Noble Sons II- Price for Peace [Concluded]

[Thermal]

Sharky falls into passionate romance

'OH REENK! I have such a fond love of rabbits, and we've wanted our relations to be...closer for some time now

Will you ally with us?


We will trade you willow bark if you accept ;)

[Askthepizzaguy]

I'm afraid you'll have to side with them. We do not forge alliances with mercenaries; for their loyalty is for sale.

-Pepperono

[Reenk Roink]

Of course we will gladly be friends with the ones who decided on our flag. We will be true friends too, not merely military pacts like we make with others.

We are very insulted by this Pizza khaan's rejection of our most generous offer. Thus we declare war on him. His public impiety is troubling as is...

Sir taka, you may use our lands to cross to attack the Pizza khaan. We will help. Do not betray us or we will destroy you both.

Vote: Askthepizzaguy

[Askthepizzaguy]

Of course we will gladly be friends with the ones who decided on our flag. We will be true friends too, not merely military pacts like we make with others.

We are very insulted by this Pizza khaan's rejection of our most generous offer. Thus we declare war on him. His public impiety is troubling as is...

Sir taka, you may use our lands to cross to attack the Pizza khaan. We will help. Do not betray us or we will destroy you both.

Vote: Askthepizzaguy

You are insulted that we would not beg you for assistance? What would you have us pay you, anyway? Our resources are tapped out. Your policy of allowing one of your neighbors to exterminate another, because they can't afford to pay you to be our hired guns, is very, very admirable. Public impiety my left gluteal cheek. We honor the Pizza Lord and we won't be forcibly converted. You follow whatever religion you wish. We will not lower ourselves like curs to every barbaric nation that demands tribute, nor sell our loyalties to the highest bidder. Enjoy your time at the top, because when you tumble down to the bottom, it will hurt a lot worse.

It seems clear that the only nations with honor will stand against the religious zealots, and not very many have stepped forward. We are resigned to our fate, but rest assured, many of you will die when you cross our borders, cowards. We will destroy you to the last man, and not one of our soldiers will ever surrender.

Should we be annihilated by mercenaries and zealots, it will be fitting justice for the crimes of our past. And besides, I've got hosting duties and big games to play. At least you got your war, reasonless though it is.

[Reenk Roink]

You are insulted that we would not beg you for assistance? What would you have us pay you, anyway? Our resources are tapped out. Your policy of allowing one of your neighbors to exterminate another, because they can't afford to pay you to be our hired guns, is very, very admirable. Public impiety my left gluteal cheek. We honor the Pizza Lord and we won't be forcibly converted. You follow whatever religion you wish. We will not lower ourselves like curs to every barbaric nation that demands tribute, nor sell our loyalties to the highest bidder. Enjoy your time at the top, because when you tumble down to the bottom, it will hurt a lot worse.

It seems clear that the only nations with honor will stand against the religious zealots, and not very many have stepped forward. We are resigned to our fate, but rest assured, many of you will die when you cross our borders, cowards. We will destroy you to the last man, and not one of our soldiers will ever surrender.

Should we be annihilated by mercenaries and zealots, it will be fitting justice for the crimes of our past. And besides, I've got hosting duties and big games to play. At least you got your war, reasonless though it is.

You say religious zealots like it is a bad thing. Much better to follow the sacred ways of the Beef which are inerrant rather than follow limited human caprice based on value judgments indefensible by any standard of reasoning. It will be a great honor to put you to the sword for the sake of the Beef.

At best the ways of the Beef are divine, at worst they are human. Your heterodox ways are human at best. A well known human maxim is might is right. Enjoy your last moments on this fair land.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

You say religious zealots like it is a bad thing. Much better to follow the sacred ways of the Beef which are inerrant rather than follow limited human caprice based on value judgments indefensible by any standard of reasoning. It will be a great honor to put you to the sword for the sake of the Beef.

At best the ways of the Beef are divine, at worst they are human. Your heterodox ways are human at best. A well known human maxim is might is right. Enjoy your last moments on this fair land.

Your ways are inhuman at best, in our opinion. No civility whatsoever, just greed and love of money, selling violence and murder so that you can appease your stomachs. Did it ever occur to you that others might be willing to share resources, and that you don't have to murder them?

You claim to be Godly, but clearly that sentiment does not extend to your actions in this world.

We still refuse to murder you in cold blood, but when you cross our borders, that will be the last thing you do for your God.

[Beefy187]

As no leaders were able to carry on the legacy of White_eyes II, they have now declared to be neutral, aiding no one in their war.

You may pass the lands of the exiles without having to fight them. However if war is declared on them, expect some guerilla war fare.

Also in case of a crusade, I guess I have no choice but to let you pass through my lands. However, as we are neutral, the hostile army may also have access to my lands as well.

[Thermal]

As no leaders were able to carry on the legacy of White_eyes II, they have now declared to be neutral, aiding no one in their war.

You may pass the lands of the exiles without having to fight them. However if war is declared on them, expect some guerilla war fare.

Also in case of a crusade, I guess I have no choice but to let you pass through my lands. However, as we are neutral, the hostile army may also have access to my lands as well.

No Greyblades then?

[Greyblades]

I was having a little trouble keeping up with 3 games at once when he asked me to replace.

[Beefy187]

No Greyblades then?

Nope. The host could take over but thats not exactly fair for you guys so...

[Askthepizzaguy]

Hah! Stick a fork in us, we're just about done.

Looks like we've ticked off three nations, and I haven't heard any support, so... adios?

[Greyblades]

Nope. The host could take over but thats not exactly fair for you guys so...

Well... I could take it over, but dont expect me to be doing very much.

[Yoyoma1910]

Yoyoma II arrived at the meeting after unsuccessfully completing his ancient task of "Replacing the Serpentine Belt" He was a bit tired from the ordeal, but the arguing that had sprung up had peaked his curiosity.

Gentlemen, the business of Beefdom is business... and eating Beef. Oh yeah, and we take our morning cocktails pretty seriously, as well. Our eommissaries reached many of the nearby factions already with a list of both tradeable and desired goods. I shall pass now, to any factions we were unable to reach, the current list.


As far as this new combat... we would prefer to remain neutral in this rising quarrel. We ask that whatever nations do choose to raise swords, please allow our trade lines passage.


Vote:Abstain

Trade requested:

Besides the obvious goods, such as Beef and Leather, Beefdom has a variety of goods that may be of use to you.

We grow a wide variety of Grapes, which we use to make:
Grapes
Fine Wines
Port
Wine Reduction Sauce
Cream of Tartar

Potatoes, which we use to make:
Potatoes
French Fries
Vodka

Grains, such as rye and corn, which we use to make:
Whiskey
Grain Alcohol

We also collect a certain amount of Metal Ores from our mountains.



We seek Onions, to fry in golden rings to celebrate the wealth of our nation. And Mesquite wood, to build great fires to cook our food with.

[taka]

we are..... most disappointed in the King's decision...

The Order was created to protect Beefdom and its culture, and you would abandon us to fight for ourselves? We will remember this day...

your greed for trade and monies will get the better of you

[Askthepizzaguy]

we are..... most disappointed in the King's decision...

The Order was created to protect Beefdom and its culture, and you would abandon us to fight for ourselves? We will remember this day...

your greed for trade and monies will get the better of you

Interesting, how quickly you turn your back on your fellow people, simply because they don't leap to war when you say so.

I am glad we did not trust you to be our friends.

[Beefy187]

Well... I could take it over, but dont expect me to be doing very much.

That will be great. Pms sent

[shlin28]

Worshippers of Beef!

The heretics has been found - their veggie-ness is confirmed beyond all doubt! Let our righteous faith smite them into smithereens! All loyal worshippers of Beef, his Holiness beseeches you to ride to war!

Vote: ATPG

Declare Crusade: ATPG

Curse: ATPG

[Askthepizzaguy]

Worshippers of Beef!

The heretics has been found - their veggie-ness is confirmed beyond all doubt! Let our righteous faith smite them into smithereens! All loyal worshippers of Beef, his Holiness beseeches you to ride to war!

Vote: ATPG

Declare Crusade: ATPG

Curse: ATPG

May I ask, how you could find veggie-eaters in our lands, without ever having sent spies? We patrol our borders, and no one enters our lands without being identified as a potential spy. Since we know your information is nothing more than a bluff, it is nothing but lies, we have to seriously question your sanity.

If into the lands of the Hungry Khan you trespass, only pain, suffering, and death will you find there for yourselves.

[shlin28]

If you are truly against Veggies, why would you deny the Inquistors access into your lands? If you are innocent, the Inquisitor will DO NOTHING against you. Even if they are spies, why would I attack you if you are innocent? My only goal is to find the veggies

[Askthepizzaguy]

If you are truly against Veggies, why would you deny the Inquistors access into your lands? If you are innocent, the Inquisitor will DO NOTHING against you. Even if they are spies, why would I attack you if you are innocent? My only goal is to find the veggies

1. You insulted us with your belligerent demands in public and in private
2. Your inquisitors could be spies
3. Your primary goal is to find the veggie eaters, that is not us. But what then? You have ambitions to rule this place, I am sure... from the size of your armies and your aggressive posturing. We have seen the signs before. As such, we don't want a potential aggressor spying on us all these many months.

If you truly are just seeking the Veggie eaters, there is a much more diplomatic way of going about this. But you and your allies have chosen the path of threats and violence. You pick on us now, but what of our neighbors afterward? Will you destroy them too?

It never stops with just one victim of oppression and intolerance. The Hungry Khan will be but the first domino to fall.

[taka]

YOU were the first to say

WE WILL NOT BE BULLIED BY RELIGIOUS WACKOS!!!

PREPARE FOR WAR!!!!

am i not correct?

we declared war AFTER you announced that.

we suspect you are the veggie eaters on the basis that you refuse the Inquisitions of both The Holy Theocracy AND the Order of the Sacred Kobe Beef. We have clearly stated that our primary goal is to eliminate these vegetarians and we are not to collection military information. If you are meat eaters, then you would have agreed or given either of us an alternative to our proposals, but instead you replied straight back saying i was treatening. Only a vegetarian would keep his identity ambiguous.

and you keep talking about expansion. YOU cannot win the game by not expanding neither. Eventually we will all have to compete, but we will not let the vegetarians conquer our lands and so we will root out this heresy.

We gave you a diplomatic proposal, you gave us an answer of war.

[taka]

(btw pizza, i hope you dont take any of this personally, i'm just trying to roleplay )

[ULC]

Consul Lacy's features twitch and smooth as she listens to the banter being tossed back and forth. Finally, after hearing enough, she stood up and cleared her throat to gain attention. When it was obvious she was still being ignored, she tried again, louder again, and then again louder still, until she broke into full yell...

"ENOUGH! The Consulate has heard enough from all sides! Aresea deliberately tries to turn the conversation away from the fact that they sent a spy, and the Horde has every right as a sovereign nation to refuse an ambassador! As do I! If you are so quick to invalidate his people freedom, then what of others? Our opinions and our free will can be brushed aside in your mindless quest of blind faith? The people of the Consulate will never stand for such behavior."

"Know that I let your missionaries in, but their preaching falls under my Jurisdiction now! They will preach where, when, and how I tell them too."

"I will stand by the Khaan's side - your willing to invalidate his rights and the rights of his people, because of your blindness and foolishness! I have heard enough as it is, and will ask of my brother to begin sending whole armies over to help defend the Khaan and his people."

"As to Aresea, we warn you now, we will not tolerate any further forms of subversion. Such acts are cowardly and should be beneath any ruler, ANY here!"

[taka]

being the consulate of the Yak, which is a type of bovine, we/I have no intention of converting your peoples as your peoples already consume Yaks, Liquor and Cheese.

It would be a shame to fight against other Beef eating kingdoms. we did not invalidate his rights, if he had refused politely it would have been taken into consideration and a work-around could have been made. but his violent mindset had already lusted for war.

War is imminent.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Greetings Mighty Khan

Today I would like to request permission from you on a topic you may not be comfortable with.

I would like to request the permission that our missionaries are allowed to enter your lands in search of vegetable eaters. Our missionaries are only to search for high sources of vegetables within the population, and there will be no military spying. You have my words. If you are innocent of being a meat eater, then you would have no problems with me just having a look around. As an act of trust, I will send you food in the form of beef - we know that you come from far-away lands and are hungry.

If you are found out to be innocent, then I can help you ease your tensions with my allies the Holy Theocracy. However, if my polite request if refused then I will have no choice but to launch a joint crusade towards your lands. This is something I would not like to do.

I await your approval

Yours Sincerely

Grandmaster Taka of the Order of the Sacred Kobe Beef

We are most displeased by your threatening tone.

I am taking this before the council.

We make this a... formal tone, as we see it befitting for the mighty Khan, and hostile intentions are not in our minds. We just need to find the veggy eaters and if you can aid us that would be the best

i mean, who would give out free food just to prove someone else's innocence? im sure that it can only be a win-win situation for you. Unlike our crazy allies, we are an Order of civilization and culture and do not take war lightly. we try to settle matters through discussion, not by the blade.

please reconsider our request with a positive mind

Grandmaster Taka

You threatened us with a crusade. Your allies threatened us with force as well. Don't play innocent with me. You took a huge dump on our diplomatic relations by threatening to use force against us, then tried to cover it with perfume and flowers. Your "good cop, bad cop" routine with shlin28 does not impress me. And we are a proud people, us Noble followers of the Hungry Khan. You cannot, and will not, ever get our cooperation with even the slightest whiff of a threat.

Would you eat a plate of food covered in feces? That is what you are asking of us. To swallow a plate full of diplomatic ShadowBull feces, covered in flowers, or defend ourselves against crusader zealots. And you "wonder" why we are so quick to call you out on this garbage. We demand an immediate apology.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

(also roleplaying, delightedly)

[taka]

an apology will not settle this matter of war, an apology will not allow us to invesitage your lands, so there is no point in an apology. However, if an apology means we can investigate your lands on our conditions, then this war Might take a different turn... depending on your willingness...

we had every good intention to work with your peoples, which is now thrown out the window.

now if you will excuse me, i need to go out and buy a KFB variety meal for lunch

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

an apology will not settle this matter of war, an apology will not allow us to invesitage your lands, so there is no point in an apology. However, if an apology means we can investigate your lands on our conditions, then this war Might take a different turn... depending on your willingness...

we had every good intention to work with your peoples, which is now thrown out the window.

now if you will excuse me, i need to go out and buy a KFB variety meal for lunch

Forgive me. I now understand your delusions. I now know how diplomacy works in the lands of the "Sacred" and "Holy" people.

Barges up to the ambassador:

Oh we wish for peace between us honorable ambassador, but unless you allow our agents into your lands, we will crush you in a HOLY WAR!!!

There, was that not polite? I asked for peace and called you honorable. By your standards, that was downright courteous.

[taka]

thank you

[Askthepizzaguy]

Pepperono storms out of the meeting in disgust, and to prevent violence from taking place there.
Very shortly, a dictated letter is sent back to the council, written by a scribe.

I, Pepperono, affirm that I am acting on the will of the Pizza Lord.

The horde of the Hungry Khan is full of peace-loving people who prefer trade and defense, and free exchange of knowledge and religion. We have nothing to hide, and we would have welcomed your ambassadors, merchants, and missionaries with OPEN ARMS, had you offered, politely, an exchange of these things. Instead you demand access to our lands, and do not offer the same courtesy, while having your ally threaten us with a crusade, and also warning us of the same if we do not cooperate. This is hostile, threatening, and unfair behavior. You are not treating us with respect, as equals, you are treating us as slaves and dogs. You disrespect our noble leader, you spit on our religion, you pay mercenaries to destroy us, you call on peasants to murder us in the name of your God in an invasion, when we have stated clearly here that we will never set foot in your lands.

We have pointed out your threatening tone was unwelcome. Then you continued to assault us with words and threats, while your admittedly "CRAZY ALLIES" threatened us as well. Now you have brought a third nation of religious zealots, this time more interested in coin than honor, against us. How exactly do you expect to gain our trust? Why do you think that by twisting our arms and repeatedly insulting us and treading upon our rights as human beings, that you will gain our favor? We would rather die defending ourselves than to lower ourselves as submissive curs to your swords. We recognize the value of peace, but we will not be ordered around. We will not be threatened. We will not be insulted publicly, nor will we sit idle while you call for our destruction. You are a strange and insane people, if you believe such behavior will ever gain you cooperation, respect, peace, or moral superiority, let alone win you the favor of your God.

Until you apologize for these repeated insults and call off your crusade, we will be preparing our lands for war. It is that simple. And if you choose to back down from your threats, that will be your choice. We will not trespass into your lands, for although you have insulted us in the worst possible ways diplomatically, and our relations are now Atrocious, and your reputation is now Very Untrustworthy in our eyes, your people have yet to commit a crime against us, and we will not murder them because YOU have no tact. As for my own behavior here; you threatened us with war. That is literally telling me that you will mass-murder my entire family. We consider our response to be... restrained.

You have until the end of this meeting to make things right. Since you have insulted us and threatened us with war, we have accepted the right to DEFEND ourselves, and even promised not to get your people involved in your insane zealot-driven conflict. That is called Defense, not aggression. What you did is aggressive. The responsibility is on YOU to make things right. I await your timely answer, with the last ounce of my patience.


-Pepperono

[Yoyoma1910]

Yoyoma II sips upon his afternoon martini, quietly observing the constant back and forth between the various factions.

"Oh my, well this has been a rather exciting day, hasn't it. I don't suppose anyone wants to come back to my tent for the evening Barbecue. We have riblets!"