My Plan for My Country's Next 2 Years

[KukriKhan]

Below is my plan (If you haven't time to read it, to summarize: I go "bold").

What's your's?

1) All troops out of Iraq by St. Patrick's Day, and re-deployed to Afghanistan.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Dear Friends in Iraq:
It's been real. It's been fun. But, even you must admit: it hasn't been real fun. Thank you for letting us visit your wonderful country, depose your dictator, look for WMD's, and try to establish a US-friendly regime. We wish you all the luck in the world, and hope and pray that we'll still be friends.

2) Send ultimatum to Pakistan & Afghanistan.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hello Afghans and Pakistanis: Thank you for your cooperation so far. OBL still resides, we're told, somewhere in the Paki/Afgha border region. Kindly deliver him in the next 96 hours. If you can not or will not, we shall find him in our own blundering way: shockNawe bombings of the entire border region, with follow-on mechanized search-and-destroy missions We apologize in advance for any broken family china. We'll leave (totally) as soon as we know he's captured or dead.

3) To our debtors/bondholders:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hi fellas. Hang on to your US paper; it's gonna get real valuable, real soon, just like it always has. If ya wanna get wobbly-kneed now, no problem: send it back for early payment... 30 cents on the buck. Just know that, since you've reneged on your trust of us, we renege in our ability to sell our securities to you in the future. Fair, no?

4) To the US banks and Wall Street:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

"Hi Guys. You have 90 days to clean up and audit your books. On Day 91, have your accurate Balance Sheets on my desk outlining your current status. If your Balance Sheet is found inaccurate by my staff by more than 1%, I will close your business, take over your assets, and send you to jail for 20 years for fraud. No kidding. With Love..."

5) To the scientific community:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Stop whatever you're doing, and work immediately on this: Find a new way to capture, store, and release, on-demand, energy. You have a blank check for 2 years, and the world depends on you. After 2 years, if undone, we'll assume you can't get it done, and no more money will come. And you'll be bagging groceries at your local Piggly-Wiggly.

6) To America:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hi Folks: Times are hard, you might have read or heard. Well, they're gonna get harder, before they get better. But they will get better, if we all, every one of us, give our best effort every day. I'm working with both our friends and enemies around the world to make sure they know where we stand, and what they can expect of us.

Just the usual: Honesty. Integrity. Strength. Good-will. Optimism. Hope. And determinism. I know I can count on you to show all that. If we all pull together, we can do this thing; nor only survive, but thrive on our strengths and principles. Let's walk together, strong, cheerful, confident, into a new day...