The Blood of Englishmen- Irish Kingdoms AAR

[Askthepizzaguy]

This is the tale of King Brian of Ireland, who defeated the English invaders and led his countrymen to freedom.
In this campaign, I will not be auto-resolving a single battle!

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EDIT: CAPTIONS AND IMAGES ALL UPLOADED! ENJOY!!!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Turn 1-

King Brian of Ireland, and Prince Domnall, and all the nobles call all their men into battle. Defense is utterly abandoned by the Irish King, who seeks the end of English occupation. Cork builds mines, and our northern castle builds roads. New garrisons are recruited. Spies report on the composition and positions of the English forces.

Images:



This is the English Stronghold in Ireland. So long as it remains in English hands, it will continue to produce more powerful forces than we can currently recruit.



This is Dublin, our former capital. We must retake the greatest city in Ireland and restore King Brian's throne here. Fortunately, the native Irish resent English rule as much as our King does... public order is at a mere 15%.



Derry must also be taken, but the militiamen there are less of a threat to Ireland. We can ignore them for now.



Athenry, a small wooden castle, is defended by the English. We cannot have them at our backs while we go punish the English, so they must die.



The King, Prince, and even the garrisons form a large but scattered army and march towards Athenry. They seek to combine forces and prevent the English from reinforcing Athenry. What is defense, anyway?



Connor O'Brien and Fineen MacCarthy advance on Athenry, abandoning all defenses. Militia garrisons being trained in all provinces.


Summary: An all out assault on England's castles. Prevent the English from occupying local troop recruitment facilities and take advantage of the public order bonuses of castles. Divide the English forces and overwhelm them with a local numbers advantage. All of England could destroy us, but they aren't here.

End of Turn 1.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 2-

Athenry is under seige by one of our Nobles from the south. The Irish king's troops rally on the border of Athenry, dividing England's forces and forcing a confrontation in Athentry. England has apparently abandoned it's stone forts, but their forces could be setting an ambush. We do not march on Trim yet. We are saving our gold reserves for the upgrades to Trim and Dublin which we plan after England is tossed off of the island.



Summary: We lay seige to Athenry. If England's forces have mobilized to defend Athenry, they must be hiding. That stone fort is dangerously occupied. Nothing else of consequence this turn.

End of turn two.

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Turn 3

The castle of Athenry has been liberated from English hands, at a loss of one hundred or so brave men, and the nearby English fort, defended by mere peasant archers and militiamen, is under seige. Irish rebels have taken control of Dublin, and England's forces are forced to retreat into the woods near Trim. An army under the command of an English captain, which contained some dismounted knights and armoured sergeants, and a unit of heavy cavalry knights was utterly annihilated by the King's own men, who lured them into the woods where Irish forces were able to outflank them. Irish swordsmen and axemen felled the cocky captain and his knights, while his infantry were devastated by a surprise charge from the flanks. The routers were captured and held for ransom, which the english paid over 2,000 gold for. The released prisoners retreated to the nearby English fort, which now is encircled by the Royal Irish Army under the command of our King. If the English do not come to the rescue of their own harried troops this time, their forces will be reduced in half once more. We also managed to assassinate the English Lord as a mission-related event. We produced merchants for the silver in the region, and our mines are now in operation. We called for the commissioning of an Irish warship.



We assassinated Maurice Fitzgerald, the English general. Good... more english nobles dead means fewer heirs to the throne of our most hated enemy.



Time to assault Athenry, now that our reinforcements have arrived!



We deploy our men in spread formation, and send our archers to annoy their wall defenders.



With men at the walls on ladders, our rams are left unmolested to bash the gate.



Our axemen make short work of the enemy peasants and peasant archers. Foolish English think that walls are enough... you need men, and armour, and more men, and thicker armour, and... you will still die.



Slaying the enemy captain. Good riddance, you're but the first to fall in battle.



We took minimal losses. A crushing victory, all too easy.



Now let's have King Brian taste English blood. At least this time the English remembered to bring armour.



It's not even remotely a fair fight, but then again, I'm not a fair man.



Let's taunt the bastards.



We have cavalry hidden in the trees along with most of our infantry. If I know the English, they will attack my exposed catapults, general, and archers.

Idiots.



They have dismounted feudal knights, and we must rout them. Direct combat won't be so lucky for us.



Fire the flaming rocks on top of their little pointy heads!

Archers, full attack.



The enemy scatters to avoid huge casualties due to missile fire. Now, the javelins, if you please...

Send in the shock infantry, and ride the horses to the rear. CHARGE!!!



The enemy general charges into a hail of spears, rocks, and arrows, then meets a horde of axemen. He runs like a frightened little bunny.



His men, now completely demoralized, all begin to flee after they are surrounded on three sides... even the dismounted knights seemed to curse at their leader and try to run in their armour, to no avail.

We rode them down like grass... and turned them into mulch. 102 Irish losses, 252 English dead, 416 English captured.



We threaten to chop off their heads unless the English King pays for their disgraceful surrender.



With the fall of Athenry, and English resistance in the central forest grinding down into nothing, we launch a full scale attack on the English in the stone fort northwest of Trim Castle. They aren't foolish enough to sally, so they await reinforcements who never come.

End of turn three.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Turn 4-

The fort protecting the path to Trim was assaulted with catapults, flaming arrows, and javelins. We breached the gates with the strength of our seige engines, and then fired flaming arrows at the cowards who would not come out and face us. After depleting their forces by a third, we charged into the fort with axemen and swordsmen, and deployed archers on the walls. We managed to slay their leader who charged us, and they retreated to the center of the fort, where we fired arrows down upon their heads. When they tried to get on the walls to kill my archers, I took the center of the fort and assaulted the last of their men from behind. We lost half as many men as we killed today, roughly 200 for us and over 400 for the English. For a seige, this is very good. I give due credit to our ranged units and artillery. Trim was much easier, after breaching the gates and putting archers on the walls, I fired flaming arrows down upon the sole unit of dismounted knights, who charged our men, only to find javelins and axes in their faces, and more archer fire. They routed instantly. Only 15 men died taking the great castle of Trim.

Our forces still encircle the English militiamen in the fort near Athenry. They are doomed, yet still on England's payroll. When they sally forward, they will die honourably.

Our assassins took out another English general with a single attempt on his life. The English no longer have a general in Ireland, and their forces are confused, demoralized, and in a terrible strategic corner. Reinforcements are their only hope, and the Irish warship has moved south to engage any further English fleets. Brave men aboard realize their ship is not suited for combat with the main English fleet, or even a smaller one, but they sail towards glorious battle anyway.



The English are fortified well, but we think stone walls are a waste of money. We prefer soldiers and seige equipment over pathetic "defense".



They are utterly outnumbered and surrounded. Again, I do not fight fairly.



What gates? We have rocks. You don't have gates when we have rocks.



I fire flaming arrows at the cowards who refuse to sally forward to thier inevitable demise.



So many Englishmen are already dead... the others will join them soon.



They finally decide to put archers on the towers, and so I charge their depleted forces.



Ah, Worf... good. This piece of baktag is Captain William. He commanded the squadron of English soldiers that tried to destroy us yesterday.

Now, he dies a warrior's death. Too good for one so cowardly, who fights so ineffectively.



Losses were not heavy. Our archers reached the walls and rained death upon them.



Trim Castle.



We smash the gates in the usual way, and put archers on the towers and walls. Come and get me, you coward!



They charge into axes, arrows, and javelins, as they die en masse. They rout instantly. Fools!



We assassinate another English lord. Just for fun this time.


Irish rebels have pushed the English out of Dublin and into our tempered swords.

End of turn four.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 5-

Another English general is promoted from within, and he is promptly assassinated as well. The remaining forces (787 soldiers) near Dublin are encircled and charged. Only some 31 men died while capturing 541 English cowards and slaughtering the rest. Only 22 chickens escaped their fate. We ransomed the prisoners again, gaining over 2,000 gold in the process. Dublin, under the control of Irish rebels, would not yield to their rightful King, so the city is now under seige.

King Brian plans to push the English out of the north and destroy the militiamen in the west in due time. For now, England has taken a strategic loss of the entire island, for nothing the English can do will stop the Irish uprising.



And yet another English lord is assassinated. They need better bodyguards...



Captain Francis leads his men to their doom.



A charge quickly routs the rabble.



England's most crushing defeat yet. I almost feel for them.



Pay me money, or your men all die... slowly...



The rebels reject our King? Then they shall serve him at the point of a sword.

End of turn 5

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 6-

The King has decided to take Dublin, and ordered laddermen to take the walls, so that the walls will not be damaged by the seige engines. However, the cunning enemy rushed onto the walls when we approached and fought our men there, and we took heavier losses than usual. If we were to assault this place again, we would use the catapults and archers to our great advantage. Still, we managed to destroy over 900 defenders with a loss of less than half that amount. I would prefer to lose fewer men in the future.

The city was sacked, and the English who made their homes there were rounded up and executed and their valuables were confiscated for the glory of Ireland. The King would not tolerate English in his land, nor thoughts of rebellion. He now had control over the greatest castles and cities in Ireland, and only one town remained in English hands. His next move would be to drive them off of our shores entirely, and take the fight to English soil.

With the King away to punish England, he would ensure the loyalty of the people. This brutal sack, followed by the pillaging of occupied homes and the immediate execution of the enemy, would suggest the same fate will befall those who rebel against King Brian's rule.

The King rounded up his best men, left behind a garrison and the Prince to govern Dublin, and he travelled by sea to northern Ireland, to face the last of the English dogs.

An enemy fleet has been spotted by our watchtowers. For now, Ireland has no navy capable of driving them away; only a standing army unafraid of whatever pitiful peasants the English tyrant would send after us, and to their inevitable deaths.



This one is loyal enough, with dreadful command abilities, and young. A powerful Sith he will become.



Treasonous rebels will all be laid to their deaths.



A brutal slugfest, but we destroyed them all. Lots of infantrymen died as well as horsemen, but we killed many more than we lost.

End of turn 6

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 7-

King Brian's forces meet those of Alphonso Chapman, an English noble. Brian's strategy is simply to have the longest line, and outflank the fool with his cavalry. The English however charge the weakened center and do some damage before the cavalry at the wings can swoop in and destroy him. We lost over 300 men, but captured Alphonso himself and most of his elite troops, over 300 prisoners. For a third time the English King pays us for the safe release of his own men. With this extra money we begin contructing some... "home improvements".

Seige units are within range of the last English-held town. When Brian arrives, he will waste no time capturing it. However, the released Englishmen have withdrawn there to fight again. They never learn, and Brian's patience, little that he has, is now gone. Next time, there won't be any prisoners... only mass graves.




Alphonso Chapman, of the released prisoners, leads them to another failure on the battlefield.

Probably because he is a failure on the battlefield.



A charge from the wings is delayed by a miscalculation on the King's part.



We take losses but kill the enemy general anyway.



Not a great showing, but at least our entire army didn't get killed.



A more hefty ransom for the capture of knights and a feudal lord.



They run away to die another day.

End of turn 7

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 8-

The time of reckoning is at hand, for the one known as Alphonso never live to see another sunrise. Chased away from an Irish fort, he cowers near the river crossings at Lilliford. The coward's depleted forces stand at only 519 men, but many of these are English knights and armoured sergeants. Still, we intend to capture the pig and then cook him in a bonfire

One brief slaughter later, 516 Englishmen lay dead, and the Rat's carcass is torn into a hundred pieces, cooked, and fed to the King's horses.

In Ireland, it's hard to find oats and grass to eat in the winter. So King Brian chooses to feed them bloody human flesh. Saves money that way.




Tired of running, Alphonse prepares to meet his end.



In the open field, a crushing assault from all directions ends their campaign.



The English King offers us the expected ransom, but we decline and send him the head of his foolish noble, with a note written in the blood of all those who we slaughtered today. Leave none alive.

From now on, England can expect a massacre instead of being carted off in chains.



With Brian in the north, and O'Brien in the south, we are poised to defeat England's occupation force and invade them in one swift blow.

End of turn 8

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 9-

Derry is assaulted by King Brian. 1,051 men led by the English captain Tostig try desperately to man the walls and barracade the gates, but it is no use. Irish catapults put an end to all English resistance, and hired English billmen tear a giant hole through the enemy and lead the charge to the center of town. Once there, they enjoy hacking the pathetic cows to tiny pieces. Some of the horsemen got overzealous and charged as well, and they learnt their lesson. The archers were more patient, and escaped with few injuries. Over 400 Irishmen gave their lives to destroy the entire thousand-strong garrison.

The English are rounded up and exterminated and the settlement is sacked. At 43 years of age, King Brian is known as The Mauler and carries 7 skulls with him at all times... the heads of the generals who have foolishly opposed him. All of Ireland belongs to this... twisted man.

An aging Connor O'Brien leads the next wave of assault troops near Dublin... time to establish a foothold on England's own island and make them pay for every Irishman who has ever died by their hands.



You're next...



You will all die today.



The billmen we recruited hacked their way to the center of town and decimated them!



The english were exterminated and the settlement sacked.



Connor O'Brien awaits orders to assault the English on their home turf...

End of turn 9

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Turn 10-

King Brian the Mauler is told by his council of Nobles that the Isle of Islay is just across the sea, and it is not in the possession of any major Kingdom. Brian decides, in his quest for greater power, that he must have this island.

The seige goes well, as his archers lay waste to the scottish and norwegian rebels inside, but they run out of arrows. The infantry close in on the city center, led by Brian himself. However, the winds of fate have turned against Brian as a Scottish Highlander knocks his horse out from under him, and then impales Brian through the chest.

The reign of King Brian, also known as "Lord Mauler", has come to an end. But all is not lost... for now I have a new apprentice. One far younger... and more powerful.

Hear the name... King Domnall.




Seiging the Isle.



O bloody night... with arrows raining, flaming.... it is the night of your rebel leader's death...



Turns out more of them die from normal arrows. 33% casualties!



The assault on the town center goes horribly wrong! Our glorious leader is felled by a Scottish Highlander and Norwegian axemen!



King Brian is dead. Long live the King!



King Brian's death was... a necessary loss. Now I have a new Lord.... one far younger, and more powerful.

End of turn ten.

CAPTIONS AND IMAGES ALL UPLOADED! ENJOY!!!

[Galain_Ironhide]

Nice work so far. I like your usual "as blunt as a battleaxe" style of diplomacy and the little reference to StarWars with the next Sith lord comment too.

The poor English don't have much of a chance in the brittania Campaign. Nobody likes the poor beggars.

Keep it up, looking forward to more.

[rossahh]

One question though - how can it be the "tale of King Brian" when King Brian is now dead afer just 9 turns?

[Askthepizzaguy]

Well, King Domnall's tale is about to begin. When that happens, it will be the tale of King Domnall, obviously.



And Galain_Ironhide;

"dip... lo... macy". I am unfamiliar with this term. What is that?

[Chaotix]

Great AAR, ATPG! Are you getting ready to blitz England now, or will you try to take it slower?

[Askthepizzaguy]

Blitz now! Blitz now! Blitz now!

[Galain_Ironhide]

And Galain_Ironhide;

"dip... lo... macy". I am unfamiliar with this term. What is that?

Exactly

[Askthepizzaguy]

I should be doing the next leg of the assault shortly. I have no idea how it's going to turn out.

Who am I kidding? You know how it turns out. Everybody dies.



edit: I don't even HAVE a diplomat. What's the point?