Ok, fine, you made me do it. I was going to let you children have your fun, but alas, you're forgetting a VERY important part of the art of man cooking: Alcohol.
So here's a SwordsMaster Very Rare Steak:
Ingredients:
1 slab of beef 1 inch thick
1 cooking pan beef can fit into
1/2 bottle port/sherry (depending on required sweetness)
about a full spoon of Brie cheese
Double shot worth of whiskey
Procedure:
Heat up the pan (medium fire), dump the whiskey in it, and the beef, after the whiskey, but before it evaporates. Leave meat to cook until begins to bleed, then add port/sherry, and almost immediately turn. Add some more port/sherry (the idea is that there should we always some on the pan and on the meat). Yes you can do the old "One for you and one for me" trick. As soon as the meat starts to bleed after turning, add some gratined blue cheese, and take off the fire. Let cheese melt a little, and serve with baked potato and Shiraz. Or whiskey.
Real winter man-food. And of course it goes without saying that you can only cook meat you killed yourself...
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