No, I'm not the bartender. Don't you recognize me? I'm the man who shouts at people who pass by and I share with them the revelations I have gained over the past thousand years. I have a terribly important function in this community. I am your leader, and should you choose to follow me, you will be led towards greatness. But no one pays any attention to me, or my divinely-inspired wisdom.

Please don't kill me.