Saturn

[Kurando]

Really interesting story. I put it on my Textaloud program to listen to it narrated with a UK accent. Very cool John, much better than I could have done when I was young, actually better than I could do now...

[Prussian to the Iron]

but where would I put these pictures? I just don't see a serious story having pictures in it....

[Monk]

It would be purely your option, but you could use them in conjunction with describing a scene. First in text and then with a historical picture, ect. Though I would ask all to remember, should you decide to use pictures in your stories, do not hotlink them. Please host them yourself using Photobucket or imageshack.

It appears as if your structure has improved quite a bit from your first posting which I have to commend you for. Paragraph structuring was something I had real trouble with when i was first starting out. Where there's room for improvement I would suggest turning your attention to character development. You've got a solid narrative going but nothing to grab onto with your characters. There's no meat to go with the potatoes, so to speak. Now i'm not suggesting you should devote entire pages to character development but you have to be careful, you don't want the reader to think all your supporting characters amount to is red shirts (even if they are!)

Writing is about striking a balance. You'll find yours, in the meantime great addition to the story.

[Prussian to the Iron]

i am trying to do that later in this chapter, i learned my lesson from the epic failure i created, 2060 global war.

[Prussian to the Iron]

Chapter 4: Smoke and Fire Continued...

Dmitri yelled to us, "Get Down now!!!!", as he fired an RPG-2 over our heads, right into the barrel of the Panzer. The grenade exploded, disabling the main gun as it peeled back over itself. After another shot to the underside, several men rushed the tank and opened the hatch, dropping a grenade inside. As it exploded, I turned back to Dmitri. "Hey, where did you get that?" I called back, a wide smile on my face, "Polski!" He yelled back. I could tell he had been designated the platoon tankovyygrenadiere, the explosives expert.

We moved around the corner, and Dmitri and half the other men garrisoned the adjacent building. Polski led us, stacking up on the right side of the foundry, ready to sandwich the Germans between us. I hoped Boris was still alive to find.

As the sound of Polski's PPSH erupted into the street, we could hear men dying on the other side of the door. Another man kicked open the door, and was horrified to see 4 of our own men riddled with bullets on the other side. Boris, leaning against a smelting pot, was also mortified by the friendly fire. As we filed in, Boris quickly waved his hand down, with a worried look on his face. No one who noticed understood him, and waved 'hello' back at him.

An MG42 opened fire as soon as 6 men had wandered between the pots, right into its line of fire. They were torn to pieces, as Boris' face turned pale, only to be splattered with their blood. All the men had trouble lining up behind the pot, listening to the boots of Germans quietly moving to get ready for an attack. Boris called me over, and I jumped as far as I could, waiting for the sting. It never came. "Alexandre, again it seems we're in a tight situation. But not as bad as Crimea. Now listen, I have a plan drawn already."

After relaying the plan to Polski, he chose 5 men to draw fire. Boris looked at me, and I nodded back to him. He brandished the controls to the smelting pots, and made ready. Everyone with a rifle fired into the air, and the germans peeked out to shoot the decoys. Boris hesiated a moment, then pressed the green button. Tons of molten metal poured onto the now-exposed Germans, instantly burying them in soon-to-be rock. The plan had worked. the man on the MG42 almost immediately got up and surrendered. So did his comrades, all dropping their guns onto the metal grating.

Polski yelled something to Dmitri, through a window. Rifles opened fire from the building, killing most of the Germans. However, the surviving 12 returned fire immediately, and took cover behind the nearest overturned smelting pot. I leaned out, my Mosin-Nagant centered just around the corner, right at the only man who could shoot me. He exposed his head for less than a second, and I fired. His helmet shot off, as the bullet flew out his other ear. I moved up with Polski, waiting for his order. All of a sudden, I heard many metallic clings, and the subsequent landings of cloth and metal. I grabbed Boris and Polski, sprinting for the other side of the foundry as 10 explosions went off where we had just been. Polski dropped his PPSH as we took cover, and I instinctively grabbed it and aimed. Blood splattered everywhere as 10 men dropped, and Polski angrily grabbed his gun back.

[Prussian to the Iron]

feedback?

[Xipe Totec]

Good style. Very evocative. Makes me want to play a Russian campaign, or perhaps 'Making History' as Russia. I can't resist invading China and then starting on Japan way too early though.