The Ultimate French Failure!

[Megas Methuselah]

Remember that old joke? You know: "The French would rather eat and make love with their faces than fight." Yeah, the old stereotypical cowardly French.

Well, guess what just happened!!

I was fightin a 2v2 battle on mp and, to make a long story short, it ended up being a very balanced battle. GB (me), Prussia vs Austria and France. However, the Austrians and French ended up winning the ensuing melee by a very small margin. My entire army broke, but while I was being forgotten, a battered unit of 9 artillerymen reformed a pathetically small line.

So, the French and Austrians finish off my Prussian ally, then notice my artillerymen manning their mortars on the other side of the map. So, to end the game quickly, they charge their survivors across the map to take me out.

A 40-or-so man unit of French line infantry, backed up by an artillery unit less than half that size finally reached me well before their Austrian allies did. They were all that the French had left. However, my mortars wouldn't fire, as the horses musta ran off with the ammo or something. So here I am, groaning at my inevitable defeat. My ally and I were counting on one shot from my mortar to rout the French, who were thoroughly exhausted from their long run.

In exasperation, I charged my 9-man unit of artillery at the French. I was cursing the horses for routing with the mortar ammo when I noticed, amazingly enough, my 9 artillerymen quickly routed 50-60 French soldiers in the melee following a ridiculously pitiful charge! WTH?!?!?!?! I couldn't stop laughing!

Then a much larger unit of Austrian line infantry charged and slaughtered my remaining 2 artillerymen. It was a good battle and, excluding the French (who's general, coincidentally, was the only one to not die fighting. He routed early), everyone fought bravely.

[Dradem]

Don't laugh with the french
just type in Google french military victories and then press I'm feeling Lucky

apologizes to everyone whose french or none french and finds this offensive

[Sir Beane]

Don't laugh with the french
just type in Google french military victories and then press I'm feeling Lucky

apologizes to everyone whose french or none french and finds this offensive

Thats pretty silly though really. France has won as many if not more victories than most other European nations. It's onlry recently that they have been beaten in combat.

Those French soldiers clearly thought that the artillery men had something up there sleeve, and legged it before they could find out your cunning plan.

"No one could be stupid enough to attack with 9 men... it must be a trap!"

[Maleficus]

It's onlry recently that they have been beaten in combat.

I would remind you, good sir:


Battle of Agincourt

Battle of Crecy

Battle of Poitiers

Battle of Pavia

[Sir Beane]

I would remind you, good sir:


Battle of Agincourt

Battle of Crecy

Battle of Poitiers

Battle of Pavia

Yes they lost a couple of battles, but they probably won as many as they lost. You'll notice that despite the so called poor military of the French Britain was eventually driven right out of France, and never managed to take any of it again. Then look at the rampage Napoleon went on. He was so succesful that certain rulers dubbed him the anti-christ.

I think it was on QI (a sough of urban-myth busting program for those who haven't seen it) where they looked at the ratio of wins to losses and found that France actually have one of the best records of a European country.

[Maleficus]

Yes they lost a couple of battles, but they probably won as many as they lost. You'll notice that despite the so called poor military of the French Britain was eventually driven right out of France, and never managed to take any of it again. Then look at the rampage Napoleon went on. He was so succesful that certain rulers dubbed him the anti-christ.

On the other hand, if Henry V had managed to live a few months longer he would've been king of France too.



Napoleon was an exception to the rule. Praising the French military on the basis of Napoleon's successes is like saying Macedonia have a tremendous military record just because they were top for a decade or so under Alexander.


Besides, even Bonaparte couldn't beat the good ol' Duke of Wellington.....

[Meneldil]

I would remind you, good sir:


Battle of Agincourt

Battle of Crecy

Battle of Poitiers

Battle of Pavia

OMG WAIT, no other country/kingdom/dukedom lost battles during the middle age, right?

I could list as many battles won by French people, and that still wouldn't change the fact that from 1204 to 1940, France had been the most feared, and arguably the most powerful European country, and kicked pretty much everybody's ass at some point.
Probably, there must have been a reason to this.
The reason France lost some battles/wars badly is because the country has been chronically led by conservatives people, who were reluctant to use any modern doctrine/strategy (ie. heavy knights charges during most of the HYW, defensive trench warfare during WW2), and often divided on a domestic level (it was true during the HYW, but also during WW2).

And Napoleon isn't the only successful french general. I suggest you read a few history books before posting such things.

So yeah, linking a few different battles before saying 'lol dude the french r suxxorz' make you look bad.