Casual sex is good, or is it?

**Husar** · 10-17-2008, 12:13

Am I the only one here who thinks that if he had sex with wives and mothers and it wasn't rape, then he isn't the only one doing something wrong?

Of course you can say they can't help it but then maybe he can't help it either, it's human nature and we should not consider it cheating anyway. Or maybe you all see women as angels and put all the blame for their recklessness on the poor guy. As for me, I'm waiting for a partner who wants me, what happens when you conquer someone can be seen in Afghanistan.

**Kagemusha** · 10-17-2008, 12:31

Im not sure what to think about the subject. Ive had many sex partners over the years and currently i am in so called open relationship with a 9 years younger woman then im myself and to be honest its tearing me a part.
We both agreed that we could have sex with other people also, as she thinks she is not ready for commitment, while she said she did not want other men. Other part of the deal was that we would be honest about the other people to each other and tell if we had other partners.
I have used that "option" once and when i told her about it, i could not help it, but i got the sensation that it hurted her a lot, while the "rules" were proposed by her. After the occasion, i have felt more and more jealous about her and have big problems trusting her, while for example she has spent a night with another man, while telling me that nothing happened.
Now i am not sure is it my jealousnes making me unable to trust her, or does she sense it so strongly that she is afraid to tell me,which causes her to lie to me. We humans are so controversial and difficult to understand beings that sometimes its hard to know what is going on on other peoples heads and many times even ones own head. Confusing, very confusing.

**LittleGrizzly** · 10-17-2008, 17:15

I have to agree with kad and frag here, the one doing the wrong is the married woman/mother the fact that kad doesn't pursue these but reacts to thier advances pretty much clears him by my moral standards, as far as im concerned its the person cheating that deserves the blame not the single person, if they pursued the married person then thats slightly wrong...

**Lemur** · 10-17-2008, 17:38

Look, let's inject a little realism here, okay? When you're young and hot, it's fun to play around, but too much of anything can mess you up. Heck, too much baby aspirin can kill you.

Kadagar, you've dipped deep in the well of excess, and now you're paying the price. It has messed with your head, and your ability to trust. But think about it — each and every one of us is going to be old and wrinkled some day.

Would you like to be like Hugh Hefner, a grizzled, aging Lothario who pals around with women young enough to be his granddaughters? He has always struck me as rather pathetic, like a dude who can't come to grips with growing up.

At the end of the day there's nothing more fulfilling than a strong pair bond. Does it get boring? Sure. Does your mind and eye wander from time to time? Sure. Do some people cheat? I'd say about 50% do. But as was said a week or two ago on Mad Men, "I know marriage isn’t a natural state, but you do it anyway."

Ask yourself where you want to be in ten years. In twenty years. Do you want to be a middle-aged boytoy who facilitates the fantasies of bored housewives? Does that sound appealing?

If not, you need to re-evaluate and re-tool.

P.S.: Regarding married women, it's not just up to them to respect the ring. You need to respect it as well, buddy.

**ICantSpellDawg** · 10-17-2008, 18:49

All we can do to believe in long-standing love is to never cheat ourselves. It is the most effective thing in our arsenal and, when all is said and done, you know that some people don't cheat - because you don't. That helps you keep the ideal in mind.

Another effective thing is to avoid temptation. Married couples should spend most of their free time together and cultivate their interests in tandem. Remove yourself from close friendships with people from the opposite sex; Opportunity is the mother of indiscretion, after all.

I have never had a problem being faithful to a partner. I am not a lothario and don't have a hyperactive sex drive. I respect different things in life.

**PBI** · 10-17-2008, 19:03

I'd actually tend to side with Insane Apache on this one. Sleeping with a guy's wife is pretty much the most offensive thing you can do to him. What exactly have these women's husbands done to you to deserve that?

As Lemur says, everyone has moments of weakness, where they are tempted to cheat. Speaking personally, I suspect I would be furious at my girlfriend if she had her head turned for a night of passion with a Swedish ski instructor, but I would be more likely to forgive her than him. Indeed I would say the chances are good I would want to go after him with a cricket bat.

I certainly wouldn't want to see adultery made illegal, but it is still a deeply dishonourable and immoral thing to do and deeply harmful and damaging to a great many people who have done nothing to deserve it. That fact that other people are doing it too in no way absolves you from blame. From the way you write I suspect on some level you know this.

Consider this as a final thought. You suggest that those of us whose wives or girlfriends have gone skiing in the recent past should get our kids paternity tested. Suppose some guy gets his kids tested, they turn out not to be his, and he walks out and refuses to care for them anymore. Legally, you would be liable for child support. Fancy that?

**Craterus** · 10-17-2008, 19:19

Is this a stable? There are so many high horses, I just can't tell.

Kadagar, I think you should have a think about what you really want and then do that.