and talk with her, but the subject shouldn't always be her problems. If she keeps going on about her problems for let's say an hour, try to change the subject to something different, preferably something funny.

Be careful that she doesn't drag you down. You have to show her that you enjoy life, that you are full of energy and that you care for her, alot.

You'll also have to find ways to motivate her to go out. Sitting at home or being lonely day after day is the worst she can do, so if she refuses to go out, don't hesitate to insist (no forcing her, just a gentle pushing).

Does she have other friends who know about her situation? Maybe you can ask them to help as well by taking her out, doing some fun stuff with her? No need to tell her about that, because some people tend to get more depressed if they feel that the outside world seems to confirm that they are indeed depressed.

If she has plenty of friends, maybe you can try organising some sort of (birthday?) party for her?

And be patient. Depressions can last for months, so be prepared to face this situation for a long while. The medication will help, but she'll need more then just some pills to recover from this disease.

Do you know her parents very well? Are they aware of what happened? Maybe you should try talking to them as well (never underestimate the power of good mother or father). If you're not sure that her parents are able to help her (they are divorcing and thus going through a difficult time themselves), then don't talk to the parents or do it discretely, i.e. without telling your friend, to avoid disappointments (e.g. you talk to the parents, but they don't seem to do get the message).

Give her something special every once in a while. Can be as simple as a postcard saying 'I love you' or some flowers.

Good luck, pever. Unfortunately, there's no passe-partout solution for this.

Be sure to talk about this with people in RL as well, like your own parents/best friend(s)/teacher(s).

[Gaius Scribonius Curio]

Speaking from personal experiance there isn't a lot you can do.

A number of people I know have told me on a number of occasions that they believed (and in some cases still believe) that I was (/am) depressed. This is all conjecture as nobody forced to go see a doctor and as yet I haven't.

Back to your question. Whenever I was feeling down I basically didn't want to talk to anybody about anything, particluraly anything to do with me. I would be quite irritable and would be evasive and try to discourage any conversation. However that was just me and might be down to my particular personality.

If she tried to overdose then you should definitely very concerned. I'd echo CBR's questions about how long she has been on her medication and whether she has been seeing a doctor. Also have the pills had any effect at all (sometimes they really don't).

Edit: Her pills probably won't have had much of an effect if she has only been on them for 4 days. Did they stopped her program in light of her using them in this way?

With regards to her dropping out of school, if she thinks that it will make her happy/ she plans on doing something that would make her happy then she should go for it. Again my 'personal' experiance is that a drastic switch can make you feel a lot better (although I still have issues...) but this would be a personal thing for her to decide with no outside pressure.

This is mostly opinion and conjecture so, pretty much nothing I've said is that valid, having said that I hope it helps and I hope your girlfriend recovers soon.

[pevergreen]

My parents believed that I was depressed. If I wasnt so afraid of pain, I would have done what she did, a few years ago.

So far i do think BigTex's advice is what I shall do, but I would like others ideas/experiences.

Thanks guys.