The Tale of the Slightly Unhinged Almohads

[The Fuzz]

The Tale of the Slightly Unhinged Almohads

The 1143 Almohad AAR

Guten Tag and all that good stuff. This AAR will cover the rise of the Almohads in Boicote's excellent mod, 1143. I'm playing on H/H difficulty as the AI bonuses tend to balance out their stupidity at that level. My writing style varies - I've done humorous tales and "serious" tales. I lack the time and motivation to spend ages thinking up plot lines so this will likely attempt to be a humorous tale where I recount what happened during the game. I have a tendency to slip into melodrama if I have a lot of free time, so in the event that occurs, feel free to tell me to call my friends and/or send me angry PMs. I pride myself on having a grasp of the English language, so when I say 'humorous AAR', I don't mean 'AAR filled with all-caps and multiple exclamation marks'. I like to think my humor can be more subtle than that, but I like to think a lot of things. Also, don't get insulting if I poke fun at your nationality/religion/whatever. It's the internet and I don't care, nor should you. Cheers.

So there you have it. I hope you enjoy the AAR. Updates may come frequently or less than frequently. If I don't post for a while and then say that my game got corrupted and I can't play anymore, I'm lying. Who does that happen to, honestly? I've only had one game that was no longer playable.

(Now my game probably will get corrupted and die. So it goes.)

First update will come in a few hours. I hate to post and run but life happens on occasion. Pics are uploaded and the events are written in shorthand, so it's not like I'll maybe update this in a week and never update it again.

Seriously now.

I have to go.

Bye.

[The Fuzz]

1143.

Caliph Abdul the Holy: G'day everyone, and welcome to my Dominion. I'm Abdul. Abdul the Holy. Caliph of the Almohads. I conquer empires for fun on the weekends. I'm descended from a Companion of the Prophet. Not that big a deal though, I'm sure you are...oh? You're not descended from a Companion? Yeesh. Looks like that's why I'm Caliph and you're not.



My wife is Bahiyya. Look at her, and I kill you. Here, let me show you a picture - what? You don't want to see it? You think she's ugly or something? I'll kill you. I'll show you the family tree.



Haha! You saw my wife. I got you good! Now I'll have to kill...just kidding. Let me go through my sons. I've got three so far. I say 'so far' because people tend to have four kids 'round these parts. I'm not entirely sure why.

My eldest is Yusuf - that's Crown Prince Yusuf to you. He's basically awesome. You'll like him.



Next in line is Haddad. He's a pretty face, so nothing too special. He's not bad though. I think he could make something of his life though, I mean, you never know, right? Sack a few cities and turn it around?



Alright, last we've got Rushdi. Rushdi.... He's smart, I'll give him that. But he's also a terrible person. I'm not sure if he had a friend all his life. That's probably because he looks gross, and is the youngest. He'll probably get a camel and a pretty rock when I die. Unless I have another son - then he'll get the pretty rock. Also, he's probably bitter since he's stuck in Marrâkush for basically the rest of his life. Sucker.



Right now I only control Marrâkush, but that should change. My advisors/Allah (not sure which at this point) tell me that if I sack a few cities here and there, the whole of the Al-Andalus will support me as Caliph. Sounds good to me.



So as a result, my two eldest sons and myself are about to invade Almoravid territory. The city of Faz is our target. It's heavily defended by the Almoravid Sultan Ali. Small problem for him though - I'm going to kill him and his family. I wouldn't be sitting around if I were him. So it goes.



As an aside, I have an imam named Nourreddine Abrami. That's the coolest name ever. Arabic is so much better than Latin or Spanish or Portuguese or whatever the Basque speak (caveman?). They probably have a priest named John. Ours: Nourreddine. Game, set, match.

Let's roll!

[Ludens]

Hello The Fuzz, welcome to the Mead Hall. It's a nice start to a story, but brief and rather bare. Could you post a bit more?

[Quintus.JC]

You are funny

[The Fuzz]

my game got corrupted

also i saved over it

and my hard drive crashed

may the ceo of hp have each of his limbs tied to different horses and may these horses gallop off in different directions !!

[PowerWizard]

Liar! Hey, the fuzz, it's a pity you don't continue this story, it was amusing.

[I of the Storm]

Still early enough in the game to start over once your hd is working again, isn't it?

[Juvenal]

Ah, Fuzz, you have my interest well and truly piqued now, that was a masterful introduction.

Are you waiting for a critical mass of anticipation to build up or have you just lost interest?

I notice that you took the time to pre-discount your own excuses for not proceeding, so maybe this is all a secret psychological experiment and even now a panel of experimenters are laughing at me from behind the one-way mirror.

[The Fuzz]

Oh no! Viewers! Hide!
*ducks behind futon*

In truth I was bored, I really do lack the time to write up and play - I did this during a bit of down time but uni is just too intense. I'll probably post some pics of some characters though. Rushdi really turned his life around. Haddid died in an earthquake like two turns after my first post.