also the "Takes after his father" and "Does not take after his father" traits, are they just given out randomly when a male FM is born or is their more behind that which determines which one of those traits he will get ? (Like if his grandfather and his father both have "Like his father" does that mean the grandson has a very high likelyhood for getting "Like his father" or does that even matter ? or any other things that modify those chances ?)
also isn't it just annoying when all your bad ass generals are the civilian looking FM's and all your really good Administrators are decked out in armour ? is their anything that determines what kind of armour they get when they reach 16 ? like what his father wore , or what kind of stats he has , or anything affect that ? or is it just random ?
I don't know for sure, but it could be that the script checks whether the son has the same traits [Sharp/Dull, Charismatic/Uncharismatic, Vigorous/Languorous and Selfish/Unselfish, Optimistic/Pessimistic, Loyal/Disloyal] to see whether they match with the father's traits.

Depends on whether you have a blacksmith in that town.

also it takes ALOT of battles to gain stats/command stars/ attributes/ retinue, is that something that was changed for EB to adjust for the 4 turns a year ?
Most player characters in EB don't get more than 4/5 command stars, because that is pretty much reserved for the AI. You have brains, they have stars.

and would you guys reccomend that I wait untill about 240 normally to start attacking ? that way I don't end up with 20 settlements and only 4 FM's ? because I always need FM's especially decent generals , any advice ?
That's not really a problem. If you have a lot of cities, you will also get more man of the hour things and such. The game makes sure you're never short on family members.