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Thread: OCD-related rant

  1. #1
    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
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    Default OCD-related rant

    Sorry to post another ranting thread, which I know some Frontroomers do not like, however this is the only place I can think of where I can keep the RL anonymity and get some perspectives other than my own on my situation.

    In a nutshell, I have all many symptoms of what I think is OCD, at least from having a read up on Wikipedia. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, although there were times when it became particularly ridiculous. For example, between the ages of around 11-14 I would take a pen in and out of my inner left blazer pocket every school night four times, then do the same with my money in the inner right pocket, and then reach in and out of both the outside pockets four times to check they were empty. Then I would open/close my window four times to make sure it was shut properly, open/close every drawer four times to check everything was in place, etc.

    Now, my 'rituals' are somewhat less absurd, however they are also much more obvious to other people, and they are crippling my everyday life. I can't help obsessively washing my hands, I would estimate I wash them maybe forty times each day. The skin has gotten so broken that I now have to take clean bedsheets most days because there's blood all over the top half. Also, I have to keep an extremely strict daily routine. I get up, have my high-fibre cereal for breakfast, have toast for lunch, have some kind of meat with toast for dinner, then have a piece of fruit, and finally I have another bowl of cereal and fruit for supper. To drink, I have a cup of tea with each of the four meals. Even though I always have the same things, I have to write them all down in a Notepad document immediately or I panic. I don't even feel comfortable buying my stuff at the local supermarket anymore, since I always buy the exact same four things (cereal/loaf/apples/teabiscuits) and I think the checkout staff are starting to look at me funny. I can't eat anything without this food range, and because of it I can't go on holidays, my parents have accepted there's no point asking me anymore. I can't even visit my grandparents, I have to get my parents to make up excuses for me. I felt particularly terrible recently when I didn't visit my Great-Gran, who probably doesn't have long left to be honest. My parents were pretty disgusted, indeed I was pretty disgusted, but at the end of the day I still didn't go.

    To make matters worse, I can barely pass myself when dealing with people anymore. I can't get a job, since I would never pass an interview. At first my parents took my PC and everything from me to try to make me go out, but after a few failed interviews they've come to accept that I'm not going to be employed anytime soon, although they still moan about it, I suppose they have a right to. I have to attend my tutorial groups at Uni otherwise I get refused credit for my courses, however I fail every time, in one class I got the lowest mark in the year (apart from those who got 0 who presumably didn't attend). I tend to make up for it in the essays, but it just piles the pressure on when it comes to the exams. I hoped things would get better, but they're not, sometimes I start physically shaking and there's nothing I can do about it, I do this even at home now. The least unexpected noise makes me jump out of my skin, I keep smashing plates and cups and dropping cutlery whenever I emtpy the dishwasher or dry the dishes. I've seem to be having heart palputations more and more often and my chest seems to feel tight a lot, whenever I get back from Uni my whole body feels sore, I think its just because I am so tense.

    I know, the simple answer is that I should probably just do something about it, just break the routine and barge through it. But I really don't think that I can, the thought of living without the structure that I do now is terrifying, it just doesn't make sense. I can't even take the slightest variation to my routine, for example when my parents made my go out for dinner on my eighteenth birthday, it just completely threw me, I was just glad to get home and have my supper at the right time and hope I didn't take ill. I know that I should maybe see a doctor or someone about it, but I really don't want to be put on any medication, I've got a thing about it, plus I'd rather not be branded a looney for life, I don't honestly know whether or not I would be obliged to tell future employers of mental health issues, but I wouldn't imagine it would be difficult for them to find out.

    The way I'm living now had its purpose when I adopted it a couple of years ago. In hindsight, I think I had some sort of depression back then. I'm worried that if I lose my structure then I'll go back to those days. At the time, I was really feeling bad, and just decided that I was going to life my life by a routine that I wanted, and that if anyone thought it was strange then they would just be completely ignored. And that is what I've done, however I've completely lost contact with almost all my friends, and I mostly ignore my relatives because if I listen to them they are going to drive me back into depression. I don't even like seeing my relatives when they come to my house (still living with my parents), because my Gran thinks that my obsessive hand-washing is an interesting topic of conversation that must be raised with everyone from the local butcher to the cleaner that helps around the house. Plus if I'm making dinner when they're round, they'll call things like "have you cremated your sausages yet haha", because apparently mental problems make a fun family joke; I avoid eating with them whenever possible, just so I can eat in peace.

    However, the thing that has terrified me most is having recently discovered that there is a religious form of OCD, called scrupulism, and I'm worried that this could be affecting my relationship with God. In some aspects, I think I am OK, for example I have no trace of the paranoid fear that God will leave me if I reject my routine. However, I do see OCD aspects in my faith, for example I must thoroughly take in every word wheh I read the Bible each night, and I tend to read each verse about three times before moving on, it can take forever just to read one passage. However, my relationship with God is more stable than real scrupulism would suggest should be the case, so I hope that the thing with reading the Bible is merely a result of my standard OCD problems.

    Sorry for this rant, I know it makes a change from the usual advice on getting a girlfriend type threads, however that's looking so far away for me that I wish I was in those posters shoes right now. Which is kind of sad/lame for someone who's 19, but it's just the way things are right now. And yeah I know it might be annoying to see another ranting thread. I know I am a middle-class kid living in the developed world, don't think I don't appreciate it. However, I really think I need to sort my life out, and so I would appreciate some advice and maybe a general perspective from my fellow Orgahs.
    Last edited by Rhyfelwyr; 01-17-2009 at 21:19.
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    Biotechnlogy Student Member ||Lz3||'s Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Bro... you should really go to a psychologist... you are not a loony for going to some professional aid to overcome your problem... you're a loony if you don't, actually...

    Honestly, consider the idea of going to a psychologist, they don't give you medicine or anything... They just help to understand you better.

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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Well, I don't know much about OCD, but just trying meds should give you a much clearer idea of what behavior is ocd and what isn't. They really helped my cousin out with his compulsive hand washing.

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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    I look at it this way: You say that you're afraid of potential future employers of looking at your mental history and not hiring you, right? That's a perfectly valid thing to be afraid of - if you were doing any better right now. Clearly, you're not employed now and say you've pretty much given up on the prospect.

    In my opinion, "possibly not getting employed" beats "definitely not getting employed". You have nothing to lose.
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    Prince of Maldonia Member Toby and Kiki Champion, Goo Slasher Champion, Frogger Champion woad&fangs's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    See a psychologist. I don't think that they're even allowed to give you medicine. Psychiatrists are the ones who do that. Also, psychologists are bound by patient confidentiality rules, so nobody will know except for you. They can probably give you much better perspective and advice than any of us could.
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    Spirit King Senior Member seireikhaan's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    I believe you need to see a psychiatrist. A psychologist is not allowed to give out medications. Do not take this the wrong way; utilizing medications shows not weakness, but instead the strength to recognize something is wrong and you're going to do something about it. Only a psychiatrist has the education to properly give you both therapy and medications. OCD is going to be something you need both for. Just therapy alone rarely produces the results sought.
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    ............... Member Scurvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Don't try to diagnose yourself, especially using wikipedia- and then as ppl have said, see someone like a psychologist or even local gp etc.

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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    If you're really struggling with this then please go and see a psychologist for your own safety. And no, you are not "mental" many people can relate to what your going through.

    I myself did strange rituals since I was 5 and thought it could be down to OCD. I also suffered from depression in my teens on top of these rituals however as I've grown up I have found myself growing away from them. I think the only "ritual" I do now is occasionally counting mentally in my head to calm myself in nervous situations but that's just old habit and I find it relaxes me.

    Basically forget internet websites ask yourself this. Do you have mental images/thoughts in your mind which cause you distress and you feel you can only get rid of them by performing rituals? If that's the case then you probably do have OCD and need to see a GP ASAP. OCD can ruin people if they fail to see it coming and try and cope with it by themselves. Especially if it's severe. PM me if you want to talk about it, I know a lot about this area.

    Are you also going through a lot of stress at the minute? OCD is a disorder which has a habit of strangling people when there already depressed and making their life hell.

    Basically if you feel you need help seek it.
    Last edited by tibilicus; 01-17-2009 at 02:42.


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    Biotechnlogy Student Member ||Lz3||'s Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Yes... I think a psychiatrist is a better choice... however... if you don't wish to recieve medicaments... at least go to the psychologist
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr View Post

    I know, the simple answer is that I should probably just do something about it,
    Exactly. But you shouldn't do it alone. Seek professional help and take it a day at a time
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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Actually reading your post through again you display Irrational behaviour which is almost certainly OCD or some other behaviour disorder.

    My advice is see a GP asap as by the sounds of it things are getting worse for you. They wont get any easier either till you seek help.


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    Urwendur Ūrībźl Senior Member Mouzafphaerre's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    .
    Hey, I have OCD! It's no disaster. Even adds some class.

    Don't worry man.
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    Iron Fist Senior Member Husar's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Same as they all said, go look for professional help and like GH said, you're more likely to get a job when you search professional help than when you don't.
    I have to add though that the way you family behaves sounds despicable to me.
    They should support you, try to understand you and try to help you instead of making fun of you, it's probably their own fault that you ignore them now.
    That said, go and search professional help, you cannot go on like that forever, whether you go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist shouldn't matter too much, if he's the wrong guy he should tell you and send you to the other. Might even go to the doctor you trust the most and ask her/him for advice.
    The important thing is that you really have to do something about it and you need someone to help you as you will probably not get over it alone. And from there on things can only get better I guess until you turn out a fine gentleman like Mouza.


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    Post Re: OCD-related rant

    I'm not sure about this, but I thought that the employer would only find out about mental health if you've been sectioned for performing, not thinking about performing though, a criminal act - I think it comes up when they do a CRB check on you. Other than that it's your choice what they find out (you only have to tell them what you want to tell them - you can miss out dodgy GCSE/Higher results for example).

    This BTW, doesn't just sound like OCD to me, but also possibly some variant of ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder), particularly due to your communicative issue. I'm no expert, but routines can be an important part of the condition - particularly when stressed - my little (Autistic) brother, for example, piles all the "little" books from his bookcase (of equal size) in piles of three and then places all the piles next to each other in a long line.

    Anyhow, as others have said, go see your GP and they should refer you to a psychologist (you could, of course, ask to be referred to one before they've done any examinations at all - a lot of GPs don't know what they're talking about nowadays). After that they should be able to fix you up with something. I know Cognitive Behavior Therapy is one solution, but there probably are many more depending on your circumstances.

    Good luck
    Last edited by Omanes Alexandrapolites; 01-17-2009 at 14:58.
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    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Omanes Alexandrapolites View Post
    Anyhow, as others have said, go see your GP and they should refer you to a psychopath ....
    Isn't that a little drastic?

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    Post Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost View Post
    Isn't that a little drastic?

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    Looks like I can't spell psychologist - that's the problem with me and spell checkers - I almost always pick the first word that it suggests if it looks like the word I want, even when it isn't really the word I want at all (hope you managed to understand that).

    Last edited by Omanes Alexandrapolites; 01-17-2009 at 14:51.
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    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Thanks for the feedback guys.

    I've been thinking about it, and I can probably rule out the Autistic disorders, since it's only really in the past few years I've become bad at dealing with people. Also, I'm pretty ignorant of the condition, but do Autistm sufferers not tend to have problems with their temper? Because I can't make myself get angry if I try.

    I think I may see the doctor about this. During the Christmas holidays, my Dad booked my an appointment to see about my hands while he was down because of some bug he took, apparently the doctor had asked how me and my brothers were doing. Of course, I was told I was going to see about my diet and the IBS which I took a while ago, because I guess my parents knew I wouldn't want to go down to see about my hands/OCD. Anyway when I went for the appointment the doctor was asking about why my hands were in their condition etc, I admitted I had a bit of a thing about washing them but I didn't really want to go into details at the risk of a big deal being made about it. I think he realised I wasn't being entirely honest, he said if I was playing it down I could talk to him again. Anyway, he took a blood test to see about my general health, and it turns out my folic acid is too high (anyone know anything about this, wiki doesn't say much). So I've to go back for a blood test to check it again in a couple of months, and I think that maybe I should see about my OCD then.

    On the one hand I don't want happy pills, I suppose I'm hoping that it will just go away, like it did for tibilicus. But at the same time, I don't want to waste anymore of my life. I always hear people talking about how Uni was the best days of their life, but I've now done 1.5 of my 4 years and I'm not in any way involved in any student activities. There's one guy I talk to at lectures sometimes, and he couldn't believe that I hadn't been in either of the student union buildings. My piano teacher (one good thing is that I recently quit the piano ) thought it was incredible that I haven't drank a drop of alcohol at my time in Uni. Of course, anyone who knows me from the Backroom will know I'm not going to get carried away in the partying; but it would be nice to get some kind of life, maybe I'm just going soft.

    Sorry about my constant ranting here, maybe the fact that I am ranting and questioning my lifestyle is a good sign?

    EDIT: As for the employment thing, I'm talking about not being able to get part-time jobs to contribute a little income. What I mean is in the future, once I have my degree, I don't want to be sitting in my suit looking to build a career, only for the interviewer to look at my info and see a history of mental health problems.
    Last edited by Rhyfelwyr; 01-17-2009 at 21:51.
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    White Panther (Legalize Weed!) Member AlexanderSextus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    look, man being that i'm a cannabis proponent and everything, i'm wary of prescription medications too; but this does not mean that they will not help you if you have a condition that legitimately needs them. If you really have OCD than i would think you should accept what your doctor gives you. If you find that the prescriptions make you feel bad or weird you should tell ur doc, and see what he says.

    Also, you may want to look into whether or not Cannabis is a viable treatment for OCD. Cannabis is documented as having beneficial effects for numerous conditions including Mine...(Cerebral Palsy) and also Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a solely mental condition like OCD.

    If there's nothing to suggest cannabis helps OCD, OK! cool. you should at least look into it.

    And like i said tell ur doc and take what he gives you man, it will most likely help
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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr View Post

    On the one hand I don't want happy pills, I suppose I'm hoping that it will just go away, like it did for tibilicus. But at the same time, I don't want to waste anymore of my life. I always hear people talking about how Uni was the best days of their life, but I've now done 1.5 of my 4 years and I'm not in any way involved in any student activities. There's one guy I talk to at lectures sometimes, and he couldn't believe that I hadn't been in either of the student union buildings. My piano teacher (one good thing is that I recently quit the piano ) thought it was incredible that I haven't drank a drop of alcohol at my time in Uni. Of course, anyone who knows me from the Backroom will know I'm not going to get carried away in the partying; but it would be nice to get some kind of life, maybe I'm just going soft.
    What you have to remember mate is that I put my problems down to some mild behaviour disorder displaying symptoms of minor OCD. Hence how I know what you are going through. I found that my problems only really came around when I was under a great deal of pressure or stress and would come and go. For example I could go 6 months fine with out having an "rituals" but as soon as I would get depressed I would feel the irrational behaviour returning. As I grew up however and talked my problems out I found my problems did go away only because I addressed them. I can now pretty much say with complete assurance that what I had wasn't sever OCD as well, it wasn't severe enough but I believe I did have some form of behaviour problem which affected my cognitive thinking pattern.

    Remember though I could only cope with my problems because I talked about them, If you don't address them it can lead you to a very dark place.
    Last edited by tibilicus; 01-17-2009 at 22:11.


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    Prince of Maldonia Member Toby and Kiki Champion, Goo Slasher Champion, Frogger Champion woad&fangs's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr View Post
    Sorry about my constant ranting here, maybe the fact that I am ranting and questioning my lifestyle is a good sign?
    It is a good sign

    See if you can visit your doctor sooner rather than later. He can help and there isn't much point in waiting if you don't like how your life is going now.

    I don't know much about folic acid, but considering your diet, I'm going to guess that that is involved somehow.
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    chicken's dominion maintained. ~Machiavelli

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    Mercury Member Thermal's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Firstly, the word psychopath is totally exaggerated, a psychopath means non-social - anti-social, which probably is true for most orgahs to some extent.

    Secondly, everyone suffers from OCD, EVERYONE, it's just that some have it worse than others, like your very good self, all that varies is the amount you dwell on something.

    Washing hands is a common compulsion, all i can think of doing for that is try and get your hands as grubby as possible (within reason) then get a family member to force you to stay way from sinks (get handcuffs if need be) eventually you'll get out of it (i think), if you do this always keep yourself occupied though to prevent too much anxiety.

    OCD relates to panic and phobias usually, so think of a phobia and think why your afraid of it, then block that incident out as well as you can. A therapist or Psychologist may help, i do psychology and its simply getting an understanding of the mind, asking someone for help with your mind isn't looney material, however i would recommend a doctor more so, they can give you things to stop your OCD temporarily or perhaps permanently, even if you don't want to take pills, if OCD is ruining your life, then taking pills is better than being scared and a "psychopath" for your life's entirety.

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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by 777Ares777 View Post

    Secondly, everyone suffers from OCD, EVERYONE, it's just that some have it worse than others, like your very good self, all that varies is the amount you dwell on something.
    That's not true. Everyone suffers from some form of obsessive behaviour but that's different from OCD. With OCD you'll also get mental images in your head, normally which you cant get rid of for example some one close to you dying. The only way to suppress these mental images and thoughts is to do rituals.

    A lot of people claim to have OCD when they simply have an obsessive personality. I suppose the only way to find out though is to actually go down to your GP and talk to them about it. They can diagnose if you do have OCD or refer you to some one else. Rhyfelwyr if you feel like this is really making you depressed, interrupting your life and effecting your social life then please for your own sakes go to a doctor.


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    Mercury Member Thermal's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    well ok then everyone has obsessive thoughts, which is the main part of OCD anyway

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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by 777Ares777 View Post
    well ok then everyone has obsessive thoughts, which is the main part of OCD anyway
    Yer the main difference though is main people can get by with them, OCD sufferers can't. I also guess most peoples compulsions are no where near as bad as those who suffer with OCD.


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    Mercury Member Thermal's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    yes they wouldn't be, but i saw a programme about it, and doing the completely opposite to your usual obsession (i.e dirty your hands instead of washing) can eventually (after huge initial anxiety) solve the problem

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    ............... Member Scurvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by 777Ares777 View Post
    well ok then everyone has obsessive thoughts, which is the main part of OCD anyway
    to be diagnosed with any mental illness, it has to prevent the person living an 'ordinary' life - most people would have some symptoms/traits of some mental illness but it would not prevent them from living normally

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    Ultimate Member tibilicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by 777Ares777 View Post
    yes they wouldn't be, but i saw a programme about it, and doing the completely opposite to your usual obsession (i.e dirty your hands instead of washing) can eventually (after huge initial anxiety) solve the problem
    Think I saw that program to. Was it called house of OCD or something?


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    Mercury Member Thermal's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by tibilicus View Post
    Think I saw that program to. Was it called house of OCD or something?
    not sure, but i know there was this woman on it who was forced to use the facilites without washing her hands afters, then eating a sandwich straight after, gross but if it works why not

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    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Philippus Flavius Homovallumus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OCD-related rant

    I would not advise cannabis, not only is it illegal and therefore not fun to be caught with, it can trigger mental problems in some people. Medications in general can work but either you take them for life or sooner or later you come off them and deal with the consequences.

    One thng you can do for your hands is moisturise (sp?) after you wash them. I over-wash mine (I'm obsessive, but not genuine OCD I think), moisturising will clear up the cracks and breaks, they will be less painful and look better as well. That should help with your confidence, as it will remove one of the outward signs.

    Vary your diet, bad diet causes all sorts of problems, vegitables and white meat as well as fruit and red.

    Finally, if you want a social life it is going to involve alchohol. It is a sad pathetic fact but it was not until I started drinking socially in my second year that my social life picked up.
    "If it wears trousers generally I don't pay attention."

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    Post Re: OCD-related rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr View Post
    Thanks for the feedback guys.

    I've been thinking about it, and I can probably rule out the Autistic disorders, since it's only really in the past few years I've become bad at dealing with people. Also, I'm pretty ignorant of the condition, but do Autistm sufferers not tend to have problems with their temper? Because I can't make myself get angry if I try.
    Not always - I worked in a special school, the one my brother attends, as a volunteer for a couple of weeks about three/four years ago while they were short staffed. Some of the autistic kids there were so unimaginably laid back. Others were less laid back, but most were the sort that burst into tears than charge at you with their fists clenched.

    On the other hand, there was one guy who, while I was there, ripped two displays down and assaulted the head teacher with three blows to the head. Fortunately, nobody else was hurt. Also fortunately they were used to this sort of occasional incident and managed to evacuate the entire school onto the playground for their mid-morning snack before he could reach any of them. The kid wasn't punished for it, his issues not being his fault - that was one of the ethics that I was really fond of in that school.

    In other words, it does vary greatly - one guy with autism could go right at you the moment something goes wrong. Another could burst into tears, another could just totally ignore it and get on with their life anyway. Of course I am talking about those with really severe autism here, but it's a condition where the symptoms vary from person to person depending upon who they are.

    As well as this, you don't have to have had the issue all your life to be affected. It could just be now that you are actually noticing it as social situations become more complex. It still is a possibility.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfelwyr
    EDIT: As for the employment thing, I'm talking about not being able to get part-time jobs to contribute a little income. What I mean is in the future, once I have my degree, I don't want to be sitting in my suit looking to build a career, only for the interviewer to look at my info and see a history of mental health problems.
    You don't have to worry about that as I have said before. You can tell them about your mental health or alternatively you could just tell them nothing. They have no right to access your medical records.


    Cannabis would be rather insensible BTW. To start with, regardless of how much many disapprove, it is legally a class C (and soon to be class B) drug - I think the law applies to Scotland. Possession of class C has a max penalty of (I think) three years imprisonment, class B has a maximum of (I think) seven. Then there's also the risk of the cops thinking that you might be selling it/giving it away, which pretty much is double of the possession when it comes to maximum penalty. Although admittedly the max penalties only apply under exceptional circumstances (e.g you were carrying six tonnes of the stuff in the back of an Eddie Stobart lorry), it's better to be safe than sorry.

    Last edited by Omanes Alexandrapolites; 01-18-2009 at 10:52.
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