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Thread: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

  1. #1
    Nobody expects the Senior Member Lemur's Avatar
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    Thumbs up The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    I always suspected that when you herd the world's fittest young people into a small village, a lot of hardcore humpity action must be going on. Finally an athlete breaks the code of omerta and tells it like it is.

    I am often asked if the Olympic village - the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world's top athletes for the duration of the Games - is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. [...]

    I spoke to an Aussie table tennis player this week to check out the village vibe and he launched into the breathless patter common to any Olympic debutant: “It is unbelievable in there; everyone is totally crazy once they are out of their competitions. God knows what it is going to be like this weekend. It is like a world within a world.” A British runner (anonymous again: athletes are not supposed to talk to journalists unaccompanied by a PR type, least of all about sex) said: “The swimmers finished earlier in the week and it was like there was an eruption.”

    Ah yes, the swimmers. For some reason the International Olympic Committee insists on bunching the swimming events towards the beginning of the Games with the inevitable consequence that the aquatics folk get going earlier - sexually I mean - than everyone else. So much so that, at the outset of the Sydney Olympics, Jonathan Edwards, a Christian and triple jumper extraordinaire, caused a ripple by telling them publicly to keep a lid on it. Edwards was simply concerned about getting woken up by creaking floorboards, but given his biblical credentials, it became a story about morality. Not that his intervention made a blind bit of difference. There is a famous story from Seoul in 1988 that there were so many used condoms on the roof terrace of the British team's residential block the night after the swimming concluded that the British Olympic Association sent out an edict banning outdoor sex. [...]

    But let us get back to all the sex going down in the village. One possible explanation centres on the fact that Olympic athletes have to display an unnatural (and, it has to be said, wholly unhealthy) level of self-discipline in the build-up to big competitions. How else is this going to manifest itself than with a volcanic release of pent-up hedonism? It is a common sight to see recently knocked-out athletes gorging on Magnums and McDonald's, swilling alcohol and, of course, shagging like crazy. Sometimes all three at the same time.

  2. #2
    Nobody Important Member Somebody Else's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    It's the testosterone that does it. Didn't you hear that at Athens, they got through a hundred something thousand prophylactics? (In Beijing, they ordered 130,000 from the get go... and this is just those the organisers put on (not literally))

    Sometimes, I wish I was an athlete.
    Don't have any aspirations - they're doomed to fail.

    Rumours...

  3. #3
    Hǫrðar Member Viking's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    *ROTFL*
    Runes for good luck:

    [1 - exp(i*2π)]^-1

  4. #4
    RIP Tosa, my trolling end now Senior Member Devastatin Dave's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/bei...ay_&prov=getty
    From what I can read from her lips, yes, yummy and squishy.

    Truelly the world is coming together.
    RIP Tosa

  5. #5
    Moderator Moderator Gregoshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Somebody Else View Post
    It's the testosterone that does it.
    In the men and the women...
    This space intentionally left blank

  6. #6
    RIP Tosa, my trolling end now Senior Member Devastatin Dave's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    King, wait, strike that... GOD of the one liners has spoken. I bow to your greatness Greg!!!
    RIP Tosa

  7. #7
    Hǫrðar Member Viking's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Gregoshi View Post
    In the men and the women...
    I wonder if the extra testosterone makes new fruits grow.
    Runes for good luck:

    [1 - exp(i*2π)]^-1

  8. #8
    Nobody Important Member Somebody Else's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Gregoshi View Post
    In the men and the women...
    Testosterone makes people more competetive. Apparently. Something's gotta be giving those girls the extra drive.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    And if they don't already have a load of testosterone in them, seems they soon will...
    Don't have any aspirations - they're doomed to fail.

    Rumours...

  9. #9
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    I got it! The real reason the Chinese authorities threw Gary Glitter out of Hong Kong was because he was too close to the winning gymnasts for comfort.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

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    Moderator Moderator Gregoshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache View Post
    I got it! The real reason the Chinese authorities threw Gary Glitter out of Hong Kong was because he was too close to the winning gymnasts for comfort.
    Brilliant tie-in IA! I'm in awe.
    This space intentionally left blank

  11. #11
    Intifadah Member Dâriûsh's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Perhaps these people are mating to create a master race of super athletes?!
    "The ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of the martyr."


    I only defended myself and the honor of my family” - Nazanin

  12. #12
    lurker Member JR-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    damn, it's time i quit smoking and got back to swimming!

  13. #13
    Honorary Argentinian Senior Member Gyroball Champion, Karts Champion Caius's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Who needs Diplomacy when you can have international sex parties?




    Names, secret names
    But never in my favour
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    It's you I love

  14. #14
    Chieftain of the Pudding Race Member Evil_Maniac From Mars's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Caius View Post
    Who needs Diplomacy when you can have international sex parties?
    Reminds me of the Mosley thread in a way.

  15. #15
    Yesdachi swallowed by Jaguar! Member yesdachi's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Caius View Post
    Who needs Diplomacy when you can have international sex parties?
    I would like them to determine our foreign policy.
    Peace in Europe will never stay, because I play Medieval II Total War every day. ~YesDachi

  16. #16
    Moderator Moderator Gregoshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by yesdachi View Post
    I would like them to determine our foreign policy.
    Good idea yes. At least then, both sides would get screwed in the negotiations.
    This space intentionally left blank

  17. #17
    Hǫrðar Member Viking's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Quote Originally Posted by Gregoshi View Post
    Good idea yes. At least then, both sides would get screwed in the negotiations.
    Brilliant.
    Runes for good luck:

    [1 - exp(i*2π)]^-1

  18. #18
    Honorary Argentinian Senior Member Gyroball Champion, Karts Champion Caius's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Final Olympic Event: Making Squishy Noises

    Everyone wants to be a diplomat:
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...cle4609199.ece

    !

    So I’m watching the beach volleyball matches and my wife comes in and asks “Who’s winning?”. I respond, “Who cares about the score?” Wrong answer. Now I’m sleeping in the garage.
    Last edited by Caius; 08-27-2008 at 00:11.




    Names, secret names
    But never in my favour
    But when all is said and done
    It's you I love

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