"This is Kent Brockman with an Action News Report:
The town has gathered in front of Springfield Retirement Castle, armed with pitchforks, torches, and signs that say "give peace a chance". The crowd looks bloodthirsty, as usual. They seem to be chanting "We want Moleman! We want Moleman! We want Moleman!"
It seems an elderly man has exited the facility, he appears to be walking with a cane. The crowd appears to be racing towards the gentleman... yes... now they appear to be TEARING HIS LEG OFF! Oh mercy. They are beating the poor man to death with his own leg.
Wait, the crowd has stopped. The old man appears to be speaking, let's have a listen."
Jasper:
"Is this about the money I owe in back taxes?"
Police Chief Quimby:
"Aha! So you're a mass murderer AND a tax cheat. You're going to get twice as much jail time, now!"
Jasper:
"Can I have my wooden leg back?"
Quimby:
"Wooden leg? The file doesn't say you have a wooden leg. You are mister Hans Moleman, aren't you?"
Jasper:
"I could be. My name is hardly ever mentioned in the show. But I'm pretty sure Moleman is inside, flossing his gums."
Quimby:
"Let's get him, boys!"
Jasper:
"Hey, what about my leg?"
Kent Brockman:
"The crowd appears to be trampling the old man to get inside the building. There appears to be a lot of commotion, and the crowd is.... yes, they are returning with the filthy mass murderer in tow. It seems the horrifying reign of darkness in Springfield has been lifted, as the man who murdered the entire Simpson family is carried off to the town square to be hanged!"
Moleman:
"Hung!"
Kent Brockman:
"No, that's hanged. It appears this cold blooded killer needs a lesson in grammar. They are stringing him up now... and... Hans Moleman has been executed by a violent mob for the crime of mass murder."
Moleman:
"Ouch, that hurt."
Kent Brockman:
The crowd appears to be dispersing now.... yes, they are just leaving the criminal mastermind known as Mole Man to be devoured by vultures.
Moleman:
"Can I go home, now?"
Kent Brockman:
"Astounding. In 20 years of covering the news, I have never seen someone survive being hanged."
Moleman:
"It's not so amazing. I once survived being inside a car that exploded for no reason. It hurt, a lot."
Kent Brockman:
"So the master criminal known as Moleman has escaped and is still at large. Or perhaps, the one known as Hans Moleman is just a really lucky innocent bystander. But in the court of public opinion, he's the most wanted man in Springfield. Let's ask this local man what he thinks.
Sir, are you afraid that the mass murderer Hans Moleman is still at large?"
Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel:
"There's a moleman out there? That's purty neat. Imma geet my shotgun and make some Mole stew tonight!"
Kent Brockman:
"How revolting. Good luck to you sir."
Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy
Re: Mini Simpsons Mafia (Game Thread)
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