Casual sex is good, or is it?

[InsaneApache]

That actually happened? Sounds like something from the victorian era. People are responsible for their own relationships. If a woman cheats on her husband she is the only one who should be held responsible. Saying no to sex, no.

Yes. Not so much these days with the advent of 'no fault' divorce , but I believe it's still possible to load the costs of the divorce onto the co-respondant. Quite right.

[Ronin]

That's not the point. You stated that you did have sex with several married women. You are dodging responsibility. Did you know that under UK law, it could be you that would pay all the legal costs for the divorce. It could run into thousands of pounds. Just shrugging you shoulders and saying "Nowt to do with me guv!" is dishonest.

Your arguement is a bit like saying that you'd rob a bank, because if you didn't do it, someone else would. Some things are just wrong.

Just because that´s in the law doesn´t make that right....that law just sounds very dumb.

the person that is in the marriage is the one that entered into an agreement that involved sexual fidelity.....if he/she then goes out and has sex with someone out of wedlock they are responsible for breaking the contract the person they are having sex with is not.

I can understand one might find something like this a tad incorrect, I myself would not openly set out to have sex with women married with other men....but if I did I would not be the one guilty for the failure of their marriage.

[Fragony]

Yes. Not so much these days with the advent of 'no fault' divorce , but I believe it's still possible to load the costs of the divorce onto the co-respondant. Quite right.

Rediculous. imho you guys are much more sexists then Kandagar and needlessly harsh, there is the implicit assumption he is taking advantage of them, while in reality most of the time it are the women taking the initiative. He is just one healthy male.

[Husar]

Am I the only one here who thinks that if he had sex with wives and mothers and it wasn't rape, then he isn't the only one doing something wrong?
Of course you can say they can't help it but then maybe he can't help it either, it's human nature and we should not consider it cheating anyway. Or maybe you all see women as angels and put all the blame for their recklessness on the poor guy. As for me, I'm waiting for a partner who wants me, what happens when you conquer someone can be seen in Afghanistan.

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[InsaneApache]

Rediculous. imho you guys are much more sexists then Kandagar and needlessly harsh, there is the implicit assumption he is taking advantage of them, while in reality most of the time it are the women taking the initiative. He is just one healthy male.

Well it's very ancient law probably based on coverting asses and oxen and suchlike. I think the intention was to make cuckolders stop and think before they decided to go with a married woman.

Of course if the married woman does have sex outside of the marriage she has to take a fair share of the blame. However, it takes two to tango.

I'm guessing that the opening poster is still a young lad and didn't his girlfriend dump him just after he emigrated? Sounds like his taking out his bile on the partners of his 'conquests'. Nice guy.

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[Fragony]

Of course if the married woman does have sex outside of the marriage she has to take a fair share of the blame. However, it takes two to tango.

All the blame. Common we are males, if it has legs, a head, two bumps and isn't a camel...

[Kagemusha]

Im not sure what to think about the subject. Ive had many sex partners over the years and currently i am in so called open relationship with a 9 years younger woman then im myself and to be honest its tearing me a part.
We both agreed that we could have sex with other people also, as she thinks she is not ready for commitment, while she said she did not want other men. Other part of the deal was that we would be honest about the other people to each other and tell if we had other partners.
I have used that "option" once and when i told her about it, i could not help it, but i got the sensation that it hurted her a lot, while the "rules" were proposed by her. After the occasion, i have felt more and more jealous about her and have big problems trusting her, while for example she has spent a night with another man, while telling me that nothing happened.
Now i am not sure is it my jealousnes making me unable to trust her, or does she sense it so strongly that she is afraid to tell me,which causes her to lie to me. We humans are so controversial and difficult to understand beings that sometimes its hard to know what is going on on other peoples heads and many times even ones own head. Confusing, very confusing.

[LittleGrizzly]

I have to agree with kad and frag here, the one doing the wrong is the married woman/mother the fact that kad doesn't pursue these but reacts to thier advances pretty much clears him by my moral standards, as far as im concerned its the person cheating that deserves the blame not the single person, if they pursued the married person then thats slightly wrong...

[Lemur]

Look, let's inject a little realism here, okay? When you're young and hot, it's fun to play around, but too much of anything can mess you up. Heck, too much baby aspirin can kill you.

Kadagar, you've dipped deep in the well of excess, and now you're paying the price. It has messed with your head, and your ability to trust. But think about it — each and every one of us is going to be old and wrinkled some day.

Would you like to be like Hugh Hefner, a grizzled, aging Lothario who pals around with women young enough to be his granddaughters? He has always struck me as rather pathetic, like a dude who can't come to grips with growing up.

At the end of the day there's nothing more fulfilling than a strong pair bond. Does it get boring? Sure. Does your mind and eye wander from time to time? Sure. Do some people cheat? I'd say about 50% do. But as was said a week or two ago on Mad Men, "I know marriage isn’t a natural state, but you do it anyway."

Ask yourself where you want to be in ten years. In twenty years. Do you want to be a middle-aged boytoy who facilitates the fantasies of bored housewives? Does that sound appealing?

If not, you need to re-evaluate and re-tool.

P.S.: Regarding married women, it's not just up to them to respect the ring. You need to respect it as well, buddy.

[ICantSpellDawg]

All we can do to believe in long-standing love is to never cheat ourselves. It is the most effective thing in our arsenal and, when all is said and done, you know that some people don't cheat - because you don't. That helps you keep the ideal in mind.

Another effective thing is to avoid temptation. Married couples should spend most of their free time together and cultivate their interests in tandem. Remove yourself from close friendships with people from the opposite sex; Opportunity is the mother of indiscretion, after all.

I have never had a problem being faithful to a partner. I am not a lothario and don't have a hyperactive sex drive. I respect different things in life.

[PBI]

I'd actually tend to side with Insane Apache on this one. Sleeping with a guy's wife is pretty much the most offensive thing you can do to him. What exactly have these women's husbands done to you to deserve that?

As Lemur says, everyone has moments of weakness, where they are tempted to cheat. Speaking personally, I suspect I would be furious at my girlfriend if she had her head turned for a night of passion with a Swedish ski instructor, but I would be more likely to forgive her than him. Indeed I would say the chances are good I would want to go after him with a cricket bat.

I certainly wouldn't want to see adultery made illegal, but it is still a deeply dishonourable and immoral thing to do and deeply harmful and damaging to a great many people who have done nothing to deserve it. That fact that other people are doing it too in no way absolves you from blame. From the way you write I suspect on some level you know this.

Consider this as a final thought. You suggest that those of us whose wives or girlfriends have gone skiing in the recent past should get our kids paternity tested. Suppose some guy gets his kids tested, they turn out not to be his, and he walks out and refuses to care for them anymore. Legally, you would be liable for child support. Fancy that?

[Craterus]

Is this a stable? There are so many high horses, I just can't tell.

Kadagar, I think you should have a think about what you really want and then do that.

[Koga No Goshi]

Rediculous. imho you guys are much more sexists then Kandagar and needlessly harsh, there is the implicit assumption he is taking advantage of them, while in reality most of the time it are the women taking the initiative. He is just one healthy male.

I'm amazed at the double standards in reactions about this sort of thing sometimes. Anyone remember when Magic Johnson came forward and confessed to sleeping with hundreds of women? And the general public attitude about his actions? Certainly VERY few people felt any sympathy for him whatsoever in contracting HIV.

[ICantSpellDawg]

nvm

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Interesting.

Some of the more "left" posters are the most vehement in decrying K's behavior in regards to women already married, whereas the more "right" posters are either a) suggesting he change tracks for his own good or b) urging him to "hit it" even more.

Not sure what to make of that.

[Lemur]

Not sure what to make of that.

Probably the same reason the average Republican politician is on his second or third wife. I'd say more, but I don't want to derail/sabotage Kadagar's thread.

[Koga No Goshi]

Interesting.

Some of the more "left" posters are the most vehement in decrying K's behavior in regards to women already married, whereas the more "right" posters are either a) suggesting he change tracks for his own good or b) urging him to "hit it" even more.

Not sure what to make of that.

I'm very liberal, I do not believe any law should prevent Kadagar from his behavior. But I still believe in respecting dignity not only for yourself but for your fellow man or woman. "I'm not the married one, it's not my problem" is still extremely disrespectful to the married woman's husband; would Kadagar or anyone else like it if some other guy took that attitude about his wife? Those kinds of attitudes make the world poorer and more selfish.

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[Csargo]

Koga, I would not like the person who had sex with my wife... But I wouldn't really dislike him either. It would be a "meh, who cares" unless it was some friend or someone I knew. There is a difference there, of course. However, if she had sex with her surfing instructor while on vacation, I would see it for what it was, in this case, all her fault, none his.

How do you come to that conclusion?

[Koga No Goshi]

Seamus, I also noticed that... It is rather interesting to argue with Koga and get backed up by Fragony!


Koga, I would not like the person who had sex with my wife... But I wouldn't really dislike him either. It would be a "meh, who cares" unless it was some friend or someone I knew. There is a difference there, of course. However, if she had sex with her surfing instructor while on vacation, I would see it for what it was, in this case, all her fault, none his.

I agree the difference is interesting. But hopefully it throws a log into the whole 'no liberals believe in any personal responsibility' thing. I believe people should take responsibility for the things they have a direct choice about, like their personal decisions and such. I do not believe they should be told to bugger off and take responsibility for something they can't control, like getting a disease or having an earthquake flatten their house or going bankrupt from medical bills. And most times you just spin that around in inverse and you have a stereotypical far rightie's viewpoints. :)

I don't think Kadagar is a bad guy at all and if Kad you or anyone else got that impression that was my mistake. I do think this behavior though is destructive, not just to others, but also to you, even if you don't realize it. You mentioned already getting one STD, one would wonder what would happen if you found out you had, or in the future got, a more serious or lifelong one, and if this behavior was worth it. How do you explain to your future fiancee how you got hepatitis or herpes? I do believe there's some kind of compulsion at work if you've slept with hundreds of women, but that's just my personal observation and no form of professional opinion.

[ICantSpellDawg]

Seamus, I also noticed that... It is rather interesting to argue with Koga and get backed up by Fragony!


Koga, I would not like the person who had sex with my wife... But I wouldn't really dislike him either. It would be a "meh, who cares" unless it was some friend or someone I knew. There is a difference there, of course. However, if she had sex with her surfing instructor while on vacation, I would see it for what it was, in this case, all her fault, none his.

I agree with both of you. My anger would be reserved for my spouse. I probably wouldn't be overtly angry at the guy unless I knew him or he added insult to injury. I wouldn't have much respect for him as more than a detriment to an enjoyable life on earth for other people, but that's another story.

I think that people should make the conscious decision not to engage in promiscuous sex for their own consciences - As you have reavelead may not have been a bad idea in the first place. I don't beleive that laws should exist telling you how destructive and pointless casual sex can be(particularly if one or both parties are married) - you should figure that out one way or another. Any behaviour that hurts your respect for women or aids in the destruction of anyones marriage should be avoided from my point of view, but I can only guard myself against such practices and stay on my toes regarding those I commit my life and property to.

All in all I agree with Koga's approach to the topic of promiscuity.

The world would be a much more reasonable place if, instead of infidelity or destructive promiscuity people lived by the mantra "when in doubt, rub one out".

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much censorship on these boards.

[Csargo]

Ichigo, if she had sex with a surf instructor, it would be pretty clear that she was out for a thrill. My point is, she most likely had sex with "a surfing instructor", not with "Adam Smith". It's not even sure she remembers his name.

Okay.

[PBI]

Poor bloody infantry,

What an archaic way to look at women... You think the ski instructor beat her with a club and dragged her home by the hair? You would "valiantly" beat up the person who "befouled" your wife? How do you even know he knew she was married? And even if he did, how do you know what she told him?

I'm just saying that if my wife cheated on me, I would instinctively hate the guy who she cheated with as much if not more than her. It's not certainly not noble, or right, or fair, but it is the truth.

My "archaic" view of women is that, being human beings, they like me are capable of making poor decisions that they will later regret. So yes, I tend to think they are rather less at fault than the guy waiting ready to take full advantage of those poor decisions without apparent concern for the damage they will cause.

[ICantSpellDawg]

Tuffstuff, the world would be a better placeyes... However, humans are humans, and humans have instincts and needs. I dont think we are made to have one partner for life.

Big deal. Instincts are instincts.

We have instinct to kill opposition, steal when we want things, beat our children, rape those that we lust after.

Empathy is an enlightened emotion and allows us to overcome or control instincts that may not lead to a harmonious existence with others, particularly those we love.

What we were made to do regarding partners is very different between people. You may say monogamy is for weaklings and those out of touch with instinct - many people who have never cheated on their married spouse would most likely disagree with your opinion.

BTW - I view STDS as a great deterrent from infidelity. If you don't use rubbers, your partner knows that she is particularly endangering both of your healths if she strays, and so do you.
Think of it as a trust bomb that will blow up once trust is breached. I celebrate STDS for their correcting effect on instinct.

[Viking]

Personally, I don't see just why I should care my GF (if I actually had one) did it with someone else; she's not my property. Yeah, that's how much of an individualist I am.

As for the OP; how much hypocrisy is it not to misbehave against people conducting something you condemn while you provide them with the 100% necessary help they need in order to perform the very act you condemn? That's like a porn star fighting porn with bad, but nevertheless real, porn.

[Craterus]

If you love someone then it follows that you want to make them happy. If what makes them happy is sleeping around behind your back, then you can't really complain.

Or would you all just like to admit that love is completely self-serving?

(Just something I've been thinking about and thought I'd post it...)