You can normally abandon ladders and siege towers relatively quickly (unless your men are only on it, then it takes ages), but with rams, if you were already close to the gate, they will slowly move it all the way to the side before conforming with your orders. Only way around seems to be the enemy engaging them, whereupon you can control them again.
As for pre battle, you can reassign equipment by selecting carriers and telling them to drop it. Then select another unit to take it. You can even leave stuff unmanned at the start.
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