The Godfather, Part 3 [Concluded]

[Andres]

D'oh!

Actually, I do have a plan of action prepared for Day One, and the first several rounds, based on past experience. If you choose to place your trust in me, it will not be misplaced.

It is a very simple, three-step process. To ensure a better likelihood of success, I won't be revealing the details to anyone until well after the game is in effect.


I would be honored to have your votes, although after the Chicago disaster, I don't blame you for looking elsewhere.

Don't tell me you can resist the present, you naught boy.

Elect Andres and everything will be allright!

[TinCow]

Bah! Already we hear the lies from my opponent. He claims that I offer nothing for free, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I have laid out a specific and feasible plan to supply the entire town with free HD television and internet access! I have located a source of funding for this plan which would not raise taxes or otherwise harm the citizens in any way.

How does my honorable colleague intend to fund his 'presents'? I'll tell you how: TAXES! That's right, Andres will tax you until you DIE! You just watch; you'll see! His presents will be followed by a spate of deaths because the citizens will be unable to afford to buy the guns and body armor that would have ensured their own survival. I, on the other hand, will not only work hard to protect you, but will provide you with quality entertainment for free, at the cost of those rich outsiders who are such a hazard on our roads.

[Jolt]

I would also volunteer to be CoP, but unfortunatly I can't be very active during these exams phase.

Elect: glyphz

My vote goes to him. If he won last game, then he can do a good job here.

I hereby place myself out of this vote, for unsufficient activity. (Not that I would win anyhow.)

[Askthepizzaguy]

I'm not sure I want this town run by socialists!

Tax and spend Democrats! Shameless, utterly shameless, you are. Spending taxpayer money on vote-getting bribes. Just plain awful.

And smear tactics from his opponent... clearly you need a third-party candidate.



I won't run on a campaign of false promises and titillating bribery, or of smears and claims of "experience" which we all have in abundance. But I will say this; if you elect me it will be a good move. And I will work tirelessly for you, preferably more quietly this time, but nonetheless...

As for my fellow candidates, I'd be fine with either of you being elected, in all seriousness.

[Andres]

Bah! Already we hear the lies from my opponent. He claims that I offer nothing for free, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I have laid out a specific and feasible plan to supply the entire town with free HD television and internet access! I have located a source of funding for this plan which would not raise taxes or otherwise harm the citizens in any way.

How does my honorable colleague intend to fund his 'presents'? I'll tell you how: TAXES! That's right, Andres will tax you until you DIE! You just watch; you'll see! His presents will be followed by a spate of deaths because the citizens will be unable to afford to buy the guns and body armor that would have ensured their own survival. I, on the other hand, will not only work hard to protect you, but will provide you with quality entertainment for free, at the cost of those rich outsiders who are such a hazard on our roads.

Ha! People need food and beer. Ever tried eating a HD television? Can you drink internet? No, of course not!

People would starve to dead watching their useless HD televisions or surfing the internet. You see, ladies and gentlemen, this TinCow wants all of you dead. Instead of killing you, he'll just let you starve! What a barbarian.

And this unnamed source? Obviously, Mister TinCow gets his money through illegal means. Don't elect this scumbag!

Elect me, your honest and friendly neighbour!

I am sponsored by my home country! Yes, all of this will be payed by Belgian taxpayers! It'll cost you, dear people of the Gameroom, nothing!

Elect : Andres and get free beer, free food and, if you're quick, a very interesting present

Hurray!

[TinCow]

Ha! People need food and beer. Ever tried eating a HD television? Can you drink internet? No, of course not!

My opponent offers free beer, yet has he not forgotten that many of the residents of this town are currently under the legal drinking age? Not only will his plan result in higher taxation, he will then exploit his power as Chief of Police to arrest those of you who are under the age of 21, and fine you even more money to escape imprisonment! Reject this tyranny of greed! Reject this Wall Street mentality of instant gratification at the cost of long-term development!

As I stated in my original speech, I will lower the drinking age, thus allowing our freedom-loving citizens to enjoy the benefits of a tasty brew. No more will men be drafted into our military to fight and die in a far away country, without ever having the pleasure of downing a cold one. TinCow will protect your lives and your freedoms!

[Sasaki Kojiro]

sent via pm instead

[Andres]

Slander and lies, Mister TinCow. As usual.

I clearly said:

there will be free LEFFE BLOND for everyone (even for those under age!):

Mister TinCow is a blatant liar. Surely, dear citizens of the Gameroom, you won't put your trust into that man!

Elect : Andres and he'll take care of the rest. You'll only have to worry about how many beers you can drink or how many cookies you can eat!

[GeneralHankerchief]

Nothing to see here.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

nevermind

[Sigurd]

*Gets up on the soap box*

People of Gameroom listen to me. The town's end is nigh.
This town is on the brink of destruction, and it is because of your idleness.
Too long have you stood by doing nothing while the town has spiralled down into an abyss of darkness and despair. Evil is among us and evil will prevail. Our lives are forfeit and our souls will be harvested to that hideous Gehenna that awaits all lurkers. The prophet Jaccimo wrote: He that stands idle and doth nothing while the Mafia gains power, shall surely die an awful death. Idleness breeds destruction. I beseech you, dear citizens of the gameroom, to stand firm against this threat that has invaded our midst. No more idleness, no more whispers in dark corners. The Lord of the game, the great LOTG will look favourly upon you should you repent and turn away from your idle ways.
This town needs no Chief of Police. The unified and active town will be enough to root out the evil that creeps among us. The prophet Virgonimo wrote: He that taketh upon him the responisbility to vote, and doth not vote third, shall be counted among the saints of the Lord of the Gameroom and have everlasting life.
Change your ways citizens, and the destruction that lurks will be met by a town of power. A power that will destroy evil and finally save the Gameroom.

*gets off the soap box*

[seireikhaan]

Elect: Seamus Fermanagh

[TinCow]

My opponent seems intent on further confusing you all. He states that he will give beer to underaged citizens, yet he says nothing about making underage drinking legal! This is either a devious plan of illegal entrapment, or he is intent on breaking the law! I will not break the law, I will uphold it. I will lower the drinking age so that consumption of alcoholic beverages is legal in the first place.

Surely, good citizens, you want a Chief of Police who will enforce the law, not break it! I am that man. Elect TinCow! (But vote for someone else.)

[Quintus.JC]

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the Gameroom,


I hereby announce that I will officially run for Chief of Police!

Anyone who supports my candidacy, will receive unlimited traditional and delicious Belgian fries:

The offer is awfully tempting...

[Sasaki Kojiro]

GH I know you saw my post pre-edit, so I don't see why your ignoring my pm's. Or was that bit purposefully deceptive?

I generally prefer mafia style mafia.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I've spoken with my campaign team, and they have informed me that this is more or less a once in a lifetime election, one that I should really campaign hard for.

I wish to formally announce that I am indeed a candidate and I do want the position of Chief of Police. If I am elected, you can be sure that I will work day and night for the betterment of our wonderful town, and I can promise you victory over the mafia.

I also endorse Andres or Tincow for the position, should they be town's first choice.

I promise absolutely flawless attendance for this game, should you elect me. I will make this my priority, and I don't really have a life outside this office.

Elect Askthepizzaguy
for
Chief of Police

If elected, I will faithfully execute the office of Police Chief, and dedicate my unwavering enthusiasm and pro-town ideals to this office, for the remainder of my natural life.

If elected, I will put on a rubber gorilla mask and chase the mafia from this town myself.

If elected, I promise not to shave my eyebrows until everyone in town is safe.

If elected, I promise to return all the gold that I stole from that tanker when I was working as an FBI agent.

If elected, I promise to stop worshipping the supreme leader of the Cult of the Glorious Light, or only do it on the weekends when I am not being incinerated inside the sun.

If elected, I promise to make sure people are dead, instead of forgiving them for their lurking trespasses.

If elected, I will burn all the witches. Not just in this town, but on the face of the Earth.

If elected, everyone will receive a coupon for one free pizza from Shakey's Pizza.

If elected, I will refrain from wearing frilly undergarments and open-mouth kissing Andres in public.

If elected, I will demonstrate my insane skills on the harpsichord.

If elected, I will round up all the homeless squirrels and throw them in a wood chipper.

If elected, I will wear a bulletproof suit of armor at all times, even when it becomes an inconvenience, such as when I need to go to the bathroom, or when I want to make love to a pretty woman or a confused young man, or when I drink coffee and it spills down my suit of armor and burns my chest and genitalia, or when I do my morning trampoline exercises.

If elected, I will not protest should you decide to lynch me. I enjoy being dead anyways.

If elected, I will bring to justice those responsible for the murders which I am planning tonight.

If elected, I will not make ironic and self-incriminating jokes which actually serve to confuse and frighten townies instead of reassure them that the mafia, and me in particular, would never be that stupid, ballsy though I may be.

If elected, I will make it legal to marry a teddy bear. Because, quite frankly, wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone snuggled a teddy bear before heading off to work?

If elected, I will use my super telepathic powers to identify all the mafia by the end of the game, as I always********* have. Please do not ask me what the asterisks mean.

If elected, I may in fact be more useful to you than I currently am.

If elected, I will never solicit illegal and sordid activity from others in the men's room, ever again.

Elect Askthepizzaguy for Chief of Police

He's only been a dangerous criminal a few times!

[Quintus.JC]

If elected, everyone will receive a coupon for one free pizza from Shakey's Pizza.

Uppen your offer to a life time supply then I'll consider it indefinitely.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Very well. Although it will bankrupt me, if it means that much to you.

Free Shakey's Pizza for everyone, and I'll even spring for chocolate sundays when we win the game.

[Quintus.JC]

Elect: APTG

Even though it will probably mean I will die of heart disease during the course of the game, a life time supply of fine food is simply an offer I can't refuse.

Edit: unless you can improve your offer Andres...

[Askthepizzaguy]

I might as well show my support by shamelessly voting for myself, unlike my honoured colleagues, who have generously refrained* from doing so.



Elect: Askthepizzaguy


Candidates: Standing (People who voted for them)

Tincow: 1 (Tincow)
Andres: 1 (Andres)
ATPG: 3 (Boudica, Quintus.JC, ATPG)
Glyphz: 1 (Jolt)
Seamus Fermanagh: 1 (seireikhaan)

[Askthepizzaguy]

Elect: APTG Edit: unless you can improve your offer Andres...

So, I haven't won your support just yet, but rest assured, Andres' offers of cookies and women will be doubled should I be elected.

All the cookies and women you can eat! And of course, men too, if that's what you prefer. Here's an obligatory link to the Hunk Thread for your viewing pleasure.

Oh, and for you others:


And something for you animal lovers. Revel in your sick pleasures.








By the way, the above could be misconstrued; I meant to say all the cookies you can eat, and also, women. Not for cannibalism, though. Please don't eat the ladies.

[shlin28]

Tired of of walls of text?

Tired of overanalytical zealots?

Tired of people who argue back and forth for pages and pages?

Tired of those who even now tries to seize power from the powerless proles?

Then vote for me! I promise that there will be no analytical whatsits, no accusations with solid evidence/based on thread behaviour and last of all... an amazingly brilliant fun time that mafia games are supposed to be!!!

Remember, a vote for me is a vote for the little people!

Elect: shlin28



PS: Whilst you guys offer "cookies", "chips" etc that will never be given, I shall fulfil my campaign promise! Honest!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Ouch, that stings.

I think Shlin28 just put me in my place.

[shlin28]

Don't worry, it wasn't aimed at you... it was just a joke at how many people take mafia games so seriously.

People should just chill

[Askthepizzaguy]

Some people play the vote-randomly game, and offer more or less random analysis of certain players, or react based on instinct. And that's all good, a viable strategy. It even works often enough.

An equally valid strategy is to actively analyze and seek patterns which are in fact there, just very hard to detect.

To each their own, eh?




Edit: Starts beating himself with a rubber chicken

[Csargo]

Elect: Reenk Roink

I CHOOSE YOU!!!! Go forth and win!

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Elect:Reenk Roink

The game will be more dramatic with someone inscrutable as chief of police.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Election standings

Tincow: 1 (Tincow)
Andres: 1 (Andres)
ATPG: 3 (Boudica, Quintus.JC, ATPG)
Glyphz: 1 (Jolt)
Seamus Fermanagh: 1 (seireikhaan)
Shlin28: 1 (Shlin28)
Reenk Roink: 2 (Ichigo, Sasaki Kojiro)

[GeneralHankerchief]

Election standings

Tincow: 1 (Tincow)
Andres: 1 (Andres)
ATPG: 3 (Boudica, Quintus.JC, ATPG)
Glyphz: 1 (Jolt)
Seamus Fermanagh: 1 (seireikhaan)
Shlin28: 1 (Shlin28)
Reenk Roink: 2 (Ichigo, Sasaki Kojiro)

Confirmed.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Elect: Reenk Roink

He's used me and abused me before, so there would be a sense of familiar comfort.....

If not he, then Boudica would be my #2 choice.

Standings:

Tincow: 1 (Tincow)
Andres: 1 (Andres)
ATPG: 3 (Boudica, Quintus.JC, ATPG)
Glyphz: 1 (Jolt)
Seamus Fermanagh: 1 (seireikhaan)
Shlin28: 1 (Shlin28)
Reenk Roink: 3 (Ichigo, Sasaki Kojiro, Seamus Fermanagh)