Funny quotes

**Gunzak** · 08-23-2008, 04:31

I heard two real funny speeches today while preparing for a battle.

"I know you dont wan't to be here. I don't want to be here either but my mother said to at least make a good show of myself.". Very young general, 16 or 17, and his first battle. I had over 1000 troops and was sieging an Epirot town with only around 300 defenders.

"I am known as somthing of a philosopher. The reason we are here is to kill all of those bastards." This general has a large number of successful battles and took 3 Carthagian cities and won 4 battles with them and took 1 Gaulic city and won 3 battles with them. All together he conquered 12 settlements.

I don't remeber the exact text but when I was attacked at Segesteca by an Epirot stack and my general made a quote about him needing to stay behind his men and far out of the fray of battle. Not from cowardice but from "prudent strategy". I ended up losing the city and my general there died. Even though I was outnumbered 2 to 1 I still killed over half of his men.

I have heard some other funny speeches during play but I laughed my ass off when my general was talking about his mother and saying he didn't want to be there.

**jabarto** · 08-23-2008, 04:40

I think that first one you mentioned has even more to it. I actually kept a savegame before a particular battle where the general said that, but it's long gone now and I can't remember.

My personal favorite is when they shout "BLOODY FOREIGNERS!!!" at the start of the battle.

**Gunzak** · 08-23-2008, 04:55

Yeah there was more to the speach but I forgot it. It was something like you are here because you were ordered here and not because you want to be or something. The part that stands out is about his mother though.

**russia almighty** · 08-23-2008, 05:54

Listen to some of the stuff generals with insanity traits say.

It usually involves stuff about moon people.

**Fondor_Yards** · 08-23-2008, 06:52

"Hello. Today we are gathered here to do battle. Regretable, isn't it, but sometimes, you know, life is like that. You have to do something that you don't want to do, just because someone is telling you to do it. I didn't want to be here myself, but then my mother told me that I'd better make a reasonable show of it all, so here we go then... "

"My brave men! Victory shall be ours, by grace of my inspired leadership. But this means I cannot risk myself in the front line. I must remain safe, guarded by you, my loyal warriors! This is not cowardice, oh no. It is prudence, the handmaiden of victory! "

"Well ride me sideways and whip me with a winkle fork, lads! There's a lot of the bastards, aren't there? Those arseweasels are here to get away from their unfulfilled, shrill wives. Hardly surprising, as they all have tiny little manhoods! Smaller than a flea on a cockroach's bum! "

But if you want the real gems, in the prebattle_speeches_subtitles file, go down to the "{Roman_Reinf_01_1}" section.

"Er, where was I? Oh yes. Attack the men, my elephants! Go for those little pink sods! Err, was there something… pass the wine, there's a good chap!"

"But beware! Beware! The enemy will be merciless, because I ate all their bees! They have not tasted honey for many a moon, and this has made them mad for revenge! To arms, my pretties, to arms! "

"And remember, they may have the Moon People on their side, but we have lovely hats. Those hats will shield us from their fearsome gaze! "

"And remember this: the owls have promised me their help in this fight! How can we lose?"

That right people, the god dam owls are coming.

**tapanojum** · 08-23-2008, 06:56

"That right people, the god dam owls are coming."

FUCKING NARNIA!!! YEAAAA!! We can't lose now!

**oudysseos** · 08-23-2008, 07:13

Did EB add those in or where they there already? (The funny speeches?)

**jabarto** · 08-23-2008, 08:51

Originally Posted by oudysseos

Did EB add those in or where they there already? (The funny speeches?)

At least some of them were in vanilla, I know this previously mentioned bit was.

"Hello. Today we are gathered here to do battle. Regretable, isn't it, but sometimes, you know, life is like that. You have to do something that you don't want to do, just because someone is telling you to do it. I didn't want to be here myself, but then my mother told me that I'd better make a reasonable show of it all, so here we go then... "

**Poulp'** · 08-23-2008, 10:32

Originally Posted by Fondor_Yards

But if you want the real gems, in the prebattle_speeches_subtitles file, go down to the "{Roman_Reinf_01_1}" section.

partly explains why all my insane FM end up being decent generals.

morceaux choisis:

If we are defeated, then the city nearby will suffer at the hands of a brutal army. But if we win, each one of you will be a hero! And the hero always gets the girl! There will be many appreciative ladies behind those city walls tonight, lads!

So be not backwards in your attacks! Carry the fight to the enemy! Give him not a moment's rest! Scream your defiance in his face! Stab him! Kick him! Bite him! Cut out his liver and... rrrRRR-AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!

And take heart men! For we have sharper pointy things than them. Oh yes, much sharper…

And any man who comes through this fight mostly unharmed will be my sister! It'll be free frocks and jollies for ever, you'll see!

Er, where was I? Oh yes. Attack the elephants, men! Go for those pink trunky beggars! There was... something else…

And remember this: the owls have promised me their help in this fight! How can we lose?

Now, you know I have a reputation for cunning in battle. I do not intend this to be a fair fight. I am going to fall upon them without warning! I will strike at their weakest points! This won't be a battle - it'll be a kick up the toga!

And on my command, unleash hell!

Are they the enemy? Now I know the Gods have a sense of fun!

Gods above! Is that all the enemy dare send against us? This is insulting!

Let's be done with this lot! Then to the wine and women!

Let's wake them up! It's time for them to die!