Shinseikhaan: so
Shinseikhaan: I could watch spaceballs
Shinseikhaan: or
Shinseikhaan: I could watch Bill Cosby: Himself
Shinseikhaan: hmmmm
GeneralHankerchief: hold on a sec
GeneralHankerchief: I'm seeing if there's a way I can access spaceballs myself
GeneralHankerchief: hmm
GeneralHankerchief: Toxic Avenger
GeneralHankerchief: Toxic Avenger II
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: Toxic Avenger III
GeneralHankerchief: and Toxic Avenger IV...
Shinseikhaan: rofl
Shinseikhaan: awesome
GeneralHankerchief: crap, no Spaceballs
Shinseikhaan: you KNOW that's gotta be quality stuff
GeneralHankerchief: oh yeah.
Shinseikhaan: oh man
GeneralHankerchief: I could also go "Savage Sisters"
Shinseikhaan: 30 days of Night
GeneralHankerchief: "Three beautiful women find themselves battling an island revolution"
Shinseikhaan: oh
Shinseikhaan: giggity
GeneralHankerchief: Oh
!
GeneralHankerchief: They have the first five Rocky movies!!!
GeneralHankerchief: "Phantasm II"
Shinseikhaan: o_O
GeneralHankerchief: but strangely enough, not Phantasm I
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: but they do have I en espanol.
GeneralHankerchief: II*
Shinseikhaan: haha
Shinseikhaan: how can they NOT have spaceballs
Shinseikhaan: where are you renting??
GeneralHankerchief: Comcast On-Demand
GeneralHankerchief: I'm in the "Free Movies" section
Shinseikhaan: oh
Shinseikhaan: we have on demand here
GeneralHankerchief: they used to have it...
Shinseikhaan: blows
Shinseikhaan: on demand changes all the time
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
GeneralHankerchief: you'd think they'd have a cycle of sorts, though
Shinseikhaan: i'm getting dish when I have my own place
GeneralHankerchief: for the NFL games?
Shinseikhaan: partly
Shinseikhaan: but I just DON'T like cabe
Shinseikhaan: maybe its just 'cuz our cable company sucks
GeneralHankerchief: true
Shinseikhaan: we don't have comcast
GeneralHankerchief: oooo
Shinseikhaan: we have mediacom
GeneralHankerchief: "Dark Path Chronicles Movie"
GeneralHankerchief: that is the actual title.
Shinseikhaan: which is probably a badly run subsidiary
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: great movie title or greatest?
GeneralHankerchief: "an original series about a young vampire, awakened from hibernation, and a teenage girl who hears voices. Together they begin to explore 'The Dark Path.'"
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: so its Twilight?
Shinseikhaan: :P
GeneralHankerchief: sounds like it
GeneralHankerchief: PASS
Shinseikhaan: haha
Shinseikhaan: last day of work
Shinseikhaan: before school ended
Shinseikhaan: nobody was there
Shinseikhaan: so all the guys and girls got into a fight over twilight
Shinseikhaan: it was epic
GeneralHankerchief: HAHAHAHAHAHA
GeneralHankerchief: okay, two things:
GeneralHankerchief: first.
GeneralHankerchief: I'm in the tollbooth a couple of days ago
GeneralHankerchief: at this point it's 3AM, which is my dead hour
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: so I bring in a book to read
Shinseikhaan: you mean 2 am isn't the dead hour? :P
GeneralHankerchief: touche.
GeneralHankerchief: but 3 especially :P
GeneralHankerchief: car comes up, I put the book down and give my customary greeting "hey, how ya doin'?"
GeneralHankerchief: guy says, "oh, reading Twilight again eh?"
GeneralHankerchief: it takes me a moment to register
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: and then I'm like, "wait, what's this 'again' crap?"
GeneralHankerchief: second thing
GeneralHankerchief: the following movies are available, in the following order, with no omissions:
GeneralHankerchief: Dead Man's Gun 102
GeneralHankerchief: Dead Man's Gun 104
Shinseikhaan: ROFL
GeneralHankerchief: Dead Man's Gun 107
GeneralHankerchief: Dead Man's Gun 121
GeneralHankerchief: I'm almost afraid to view the description
Shinseikhaan: that
Shinseikhaan: is
Shinseikhaan: epic
Shinseikhaan: Dead Man's Gun 121
Shinseikhaan: awesome
GeneralHankerchief: starring kris kristofferson!
GeneralHankerchief: "A second rate shooter in a wagon traveling show becomes an expert gunman after purchasing an unusual and elaborately made pistol in a local shop."
Shinseikhaan: oh god
Shinseikhaan bangs head on desk
GeneralHankerchief: jackpot
GeneralHankerchief: they've got Gattaca
Shinseikhaan: ack
GeneralHankerchief: not a fan of Gattaca?
Shinseikhaan: no
GeneralHankerchief: aww
Shinseikhaan: i watched it in bio class
GeneralHankerchief: haha
Shinseikhaan: in high school
Shinseikhaan: I would have rather been doing bio
GeneralHankerchief: I watched it in astronomy in high school
Shinseikhaan: :(
GeneralHankerchief: of course, there is also "Hercules Barbarians"
Shinseikhaan: o_O
Shinseikhaan: is that the title character's name or a possessive?
GeneralHankerchief: "The 12th century... Failing to overrun Cracow, Ghengis Khan kidnaps the beautiful heir to the throne. But Hercules saves her and defeats Khan's throne."
GeneralHankerchief: That was the greatest description of all time
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: wow.....
GeneralHankerchief: First of all, it's Hercules vs. Ghengis Khan
Shinseikhaan: unbelievable
GeneralHankerchief: second, Khan has resorted to the Bowser strategy
GeneralHankerchief: third, the producers are flipping off any standards of historical decency
GeneralHankerchief: and fourthly, THEY TELL YOU THE ENDING!!!!
GeneralHankerchief: ahahahahahaha
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: hahaha
Shinseikhaan: man
Shinseikhaan: a true b movie
Shinseikhaan: at its very heart
GeneralHankerchief: I'm almost sad there's not a sequel
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: Hercule's Barbarians: Genghis' Revenge
GeneralHankerchief: hahaha
Shinseikhaan: or alternatively "Hercules' Barbarians: Genghis strikes back"
GeneralHankerchief: oh hell no
Shinseikhaan: or Hercules' Barbarians: The Wrath of KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!
GeneralHankerchief: Leprechaun 2: Back 2 tha hood
GeneralHankerchief: and wait for it...
Shinseikhaan: ROFL
Shinseikhaan: I've seen it
Shinseikhaan: its amazingly awful
GeneralHankerchief: LEPRECHAUN *FIVE*(!!!): In the Hood
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: that's even worse than the disney direct to dvd sequels
GeneralHankerchief: wow
Shinseikhaan: and those are BAD
GeneralHankerchief: oh yeah
Shinseikhaan: "Alladin 4: Jafar May Need Glasses"
GeneralHankerchief: just once, I wish Disney would grow a pair and make the greatest sequel ever:
GeneralHankerchief: Bambi 2: The hunters' revenge
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: or better
Shinseikhaan: remake Hunchback of Notre Dame and do it completely faithfully to the novel
GeneralHankerchief: not in a million years.
Shinseikhaan: then try and market as a G rated movie :P
Shinseikhaan: you know how the novel ends?
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
Shinseikhaan: c'mon, that would be awesome to see Disney pull that
GeneralHankerchief: true
GeneralHankerchief: that's like Greek tragedy at its finest
Shinseikhaan: "mommy, what happened to esmerelda?
Shinseikhaan: "She was burned alive, deary. Her flesh is scorching in eternal agony"
Shinseikhaan: oh wait
Shinseikhaan: she was hung
Shinseikhaan: never mind
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
GeneralHankerchief: and then Quasimodo clings to her and starves
Shinseikhaan: "she was hung, deary. She's just waiting there to die of exposure"
Shinseikhaan: ya
GeneralHankerchief: I've decided to go with Gattaca
GeneralHankerchief: Hercules Barbarians will come when I'm truly bored
Shinseikhaan: you forgot he pushed frollo off the cathedral
GeneralHankerchief: oh yeah
Shinseikhaan: that would be awesome to see
GeneralHankerchief: no wait, I need to do a running commentary to match yours
Shinseikhaan: THIS IS PARIS!!!!!
GeneralHankerchief: Hercules Barbarians it is
Shinseikhaan: alrighty then
Shinseikhaan: damn
Shinseikhaan: doesn't seem like they have it on netflix :P
GeneralHankerchief: surprise surprise
Shinseikhaan: there is this, though:
Shinseikhaan: Hercules: Warrior Princess / Gauntlet / Unchained Heart
GeneralHankerchief: Nice!
Shinseikhaan: oh wait, is a tv thingy
Shinseikhaan: its three episodes
Shinseikhaan: how disappointing
Shinseikhaan: however, there's also Herculues: Amazon Women/Lost Kingdom
GeneralHankerchief: okay, it's MGM
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: how?
GeneralHankerchief: producer
Shinseikhaan: why?
GeneralHankerchief: indian/chinese music, lots of horsemen
Shinseikhaan: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
GeneralHankerchief: and the full title is "Hercules against the Barbarians"
Shinseikhaan: ooh
Shinseikhaan: clever
GeneralHankerchief: I swear, M2TW lifted its cities based off the model here
Shinseikhaan: rofl
Shinseikhaan: that aint good
GeneralHankerchief: the mongols just got driven back
GeneralHankerchief: they're riding away from Krakow
Shinseikhaan: in 10 seconds?
GeneralHankerchief: of which we did not see a single defender
Shinseikhaan: no epic battle?
Shinseikhaan: hahaha
GeneralHankerchief: but they did die!
Shinseikhaan: "Retreat!"
GeneralHankerchief: look, there's a stretcher
Shinseikhaan: "Sir, there's not a single defender"
GeneralHankerchief: OMFG
Shinseikhaan: "But they have a castle and we have only ponies!"
GeneralHankerchief: Ghengis Khan has a feather in his hair
GeneralHankerchief: I'm fairly certain it's a feather
Shinseikhaan: "And are savage stupid barbarians! We can't take a castle!"
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: and I believe the woman has a magic wand
Shinseikhaan: Genghis is FAAAAAAABULOUS
GeneralHankerchief: no, like indian feather
Shinseikhaan: oh
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: just...
Shinseikhaan: wow
GeneralHankerchief: nice handlebar stache on Ghengis
GeneralHankerchief: this Mongol is white
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: okay, they lost to a hurricane
GeneralHankerchief: no, it was a giant man
Shinseikhaan: in Poland?
Shinseikhaan: a giant man or a hurricane?
GeneralHankerchief: giant man
GeneralHankerchief: "our enemies... the Christians... call him Hercules:
GeneralHankerchief: "
Shinseikhaan: I assume that's hercules
GeneralHankerchief: okay, ghengis didn't lose that battle
GeneralHankerchief: kublai khan did
Shinseikhaan: will he stride magnificently across the battlefield, slaying 100's of the barbarians in a single swoop?
Shinseikhaan: LOL
GeneralHankerchief: and now he has to answer to ghengis
Shinseikhaan: wow
GeneralHankerchief: pretty much
Shinseikhaan: this is awesome
Shinseikhaan: these guys just kicked history in the nuts
GeneralHankerchief: now there's some song and people are crying
GeneralHankerchief: oh
GeneralHankerchief: hercules is BUFF
GeneralHankerchief: he's wearing almost nothing
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: why do I have the feeling this is a 35 minute movie?
GeneralHankerchief: actually no
GeneralHankerchief: 1.5 hours
Shinseikhaan: man
GeneralHankerchief: kublai is in deep trouble
Shinseikhaan: this gonna be long
GeneralHankerchief: ghengis's hat looks like an ice cream cone upside down in a cup
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: kublai has a second chance
Shinseikhaan: GO STEAL THE PRINCESS! BWUHAHAHAHA!
GeneralHankerchief: he needs to sell his slaves and kill his women apparently?
Shinseikhaan: o_O
Shinseikhaan: why?
GeneralHankerchief: some random chick: "I want you to be the one to kill me"
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: ooh, they're interrogating a polish prisoner
Shinseikhaan: where'd he come from?
Shinseikhaan: they lost....
GeneralHankerchief: are you seriously asking for this movie to make sense?
Shinseikhaan: ahaha
Shinseikhaan: good point
Shinseikhaan: this may as well be on the sci-fi channel and titled "Hercules vs Mongol"
Shinseikhaan: and I actually saw Komodo Dragon vs Cobra the other day
Shinseikhaan: pretty damn funny
GeneralHankerchief: "Ahh! Flames! Flames!"
GeneralHankerchief: who won?
Shinseikhaan: neither
Shinseikhaan: they both got napalmed by the gov't
GeneralHankerchief: NICE
Shinseikhaan: right as they were getting into the big fight
Shinseikhaan: it was the stereotypical tropical island where a research experiment goes horribly wrong
Shinseikhaan: and results in 30 foot komodo's that never get full despite chowing on 10 people
GeneralHankerchief: hahahahahaha
GeneralHankerchief: okay, kublai randomly just killed his girlfriend
Shinseikhaan: o_O
Shinseikhaan: any particular reason?
GeneralHankerchief: not really, no
Shinseikhaan: and wait
Shinseikhaan: why does he have a girfriend and not a wfie?
Shinseikhaan: *wife
GeneralHankerchief: who knows if there's a difference or not?
Shinseikhaan: kublai would be a PIMP
Shinseikhaan: he'd have at least 5 wives
GeneralHankerchief: and now we have a polish girl walking through the woods
GeneralHankerchief: into a hansel/gretel house...
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: and she's in love with hercules
Shinseikhaan: well, since he's apparently ripped and runs around in a loin cloth, i bet lots of girls are "in love" with hercules
GeneralHankerchief: but there was a five-second shot of hercules riding a horse and looking heroically into the distance
GeneralHankerchief: wait
GeneralHankerchief: people are shouting "witch!"
Shinseikhaan: wait wait wait
Shinseikhaan: is this movie implying Hercules is a Pole?
GeneralHankerchief: where did they all *come* from?
Shinseikhaan: that's IMPOSSIBLE!
GeneralHankerchief: okay, they've taken the witch in
GeneralHankerchief: this is straight out of monty python
Shinseikhaan: who's they?
Shinseikhaan: random people?
Shinseikhaan: hahah
GeneralHankerchief: the girl and her father
GeneralHankerchief: the sad thing is, they're serious
Shinseikhaan: "she's a witch?"
GeneralHankerchief: "she touched my daughter and bewitched her!"
Shinseikhaan: haha
GeneralHankerchief: I think the dad is Bobby Knight
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: WTF?
GeneralHankerchief: main girl has this nasty scar on her neck
GeneralHankerchief: "witch" noticed
GeneralHankerchief: dad wants it covered
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: and a shooting star just landed
Shinseikhaan: awesome
GeneralHankerchief: she's not sure how she heard of Cracow
Shinseikhaan: oh god
GeneralHankerchief: and she's discussing dreams
GeneralHankerchief: and now she has a stalker
GeneralHankerchief: crazy bald guy is looking in the window
Shinseikhaan: hercules?
GeneralHankerchief: but he's gone now
GeneralHankerchief: wait, the door is creaking open
GeneralHankerchief: ah, here's hercules
GeneralHankerchief: okay, crazy bald guy looks like a mongol
Shinseikhaan: man
Shinseikhaan: poland is a weird place
GeneralHankerchief: hercules just fell into a pit
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: how?
GeneralHankerchief: yeah.
GeneralHankerchief: in the woods.
GeneralHankerchief: there's a snake
Shinseikhaan: I thought he was with the girl?
GeneralHankerchief: it's all the same woods, apparently
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: ah, he's got a whole squadron of mongols
Shinseikhaan: GET ZE PRINCESS!
GeneralHankerchief: he fired an arrow at point blank range and hercules just moved out of the way.
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: "I must have hit him."
Shinseikhaan: hercules = neo
GeneralHankerchief: after he doesn't respond to his name being called repeatedly
Shinseikhaan: LOL
Shinseikhaan: that's bad
GeneralHankerchief: they don't go down to check
Shinseikhaan: that is so bad
GeneralHankerchief: and now he's stabbing a snake with the arrow
GeneralHankerchief: he got rescued by a priest that randomly passed by
Shinseikhaan: reminds me of Prom Night
Shinseikhaan: which is really sad
GeneralHankerchief: yeah, a bit
GeneralHankerchief: okay, someone just fainted
Shinseikhaan: still in the woods?
GeneralHankerchief: cabin in the woods
GeneralHankerchief: there may have been a murder, but I'm not positive
Shinseikhaan: haha
GeneralHankerchief: okay, we have it
GeneralHankerchief: the mongols kidnapped the lead girl
GeneralHankerchief: killed bobby knight
Shinseikhaan: with the scar?
Shinseikhaan: nooooooooooo!
GeneralHankerchief: and now they've lynched the witch
Shinseikhaan: you can't kill bobby
GeneralHankerchief: yeah, apparently the lead girl with the scar is the princess
GeneralHankerchief: what the
princess lives in the woods?
Shinseikhaan: he would deck you with a chair faster than you could fire off an arrow
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: wait
GeneralHankerchief: he rescued the witch
GeneralHankerchief: right before she burned
Shinseikhaan: who
Shinseikhaan: hercules?
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
GeneralHankerchief: and then the priest yelled at them all
GeneralHankerchief: I think they're in a church now
GeneralHankerchief: yeah, it's Bobby Knight's funeral
Shinseikhaan: so
Shinseikhaan: I found out I have a Chinese exhange student next year for a roommate
GeneralHankerchief: nice
Shinseikhaan: they did a damn sloppy job when informing me
GeneralHankerchief: how so?
Shinseikhaan: for his address
Shinseikhaan: they listed the street
Shinseikhaan: and apparently an apt. number
Shinseikhaan: and then....
Shinseikhaan: China
GeneralHankerchief: hahahahahahahaha
Shinseikhaan: how useful is that?
GeneralHankerchief: okay, here's what we have:
GeneralHankerchief: the "witch" is saying that her life is dedicated to the princess's secret, probably the scar
GeneralHankerchief: and she says she was sent by the king of Poland
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: actually
Shinseikhaan: lolwut?
GeneralHankerchief: awesome, the horsemen are back
Shinseikhaan: you know what's awesome
GeneralHankerchief: this conversation?
Shinseikhaan: with the right music
Shinseikhaan: those horseman could be made to be heroes
GeneralHankerchief: oh yeah
Shinseikhaan: play LotR music
GeneralHankerchief: yeah, what I was thinking
Shinseikhaan: and everyone would be like "oh, its the heroes!
GeneralHankerchief: "Ride for ruin, and the world's ending!"
GeneralHankerchief: DEATHHHHHHHHH
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: I'm tearing up just typing it
Shinseikhaan: hahaha
Shinseikhaan: that sounds about as funny as when the Lion King made Scar into a Hitler-eque figure
GeneralHankerchief: the mongols are reiterating that the chick's important
Shinseikhaan rolls eyes
GeneralHankerchief: they say she's a princess
GeneralHankerchief: she's unaware
Shinseikhaan: she has AMNESIA!
Shinseikhaan: oh teh drama
GeneralHankerchief: indeed
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: I just can't get over this whole movie
Shinseikhaan: that they actually tell you the ending in the description
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
Shinseikhaan: hercules vs mongols
Shinseikhaan: hercules as a Pole
GeneralHankerchief: this is like the greatest thing ever
GeneralHankerchief: okay, remember the polish prisoner from early on?
GeneralHankerchief: he's back
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: "don't tell anyone who you are"
GeneralHankerchief: kisses her feet
Shinseikhaan: any particular reason?
GeneralHankerchief: well, I'm pretty sure he knows
Shinseikhaan: "would you tell me who I am?"
GeneralHankerchief: wait
GeneralHankerchief: he had a heart attack
GeneralHankerchief: and apparently, she's his daughter
Shinseikhaan: the prisoner?
GeneralHankerchief: not bobby knight's
GeneralHankerchief: yeah, I think
Shinseikhaan: and all this is happening in the woods?
GeneralHankerchief: no
Shinseikhaan: these same woods?
GeneralHankerchief: ghengis's throne room
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: why are they there?
Shinseikhaan: O_o
Shinseikhaan: HOW are they there?
Shinseikhaan: Karokorum's a LOOOOOOOOONG way off
GeneralHankerchief: they brought her back, I guess
GeneralHankerchief: okay, polish army's here
GeneralHankerchief: they want to talk to hercules
Shinseikhaan: wait
Shinseikhaan: the pole have an army? :P
GeneralHankerchief: oh my god
GeneralHankerchief: now ANOTHER faction is reiterating the girl's importance
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: that prisoner was the king that reunited poland
Shinseikhaan: talk about smaking you in the face with the plot
GeneralHankerchief: his son is the current king and the girl is his sister
Shinseikhaan: *smacking
Shinseikhaan: moar drama
Shinseikhaan: are they back in poland?
GeneralHankerchief: I presume
GeneralHankerchief: now hercules and the "witch" are on a quest
GeneralHankerchief: he wants to travel until sunset
Shinseikhaan: on a quest
Shinseikhaan: awesome
GeneralHankerchief: they may be bonding
GeneralHankerchief: but I'm not sure this movie is sophisticated enough to display sexual tension
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: it does seem to have been using blunt instruments instead of plot
GeneralHankerchief: they just let go of the horses for some reason
GeneralHankerchief: now they're on foot
Shinseikhaan: the mongols?
Shinseikhaan: or the questers
GeneralHankerchief: the questers
GeneralHankerchief: ooh
GeneralHankerchief: they're holding hands
Shinseikhaan: oh
Shinseikhaan: now now
Shinseikhaan: lets not get too naughty
GeneralHankerchief: hercules is half-naked
Shinseikhaan: rofl
Shinseikhaan: I asssume she is too?
GeneralHankerchief: and he has the biggest pecs I've ever seen in my life
GeneralHankerchief: no,
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: unfortunately
GeneralHankerchief: hahahahaha
GeneralHankerchief: he's carrying a giant log
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: why?
GeneralHankerchief: I have no idea
Shinseikhaan: awesome
GeneralHankerchief: okay
GeneralHankerchief: he's building an epic fire
Shinseikhaan: for the one night?
GeneralHankerchief: I presume
GeneralHankerchief: but it's day now!
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: so...
Shinseikhaan: wait
Shinseikhaan: somewhere we skipped a beat in logic :P
GeneralHankerchief: You just came to that conclusion now?
GeneralHankerchief: okay, I've got it
GeneralHankerchief: there was a line of fire
GeneralHankerchief: and that log was acting as bridge
Shinseikhaan: a "line"?
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
GeneralHankerchief: so they did a bridge instead of simply walking around the fire
Shinseikhaan: good thing fire isn't unpredictable or wildly contagious or anything
GeneralHankerchief: she's weak
Shinseikhaan: damn witch
GeneralHankerchief: they shared a look as he picked her up
Shinseikhaan: wait
Shinseikhaan: why is the witch even coming along?
GeneralHankerchief: I... don't... know
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: we're back in the woods
GeneralHankerchief: the peasants are hiding from the mongols
GeneralHankerchief: I think
GeneralHankerchief: wait, it's not the mongols!
GeneralHankerchief: it's hercules and the girl!
Shinseikhaan: so...
Shinseikhaan: they're back in poland?
Shinseikhaan: somehow?
GeneralHankerchief: I guess it's another set of woods
GeneralHankerchief: either that or they backtracked
GeneralHankerchief: the people don't seem to hate her
Shinseikhaan: or lacked funds for a proper second forest set
Shinseikhaan: :P
GeneralHankerchief: hmm, I wonder which one.
Shinseikhaan: did you see the belmont?
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
Shinseikhaan: that was fairly exciting
GeneralHankerchief: yeah
GeneralHankerchief: three horses coming down the final turn and none of them one :P
GeneralHankerchief: won*
GeneralHankerchief: gah gah gah
Shinseikhaan: ya
Shinseikhaan: i figured mine that bird had it
GeneralHankerchief: went too early
Shinseikhaan: but the trainer pushed him to early
Shinseikhaan: ack
GeneralHankerchief: summer bird stole his usual lane
Shinseikhaan: man, I am bummed about my colts
Shinseikhaan: damn leage forced our o coordinator and o line coach to retire
GeneralHankerchief: wait, they forced them?
GeneralHankerchief: update: ghengis is forcing the princess to marry his son
GeneralHankerchief: continue
Shinseikhaan: *forced* in the same way the US gov't *forces* states into educational reform
GeneralHankerchief: that blows
Shinseikhaan: basically
Shinseikhaan: if they wanted pensions
GeneralHankerchief: Moore was godly
Shinseikhaan: they had to retire asap
Shinseikhaan: mudd was godly too
Shinseikhaan: we stuck so many no name guys on our line forever
Shinseikhaan: and he made them pretty darn good
GeneralHankerchief: wait wait wait
GeneralHankerchief: hercules is about to kill a crocodile
GeneralHankerchief: or a gator
Shinseikhaan: :O
Shinseikhaan: what?
GeneralHankerchief: in a swamp in poland.
GeneralHankerchief: or farther east.
GeneralHankerchief: I don't know.
GeneralHankerchief: he's punching its head
Shinseikhaan: aren't they supposed to be going to Mongolia?
GeneralHankerchief: yes.
Shinseikhaan: instead of gator rassling
GeneralHankerchief: oh my god, the special effects are horrible
GeneralHankerchief: it's just a rubber gator
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: hahsahahah
Shinseikhaan: like happy gilmore/
Shinseikhaan: ?
GeneralHankerchief: there's this crazy yellow eye that doesn't even blink
Shinseikhaan: rofl
GeneralHankerchief: far, far worse
GeneralHankerchief: he's stabbing it with a knife
Shinseikhaan dies
GeneralHankerchief: it's dead.
GeneralHankerchief: no blood.
Shinseikhaan: this is too good
GeneralHankerchief: okay, he's in a borderland.
GeneralHankerchief: he refuses to tell the guy his name.
Shinseikhaan: the Polish/Mongolian border, I assume?
GeneralHankerchief: "Maybe some day I'll tell you my name. It was my strength that saved me, not my name."
GeneralHankerchief: probably :P
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: that made no sense
Shinseikhaan: that was a horrible line
GeneralHankerchief: ghengis khan has a midget jester
Shinseikhaan: haha
Shinseikhaan: gary coleman?
GeneralHankerchief: shorter and whiter.
Shinseikhaan: damn
Shinseikhaan: gary coleman as jester would be great
GeneralHankerchief: oh god
GeneralHankerchief: I would die
Shinseikhaan: except
Shinseikhaan: any movie that would be in
Shinseikhaan: would have to intend to be funny
GeneralHankerchief: for some reason the jesters are wearing european clothes
GeneralHankerchief: wait, WHAT?!
GeneralHankerchief: they just introduced "Hercules reborn"
Shinseikhaan: :O
GeneralHankerchief: in the Mongol palace
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: what in the hell?
GeneralHankerchief: so, is it a clone or something?
Shinseikhaan: rofl
GeneralHankerchief: because I think true hercules is still doing his thing.
Shinseikhaan: SEND IN THE CLONES!
Shinseikhaan: now what we need
Shinseikhaan: is for real hercules
Shinseikhaan: to fight hercules reborn
Shinseikhaan: then have the witch have a gun
Shinseikhaan: and have to decide which to shoot
GeneralHankerchief: this keeps getting better and better.
GeneralHankerchief: unless...
GeneralHankerchief: he infiltrated the Mongol palace and is in fact the real one
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: magically?
GeneralHankerchief: ghengis is under the impression that Hercules is dead
Shinseikhaan: wait?
Shinseikhaan: did ghengis send the gator or something? O_o
GeneralHankerchief: remember the guys that tried to shoot him in the pit?
Shinseikhaan: oh right
Shinseikhaan: ya
Shinseikhaan: lol
Shinseikhaan: "ARE YOU STILL ALIVE DOWN THERE?!"
GeneralHankerchief: okay, now we have a fight between hercules and the mongol champion
Shinseikhaan: the real one or the reborn one?
GeneralHankerchief: who knows?
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: polish princess is frightened
GeneralHankerchief: I think it's the real one
GeneralHankerchief: he just gave the princess a look
Shinseikhaan: wait
Shinseikhaan: I thought he was with the witch?
Shinseikhaan: i mean...
Shinseikhaan: THEY HELD HANDS!!11!
GeneralHankerchief: maybe he gets them both
Shinseikhaan: he is hercules, after all
GeneralHankerchief: I have no doubt he has the capability to pull it off
GeneralHankerchief: and he won the fight.
Shinseikhaan: the stuliest Pole in histlory
Shinseikhaan: *history
Shinseikhaan: I can't get over how Hercules is pollish
Shinseikhaan: that's just so...
Shinseikhaan: wrong
GeneralHankerchief: you'd think they'd at least attempt to Policize his name
Shinseikhaan: how?
Shinseikhaan: by adding three w's and 4 z's?
GeneralHankerchief: I'm pretty sure I saw a hammer and sickle on the mongol flag
Shinseikhaan: ROFL
GeneralHankerchief: okay, I have it wrong
GeneralHankerchief: when hercules gave the princess a look, it was actually the witch
Shinseikhaan: what, the mongol flag is on the hammerand sickle?
GeneralHankerchief: I got the two mixed up
Shinseikhaan: ah
GeneralHankerchief: and now the witch may or may not be betraying him
GeneralHankerchief: this needs to be posted on the org once it gets back up.
Shinseikhaan: haha
Shinseikhaan: ya
Shinseikhaan: I would advise spoilers :P
GeneralHankerchief: he's trying to bust the princess out
GeneralHankerchief: ko'd five guards
Shinseikhaan: so when did he get from poland to mongolia?
GeneralHankerchief: no idea.
GeneralHankerchief: HAHAHAHA
Shinseikhaan: wut?
GeneralHankerchief: hercules walks up ahead
GeneralHankerchief: a cage drops over him
GeneralHankerchief: it looks like the witch betrayed him
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: nobody ever expects the cage droppping from overhead
Shinseikhaan: and I'm sure its "hercules-proof"
GeneralHankerchief: and now kublai is messing with her
GeneralHankerchief: they're fighting
GeneralHankerchief: she's dead.
Shinseikhaan: o_O
Shinseikhaan: ok
GeneralHankerchief: final words: "forgive me. I did this because I love you."
Shinseikhaan: oh god
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: "I imprisoned you in a cage in your mortal enemy's palace"
Shinseikhaan: "because I love you"
Shinseikhaan: riiiiiiiiiiiight
GeneralHankerchief: and now kublai is fighting his own men
Shinseikhaan: huh?
GeneralHankerchief: because apparently he lacks honor
GeneralHankerchief: the cage is not hercules proof.
Shinseikhaan: what, for killing the witch?
GeneralHankerchief: no, for "not honoring his pledge"
GeneralHankerchief: whatever that was.
GeneralHankerchief: hercules is out.
Shinseikhaan: i know what this needs
Shinseikhaan: another gator
GeneralHankerchief: hahahaha
GeneralHankerchief: oh yeah.
Shinseikhaan: kublai vs gator vs hercules
Shinseikhaan: IN THE STEEL CAGE!
GeneralHankerchief: slowly filling up with water
Shinseikhaan: what?
GeneralHankerchief: hercules just kicked a guy
Shinseikhaan: where's the water coming from?
GeneralHankerchief: there was about six inches of daylight
GeneralHankerchief: no, that was a hypothetical scenario
Shinseikhaan: oh
Shinseikhaan: yes
Shinseikhaan: that's sad
Shinseikhaan: I thought you were actually describing this movie
GeneralHankerchief: I doubt there's much difference.
GeneralHankerchief: okay, he's making out with the princess
Shinseikhaan: wha?
GeneralHankerchief: jumped out of a three-story window, landed on his feet
Shinseikhaan: did he kill kublai?
GeneralHankerchief: no
Shinseikhaan: pansy
Shinseikhaan: so he ran away?
GeneralHankerchief: now kublai is demanding the princess to marry him
Shinseikhaan: wait
Shinseikhaan: hercules didn't take her with him?
GeneralHankerchief: no
GeneralHankerchief: he gave an explanation, but I didn't understand it
Shinseikhaan: wow
GeneralHankerchief: I think kublai is planning to kill ghengis
GeneralHankerchief: yup, the guy that lost to hercules is strangling him
GeneralHankerchief: he's dead.
Shinseikhaan: what?
Shinseikhaan: hercules is dead?
GeneralHankerchief: no, ghengis khan.
Shinseikhaan: wha...
Shinseikhaan: wha...
Shinseikhaan: but...
Shinseikhaan: how...
Shinseikhaan: why?
Shinseikhaan: ack
GeneralHankerchief: polish army is ready to capitalize on the war of mongol succession
GeneralHankerchief: they're driving for tornoval
Shinseikhaan: driving?
GeneralHankerchief: OH MY GOD
GeneralHankerchief: b-movie effects at its finest
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: you're supposed to see the army walking up to the castle
Shinseikhaan: better than the gator?
GeneralHankerchief: but the castle is just being dragged across the screen
Shinseikhaan: ROFL
GeneralHankerchief: while marching noises are still being played
Shinseikhaan: ahaha
GeneralHankerchief: battle scene
Shinseikhaan: I wish I could see this
GeneralHankerchief: this is so epic
GeneralHankerchief: so the princess is tied to a section of wall
GeneralHankerchief: kublai cuts it loose
Shinseikhaan: naturally
GeneralHankerchief: it's supposed to fall and crush her
GeneralHankerchief: hercules rushes in to save her
GeneralHankerchief: so they're supposedly pinned down
GeneralHankerchief: but of course, you can see the wood is as flimsy as anything
Shinseikhaan: lol
GeneralHankerchief: there's horses trampling over it
GeneralHankerchief: wait, somehow they got out
GeneralHankerchief: now kublai's got her
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: hercules is terrible
GeneralHankerchief: well, he's going after her
GeneralHankerchief: somehow there's a cave in the castle
GeneralHankerchief: battle rages outside.
GeneralHankerchief: no way
Shinseikhaan: *rages*
GeneralHankerchief: Polish cavalry to the rescue!!!
GeneralHankerchief: there's about 12 guys on horses
Shinseikhaan: LOL
GeneralHankerchief: hercules is in the cave, trying to break in
Shinseikhaan: break in?
Shinseikhaan: its a cave
GeneralHankerchief: they sealed a room
GeneralHankerchief: somehow
Shinseikhaan: does it have a padlocked door?
GeneralHankerchief: he moved a huge block of stone
Shinseikhaan: 'cuz Kubla is a beast, obviously
GeneralHankerchief: no, hercules did that
Shinseikhaan: oh
GeneralHankerchief: okay, now he's walking through fire
GeneralHankerchief: but he's got a big rock as a shield
GeneralHankerchief: okay, now the guy who killed ghengis is feeling remorse
GeneralHankerchief: there's a room with four people:
GeneralHankerchief: hercules, the girl, kublai, and ghengis's killer
GeneralHankerchief: NO WAY
GeneralHankerchief: another cage came down
Shinseikhaan: rofl
GeneralHankerchief: but kublai got impaled by it
GeneralHankerchief: he's dead.
Shinseikhaan: wtf?
GeneralHankerchief: the mongols are retreating...
GeneralHankerchief: ghengis's killer took an arrow to the chest
Shinseikhaan: because they naturally knew automatically that kublai had died
GeneralHankerchief: just like in Total War :P
GeneralHankerchief: okay, the king's explanation to the princess is because they hid her for her own safety.
Shinseikhaan: say what?
Shinseikhaan: you DON'T DO THAT
GeneralHankerchief: worked for Leia.
Shinseikhaan: because she was literally in danger
Shinseikhaan: you don't just send off every random princess to nowhere because of someting that might happen
GeneralHankerchief: movie's wrapping up.
GeneralHankerchief: mongols are leaving
GeneralHankerchief: THIS IS AWESOME
Shinseikhaan: another gator fight?
GeneralHankerchief: the guy from the very beginning who lied about killing hercules is the new Khan
Shinseikhaan: oh god
GeneralHankerchief: somehow hercules is by the water with the princess
Shinseikhaan: and they share a kiss as the movie pans out
GeneralHankerchief: final line: "and I will love you forever"
GeneralHankerchief: no kiss though
Shinseikhaan: wow
Shinseikhaan: tame movie
GeneralHankerchief: wide-angle shot of the two on horseback
GeneralHankerchief: fade to block
GeneralHankerchief: credits are superimposed over mongol horsemen.
Shinseikhaan: most extreme it got was literally holding hands
GeneralHankerchief: black*
Shinseikhaan: man
Shinseikhaan: that went surprisingly fast
Shinseikhaan: as last on this end
Shinseikhaan: idk, it might've lasted forever actually watching it
GeneralHankerchief: not really
GeneralHankerchief: that was well worth my time.
Shinseikhaan: :D
Shinseikhaan: i love the random cages falling
Shinseikhaan: man
Shinseikhaan: that's just
Shinseikhaan: bad
GeneralHankerchief: Classic B-movie glory.
B-movies at their finest
Originally Posted by TosaInu
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