Juvenal's Journal

[Juvenal]

This AAR describes my Casse campaign in EB1.0. I suppose I can tout this as a true work of antiquity now since I played the campaign about a year ago.

I have decided to let my namesake give you this AAR. He was a Roman Poet of the 2nd Century and is noted as a satirist. I have attempted to introduce a modicum of satire myself, and a smattering of historical references for verisimilitude. I am not a scholar, so you will probably find many gaffs in this account – please be gentle with it. There are also some silly puns which you can ignore unless you have a pathological fascination with the '70s.

A Note on Dates: This AAR takes the form of a journal, so it has to have dates. My protagonist Secundus, being Romani, uses the Roman calendar. The calendar was quite complex and prone to political interference. Romani years are measured from the founding of Rome (ab urbe condite). The Romani year starts with Martius, and ends with Februarius.

There are three named days of each month: Kalends (1st), Nones (5th or 7th) and Ides (15th or 17th). Other days are counted back and inclusively from the next named day. For example 5 ante diem Ides Ianuarius means "4 days before the Ides of January". I will put in the BC date equivalent at intervals.

Post Script. This AAR actually starts before the EB start date so that Secundus can arrive in time for the action to start.

Post Post Script. There is some colour coding in case it isn't obvious which of my split-personalities is speaking. I, the mysterious poster speak in italics. Decimus speaks like this, Secundus is a more sombre blue.

[desert]

You're going to repost the WHOLE THING here?

[Juvenal]

You're going to repost the WHOLE THING here?

Eventually, perhaps this is a sign of my final hubris. I should have posted it here originally anyway, but I was tempted away by the promise of untold riches (which failed to materialise). I am interested to find out what the reaction to it is here (if any). Maybe I will get Casse experts telling me that never in a million years would the Casse do any of the things I describe. Or maybe I will just end up crying into the aether.

[Juvenal]

INTRODUCTION

Greetings TWC. I am Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis and I have been watching you all for some time during my illness here in Britannia.

DECIMUS IUNIUS IUVINALIS

I am indeed a lucky man, despite my exile to this Gods-forsaken mud-heap of Londinium I have been rewarded by the gods with the ability to live two lives at once! Can any man boast of better than this?

Admittedly my life in Londinium is unpleasant and painful, but this other, delusional, life which I share with you, more than makes up for that. My physician tells me I have a malady known locally as Caractacus's Revenge. He says it is characterised by hallucinations, gibbering and frothing at the mouth and is invariably fatal in the elderly. I think he is exaggerating and just says these things to justify his incessant demands for payment in advance. I am not at all elderly – LXXX is just past the prime of life, I think this whole illness is probably just an effect of bad oysters (the only worthwhile thing about Londinium is the oysters, I really can't bear to give them up).

Of course he is not a cultured man, a mere village healer – and anyway I do not gibber, my sparkling wit is lost on men such as he. Sadly it was exactly my sparkling wit that also brought me to this end – that useless actor Paris, all puffed up with his own importance, turned out to have more powerful friends than I fully appreciated. I tell you solemnly, I was performing a public service bringing that talentless peacock down to earth, but too many important men had already lauded him a genius. So that is how it was that Mediocrity triumphed, and I was bundled off to this foul corner of Empire.

From what I have read in this forum (isn't that strange, a forum where no one speaks!), you are partial to stories of conquest and brave deeds from times past. Well let it be known that I have such a story. Did you know that Britannia once ruled an Empire? It seems incredible yet I have the testimony of my ancestor Secundus Credulus Iuvinalis – a man noted for his lack of imagination.

When I was a child I found the journal of Secundus buried in a chimney on our estates in Sicilia. It inspired me to take up the literary life, but I could never show it to my parents because it was disloyal to the Republic. But with you my friends I have no such fears. I don't think that respect for the Republic looms large in your affairs.

Anyway, without further meanderings, I present to you my recollection of the Journal of my ancestor Secundus!

[Potocello]

Interesting start, i'm looking forward to the next chapter

[Juvenal]

JOURNAL OF SECUNDUS CREDULUS JUVENALIS

PART I

V ante diem Ides Ianuarius, CDLXXX ab urbe condite (11th Jan 480 after the founding of Rome, i.e. 274BC)
My father Primus is a madman! He has insulted the whole Romani Pantheon by favouring some ridiculous barbarian god, I just cannot believe it! Needless to say, his influence in Rome has now reached its nadir. Former friends now laugh at him and it is only a matter of time before I and the rest of our family become pariahs too.

Father has been unhinged by a barbarian slave picked up in the market on the Nones of this last December (I have always felt this to be an unlucky time and always take care to stay in on that day). The slave is a handsome young man with red hair, he comports himself like nobility rather than the common slave he actually is. Father, who is a scholar of barbaric tongues (most recently that of the Ioudeans in Syria), took it upon himself to question the man about his origins. The slave said that his name was Lannildot, and that he was the envoy of the chief of a tribe across the Germanicum Mare. I find it suspiciously convenient that this supposed tribe is so far away that we cannot find even anyone to confirm or deny its very existence!

BARBARIAN SLAVE

A week ago Father was seized with a fit. We are used to these episodes, and the house slaves have the necessary restraints to prevent him from harming himself. But on this occasion, when Father recovered his wits he announced that he had had an epiphany – he had spoken with the one true God! (whose name was David) Nothing we could say had the slightest impact on this delusion. Although he does not deny mighty Jupiter and the other Gods, he says they are all the playthings of a still greater God. Father says that this master God - the "Casse Deus" - has a chosen people who are destined to rule the Earth. I find this all exceedingly strange. David is a Ioudean name, and the Ioudeans do indeed style themselves the chosen people of God – but Father insists that the true chosen people are those of the barbarian slave!

THE CASSE DEUS - from a mosaic excavated near Stanstead in July 2009

[Juvenal]

PART II

Nones Ianuarius CDLXXX ab urbe condite (274BC)
We are undone, Father has preached his cult of Casse Deus at the Pons Sublicius and the Senate has banished him from the city. Oh why could he not have emulated Janus and presented different faces to public and family? I was shocked to discover that Father actually intended this result. He had already bought us passage on a Qarthadast merchantman bound for Thule across the Germanicum Mare. He is going to bring the Good News to the tribe of our barbarian slave, he is going to tell them they are the Chosen People!

Kalends Maius CDLXXXI ab urbe condite
By the Gods I'm bored! I must have read the Odyssey a dozen times now. Strangely, no matter how many times I finish it, it doesn't seem to make any more sense. I am beginning to suspect the translation. Odysseus spends the entire story trying to go home, but no one ever explains why he left in the first place. Maybe I'm missing some pages. I suppose I should have spent my denarii on some stodgy epic saga about the Samnite War, but these Greek stories are all the rage and I was curious.

Why is this ship so slow? We have been travelling for three months now and have not even reached Iberia. Father spends many hours conversing with the barbarian slave. I spend them counting the weevils in my porridge.

Ides Sextilis CDLXXXI ab urbe condite
Still sailing west. After six months we are finally passing the Pillars of Herakles. I have asked Father why this ship is so slow, but I didn't understand his answer. He explained that the speed of the ship is governed by the decision of the "Fecund Statio" (Fertile Assembly) to portray turns as representing six months instead of a more accurate two weeks. I've never heard of this group, I think what he actually means is that Sea Nymphs are influencing the currents against us, but I did not have the heart to argue the point with him.

THE PILLARS OF HERACLES

Ides Februarius CDLXXXI ab urbe condite
This Germanicum Mare is not a proper sea at all, more like a very wide river because I could sometimes see both shores at once. It is cold and dank and my clothes are permanently wet. The sea is grey, the sky is grey – even the sun is grey.

Nevertheless, all voyages must come to an end at last, and so did ours. We landed from a grey estuary onto grey mud and headed inland. But as I stepped onto the mud, staggering from the sudden absence of the swaying of the ship, a heron passed over us. It circled once, and then headed east into the rising sun – a clear sign that the favour of the Gods is with us. For the first time since leaving Rome I felt truly elated.

[the man with no name]

Wowzerz. Never have I, seen an AAR like this, if you can even call it that.

[Juvenal]

PART III

Kalends Martius CDLXXXII ab urbe condite (New Year's Day! 272BC)
We are in Camulosadae, capital of the Casse (whose name literally means "Handsome Ones" - what peacocks they are). The barbarian slave Lannildot really is the envoy of Barae, leader of the Casse. I was surprised to be able to understand the language of these people, but they speak a dialect of Belgic, which Father had taught me back in Roma (although at the time I could not see the relevance of learning a tongue from the edge of the world, it seems Father had been preparing for this expedition for longer than I thought).

Barae declared a feast in honour of his envoy's return. I was forced to allow slaves of the barbarians to prepare me. Instead of cleaning my body by oil and strigil, they applied water and a strange fatty salve they call "soap". I nearly froze to death. I was glad I packed my extra-thick toga, this land of the Casse seems to be permanently cold and wet.

It was boring. We were put near the fire and every time I breathed in I got a lungful of smoke. The food was crude and there was no wine, only some weak ale which the Casse swilled in enormous quantities. Before we retired, Father took Lannildot aside and spoke at length while I allowed the rough tabletop to caress my aching head.

The feast resumed the next evening (they certainly weren't going to remain "The Handsome Ones" for very long if they kept this up). This time Father was given a place by the side of Barae - much to the annoyance of his nobles. After a few hours when bellies were (again) full and ale-sodden eyelids beginning to sag, Father stood up and began to preach to those assembled.

He told them (using his best public-speaking voice) that he had been sent by the great god Casse Deus who rules over the other gods like a kind father over his family.

He said that Casse Deus had a special fondness for his chosen people and would raise them up to greatness.

He said that this was a special day in the history of the world – "Turn One of the Casse Campaign".

Finally, he told them of the words the Casse Deus had spoken to him in his epiphany...

I’ve been alive forever,
And I wrote the very first song.
I put the words and the melodies together,
I am music,
And I write the songs.

I write the songs that make the whole world sing.
I write the songs of love and special things.
I write the songs that make the young girls cry.
I write the songs, I write the songs.

My home lies deep within you,
And I’ve got my own place in your soul.
Now, when I look out through your eyes,
I’m young again, even though I’m very old.

In the morning I found that Father had been appointed military adviser to Barae! Somehow he and Lannildot had convinced Barae that he knew the destiny of the Casse. In actual fact he doesn't even know the way to the privy without the guidance of the house slaves. I fear our lives here may soon come to an exciting end.

[the man with no name]

PART III

I’ve been alive forever,
And I wrote the very first song.
I put the words and the melodies together,
I am music,
And I write the songs.

I write the songs that make the whole world sing.
I write the songs of love and special things.
I write the songs that make the young girls cry.
I write the songs, I write the songs.

My home lies deep within you,
And I’ve got my own place in your soul.
Now, when I look out through your eyes,
I’m young again, even though I’m very old.

Sounds like some black spiritual(not being racist.)

[Juvenal]

This is a genuine quote from the Casse Deus. I can't go explaining my silly jokes in full (it just isn't cool), so I shall give you a clue (but don't follow it unless you have a morbid fascination for my influences)...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Write_the_Songs

I find the title deeply ironic.

I presume you aren't old enough to have this stuff clogging up your subconscious as I do, or maybe you have somehow been spared the hammer blows of popular culture in the 70's.

[Juvenal]

PART IV: PRELUDE TO WAR

Kalends Iunius CDLXXXII ab urbe condite (1st June 272BC)
We reviewed the Casse host today. From the accounts of my friends back in Roma, I was expecting "unwashed barbarian rabble". In actual fact, the Casse soldiers looked remarkably disciplined and well turned out.

Unlike our Romani legions, made up of land-owners fulfilling their duty of citizenship, the Casse have what I can only describe as a professional army. Many of their warriors live only for warfare, which is constant, because the Casse and their neighbouring tribes are continually raiding each other.

Brythonic fighting men like the Casse are organised into bands under their petty chiefs who in turn owe their allegiance to their Rex. Each noble has a permanent retinue-bodyguard corresponding to his wealth, and can raise further bands of temporary levies when the need arises. Barae, as Rex of the Casse, has a personal standing army of swordsmen and spearmen (which he had recently assembled for a big raid on his rivals to the north). I was amazed to see the huge numbers, especially of swordsmen, that he was able to field.

Back in Roma we put our trust in hasta and scutum. We have short swords, but they are mere toothpicks compared to the Brythonic swords which look like huge gleaming clubs.

Nones Iunius CDLXXXII ab urbe condite
The magnificant Casse army that I so recently reviewed is to be mostly disbanded! Barae has proclaimed (at my Father's urging) that the royal treasury is to be used instead to fund a programme of public works.

Barae explained the reasoning behind this new policy himself during the banquet this evening. The night was well advanced and many of the guests were already either snoring or retching (or in one hideous case, both). Barae put his arm around me and directed a fetid blast of ale fumes and stale meat directly into my face.

"It's like this bro. We hit da Coritani and dey hit us, rite?
Da people, they git scared, helps 'em 'preciate da royal army.
Da boys get a bit o fun – you know make a mess on some other dude's patch.
If dey don' hit on us, people might get dah idea da king don' deserve all dem taxes, and we can't have dat can we?
Anyhow – we is peaceful like now, but we was building up for a big barney, then your dad, he tells us, why just raid? Why not take da lot – be king of da Coritani too.
Well, we aint got da dosh to keep dat big an army goin' long enuff to actually take da scum rite out, but your dad says we can build up our EE-KON-OH-MEE a bit, and then when da go juice is really flowin' we build a muvva of an army and go whack dem dudes."

Ides Iunius CDLXXXII ab urbe condite
Men released from the army are clearing land and planting crops. Barae sends out proclamations telling the people that this is "The start of a new age of prosperity" (these must be Father's words – Barae would have expressed it more directly).

I have said farewell to Lannildot. He has set sail for Gaul to spread knowledge of the power of the Casse and hopefully make friends and set up trade agreements to market all of the new goods our building programme is intended to create.

III ante diem Nones September CDLXXXII ab urbe condite
The new standing Casse army is complete, a single band of Botroas and another of Gaeroas.

CORPS OF BOTROAS	CORPS OF GAEROAS

When they aren't prancing around town showing off their body paint and lording it over the townsfolk, they keep themselves busy at the Bannodan with competitions of javelin throwing, running, sword-fighting – and later down at the Ahuarr with drinking and whoring.

Barae and his retinue amuse themselves mainly by hunting from their splendid chariots. Father insists the humble Partridge is a holy bird through which the great god David can speak to us, so Barae's men reluctantly no longer hunt it.

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILIAR

[V.T. Marvin]

Very nice! I like your original style, keep up!!!

[Vasiliyi]

Yah very good work so far. I have never seen an aar like this.

[the man with no name]

[COLOR=Navy]PART IV: PRELUDE TO WAR

.

"It's like this bro. We hit da Coritani and dey hit us, rite?
Da people, they git scared, helps 'em 'preciate da royal army.
Da boys get a bit o fun – you know make a mess on some other dude's patch.
If dey don' hit on us, people might get dah idea da king don' deserve all dem taxes, and we can't have dat can we?
Anyhow – we is peaceful like now, but we was building up for a big barney, then your dad, he tells us, why just raid? Why not take da lot – be king of da Coritani too.
Well, we aint got da dosh to keep dat big an army goin' long enuff to actually take da scum rite out, but your dad says we can build up our EE-KON-OH-MEE a bit, and then when da go juice is really flowin' we build a muvva of an army and go whack dem dudes."

You know they didn't talk like that right. R you trying to make fun of the Casse?

[Juvenal]

You know they didn't talk like that right. R you trying to make fun of the Casse?

Look here bub, this is a sophisticated dude, he uses apostrophes... lots of 'em, don't yur no that's a sure sign of edukashun?

I hope no one is really offended by Barae's argot, it isn't any one particular slang. When I was trying to imagine how Barae would appear to Secundus, I was picking up an odd mixture of barrow-boy entrepreneur turned self-made millionaire, and gangsta rapper, so this is what resulted.

Thank you man with no name, Vasiliyi, V.T. Marvin and Potocello for your kind words. There will be another episode along in a few days, I just need to do some minor surgery to my pictures and polish the text a bit.

[kekailoa]

I like dis.

I like ver' much.

Keep going, brah.

[Juvenal]

PART V: SIEGE OF CAMULOSADAE

Ides Februarius CDLXXXII
I felt it was important to update my journal so that there will be a record in case we don't survive the events of the coming days.

A calamity has befallen us! Our spies who had been watching the Coritani for signs of an attack have completely missed the approach of a large army of bandits. We are now under siege here in Camulosadae with just the peacetime warriors, unable to raise the levy, or even to summon help from our vassals.

The enemy are five cohorts of fierce Caledonians. The locals know all about these people, they are mercenaries whom the Casse have used themselves on many occasions (although never all at once). They are affectionately referred to as the Braidy Bunch on account of their braided hair which they dye bright red. Each of their leaders: Braun, Blayr, Benn, Fut and Kin-Nok, is more fearsome, smelly, hairy, and bowel-looseningly frenzied than the last. When the Caledonians charge they shout their gutteral war-cry “Takzanspend” just before impaling their victims on long spears.

The wily mercenary general Praesutagos leads the enemy host. He usually works for the Coritani, so it seems quite likely that they discovered Barae's plans and have gotten their own riposte in first!

Praesutagos has arranged a number of Casse captives on wooden frames within sight of the walls of the town, he visits them every day, striking off a few body-parts and having them thrown over the walls. It is very bad for morale.

To fight these Red demons, we have only the “True Blues”, Barae’s royal corps of wode-painted Botroas and Gaeroas. They are fine specimens to a man, but two against five are long odds with which to gamble your life.

Of course, there is also the combined bodyguard of Barae and his client kings Sentata (of the Iceni) and Margorix (of the Atrebates). It is true that they are a magnificent body of charioteers, but they are of limited use in actual battles. especially since they don't like to leave their chariots, preferring instead to throw javelins (and insults) at the enemy from a safe distance.

With all of the principal Casse leaders trapped here, there is no one to organise the raising of a relief force, so the only option we have is to sally against the Reds with what we have, and hope for the best.

We are heavily outnumbered, the Casse (and my own family, this tiny outpost of the Romani) may well face extinction within just a few days.

[the man with no name]

Good luck!

[V.T. Marvin]

Seconded!

I am sure that juicy insults thrown upon the enemy in spades by your chieftains will eventually break the morale of those uninvited quests of yours and force them to run for the hills!

[Juvenal]

PART VI: BATTLE OF CAMULOSADAE

Kalends Martius CDLXXXIII (1^st March 271BC)
I am writing write this from an Arrow tower at the town wall, I am so seized with the importance of this action that I am having have experience trouble with my tenses (and have to hold my stylus with both hands just to be able to write in a straight line). Sadly, our wonderful Latin may be a fine language for measured debate, but it isn't best suited to stream of conciousness such as this. Oh! If only the Casse had a written language, this journal might have been easier to write.

Damn, I haven't written about how I got here! Right: The sally was mounted just after dawn. As the royal corps marched out, the enemy withdrew to a nearby hill rather than face battle under our arrow towers. This gave me time to assume my current position, I can see the enemy clearly, but they cannot see that this arrow tower is occupied.

An hour goes by while Barae struggles to get all three retinue bodyguards out through the gate. It is tricky at the best of times to get a chariot team to go through a portal, but the smell of the other horses seems to spook them and many chariots become entangled as their drivers attempt to form up for an orderly exit. (Actually, it was rather comical, had I not been shaking so much, I might have laughed out loud when Barae's driver got his harness inextricably tangled up with that of his horn blower - it is probably for the best though, Barae is not noted for his sense of humour, I have enough to fear from the damned barbarians outside).

Finally the army is deployed, the Royal Corps in battle line and the retinues in "support". Barae knows that Casse chariots are not likely to survive a frontal charge, so he plans to engage the whole Caledonian force with his infantry while the chariots circle around to distract the enemy and strike at their rear.

The Casse advance! Their wode is fresh, and it glistens in the stark morning sunlight, but the enemy refuses to engage hand-to-hand. Nevertheless, those Caledonians make a splendid sight in their battle array (and they are far enough away that I don't have to smell them). Praesutagos is rather less impressive as he skulks at the back of his army.

The Casse are getting rather the worse of the exchange of javelins (the enemy seem to have brought rather a lot of them). Barae clearly cannot afford to continue like this when his infantry are outnumbered five against two, so the chariots are sent sweeping around both flanks to prevent the enemy from skirmishing back when the Casse infantry charge.

The manoeuvre succeeds! The enemy have to stand and fight! They turn against the chariots but the Royal Corps charges them down and engages them in hand-to-hand combat (at which the Casse excel). Two separate fights develop, the Botroas on the right (at the top of the hill) facing three enemy cohorts, and the Gaeroas on the left facing Praesutagos with two enemy cohorts.

A grim battle of attrition ensues with the royal corps being gradually whittled down while the Casse kings fling javelins into the backs of the Red formations.

Eventually, fearing the collapse of the infantry, Sentata and Margorix risk everything to charge into the mass of men on the hill top. It is truly a desperate gamble because if the enemy are steady and prepared, they will slaughter the Casse Kings with ease.

The charge has succeeded! Those Reds are human after all, and now they flee for their lives! Margorix and the remaining Botroas are freed join the fight against Praesutagos at the bottom of the hill. Praesutagos should have fought in the front line, because he is easily cut down by the charging Casse chariots, and the remaining Red scum are put to flight!

Watching from my tower, I see the survivors of our army return triumphant! There will be some hard drinking tonight I am sure, and the women will be suitably appreciative (they might even appreciate me).

IV ante diem Nones Martius CDLXXXIII
Thank the gods I am freed of the oppressive present-tense. In future I think I shall wait until matters are concluded before attempting any chronicle of events.

The balance of power has tipped decisively in our favour. The Casse will never again face extinction. The Coritani must have spent most of their treasure hiring Praesutagus, and they will be unable to fund another attack before the Casse “New Model Army” is completed. Sweet revenge will soon be at hand when we bring destruction and to their lands and utter defeat to their warriors!

[desert]

Lol @ New Model Army.

That wasn't in the original, was it?

[Juvenal]

Lol @ New Model Army.

That wasn't in the original, was it?

It was actually, however I have been expanding all the episodes during my rewrite (some were distressingly terse), and cleaning the pictures to expunge any UI artifacts. Think of the original as a first draft. I expect there will be somewhat more pedantry and digressions from Secundus in this version.

[Juvenal]

PART VII: BRINGING THE WAR TO THE CORITANI

IX ante diem Ides Martius CDLXXXIII (7^th March 271BC)
The wounded Casse are being tended by the wise women of Camulosadae, disciples of the Godess Andraste. There was a funeral ceremony last night for the Casse warriors who had died. Priests spoke incantations over the pyres and cast fragrant leaves over them before the pyres were lit by chosen comrades of the dead. The entire Royal Guard stood in silence at the front of the crowd of onlookers as the flames rose into the night sky.

While Barae was giving some crude speech on the subject of bravery and self-sacrifice, I wondered if the ascending spirits of the dead might actually be visible in the shimmering air above the pyres. I stood as close as I dared, but all I got for my efforts were gritty eyes and a hacking cough.

The Caledonian dead have all been buried in a pit next to the Shambles (the place outside town where animals are slaughtered). I think they buried the wounded as well, whether they were executed before this happened I cannot tell.

Ides Martius CDLXXXIII
Barae has returned his attention to the building programme. He promises that Camulosadae will be transformed and that it will become the "Athens of Britannia" (he clearly hasn't seen Athens).

Sentata, Rex of the Iceni, who had been wounded pursuing the Caledonians after the battle, passed away today. Men of the town have already started building a magnificent barrow for him. A great funeral ceremony is planned, no doubt his heirs are celebrating already.

...

Kalends Martius CDLXXXIV (1^st March 270BC)
I have been neglecting my Journal. But so much is happening across the realm of the Casse that I suddenly feel the need to record it for posterity. The building programme was more than empty promises, it's really happening! The roads have been improved in all directions, especially that of Ratae. It is beginning to remind me of home. If only they would build proper temples within the town, instead of having these silly sacred groves out in the wilderness.

Father took me aside today and showed me a parchment map, similar to the ones taken by Lannildot.

"Tell no one of this, they are not ready for it yet and may think us over-ambitious. This is the destiny of the Casse"

I was astonished, the map showed an empire rivalling that of mighty Alexandros himself. It seems incredible that anyone could believe this tiny beleaguered tribe might ever achieve such a thing. They have not yet even taken on the full strength of the Coritani. It is going to take a lot more than a few roads and state buildings to realise such hubris!

...

Kalends Martius CDLXXXVIII (266BC)
I had almost forgotten this journal. It feels very strange to express myself in Latin now. No one here speaks it except for our family and the few slaves we brought from Roma. The affairs of the Casse, where they have to be written down, are recorded in Greek since this is the language that is mostly widely understood amongst traders and scribes. Of course the Druids have their runes, but they keep knowledge of these a secret within their ranks and refuse to employ it for such base uses as trade and accounting.

Much has changed and yet much has also stayed the same. The army remains as it was at the end of the siege, but Camulosadae bulges with new buildings. Sewage is now carried along channels to a central cess-pit rather than being trodden into the streets in the traditional manner. There is a guild of healers with a well-provisioned guild house. Out in the countryside more land has been cleared and new farms produce regular surpluses. The ports have been expanded and trade with Gaul is busier than ever.

...

Nones Iunius CDXC (264BC)
Barae's son Mowg has come of age, he is a fine young man and much is expected of him. He has been given his own squadron of chariots - the first addition to the standing army since the siege.

At last, Father has determined that the Casse realm is sufficiently wealthy to support an army large enough to go onto the offensive. In the VII years since the siege my own life has changed greatly – I have my own family and slaves now and I intend to become a leader of men and take my place in realising the destiny of the Casse.

IV ante Ides Martius CDXCI (263BC)
New formations of spearmen have been raised, they are Lugoae, chosen men from the levy, not as good as Gaeroas, but all we can afford to support at present. Without them we cannot form a battle line of sufficient length to engage the Coritani force.

A new corps of Iaosatae (slingers) is also being created. Father has announced that David the Casse Deus is also the patron god of slingers, so the slinger corps will have a special place on the left flank of every Casse army from this day forward.

Massed slingers have never been used before in Britannia, so a training range was marked out beyond the town wall. Every few days the newly raised slingers practice formation firing while the locals jeer at them from a safe distance. Thus far it has not gone well as many of the recruits have no experience with slings. The grass has been flattened for almost two stadia (360m) in all directions and at least half of the men are injured. Luckily they all seem to have rather thick skulls.

Slingers in Training

Every few months another report arrives from Lannildot describing his diplomatic efforts. Traders bring these reports, in return for substantial payments from the royal treasury. The first such document (several years ago now) was delivered by mistake directly into Barae's hands. I happened to be with him at the time. He held it up to the light, peered at it intently, sniffed it, then ran a finger along the lines of script, brought the finger to his lips and tasted it.

"It's all Greek to me" he announced.

Lannildot had been provided with the power to make treaties on behalf of Barae, and was given XXIV painstakingly produced parchment maps containing everything the Casse know about Britannia and the Gaulish coast. Although no one has yet been willing to actually pay for the maps, Lannildot has succeeded in negotiating trade agreements with every major power, and even alliances with several of them. Unfortunately the treasure extracted for these agreements seems to have been entirely used up in his travelling expenses. I really don’t understand why he can’t live a bit more frugally and send something back to help with the Casse war effort.

Really, how many elephants can one man ride?

Lannildot takes Supper on the Road to Segesta

Kalends September CDXCI (263BC)
At last! The army is ready to march on Ratae. The soldiers are splendid in their new panoply, and the Iaosatae slingers are now able to fire in unison. The talk in the camp is that the Coritani are push-overs and the boys will be back for Yule. Massorias, younger brother to Mowg, has come of age and will be joining us on the march to Ratae.

Ides November CDXCI
Disaster! There is plague in Camulosadae, it must be the doing of whatever foul gods the Coritani worship. Every resource of the realm had been turned to the creation and support of our army and we could not delay its march. Every morning when we break camp another pathetic collection of the dead and dying has to be left behind, but we march on nevertheless. If Ratae is not captured, the Casse will be destitute and will undoubtedly fall into vassalage.

Ides December CDXCI
We have laid siege to Ratae! The plague is gone from our ranks, the Casse Deus clearly favours us (or perhaps it is Jupiter Optimus Maximus?). The Coritani must also realise this because they cower behind their walls and refuse to face us in battle. Our men are busy chopping wood and building rams.

Kalends Martius CDXCII (262BC)
Winter is over and the rams are built, but Barae will not call an assault. His explanation was that it is not practical to take chariots into the town, and without them we have not sufficient numbers to guarantee a victory.

Father later confided to me the true reason for not attacking. Barae intends to carry the war north to the Brigantes with this same army. So to minimise casualties, we will starve the Coritani out of their bolt-hole. Father says that when they finally emerge the Casse will have a deadly surprise for them. This morning Father explained to me his strategy for the capture of Ratae.

"Secundus, wipe that porridge off your chin!"

"Yes Pater"

"I am well pleased this morning, the means for humbling the wretched Coritani has come to me in a dream"

"Are you sure you can trust the dream Pater? - it might have come from an evil god"

"No, no – I am sure of this, I can recognise the feeling of a dream from David. I was sitting in a darkened hall, many others were with me to witness the wisdom of David. We were shown a story. It was a living story, viewed through a huge window in the hall, it contained many things which I didn't understand, but it also taught me how the Coritani are to be beaten."

"What are we to do Pater?"

"Our course is clear, now that I have heard the Parable of the “Fistful of Denarii”. We are going to line up our army outside the enemy gatehouse, wait for them to come out one-by-one, and shoot them down, just like the badly-dubbed Baxters in the parable!"

[V.T. Marvin]

Excellent!!! Especially this one:

Slingers in Training

Hillarious!

Keep up your fantastic and very original story, looking forward for the next chapter!

[Juvenal]

PART VIII: BATTLE OF RATAE

Nones Martius CDXCII (262BC)
This morning our one of our look-outs spotted the Coritani preparing a sally. I wonder what affairs might have prompted them to choose today. We have been here for almost six months, hoping for them to come out. Recently, Father had our rams lined up facing their gateway, just to show them that we could knock their pathetic walls down anytime we chose.

My fancy is that they must have been hoping for help from their allies, and that this hope had now been dashed. Of course that would be a dangerous criticism of the professionalism (Hah!) of the Casse in their conduct of the siege, so I have kept my opinions to myself.

Whatever the cause, the issue was going to be decided on this day. The army was called to quarters and a battle line began to form in front of our rams. Luckily most of the army was encamped near the ram line, men from the outlying works were going to have to run to get here in time. I joined Mowg with my chariot.

As the first of the Coritani emerged from their gatehouse, I noticed how thin and bedraggled they were, but despite this they were still much stronger and more numerous than we had hoped.

Father, Barae, and the Casse chiefs had discussed the sally several times now since Father had revealed his plan. We had expected the Coritani to marshal their forces outside the gatehouse giving us plenty of time to deploy. Despite our Casse pride, we knew that our spearmen were outmatched by the Midlander Champions and Naked Warriors of the Coritani, so we were relying on the discipline of a solid line and of flanking fire from the slingers to achieve victory.

To my great shock, the first band out of the gate, a force of Midlander Champions, didn't stop but ran full tilt at our Lugoae, still marching to their place on the left of the line!

The next band (of Axemen) peeled off to charge at our Gaeroas. More Champions and Spearmen could be seen in the gateway preparing to follow them. Our Gaeroas flung their javelins, but the Midlanders seemed to just shrug them off, they didn't even slow their pace.

Our line of battle came together just in time as the first enemy bands struck. As the attack went in, our slingers ran out on our left flank as planned to sight on the enemy rear. Mowg providing escort with his bodyguard.

A band of naked warriors now diverted to attack our slingers. This was to be the moment of truth for our Iaosatae, they were not natural warriors, being recruited for their skill with the sling rather than martial prowess. Father was relying on their training, modelled on that of the Romani, to keep them in the fight, rather than bravery.

For a short time it looked as if the slingers would be overrun, but they stood and performed their function, perhaps not fully realising what would happen if the enemy got amongst them.

By a stroke of luck, the weight of stones was enough that the enemy felt obliged to pause to throw their javelins, perhaps for the spiritual boost of having hit back at a hated foe. Although dozens of our slingers were struck down, this pause proved the enemy's undoing because it gave us time to deliver another volley at close range. I am sure I heard a groan from their ranks as they suddenly lost heart under the weight of the bombardment.

As they fell back, sling shots falling on unprotected backs winnowed their ranks and soon the survivors were completely broken.

The battle was now finely balanced. The Lugoae on the left, outnumbered three against one, were reinforced with the Botroas swordsmen. The Gaeroas in the centre faced odds of four against one! I saw Barae's retinue circle around to the right to aid the Gaeroas while the Ioasatae with Mowg and I on the left poured their fire onto the backs of the Midlander Champions.

Our second band of Lugoae on the right attempted to aid the Gaeroas with a flank attack, but another band of Naked Warriors arrived as they were wheeling to charge, and the Lugoae were obliged to fall back even faster than they had advanced.

Our very last reserve were the chariots Massorias and his chariots, these drove along close behind the spear line hoping to encourage the men and frighten the enemy.

Finally, the enemy king Maudamoros appeared on our right (having used another gate) and began to skirmish with Barae's bodyguard. So now every man in our army was committed, there was nothing more we could do except pray for the slings to do their work.

For what seemed a long time, everything was in balance, the two crowds of warriors screaming and striking at each other, the slingers loosing their volleys with mechanical regularity and groups of charioteers swirling around like shoals of fish on the other side of the battlefield.

I wondered what I would do if our line failed, would I plunge into the mass and die a hero's death battling the Coritani, or would I take one of the horses and flee for my life? I genuinely couldn't tell.

But then a miracle occurred, both bands of Midlander Champions stopped fighting and started to retreat.

Seeing their champions beaten, the other Coritani also broke and ran. Mowg charged after the Midlanders and we followed them through the gatehouse. The other enemy force withdrew toward their king, outside the walls.

Before driving through the gate, I chanced to look back at the fallen. They lay thick on the ground where the fighting had been heaviest, Coritani and Casse now almost indestinguishable in death. I shuddered, it was merest chance that I was not among them, I leaned over the rail and spat on the path, hoping that Janus would accept my offering and act to prevent my devotion for him being cut short in the battles to come.

With the enemy beaten, Barae immediately sent all his available troops to support Mowg. We stormed through the town, cutting down fugitives as we went, until we had captured the sacred stone that marked the heart of Ratae. Those Coritani who had rallied with their King tried to counter-attack, having re-entered Ratae by the other gate, but they were easily defeated.

We have won! I am writing this in the great hall of King Maudamoros (who now skulks in the hinterland like a bandit). The young women here seem quite comfortable with the change of leadership, and my cup is refilled whenever I take sip (I don't have the heart to tell them I did not actually fight this day).

The Coritani are crushed, and soon their vassals will also join the Casse confederation. Perhaps Father was right about the destiny of the Casse after all.

[Juvenal]

INTER-LUDUS

Hello folks, it's your favourite Uncle Decimus here again.

That was the end of the scroll which forms the first part of the Journal. It was written with the finest Carthaginian ink on good papyrus (from Alexandria of course). It must have been very expensive in those times, a clear sign that Secundus came from a wealthy family.

The remainder is written on rough parchment (scraped animal hides) and bound in a leather tube, no doubt sourced locally from within the, then, burgeoning Casse mini-Empire.

Looking around me today at the nauseating slums of Londinium, I can hardly believe that the locals were ever conquerors. But I suppose it must have been their animal cunning that somehow saw them through. Maybe the bravest and most noble all died off in their interminable wars, which would explain why those with whom I now have to deal are universally knaves, cowards and cretins.

Secundus had a charming naivete in that first scroll, he reminds me of my own childhood, before my illusions of civilisation, virtue and honour were ground into the mud by my introduction into Romani politics.

Looking at your writings here, you all seem safe and secure under the wings of your patrons, able to debate and lecture without restraint. Once I too shared your confidence, when I was writing my satires, I thought I could hold a mirror to the hypocrisy and venality of Roma without consequence to my own person.

Now I know better.

[Juvenal]

PART IX: THE REDUCTION OF BRITANNIA

Martius DXIV (514 ab urbe condite, 240BC)

Much time has passed.

I am bereft! I have lost my journal, all except for the original volume I brought from Roma. The parchment they make here in Britannia was not properly cured and mould has grown on it, destroying the writing of XVIII years! But Father assures me that this new parchment will stand the test of time, he has discovered an improved ink that binds the writing into the hide so that it doesn't lift with the mould.

Still, half of my life is gone, from the birth of my first son to the loss of my wife to the ague just this last Nones of December. I lack the heart to rewrite it all just now, but there are reasons why I must at least try to record the momentous affairs of state that have propelled me to my current situation. My fine son Tertius has come of age and needs to have something in Latin to read, and my father Primus needs help to bolster his failing memory of the triumphs we have achieved here in the land of David, writer of the Song of Life.

I don't know when I am going to find time to do those years their full justice, but I will have to make a start here. My first volume ended at the capture of Ratae in Februarius of CDXCII (492 ab urbe condite), it proved to be the first step of many along the road to the destiny of the Casse.

BRITANNIA & HIBERNIA

With Ratae claimed for the Casse and the defeated Coritani subjugated, Barae went to work incorporating them into the Casse empire. There were to be no reprisals, and land reform was introduced to create a new cadre of nobles loyal to the Casse. The public building programme was extended to Ratae. Barae also gained a new son-in-law at this time, Enestinos ar Taexalae of the Iceni, who was married to his daughter Ishi.

The Casse economy was now strong enough to support a standing army, and this was a major factor in our success against the Brigantes. Even though they discovered through their spies that we intended to strike, they were expecting our army to disband for the harvest as is the custom in this land. But leaving Mowg to govern the Coritani, Barae surprised them with a rapid march and bottled them up in their capital of Caern-Brigantae.

It was a very long siege, but Barae was content because the entire army of the Brigantes had been trapped. Caern-Brigantae eventually fell after two years and the Brigantes too were added to the Casse confederation. Barae also acquired another son-in-law, Brigomaglos, for the hand of his daughter Andoran.

The Casse was now the dominant grouping in Britannia with four strong vassal tribes (Atrebates, Iceni, Coritani and Brigantes). The western tribes of the Dumnonii and Durotriges were our next target and Ictis duly fell during the auspicious year D (500 ab urbe condite, or 254BC), but plague then struck there. Brigomaglos was left to control the area (partly as a test of his loyalty) while the main army marched north to escape the sickness.

The Cornovii and the Degcangli of the north-west were powerless against our might and Ynys Mon fell in DIII. This finally brought the Druids under our control they were inculcated into the theology of David. However they still refuse to permit the use of runes for secular purposes, so the affairs of the nation continue to be conducted in Greek.

Our beloved Margorix, viceroy of Camulosadae died in DIV at the great age of LXII. There was a huge celebration of his life with representatives from every tribe of our vassals, and drinking that went on for a week. There were so many births the following Spring, that those born around that time are now referred to as “Children of Margorix”.

The stronghold of Attuaca fell to us in DVI (248BC), finally ending the depredations of the Caledonians and completing our conquest of Britannia.

We moved on to Hibernia, capturing Emain Macha in the north in the year DVII and Ivernis in the south in DIX.

Barae and the army finally returned to Camulosadae in DXI (243BC) and a magnificent triumph was held in his honour after the Romani fashion. Never before have Britannia and Hibernia been united under a single King with a single system of government and a single over-arching religion. It is an empire rivalling that of the Romani themselves.

BARAE'S FAMILY

Barae's family now control many tribes speaking many languages with many strange conceptions of the world. But the religion of David is an inclusive one, he recognises any number of lesser gods. Even though he is, for us, the one True God - the lesser gods being just the manifestation of the songs of David, we are quite happy for our client tribes to continue to worship their traditional deities, provided they recognise the supremacy of David.

I visited Father yesterday. He is old and frail and no longer travels outside of Camulosadae, yet he is still chief adviser to Barae and the architect of all our success. Father continues to live in the same modest house despite his high station and the fact that the, then-experimental, main conduit for Camulosadae's sewage distribution system runs right next to it.

THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER

I am an important man in these times, but as soon as I met Father, I felt like a child again, awkward, ignorant and constantly astonished by his insights.

'It is good to see you my son, I have heard that Tertius has put down those brigands in the land of the Silures. It is the perfect preparation for the trials to come.'

'And what are those Pater?'

'Britannia and Hibernia are united, but the destiny of the Casse also includes Gaul and northern Iberia. We are building a great fleet with which to control Germanicum Mare, and a great army to take what is rightfully ours in Gaul.'

'But are not the Aedui and Averni our friends and allies?'

'Yes, indeed they are son – for the present, but there are many tribes in Gaul and we have the means to subsume them into the pantheon of David. By the time we have to face the Aedui and Averni our strength will be unassailable.'

'But if we create an armada, will it not attract the pirates and corsairs?'

'Yes, but we will draw them to us and defeat them before the army embarks. We are going to take Bratosporios, it lies across the narrowest part of the Germanicum Mare so it offers the very best foothold for fulfilling our destiny.'

NORTHERN GAUL

I am worried about the future. Is not Britannia and Hibernia enough? How can one man control both Britannia and Gaul, even with the support of Father and the blessing of David?

[V.T. Marvin]

Great update - as always!

Looking forward what the future holds for you - between Aedui na Sweboz you will have interesting times indeed!

[delablake]

Sounds like some black spiritual(not being racist.)

nopers - that is barry manilow