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Thread: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

  1. #1
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Finally - a clear explanation about economic systems.
    Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbor.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
    No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
    .
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows. You sell them and buy seven sheep.
    The one in the middle looks rather attractive

    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  2. #2
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    A SICILIAN CORPORATION
    You have 2 cows.
    It would be a shame if something happened to them.

  3. #3
    Ja mata, TosaInu Forum Administrator edyzmedieval's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    I'm showing this to my economics teacher tomorrow morning!
    Ja mata, TosaInu. You will forever be remembered.

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  4. #4
    Hope guides me Senior Member Hosakawa Tito's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    I remember this from a while back, but I do enjoy the 2008 update. I'm still partial to the Italian business model.
    "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." *Jim Elliot*

  5. #5
    Member Member atheotes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    LOL

  6. #6
    Stranger in a strange land Moderator Hooahguy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    best thing ive read yet today!
    Last edited by Hooahguy; 11-06-2008 at 22:03.
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    Spirit King Senior Member seireikhaan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.




    It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then, the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

  8. #8
    Member Member Koga No Goshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    FRAGONACRACY

    You have two cows
    They were imported from the Middle East and thus probably have explosive, terrorist milk.
    You sell the cows to Al Gore and hope they explode.


    PANZEROCRACY

    You have two cows
    One of them accidentally steps on your foot while grazing
    the human-on-cow versus cow-on-human murder rate is revised and concluded as equal.


    COUNT ARACHOCRACY

    You have two cows
    You start studying polls of other countries' cows
    You can't even remember how many cows are in your own country.


    SWEDISH FISHOCRACY

    You have two cows
    you picket because the two cows should be able to get married, without bulls
    You are deported as a Swedish liberal dissident subverting California, along with your gay cows.


    LEMUROCRACY

    You have two cows
    You ignore the cows because you're busy posting random links
    the cows die of neglect, and Don Corleone accuses you of having no value of the sanctity of life.


    DON CORLEONACRACY

    You have two cows
    You INSIST you will be taxed as if you have 193,856 cows
    you panic and sell your house at 20% of its value, eat the cows, and flee to Aruba.


    DEVASTATIN DAVOCRACY

    You have no cows
    you live under a bridge
    you eat cows that walk across the bridge.


    TUFFSTUFFOCRACY

    You have two cows
    one is pregnant, but will die because the calf is stillborn and lodged in the birthing canal
    You tell everyone that in about 12 hours we'll have both filet mignon AND veal for dinner, to celebrate the ban on cow abortions.


    KOGACROACY

    You have two cows
    You start a lobby for the equal treatment of all cows
    cattle ranchers nationwide put together a pool and hire a hitman and have you assasinated.


    CR-OCRACY

    You don't really care about cows, but
    you insist that Nancy Pelosi's cows are the anti-christ.
    You get shot by police while trying to set fire to Nancy Pelosi's ranch.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    JOKING :D Trying to lighten the post-election moods.
    Koga no Goshi

    I give my Nihon Maru to TosaInu in tribute.

  9. #9
    Stranger in a strange land Moderator Hooahguy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.


    on a more serious note, none for me?
    Last edited by Hooahguy; 11-06-2008 at 23:48.
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  10. #10
    Backordered Member CrossLOPER's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by hooahguy View Post

    on a more serious note, none for me?
    WE. HAVE. BEEN. BETRAYED.
    Requesting suggestions for new sig.

    -><- GOGOGO GOGOGO WINLAND WINLAND ALL HAIL TECHNOVIKING!SCHUMACHER!
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    WHY AM I NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS???

  11. #11
    Stranger in a strange land Moderator Hooahguy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    BY. THE. HEAD> BOOSTER. OF. THE WORLD!!!!!!
    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    /world domination mode

    On the Path to the Streets of Gold: a Suebi AAR
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  12. #12
    Member Member Koga No Goshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by hooahguy View Post

    on a more serious note, none for me?
    Lemme think one up

    HOOAOCRACY

    You have two cows
    You read a stat that 5 million children in America are malnourished, and 7 children in Israel are.
    You fedex the cows to Israel.
    Koga no Goshi

    I give my Nihon Maru to TosaInu in tribute.

  13. #13
    Stranger in a strange land Moderator Hooahguy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    YAY!
    thats right koga! HELZ YA!
    Last edited by Hooahguy; 11-07-2008 at 00:01.
    On the Path to the Streets of Gold: a Suebi AAR
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  14. #14
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.



    Nice one Koga!
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

  15. #15
    Backordered Member CrossLOPER's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Koga, you're good at this. Do that with me.
    Requesting suggestions for new sig.

    -><- GOGOGO GOGOGO WINLAND WINLAND ALL HAIL TECHNOVIKING!SCHUMACHER!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    WHY AM I NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS???

  16. #16
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Here's one:

    KUSH/ICEOCRACY

    You have two cows
    Woooooaaaaahhhhhhhh
    Last edited by CountArach; 11-07-2008 at 02:55.
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

  17. #17
    Spirit King Senior Member seireikhaan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    CA-


    I'll do myself-

    'Khaanocracy: Your parents are poor, so you borrow two cows from the government. You hope that in 8 years, you'll have made enough cash to pay off the loan.
    It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then, the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

  18. #18
    Backordered Member CrossLOPER's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    CrossLOPERacy : You see everyone has two cows. You go out and get three Alpacas. You now have a new hobby.
    Requesting suggestions for new sig.

    -><- GOGOGO GOGOGO WINLAND WINLAND ALL HAIL TECHNOVIKING!SCHUMACHER!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    WHY AM I NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS???

  19. #19
    Old Town Road Senior Member Strike For The South's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Why is no one killing the cows and making steaks and BBQ?
    There, but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford

    My aim, then, was to whip the rebels, to humble their pride, to follow them to their inmost recesses, and make them fear and dread us. Fear is the beginning of wisdom.

    I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.

  20. #20
    This comment is witty! Senior Member LittleGrizzly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by Strike For The South View Post
    Why is no one killing the cows and making steaks and BBQ?
    Texas economics!

    Free Market Economics

    You have 2 cows
    you sell small shares of the cows to several hundred people
    you tell everyone the cows are increasing in value
    peoples individual share prices in the cows go up
    everyone starts trying to buy into the cows
    the cows are worth millions
    experienced cow buyers start selling up
    peoples individual share prices in the cows go down
    everyones cow shares are worthless
    you have 2 cows....
    In remembrance of our great Admin Tosa Inu, A tireless worker with the patience of a saint. As long as I live I will not forget you. Thank you for everything!

  21. #21
    Jillian & Allison's Daddy Senior Member Don Corleone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    AIG-OCRACY

    You have 2 cows. You leverage these 2 cows into 387 cows under derivative bovine invesment vehicles and bribe Moody's to give them AA rating. Somebody asks for 3 cows worth of investment and you threaten bankruptcy. You get the government to reimburse you on the loss of 47 cows. You then blow the money on a golf outing and wonder why nobody will buy the derivatives on the other 347 cows.
    "A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."
    Don Vito Corleone: The Godfather, Part 1.

    "Then wait for them and swear to God in heaven that if they spew that bull to you or your family again you will cave there heads in with a sledgehammer"
    Strike for the South

  22. #22
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    New Labour economics.

    You have two cows.
    You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
    You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
    You store all their data on a memory stick.
    And lose them.
    Total cost, £500 billion.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  23. #23
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache View Post
    New Labour economics.

    You have two cows.
    You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
    You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
    You store all their data on a memory stick.
    And lose them.
    Total cost, £500 billion.
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

  24. #24
    Formerly: SwedishFish Member KarlXII's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Mafiacrosy:

    You have two cows.
    You lynch one.
    The other cow gets hit.
    Vote: Ichi
    Last edited by KarlXII; 11-07-2008 at 03:38.
    HOW ABOUT 'DEM VIKINGS
    -Martok

  25. #25
    Chieftain of the Pudding Race Member Evil_Maniac From Mars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by CrossLOPER View Post
    CrossLOPERacy : You see everyone has two cows. You go out and get three Alpacas. You now have a new hobby.

  26. #26
    Things Change Member JAG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache View Post
    New Labour economics.

    You have two cows.
    You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
    You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
    You store all their data on a memory stick.
    And lose them.
    Total cost, £500 billion.
    lol, that really made me laugh!
    GARCIN: I "dreamt," you say. It was no dream. When I chose the hardest path, I made my choice deliberately. A man is what he wills himself to be.
    INEZ: Prove it. Prove it was no dream. It's what one does, and nothing else, that shows the stuff one's made of.
    GARCIN: I died too soon. I wasn't allowed time to - to do my deeds.
    INEZ: One always dies too soon - or too late. And yet one's whole life is complete at that moment, with a line drawn neatly under it, ready for the summing up. You are - your life, and nothing else.

    Jean Paul Sartre - No Exit 1944

  27. #27
    Moderator Moderator Gregoshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Impressive work on the personal ones, but so far no one has had a cow...
    Last edited by Gregoshi; 11-07-2008 at 06:44.
    This space intentionally left blank

  28. #28
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Real Australian Economics

    You have two cows
    You think they're important and the centre of the world
    George Bush doesn't know about your cows
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  29. #29
    Poll Smoker Senior Member CountArach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar View Post
    Real Australian Economics

    You have two cows
    You think they're important and the centre of the world
    George Bush doesn't know about your cows
    So true

    GREGOSHOCRACY

    You had two cows.
    You recognise the innuendo in line 1.
    You laugh.
    Rest in Peace TosaInu, the Org will be your legacy
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon Blum - For All Mankind
    Nothing established by violence and maintained by force, nothing that degrades humanity and is based on contempt for human personality, can endure.

  30. #30
    White Panther (Legalize Weed!) Member AlexanderSextus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Two cows; a look at economic theories.

    Hey, wheres my -ocracy???
    Do you hate Drug Cartels? Do You believe that the Drug War is basically a failure? Do you think that if we Legalized the Cannabis market, that use rates would drop, we could put age limits on cannabis, tax it, and other wise regulate it? Join The ORG Marijuana Policy Project!

    In American politics, similar to British politics, we have a choice between being shot in our left testicle or the right testicle. Both parties advocate pissing on the little guys, only in different ways and to a different little guy.

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