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Thread: Man Cooking

  1. #1
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Exclamation Man Cooking

    This is Vuk reporting live from Hungary, and on today's special, I will show you how to cook like a man.
    *Music Plays*
    This man found himself (for the first time) without his common cooking utensils, ingredients, and of course (most importantly) a female to walk him through it all. After a month of desperately eating canned goods and going to fast food joints, this man decided that he was going to take matters into his own hands.
    Today, I am making a MAN Cake! That is, a chocolate cake made by a man. Since I am new to the whole girly shopping thing, I did not think to buy a mixing bowl, so I will have to add the ingredients into the pan and mix them there. Tesco did not have any chocolate cake mixes, so I did what men do best: improvise. That is to say that I bought a bag of Nesquik mix.
    Ok, here is the man plan (from a man with a plan no less):
    1. Pour an inch of olive oil into the pan.
    2. Drop two slabs of butter into that.
    3. Pour half an inch of flour in and mix it all up.
    4. Beat 6 eggs into it.
    5. Add a bit of milk.
    6. And finally, dump the Nesquik in!

    After that I simply mix it all up, take out a match and strike my stove up, pop the pan in, and wait.
    That is today's episode of Cooking Live a Man! Tune in tomorrow for Random-Fish-Dish-Delite!


    PS: Any women who may be listening out there: HELP ME!!
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  2. #2

    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Olive oil? In a cake? In a chocolate cake? An inch of it? And Nesquik? Um ... ok. Right.

    I don't do much baking. Basic chocolate cake is easy; been years since I made one but I still remember the basics.

    First thing is to forget the idea of mixing it in the pan. No. Just, no. You won't be able to blend it all up properly and half of the mix will end up splattered across the surrounding area. If you're absolutely desperate and don't have any reasonably sized bowls then you should use a large cooking pan which has a similar shape to a bowl. Absolutely do not cook the mix in this pan; it's for mixing only.

    Second thing, put the oil down and step away. You want to rub a small amount across the entire inside of the tin you will cook the cake in. Small amount, i.e. enough to coat the metal without any dripping or running at all. Anything else will turn out very badly indeed. Unless you like eating mud-coloured oil slick, that is.

    Ingredients are simple: flour, egg, butter, milk, and some form of power which is chocolate flavoured. Drinking chocolate mix is good. I guess Nesquik might do. Is it the powdered or liquid version?

    Step 1: Grease the cooking pan up ready and turn the oven on.

    Step 2. Put the flour and the chocolate powder into the bowl. Crack the eggs on top, pour on the milk. Now mix it up with a spoon until it is smooth. No lumps allowed, and yes, your arm will ache long before it's done. If the mixture is looking too dry add in a little bit more milk, and keep stirring. Remember: it is easier to add more milk in than to take it out. Make it too sloppy and you're doomed.

    NB: If the Nesquik is liquid remember that you will need less milk.

    Step 3: Once the mixture is entirely smooth and definitely, properly, really lump free you can pour it into the cooking pan and place it in the oven. Cook it on a medium-high heat. To test whether it is done stick a skewer into the centre of the cake; it should come out dry with no mix sticking to it.

    There's one teeny problem, and that is that I can't tell you how much of what to use. I cook by eye instead of measured quantities. I'd guess around 2/3 a small bag of flour, 2 eggs, half a pint of milk, and three large spoonfuls of chocolate powder.
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  3. #3
    Ice stink there for a ham. Member Mystery Science Torture 3000 Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Super Hacky Sack Champion, Pencak Champion, Sperm Wars Champion, Monkey Diving Champion Yoyoma1910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Man cooking is a major part of my culture.



    Name a land, sea, or air animal, and I'll tell you how you can cook it.

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  4. #4
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    Olive oil? In a cake? In a chocolate cake? An inch of it? And Nesquik? Um ... ok. Right.

    I don't do much baking. Basic chocolate cake is easy; been years since I made one but I still remember the basics.

    First thing is to forget the idea of mixing it in the pan. No. Just, no. You won't be able to blend it all up properly and half of the mix will end up splattered across the surrounding area. If you're absolutely desperate and don't have any reasonably sized bowls then you should use a large cooking pan which has a similar shape to a bowl. Absolutely do not cook the mix in this pan; it's for mixing only.

    Second thing, put the oil down and step away. You want to rub a small amount across the entire inside of the tin you will cook the cake in. Small amount, i.e. enough to coat the metal without any dripping or running at all. Anything else will turn out very badly indeed. Unless you like eating mud-coloured oil slick, that is.

    Ingredients are simple: flour, egg, butter, milk, and some form of power which is chocolate flavoured. Drinking chocolate mix is good. I guess Nesquik might do. Is it the powdered or liquid version?

    Step 1: Grease the cooking pan up ready and turn the oven on.

    Step 2. Put the flour and the chocolate powder into the bowl. Crack the eggs on top, pour on the milk. Now mix it up with a spoon until it is smooth. No lumps allowed, and yes, your arm will ache long before it's done. If the mixture is looking too dry add in a little bit more milk, and keep stirring. Remember: it is easier to add more milk in than to take it out. Make it too sloppy and you're doomed.

    NB: If the Nesquik is liquid remember that you will need less milk.

    Step 3: Once the mixture is entirely smooth and definitely, properly, really lump free you can pour it into the cooking pan and place it in the oven. Cook it on a medium-high heat. To test whether it is done stick a skewer into the centre of the cake; it should come out dry with no mix sticking to it.

    There's one teeny problem, and that is that I can't tell you how much of what to use. I cook by eye instead of measured quantities. I'd guess around 2/3 a small bag of flour, 2 eggs, half a pint of milk, and three large spoonfuls of chocolate powder.
    lol, thanks Frogbeast Egg! I got a sauce pan I can mix it in, not sure why I did not think of that. :P It is the powdered type BTW. I will try it and tell you what it comes out like!


    Quote Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910 View Post
    Man cooking is a major part of my culture.



    Name a land, sea, or air animal, and I'll tell you how you can cook it.
    lol, ain't a moving thing out there that I cannot cook. Anything from grilled hamburgers to Chicken Cordon Bleu to Rumroasted Partridge. Thanks for the offer though, but it is not that I have trouble with. My problems start when I come into contact with anything non meat. (or anything that I have to mix - think cake) The only notable exception is fish chowder, I can make a killer chowder.

    EDIT: What is your culture BTW? Japanese?
    Last edited by Vuk; 02-27-2009 at 16:37.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  5. #5
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    Today, I am making a MAN Cake! That is, a chocolate cake made by a man.
    I can feel the testosteron, it's radiating through my walls

  6. #6
    Ice stink there for a ham. Member Mystery Science Torture 3000 Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Super Hacky Sack Champion, Pencak Champion, Sperm Wars Champion, Monkey Diving Champion Yoyoma1910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    EDIT: What is your culture BTW? Japanese?

    South Louisiana.



    Cajun/French Creole/Canary Islander

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    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    I can feel the testosteron, it's radiating through my walls
    Just wait till you see it too! It is soooo manly. :P I got it in the oven now. When it is done I will take a picture of it and show you'all. :P
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  8. #8
    Ice stink there for a ham. Member Mystery Science Torture 3000 Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Super Hacky Sack Champion, Pencak Champion, Sperm Wars Champion, Monkey Diving Champion Yoyoma1910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    I can give you my recipe for a Meat Cake.

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    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910 View Post
    I can give you my recipe for a Meat Cake.
    lol, I would like it. I worked on a farm butchering animals for quite a while, so I learned how to make the best cuts, how best to prepare and cook it. I have always stuck to pure meat though, never ventured into the vast unknown realm of cake. :P Seriously though, I would love to try it. If you can get me the recipe, I will make it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    It is the powdered type BTW.
    Phew! The idea of someone attempting to make chocolate cake with milkshake was alarming.

    If you make another chocolate cake, I found the very plain cocoa powder types work best. Ones without added sugar, powdered milk etc. I favoured Cadbury's classic drinking chocolate mix but I guess you wouldn't be able to get that?

    Add me to the list of meat and veg cooks. Cooking with - and eating - them has always appealed to me more than pastries and such.
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  11. #11
    Ice stink there for a ham. Member Mystery Science Torture 3000 Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Super Hacky Sack Champion, Pencak Champion, Sperm Wars Champion, Monkey Diving Champion Yoyoma1910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    I recommend replacing the chocolate with ground pork. And you can make a nice special treat by adding crushed fried bacon.


    Edit: I'll go digging to see if I can find my recipe for it, to give you the right portions. I had a friend who was diabetic, so I used to make this for him on his birthday.


    The basic ingredients are:
    Ground Pork (Beef is also fine, or turkey as well)
    Eggs
    Bread Crumbs
    Crumbled Bacon
    Worcestershire
    Fennel Seeds
    And a nice spicey seasoning blend (I use Meat Magic, but Tony Chacere's is fine, if a bit more salty)

    It's baked like a meat loaf, but in a cake pan, and multiple layers are encouraged.


    For the icing:

    Vinegar
    Worcestershire
    Seasoning Blend
    BBQ sauce
    Sriracha
    Garlic powder

    Bring to boil, then add

    Tomato paste

    Cook down over low heat until thick and sticky. Let cool and thicken.
    Last edited by Yoyoma1910; 02-27-2009 at 18:08.

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  12. #12
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    OK, I'm sorry.

    I saw the topic title, and that frogbeastegg was the last respondent, and knew, just KNEW she'd have written something like:

    "Man Cooking? I like my men deep-fried in a tempura batter".

    But instead, she's helping. Forgive me all.
    Last edited by KukriKhan; 02-28-2009 at 13:40.
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  13. #13

    Default Re: Man Cooking

    :is insulted:
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  14. #14
    Ice stink there for a ham. Member Mystery Science Torture 3000 Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Super Hacky Sack Champion, Pencak Champion, Sperm Wars Champion, Monkey Diving Champion Yoyoma1910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    :is insulted:
    You are in a "Man" thread.


    Last edited by Yoyoma1910; 02-27-2009 at 18:10.

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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    I'm the person who stopped Vuk making chocolate-oil cake. As such I should be honoured. Possibly with a nice statue surrounded by gardens.

    Anyway, I wouldn't choose tempora. I prefer my men to stew
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  16. #16
    Probably Drunk Member Reverend Joe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Yoyoma, dude, you're not making me feel like a man... you're making me sick.

  17. #17
    Corporate Hippie Member rasoforos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    I'm the person who stopped Vuk making chocolate-oil cake.

    Actually...

    ...the Chocolate-Oil cake does exist.

    During the Great Lent (that is 40 days before easter I think) the Orthodox Christians are supposed to be fasting (they are not allowed to eat meat,butter etc) to show how earthly delights are not important (or something like that)...

    ...Anyway, during that time, apart from feasting on lobsters, prawns, calamari,mussels etc they also make oil based cakes...

    ...So with no further ado the oil-chocolate cake:

    (I just found it online, dunno if it works)

    5 cups of flour
    3 cups of sugar
    9 tablespoon of cocoa
    1 cup of olive oil
    Vanilla essence
    Powdered Sugar

    1. Beat the sugar and the oil together.
    2. Add the essence, the cocoa and three cups of water and continue beating until the mixture is nice and smooth.
    3. Add the flour slowly
    4. Oil a tray, but the mixture in
    5. Bake at 175 for 45'
    6. When cold put powdered sugar on top
    7. Become an atheist so you can eat proper cake


    So Vuk was correct all along! Oh Yes!
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  18. #18
    master of the wierd people Member Ibrahim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by rasoforos View Post
    Actually...

    ...the Chocolate-Oil cake does exist.

    During the Great Lent (that is 40 days before easter I think) the Orthodox Christians are supposed to be fasting (they are not allowed to eat meat,butter etc) to show how earthly delights are not important (or something like that)...

    ...Anyway, during that time, apart from feasting on lobsters, prawns, calamari,mussels etc they also make oil based cakes...

    ...So with no further ado the oil-chocolate cake:

    (I just found it online, dunno if it works)

    5 cups of flour
    3 cups of sugar
    9 tablespoon of cocoa
    1 cup of olive oil
    Vanilla essence
    Powdered Sugar

    1. Beat the sugar and the oil together.
    2. Add the essence, the cocoa and three cups of water and continue beating until the mixture is nice and smooth.
    3. Add the flour slowly
    4. Oil a tray, but the mixture in
    5. Bake at 175 for 45'
    6. When cold put powdered sugar on top
    7. Become an atheist so you can eat proper cake


    So Vuk was correct all along! Oh Yes!
    ah yes, I remember this cake. I had a Christian Neighbor when I was in Salmiyyah, Kuwait. she would serve us vanilla and chocolate flavored cakes when she'd invite us over during lent. they are very good actually, and recommend it as a delicacy for vegetarians. my grandmother loved it, and actuakky keeps this same recipe in her kitchen. she'd cook it for grandfather when he was alive, even though he was a diabetic-he loved it a lot.

    no, she did not become an Aetheist. last I heard, she is still christian. having cooked it myself, I'm still muslim as well. grandmother is als still a muslim.
    Last edited by Ibrahim; 02-27-2009 at 19:35.
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  19. #19
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910 View Post
    You are in a "Man" thread.


    Good point, expect to be insulted. *flexes muscles*
    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    I'm the person who stopped Vuk making chocolate-oil cake. As such I should be honoured. Possibly with a nice statue surrounded by gardens.

    Anyway, I wouldn't choose tempora. I prefer my men to stew
    Nah, seriously, thanks for your help. I had absolutely no idea how you would make a cake. :P You gotta admit though, my guess was pretty close. :P Anyway, I will try to pay you back by sharing some tried and true man cooking knowledge tomorrow. Most everything I know how to cook is really quick, and really cheap. I made them when I was working a minimum wage job and had to get up at 4 every morning. :P They are meaty and good though. :D


    Quote Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910 View Post
    I recommend replacing the chocolate with ground pork. And you can make a nice special treat by adding crushed fried bacon.


    Edit: I'll go digging to see if I can find my recipe for it, to give you the right portions. I had a friend who was diabetic, so I used to make this for him on his birthday.


    The basic ingredients are:
    Ground Pork (Beef is also fine, or turkey as well)
    Eggs
    Bread Crumbs
    Crumbled Bacon
    Worcestershire
    Fennel Seeds
    And a nice spicey seasoning blend (I use Meat Magic, but Tony Chacere's is fine, if a bit more salty)

    It's baked like a meat loaf, but in a cake pan, and multiple layers are encouraged.


    For the icing:

    Vinegar
    Worcestershire
    Seasoning Blend
    BBQ sauce
    Sriracha
    Garlic powder

    Bring to boil, then add

    Tomato paste

    Cook down over low heat until thick and sticky. Let cool and thicken.
    Hmmm...I'll have to wait till I am in the States again for that one. :P I wouldn't be able to find those ingridients. :P
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  20. #20
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quick and Easy Real Man's Quick Filler - By Vuk Brankovic

    Ingredients:
    4 Louis Rich Turkey Hot Dogs
    4 eggs
    Table salt
    Table pepper
    Butter

    Instructions:
    Beat four eggs in a bowl with a fork. (beat until they are thoroughly mixed) Shake tons and tons of pepper into the eggs (if you cannot get enough, just pop the cap and dump it in It has gotta burn or it is not right ) Slice hot dogs widthwise into slice approx 1/4 inch thick and mix into eggs. Heat pan up and coat with butter. Wait till butter is brown and dump the eggs in. They will cook really fast so you gotta be constantly stirring them. Take em out when they are not wet and plop em on a plate. It is quick, it is hot, and IT HAZ MEATZ! :P Seriously, I know it is pretty basic, but that is the beauty of it. I seriously doubt if everyone has not tried something like this once in their life. :P I ended up eating every morning and every night for about 4 years. :P I really liked it. (it can be a tad expensive with the hot dogs if you plan to live off of it, so I ended up cutting them down to 2 or 1 hot dog) I usually find something that is quick and easy like this and just make the same thing every day for a few years till I find something else that suits my fancy. :P My ma is Italian, and she would make brajole, garlic pasta, pizzas of all sorts, etc when I came over, but I always prefered something simple like hotdogs and eggs. :P Tasted better and took less time. :P

    Anyway, I will post something a little more substantial tomorrow. Just wanted to give you something to try for supper tonight. (or not :P)
    Last edited by Vuk; 02-27-2009 at 19:50.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  21. #21
    Enlightened Despot Member Vladimir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Man cooking? Yummy.


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  22. #22

    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by rasoforos View Post
    Actually...

    ...the Chocolate-Oil cake does exist.
    I'm going to put that one in the same class as the deep fried Mars bar, chilli flavoured ice cream, and Marmite cake. The "I can't believe someone tried that!" class.

    How does it work? How does it turn out?! I'm having difficulty imagining it as anything other than chocolate flavoured ciabatta, and that's like the anti-chocolate cake to end them all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    Quick and Easy Real Man's Quick Filler - By Vuk Brankovic

    Ingredients:
    4 Louis Rich Turkey Hot Dogs
    4 eggs
    Table salt
    Table pepper
    Butter

    Instructions:
    Beat four eggs in a bowl with a fork. (beat until they are thoroughly mixed) Shake tons and tons of pepper into the eggs (if you cannot get enough, just pop the cap and dump it in It has gotta burn or it is not right ) Slice hot dogs widthwise into slice approx 1/4 inch thick and mix into eggs. Heat pan up and coat with butter. Wait till butter is brown and dump the eggs in. They will cook really fast so you gotta be constantly stirring them. Take em out when they are not wet and plop em on a plate. It is quick, it is hot, and IT HAZ MEATZ! :P Seriously, I know it is pretty basic, but that is the beauty of it. I seriously doubt if everyone has not tried something like this once in their life. :P I ended up eating every morning and every night for about 4 years. :P I really liked it. (it can be a tad expensive with the hot dogs if you plan to live off of it, so I ended up cutting them down to 2 or 1 hot dog) I usually find something that is quick and easy like this and just make the same thing every day for a few years till I find something else that suits my fancy. :P My ma is Italian, and she would make brajole, garlic pasta, pizzas of all sorts, etc when I came over, but I always prefered something simple like hotdogs and eggs. :P Tasted better and took less time. :P
    It's a good recipe.

    Simple food has a lot of advantages over fancier dishes IMO. My last job involved over an hour of commuting to get home, so I was rarely home before 7PM. As a result I tended to cook either very fast dishes or ones which would last for a couple of nights.
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  23. #23
    Corporate Hippie Member rasoforos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    I'm going to put that one in the same class as the deep fried Mars bar, chilli flavoured ice cream, and Marmite cake. The "I can't believe someone tried that!" class.

    How does it work? How does it turn out?! I'm having difficulty imagining it as anything other than chocolate flavoured ciabatta, and that's like the anti-chocolate cake to end them all.
    I ve never tried the chocolate sort but oil based cake works fine. Oil based sweets are quite popular during fasting time. If I was more any religious I would help you more but alas I am not so I am not fasting.

    If I find it in a patisserie shop I promise promise promise I will try it and will also take a pic and let you know if it is any worth it
    Αξιζει φιλε να πεθανεις για ενα ονειρο, κι ας ειναι η φωτια του να σε καψει.

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  24. #24
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Thank you Frogbeastegg, it actually does taste really good. Another thing you may want to try (which I also eat a LOT) is scrambled eggs and tuna. It is pretty similar, just whip the eggs up, toss in a can of 'tuna in water' with the water drained, mix it up, toss it in the pan and mix. Like the scrambled eggs and hotdog though, it is best with a little salt and a whole heck of a lot of pepper. :P
    Anyway, I promised you a man recipe a little more substantial, so here today's is:

    Vukburgers: - By Vuk

    The most important part of any burger is not the meat, but the bun. :P If you select the wrong bun, you are doomed. You do not want one of the white doughy McDonalds bun, but instead you want something bready. It does not have to be heavy at all, but it has to have something to it, and be really soft. I do not know what is behind it, but what I have noticed is that the types of buns that I do NOT like will get hard when left unwrapped for 10 minutes. The really good ones though will not. I wish I paid more attention to names, but I did not, so I cannot reccomend a name, so that is the best I can do. :P
    Anyway, to make a Vukburger, this is what you need:
    Beef
    Salt
    Pepper
    Buns
    Lettuce
    Tomato
    Onion
    Pickles
    Ketchup
    Mustard
    Miracle Whip Salad Dressing
    Butter
    Cheddar Cheese

    There are two parts to a Vukburger, and they have to be done at about the same time. :P They are the burger part and the toppings part.
    The burger part is simple, just put the ground beef into a bowl, add just a touch of water, a tiny bit of salt, and a lot of pepper. Then roll need it so that you do not squeeze and compress the meat. Once you have done that, form it into burgers about 1/4 inch or so thick and 3 1/2 -4 inches wide. (again being careful not to compress the meat)
    The burgers can then be cooked on a grill or in a skillet. If it is in a skillet, warm it up, put some butter in, and then put the burgers in. If it is on a grill, coat the grill with olive oil and put the burgers on. When they start to dry out, you can dab a little melted butter on to keep em moist. You should also lightly salt both sides (it is better than putting more salt into the meat when you mix it) and put a thin slice of cheddar on the second side 2 minutes before it is ready.

    Now for the toppings (probably not the right word to be using), you need to put a sauce pan on a low heat and melt a stick or so of butter in it. Once the butter has melted, put the quarterturns of onions into it and stir it on a low heat. When the burgers are almost ready, put the onions into a bowl, but keep the butter. Mix mustard, ketchup, and Miracle Whip into the butter and stir it.
    When everything is done, put the burger on the bun, pour some of the mixture onto it, put two slices of tomato, some pickles, lettuce, and some onions on it.

    It IS a little high in calories, but it is all worth it. :P The onions lose their sting when you cook em like that, but their flavor is captured in the mix that you then put on the burger. I have had all kinds of burgers in my life, but never had one that I liked more. :P It is recipe I made myself, but I am sure that other people must have done it or things like it before.
    Also, use really lean beef (the only time that you will ever hear me saying that), it holds together better and you get plenty of juicy fat from the butter.
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

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    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  25. #25
    Nec Pluribus Impar Member SwordsMaster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Ok, fine, you made me do it. I was going to let you children have your fun, but alas, you're forgetting a VERY important part of the art of man cooking: Alcohol.

    So here's a SwordsMaster Very Rare Steak:

    Ingredients:
    1 slab of beef 1 inch thick
    1 cooking pan beef can fit into
    1/2 bottle port/sherry (depending on required sweetness)
    about a full spoon of Brie cheese
    Double shot worth of whiskey

    Procedure:

    Heat up the pan (medium fire), dump the whiskey in it, and the beef, after the whiskey, but before it evaporates. Leave meat to cook until begins to bleed, then add port/sherry, and almost immediately turn. Add some more port/sherry (the idea is that there should we always some on the pan and on the meat). Yes you can do the old "One for you and one for me" trick. As soon as the meat starts to bleed after turning, add some gratined blue cheese, and take off the fire. Let cheese melt a little, and serve with baked potato and Shiraz. Or whiskey.

    Real winter man-food. And of course it goes without saying that you can only cook meat you killed yourself...
    Managing perceptions goes hand in hand with managing expectations - Masamune

    Pie is merely the power of the state intruding into the private lives of the working class. - Beirut

  26. #26
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by SwordsMaster View Post
    Ok, fine, you made me do it. I was going to let you children have your fun, but alas, you're forgetting a VERY important part of the art of man cooking: Alcohol.

    So here's a SwordsMaster Very Rare Steak:

    Ingredients:
    1 slab of beef 1 inch thick
    1 cooking pan beef can fit into
    1/2 bottle port/sherry (depending on required sweetness)
    about a full spoon of Brie cheese
    Double shot worth of whiskey

    Procedure:

    Heat up the pan (medium fire), dump the whiskey in it, and the beef, after the whiskey, but before it evaporates. Leave meat to cook until begins to bleed, then add port/sherry, and almost immediately turn. Add some more port/sherry (the idea is that there should we always some on the pan and on the meat). Yes you can do the old "One for you and one for me" trick. As soon as the meat starts to bleed after turning, add some gratined blue cheese, and take off the fire. Let cheese melt a little, and serve with baked potato and Shiraz. Or whiskey.

    Real winter man-food. And of course it goes without saying that you can only cook meat you killed yourself...
    lol, if you had waited a bit, I was gonna give my Jack Daniels mutton roast recipe on Monday. (yes, I butcher the sheep myself) I do not drink alcohol myself (used to, but no more), but I love to use it in cooking.
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  27. #27
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    Vukburgers:
    I can't believe you misspelled 'yuk'. Here is how it's done. First of all, forget about the bum you want pita, it's Turkish I don't know if it's available where you live without good hamburgers. These pita's need some time under the grill. Now, the rest is pretty basic really. You need ground beef, onions (and for the love of god RAW onions), cuccumber, lettuce, and tomatoe. Now here's the magic, sauerkraut with balsimico-vinigar. With that some honey-mustard, I don't know if you do that kosher thingie but a slice of ham makes absolutely awesome sheer perfection.

  28. #28
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    I can't believe you misspelled 'yuk'. Here is how it's done. First of all, forget about the bum you want pita, it's Turkish I don't know if it's available where you live without good hamburgers. These pita's need some time under the grill. Now, the rest is pretty basic really. You need ground beef, onions (and for the love of god RAW onions), cuccumber, lettuce, and tomatoe. Now here's the magic, sauerkraut with balsimico-vinigar. With that some honey-mustard, I don't know if you do that kosher thingie but a slice of ham makes absolutely awesome sheer perfection.
    lol, this is a 'man' thread, no Dutch allowed! (sorry Tosa ) lol, nah, but seriously, that just sounds gross. :P Don't bash a Vukburger until you try one, lol. I am in Europe now, so I may just drag my fat arse down to Dutchland one day, buy the ingridients and show you how it is done. You will have to have yours there too so I can try it.
    Yes though, I am good, I eat Kosher. :P I am happy that way too, pigs are disgusting, and the meat is incredibly unhealthy and ridiculously hard for the human body to digest.
    I like raw onions just as well as the next man (in fact, I peel raw onions and eat them 'as is' whenever I get the opportunitty :P), but on a burger like that, take my word on it (I have had LOTS of burgers), you want to do it that way.
    Anyway, it is just a matter of man preference, so I will not argue about it. :P
    Last edited by Vuk; 02-28-2009 at 15:45.
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

    Everything you need to know about Kadagar_AV:
    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  29. #29
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    The greatest combinations are often the ones that are the most unlikely, for example strawberries and black pepper, or banana's with peanut butter, or boudin (which is a sausage made out of PIG'S BLOOD) with molases. The combination of sauerkraut balsimico and honey-mustard is perfection clear and simple.

  30. #30
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Man Cooking

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony View Post
    The greatest combinations are often the ones that are the most unlikely, for example strawberries and black pepper, or banana's with peanut butter, or boudin (which is a sausage made out of PIG'S BLOOD) with molases. The combination of sauerkraut balsimico and honey-mustard is perfection clear and simple.
    Sorry Frag, but those just make me wanna barf. :P
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

    Everything you need to know about Kadagar_AV:
    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

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