Results 1 to 30 of 30

Thread: Carthaginian construction reports

  1. #1

    Default Carthaginian construction reports

    I always enjoy reading the very descriptive and full of interesting information building descriptions. That is one of the best things in EB. I once more would like to thank all EB team for their dedication.

    However one particular thing amazed me to the level that my friend came into my room asking "what's so funny?". Here it is:

    *warning: image heavy*

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 










    The person who made these is genius! Thank you very much!

    My question is: are there any more factions which have similar construction reports? By similar I mean so funny.




    P.S. my favourite is Grand Magistrate's chambers

  2. #2
    Guest Dayve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    England
    Posts
    1,659

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Good thing i never read construction reports... although that would be funny after a couple of glasses of wine, it's kind of a buzz kill.

  3. #3
    Villiage Idiot Member antisocialmunky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    ゞ( ゚Д゚)ゞ
    Posts
    5,974

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    I never read thatm nearly that much but I didn't see anything all that great in the Greek and Roman ones.
    Fighting isn't about winning, it's about depriving your enemy of all options except to lose.



    "Hi, Billy Mays Here!" 1958-2009

  4. #4

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    I also noticed thoose - I find them very enjoyeable
    This alone always makes me think on starting a quarthadast camapign once in a while...

    I think the western Hellenes (Makedone, Epeiros - never played KH) have some funny ones - I quess the markets and above all some of the ports but basic roads has the best of all. Better check thoose aswell.

    The romans are quite nice aswell alhought there really far behind the Carthies in case of Humor.

    I haven't noticed the reports of the eastern Hellenes to be too humorous but there units are great enough to make up for it

    About the others I have no Idea
    “Save us, o Lord, from the arrows of the Magyars.” - A prayer from the 10th century.




  5. #5
    Guest Aemilius Paulus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Russia/Europe in the summer, Florida rest of the time
    Posts
    3,473

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by antisocialmunky View Post
    I never read thatm nearly that much but I didn't see anything all that great in the Greek and Roman ones.
    Same here. I never saw any particularly amusing Roman ones. All of them were very accurate, and succinct. I do however seem to remember seeing a partially humorous description of the Greek Stone Walls. Nothing else though, not that I remember. Heh, those are some laughable Easter eggs! I wonder what motivated the EB team to do such scandalous thing?!?

    The only truly farcical joke I have seen on EB was that time I found an AS general with that "likes-to-watch-naked-females-in-the-gym" trait. In the end it actually said "Do I have to spell it out for you? :)" I wonder what it was referring to though. Sex?

  6. #6
    Βασιλευς και Αυτοκρατωρ Αρχης Member Centurio Nixalsverdrus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Γερμανια Ελευθερα
    Posts
    2,321

    Default AW: Carthaginian construction reports

    "No unsacrificed child will be left behind here now" is da burner.

    I always read the descriptions, at least the ones of the more seldom and expensive buildings. I think I even read most of the long descriptions (except the super long ones).
    Last edited by Centurio Nixalsverdrus; 02-03-2009 at 23:47.

  7. #7
    Slixpoitation Member A Very Super Market's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Vancouver, BC, Canada, North America, Terra, Sol, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Universe
    Posts
    3,700

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Nah, more like... getting to know himself...

    Perhaps this is a joke on how soft the Carthaginians were compared to the other people *cough *cough
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    WELCOME TO AVSM
    Cool store, bro! I want some ham.
    No ham, pepsi.
    They make deli slices of frozen pepsi now? Awesome!
    You also need to purchase a small freezer for storage of your pepsi.
    It runs on batteries. You'll need a few.
    Uhh, I guess I won't have pepsi then. Do you have change for a twenty?
    You can sift through the penny jar
    ALL WILL BE CONTINUED

    - Proud Horseman of the Presence

  8. #8
    Guest desert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    The greatest polis built by men.
    Posts
    1,120

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Sweboz has some really funny ones too. Especially for the granary - I'll try to reconstruct it:

    "We had finished construction of this granary when someone came up and said that we didn't need to store our food for the winter. Boy, were we surprised when we heard that! So was he, when we ripped out his innards and showed them to him. Life is funny like that sometimes."

    The beginning is just completely made up, but I'm pretty sure of the rest.
    Last edited by desert; 02-03-2009 at 23:56.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Aemilius Paulus View Post
    The only truly farcical joke I have seen on EB was that time I found an AS general with that "likes-to-watch-naked-females-in-the-gym" trait. In the end it actually said "Do I have to spell it out for you? :)" I wonder what it was referring to though. Sex?
    I think that trait is Gynaiconomos. Though not entirely sure about the spelling. I think most of the Hellenic factions get that one. I remember getting it in my Epeiros campaign. What's the most fun about those carthaginian reports is that pretty much 90% of buildings have really funny ones.

    "And for some reason now we can magically buid lots of other things here too. Weird how that works."

    EB is amazing...

  10. #10

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Two other favorites of mine, made me laugh so hard I shot milk through my nose...(not really, but you get the picture)

    Likstrandens ormar som spyr blod och etter, Ni som blint trampar Draugs harg
    På knä I Eljudne mottag död mans dom, Mot död och helsvite, ert öde och pinoplats

  11. #11
    Guest Aemilius Paulus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Russia/Europe in the summer, Florida rest of the time
    Posts
    3,473

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    We honesty should have a poll on this. No child left behind, razors & sheckels, and the "magically build lot of new buildings" are my favourite.

    So, who's the lad who made all of these? Or was there a couple? It sounded like the same bloke to me, but you never know. That person really deserves an award, or at least some recognition.

  12. #12
    Guest Aemilius Paulus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Russia/Europe in the summer, Florida rest of the time
    Posts
    3,473

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Aemilius Paulus View Post
    The only truly farcical joke I have seen on EB was that time I found an AS general with that "likes-to-watch-naked-females-in-the-gym" trait. In the end it actually said "Do I have to spell it out for you? :)" I wonder what it was referring to though. Sex?
    But seriously, what was that referring to? The question bugs me every time I think of EB.

  13. #13
    EB:NOM Triumvir Member gamegeek2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Hanover, NH
    Posts
    3,569

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    It refers to the long word, Aemilius. I think the EB team, who included Hetairai as ancillaries, would be able to say sex easily enough.
    Europa Barbarorum: Novus Ordo Mundi - Mod Leader Europa Barbarorum - Team Member

    Quote Originally Posted by skullheadhq
    Run Hax! For slave master gamegeek has arrived
    "To robbery, slaughter, plunder, they give the lying name of empire; they make a desert and call it peace." -Calgacus

  14. #14
    Guitar God Member Mediolanicus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    On the banks of the Scaldis.
    Posts
    1,355

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    You guys never noticed that? Strange.

    I have another question though. Why are so many of those funny descriptions removed?
    Other factions used to have those as well. I remember playing as the Romani in 1.0 and laughing my ass off, particulary with the port descriptions.
    __________________

    --> - Never near Argos - <--

  15. #15
    Senior Member Senior Member Ibn-Khaldun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Estonia
    Posts
    5,431
    Blog Entries
    4

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Are they all EB descriptions or are they from Vanilla??

  16. #16

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    A much as I have experienced these are all from EB - vanilla had very few such "message descriptions" which could be called funny.

    EB however is full of them (1.2 atleast)

    Thats one more bonus for the Mod and and extra reason to thank the EB team
    “Save us, o Lord, from the arrows of the Magyars.” - A prayer from the 10th century.




  17. #17
    amrtaka Member machinor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Austria 'n Italy
    Posts
    464

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Yep, playing as Carthage is always fun. I remember laughing out loud when I read the description of the Merchant's Quarter. "Eight blades for only five shekels!!!! Awww, you're just jealous!!"
    Since my EB Carthage campaigns I consider the Carthaginians to be one of the most humorous people in history.
    Last edited by machinor; 02-04-2009 at 14:36.
    Quote Originally Posted by NickTheGreek View Post
    "Dahae always ride single file to hid their numbers, these tracks are side by side. And these arrow wounds, too accurate for Dahae, only Pahlavi Zradha Shivatir are so precise..."
    <-- My "From Basileion to Arche - A Makedonian AAR" Memorial Balloon.

  18. #18
    Member Member theoldbelgian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    64,8 stadies from the east bank of the scaldis
    Posts
    177

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    I remember with the romani or the greeks can't remember right that by a certain level of markets he said that there are
    constant noises of cars and merchant yelling but it didn't matter because it was only the poor people that lived there

    another thing: funny speeches: I heard once with the romani (had some of those samnite spearman) and i was attacking some italian rebels and the guy said one thing:

    remember guys, no ropeskipping with the entrails this time

    i was litterly thinking have i heard that right that can't be (but i gues thats vanilla stuff but still very amusing :P)

  19. #19
    Guest Aemilius Paulus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Russia/Europe in the summer, Florida rest of the time
    Posts
    3,473

    Question Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Soooo, the nomadic and barbarian cultures also have these descriptions? Can anyone confirm that the Romani lost theirs BTW? I have not played EB in two months , nor do I have time to open it up right now.

  20. #20
    Near East TW Mod Leader Member Cute Wolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    In ancient Middle East, driving Assyrian war machines...
    Posts
    3,991
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    The pontos have funnier ones about Lamp freaking satrap

    My Projects : * Near East Total War * Nusantara Total War * Assyria Total War *
    * Watch the mind-blowing game : My Little Ponies : The Mafia Game!!! *

    Also known as SPIKE in TWC

  21. #21
    Arrogant Ashigaru Moderator Ludens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    9,014
    Blog Entries
    1

    Lightbulb Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Aemilius Paulus View Post
    So, who's the lad who made all of these? Or was there a couple? It sounded like the same bloke to me, but you never know. That person really deserves an award, or at least some recognition.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mediolanicus View Post
    I have another question though. Why are so many of those funny descriptions removed?
    AFAIK Teleklos Archelaou wrote them to encourage certain Faction Coordinators to write their own. And I like them, even if not all of them are very good. That should also answer Mediolanicus' question: they were removed because the FC's got round to writing something.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ibn-Khaldun View Post
    Are they all EB descriptions or are they from Vanilla??
    These are from EB. Vanilla descriptions were mostly bland, excepting one or two Easter eggs.
    Looking for a good read? Visit the Library!

  22. #22
    Villiage Idiot Member antisocialmunky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    ゞ( ゚Д゚)ゞ
    Posts
    5,974

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    ...then is there anyway one of you EB guys could put up an old building description file for those of us who like the funny stuff so we don't have to re-download the old versions and manually pull that file out?
    Fighting isn't about winning, it's about depriving your enemy of all options except to lose.



    "Hi, Billy Mays Here!" 1958-2009

  23. #23
    Guitar God Member Mediolanicus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    On the banks of the Scaldis.
    Posts
    1,355

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by antisocialmunky View Post
    ...then is there anyway one of you EB guys could put up an old building description file for those of us who like the funny stuff so we don't have to re-download the old versions and manually pull that file out?
    Seconded.



    Sorry for the FC guys but Teleklos' construction reports were better than the dry notes we've got now...

    FC guys did a good job on the real descriptions though
    Last edited by Mediolanicus; 02-08-2009 at 14:53.
    __________________

    --> - Never near Argos - <--

  24. #24

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Mediolanicus View Post
    Seconded.



    Sorry for the FC guys but Teleklos' construction reports were better than the dry notes we've got now...

    FC guys did a good job on the real descriptions though
    I agree 100%. These little construction reports adds some spice to the game. We are still going to read the real descriptions, but having a laugh is always healthy.

  25. #25
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    13,446

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    So you guys like a silly joke better instead? Nice, that'll save me some research and writing time.

  26. #26
    Legatus Member Tiberius Claudius Marcellus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    St. George, UT - USA
    Posts
    397

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Silence Hunter View Post
    I agree 100%. These little construction reports adds some spice to the game. We are still going to read the real descriptions, but having a laugh is always healthy.
    I fourth the motion!

    These humorous paragraphs are only on the screen that tells you that a building has been built. If they left the historically accurate/informative description for when you right click on the building card, that would be a perfect combo.
    Semper Fidelis

    Campaigns Completed:
    Casse, Epirote, Getai, Romani
    ______________________________________
    Legatus Tiberius Claudius Marcellus - Beyond the Seven Hills, a Roman PBM RPG
    Awarded by _Bean_ 02/01/2009 for The Phalerium
    Quote Originally Posted by Potocello
    "it is in his character traits and that's how Tiberius chooses to rp him. In all honesty i think this would be boring without such ridiculous characters..."

  27. #27

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Quote Originally Posted by Moros View Post
    So you guys like a silly joke better instead? Nice, that'll save me some research and writing time.
    Building descriptions and construction reports are two different things. I am sorry if me (or anyone else for that matter) sounded as if they like silly jokes instead of historical info. Building descriptions are one of the best EB aspects. I think most of the people read them.

    Construction reports are an entirely different thing. It's one of the scrolls that comes after you press ent turn button. It's usually short descriptions of what has been buit in your empire this turn. However some of them are very basic, while other are very funny. As you probably saw, people like these funny little reports.

    Once again sorry for a misunderstanding.

    (btw if there was only one building built during the turn, the report will show it's full description)

  28. #28
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    13,446

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Oh noes, don't. I wasn't taking it a bad way. What I said was mere in jest.

  29. #29
    :.:: Member Connacht's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Where I end and you begin
    Posts
    147

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    I'd like to see only funny descriptions in the messages showning builded infrastructures (and why not? even just trained units), while the real historical description should be in the proper info-window of the building.
    You're an island of tranquillity in a sea of chaos.



    O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!

  30. #30
    Villiage Idiot Member antisocialmunky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    ゞ( ゚Д゚)ゞ
    Posts
    5,974

    Default Re: Carthaginian construction reports

    Yeah, no sane person reads the reports after a given amount of time.
    Fighting isn't about winning, it's about depriving your enemy of all options except to lose.



    "Hi, Billy Mays Here!" 1958-2009

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO