Ugg the Violent Caveman: A Pre-Historic Murder Mystery

Location: A small cave in Spain, 2009.

Dr. Reginald Fang, the chief anthropologist of the University of Sealand, was taking a well deserved vacation from his professorship. On this particular morning, he was enjoying a small picnic just outside the entrance of a small cave. He had visited here once before to study a cave painting that a local boy had discovered some months back. The cave painting showed a caveman stabbing some sort of wild animal from Paleolithic times. Unfortunately, a mound of rubble from a centuries old cave-in had long ago obscured the target of the caveman’s spear along with any other artifacts the cave may contain. So Reginald sat contemplatively at the edge of the cave, savoring his organic salad and basking in the warm golden sun of southern Spain, until…..

Rumble….Rumble….CRRAACCCKKKKKK!!!!

Centuries of rubble gave way to reveal the long hidden contents of the cave. Astonished, Reginald jumped from his seat and frolicked towards the newly uncovered section of cave. “O what a glorious day!” he shouted. “My colleagues will throw a banquet in my honor and…” CRUNCH! Dr. Fang glanced down to see what he had stepped on and his face wretched with aghastment at the site of the floor. It was littered with a multitude of hominid bones. Still stunned, his eyes wandered up to the now revealed prey of the caveman’s spear…. A fellow caveman….

Location: That same cave, 31,327 B.C.

Sunrise was always beautiful in the hills surrounding the cave. Shaman Woad had chosen this place as his clan’s spring residence precisely for that reason. For many sunrises Shaman Woad had presided over the Townee Clan. He had seen their numbers rise to nearly two dozen over that time. Two dozen fine, upstanding Neanderthals, except for that Ugg. Once again Ugg had gotten himself into a violent quarrel over some small thing. Shaman Woad let out a tired sigh. He would have to sort this out when he returned to the clan. Perhaps he should just try…

THUD
THUD

Two club blows to the base of his skull ended the Shaman’s thoughts…. For ever.


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I am in

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Uggah! Eng!

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count me in

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Bah.

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