The student teacher taboo

[rajpoot]

(Right, since this is my first topic in the backroom, please let me know if I make a mistake, I've read the rules, but if I do something wrong, do notify me)

This is something that's bothered me since sometime now, due to more than one reasons, the foremost being I myself having to go through a lot of hard time only recently, when I was quite enamored by this lady in my college who was but four years older, but unreachable just because she was a junior lecturer and I was a student.
To begin with, where does it say, that a student cannot have feeling for the teacher.....I mean we are all humans, and our affections have a will of their own. Who can bind the eye and the heart, who can help the man who went head over heels when he saw a beautiful woman pass? And why is this different? Is the teacher not a human being? Is the student not a human being?
Granted, society needs to have some regulations. And that the student-teacher relation is supposed to be like the child-parent relation. But what if the relation is more cordial? What if they become friends, is it bad then? No. Why then do the people consider it forbidden?
One can ofcourse exercise self control. One does it. But, yet, why must one do it? (Let's be clear, I'm not talking about a 12 year old student and 32 year old teacher and 'crushes', I'm speaking of older students, graduating out). Why can a student not lover his teacher?

I myself have been quite muddled, and that is the reason most of the sentences end with a question mark. Sometimes I feel indignant at the injustice of the whole thing, at other times I feel sick and disgusted by myself, and the fact that a teacher should be anything more than a teacher to me. And so I ask, why does it have to be such a taboo? Why is it such a taboo?

[Meneldil]

This taboo certainely does not exist in french university. Making out with a professor/lecturer for better marks and some fame is common practice here.

[InsaneApache]

It's to do with people having power and control over you. Some might abuse it. Find a girl your own age.

[rory_20_uk]

Ditto Nurse / Doctor patient taboo. Not a problem in cities, but if you're the only Dr in 30 miles then meeting someone who'se not a patient can be a problem.

Personally I don't think it's any worse than manager / secretary. Power is an aphrodisiac, but why is tihs one example different to any others?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

If they teach you then they can't be your lover as well. You aren't their equal, but their subordinate. Melendil's point about "making out" for better marks is also important; that sort of stuff should kill your degree dead, French practice notwithstanding.

I'll add another one to the list though, Priest and parishoner. Though breach of that one is considered less serious it can make things rather awkward if you're courting, or so I have heard.

[Husar]

I often like girls who are older than me, so the same age thing is rubbish, since women have a longer life expectancy on average it also makes sense(!), I mean you stop being around roughly the same time on average instead of her being an old widow for many years.
The power thing is somewhat applicable but if I as the student want to have my professor I don't see why I shouldn't have her if all the other circumstances fit, meaning she wants me as well, isn't married etc.

the government should create a place where students in love can go and apply for a relationship with a teacher before they have told the teacher, that way the public servants can make sure there is no pressure of the teacher involved and they can give a certificate of authentic student love that prevents both partners from prosecution should the event of a relationship arrive.

[Megas Methuselah]

It was always a taboo in high school (for obvious reasons). At my university, though, I get the feeling that it isn't as bad. I mean, I swear one of my profs likes me. I don't take her class seriously, always sit near the back, and somehow get her attention quite a bit...

I'm not gonna dive in that swamp, though. There are hotter girls amongst the student body.

[PershsNhpios]

Ok ok ok, how about this....

Is it alright to have feelings for the dean, when you have been seeing your Indonesian teacher for the last few months and you are being chased by your local doctor?
What if the dean gets sick?

[Reverend Joe]

Ok ok ok, how about this....

Is it alright to have feelings for the dean, when you have been seeing your Indonesian teacher for the last few months and you are being chased by your local doctor?
What if the dean gets sick?

[rajpoot]

Here in India, till half a century back it was custom to marry off 16 year old girls to 40 year old men, (yeah that was the time when woman were not empowered and blah blah....but still!), so I don't see why it can't be the other way round anyway. Age hardly matters if your feelings are genuine.

The power thing is somewhat applicable but if I as the student want to have my professor I don't see why I shouldn't have her if all the other circumstances fit, meaning she wants me as well, isn't married etc.

Ditto. Generalizing something as being bad just because some people can misuse it isn't correct. If the power bit is the only reason such relations are looked down on, then I think it's rather unfair. Anyway, even that does not make it morally and ethically wrong, does it?

Ok ok ok, how about this....

Is it alright to have feelings for the dean, when you have been seeing your Indonesian teacher for the last few months and you are being chased by your local doctor?
What if the dean gets sick?

Oh wow........you're serious?

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Here in India, till half a century back it was custom to marry off 16 year old girls to 40 year old men, (yeah that was the time when woman were not empowered and blah blah....but still!), so I don't see why it can't be the other way round anyway. Age hardly matters if your feelings are genuine.

If you like cougars, that's your deal. Meow to you.

The hierarchy/power position thing is potentially far worse trouble than simple age. Since it is ethically dicey, many co-professionals of the teacher will treat such actions with disdain and it could damage the teacher's career. Hardly what you'd want to have happen if there is genuine affection. On the reverse, the teacher holds tremendous power over a student.

At a minimum, such relationships should be avoided until/unless there is no possibility of that teacher and student being in the same sub hierarchy (department). For example, an English Major dating a Physics Prof creates far less turmoil for all parties.

[Fragony]

I think it has more to do with the dignity of the profession

[PershsNhpios]

Oh no, I was not asking for myself.

I have this friend who has many relationship issues, and when I saw this thread I just remembered.
I thought I would ask for him.. her.. them.

[Louis VI the Fat]

This taboo certainely does not exist in french university. Making out with a professor/lecturer for better marks and some fame is common practice here.

As I said in another thread: we live on an isle of reason surrounded by an ocean of backwardness and superstition.

My professors carved marks on their doorposts to keep track of their conquests and impress with their virility. Way cool. They destroyed me with both knowledge of Derrida AND women. Now there were men I could learn from.



Edit: thank you for opening a fun and original Backroom thread, India.

[rajpoot]

Since it is ethically dicey, many co-professionals of the teacher will treat such actions with disdain and it could damage the teacher's career. Hardly what you'd want to have happen if there is genuine affection.

Right, to that I concur. But again, it comes down to the fact that it's ethically dicey, which itself is something I find very unreasonable. Ethics are there so that the people of a place can live harmoniously, and happily. I bet almost everyone has had a crush on his or her teacher one time or the other, and not being able to do anything about it had made people unhappy, for however short a period of time. Then in that case why such an ethic at all? I come from a country that's ridden with many superstitions and orthodox thought even now, yet this one makes the least sense of all. When someone actually likes someone else enough, I trust it's no other person's business to interfere.....I mean after all, why else does one make a distinction between adults and kids.....are adults not allowed to take their own decisions and make their own mistakes....

On another note, (though it's not directly related to this topic) if you don't mind saying, you think age matters a lot too, don't you? (Ofcourse I agree that age matters before 18, but it's not what you were talking about I'm sure...)

Edit: thank you for opening a fun and original Backroom thread, India.

Thank you for mentioning it.
Anyhow I'm getting quite a few interesting insights on the subject.....and French universities sure sound wild

[InsaneApache]

I bet almost everyone has had a crush on his or her teacher one time or the other

I still have vivid memories of Miss Boulangerie in my second year French class. My dad was practically slavering come parents day. Legs up to the neck springs to mind.

[Strike For The South]

Damn the mores. Get you some strange boy-o

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Damn the mores. Get you some strange boy-o

Isn't that the Texas State Motto?

[Strike For The South]

Isn't that the Texas State Motto?

Friendship in more ways than one.

[Banquo's Ghost]

I still have vivid memories of Miss Boulangerie in my second year French class. My dad was practically slavering come parents day. Legs up to the neck springs to mind.

Like this, you mean?

[InsaneApache]

Like this, you mean?

Not so far off...........

[Pannonian]

Like this, you mean?

Looks a bit like Jane Horrocks, but seems a bit tall for her.