Aye, all you need is a ball. That's the beauty of the sport. Any backyard or open space will do, and you can play it with any amount of people. One against one, two vs two, four against eightteen kids. With goals, with a wall, with any rules you like. It is always very tiring.

Strangely, I've never played football properly, on a real pitch, with goals and 22 players. I hated footbal when I was still at school. As a result, I'm rubbish at it.

I only ever play in a park. Where I think myself Zidane as I twist and turn and give countless great passes. Alas, my silly teammates never truly understand the greatness of my tactical insight and are never to be found where my brilliant passes are delivered.