What i do to combat huge military costs is to make forts at key locations and stock them with 1 hoplite mercenary/unit and and archer (cretan). This way when the AI comes knocking at my doorstep I have at least 1 year of before the fort is taken to build up units for the invasion. Not to mention they sallies and the fact a hoplite in a doorway is enough to beat up a good sized enemy.
With my territories safe I usually have 1-2 full stacks and thats it. I try not to maintain a huge navy also. In my current Romanii campaing its 249BC with the Punic wars just begun and I have 162000+ mnai, not to mention the 50+k I recieve a turn.
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