Mixed-Religion Relationships

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Look, I started a topic!

So, I have a question particularly for those of a devote religious persuasion here. As you'll know if you've been here any amount of time, I have deeply held religious convictions of the Christian variety. I'm much more flexable about some parts of my Faith than others; I am, for example, much less bothered about form of worship, tradition, divorce, and homosexuality than I am about predestination, charity and abortion.

This isn't actually about my beliefs though, it's about how they inform my worldview and the way I live my life. Every day I see the hand of a benevolant and all-powerful God at work in the world, a God who is both monarch and universal father. This informs my relationships with others, my reactions to my environment, my every decision and belief.

Put simply, my Faith is the linchpin which anchors my understanding of my own existence.

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

[Louis VI the Fat]

Look! Somebody replied!


Holding hands and silently agreeing with each other's unspoken thoughts is boring.

Love's supposed to be stormy and passionate! Gimme fights, arguments, make-up sex, mutual exploration of the wonderfully weird thought-world of another lost soul!!

[Beskar]

They can do it before they don't force their beliefs on one or another. It depends what comes first, the person you love or a book.

[Mooks]

I frequent a atheist forum site (WWW.Richarddawkins.net/forums). It seems like every week there is a atheist on there asking somebody how to make his relationship with a religios partner work. I think it depends on the people themselves and which religion (I would imagine a buddhist is much more easier to get along with in a marriage then a christrian/muslim/jew).

[Hooahguy]

wait..... youre not athiest?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Look! Somebody replied!


Holding hands and silently agreeing with each other's unspoken thoughts is boring.

Love's supposed to be stormy and passionate! Gimme fights, arguments, make-up sex, mutual exploration of the wonderfully weird thought-world of another lost soul!!

Probably the stormiest relationship I have ever had with a woman was with someone who shared most of my fundamental assumptions about the world. We still argued about the specifics and the merits of Shakespeare.

Sadly it proved too much arguing in the end, we haven't spoken in some time, and we were never actually a romantic couple.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

They can do it before they don't force their beliefs on one or another. It depends what comes first, the person you love or a book.

Ever tried to make one work?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

wait..... youre not athiest?

Sorry, who, me?

[Hooahguy]

Sorry, who, me?

yeah. ive always took you to be an athiest.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

yeah. ive always took you to be an athiest.

Go back and look at the discussions I have with Rhy on Christian Theology, on the one a while back on determinism.

I am not overly unusual for a University educated Anglican Christian.

[Beskar]

Ever tried to make one work?

My relationships have ended over other disagreements and reasons. I have dated those with other religious beliefs though. It's a case of don't force it on others and they don't force it on you. Also, in the thongs of love, going to a church at Easter for example with them wasn't a request that would kill me, relationships are give and take.

Simple answer is, if your partner has to believe in exactly what you believe in, then thats it. Saying otherwise won't make you start dating a Hindu for example. I usually choose girls based on personality, looks and general morals. If you want to add more criteria to it, it is your choice.

[Hooahguy]

Go back and look at the discussions I have with Rhy on Christian Theology, on the one a while back on determinism.

I am not overly unusual for a University educated Anglican Christian.

nah. too long of a conversation.

[pevergreen]

tl;dr

I havent done it yet, I may next month, but I believe compromise could make it work, if both parties wished it to.

[Hooahguy]

I havent done it yet, I may next month, but I believe compromise could make it work, if both parties wished it to.

huh?

[Lemur]

When I arrived in the jungle compound and signed over all of my belongings to the Great Leader, I was told that those who do not follow the Seven Sacred Paths are consigned to outer darkness and possessed by demons. "Does that include hot Swedish girls?" I asked, only to be rewarded by a month in the turnip field.

But one day there she was, four feet tall and covered with a fine coat of black hairs that speckled her chest and back. I felt the stirrings of true love. Cynics will say that my judgment was impaired by starvation, exhaustion and heat stroke. And you may have a point. But when she wiped the goat's milk out of her cute little mustache, I knew I had to recite the Great Leader's Platitudes of Glory and hold her tight.

Trouble began when we moved back to Philly to sell roses on streetcorners and proselytize amongst the forsaken heathens. Although we spent countless hours making sexytime and worshiping at our homemade Great Leader Shrine, a distance began to settle in.

"Remember our wedding?" she'd ask me as I put in another inspirational CD in the boombox. How could I forget? It was just us, the Great Leader and 500 other couples in a jungle clearing. Mass marriage felt so right, so true, so paradoxically intimate, despite the swarms of mosquitoes and blood-flies. Looking around the unheated storage unit we now called home, I had to wonder if we would have been happier in our tin hut back in the jungle.

Trouble came when I met a Scientologist named Hilda.

-to be continued-

[Cute Wolf]

Well, I'm a christian and my girlfriend are muslim..... well things going just fine...

We've going along well and her parents seems not to complaining about my religion, at least his father wasn't a fanatic one (he often drink beer/whiskey/tuak/whatever alcoholic drinks together with me... u know that muslims are forbidden to drank alcohols? that's why he allows me to be with his daughter). Just make sure that someone you love isn't a strict fanatic, and that will going just fine...

Well about marriage... It seems that it was still far - far away, but at least in my country, I know that mixed marriage is legal now... and all that we need is just some "private room" to pray separately... and we has talk about If we have child... let's get they judge what's best for themself... Although still hope that she will eventually convert but... that depends on herself... what's best to suit herself as my future wife... but at least, I didn't mind walking with a wife who wore headscarf....

EDIT:
For the Problems... well, actually I made some guy to dislike me in the process, as they always tease both me and my GF, and they always said that I must circumize myself first and convert to their way... and some of her friends (her girl-friend) also try to separate her from me... and constantly try to "mentoring" her with religious verses... bah.... as well as some of my friends... saying that light shouldn't mixed with darknesss... etc... but at least it then depends on love and solely love.... If both love each others the problems are easy to tackle...

[HoreTore]

I'd never do a christian.

.....Sorry. It's not because of prejudice or whatever, it's simply because of differences. And, considering I'm quite fond of yelling and ranting whenever christianity is in the news, I can't really understand why anyone with a christian persuasion would want to be with me....

Also, I won't ever consider being with a woman who doesn't want to get in they hay quickly when drunk. Traditional women hold no interest to me at all. I see no reason to wait for months, or even weeks before having sex. The cheaper the women are, the better it is.

[Fragony]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

[rory_20_uk]

My other half is a Christian. I'm used to having some Christians try to convert me which often leads to interesting chats.

We went to a discussion evening with her flock and preacher and after calling God a genocidal megalomaniac for such acts as the seven plagues she's not taken me back there... The preacher has also since resigned his post.

But other than that there's a lot more to life.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

My relationships have ended over other disagreements and reasons. I have dated those with other religious beliefs though. It's a case of don't force it on others and they don't force it on you. Also, in the thongs of love, going to a church at Easter for example with them wasn't a request that would kill me, relationships are give and take.

Simple answer is, if your partner has to believe in exactly what you believe in, then thats it. Saying otherwise won't make you start dating a Hindu for example. I usually choose girls based on personality, looks and general morals. If you want to add more criteria to it, it is your choice.

I think that's a very healthy attitude, really. Let me be clear, it's not about "exactly what I believe", but about what I am willing to compromise on.

I suppose you could place Christian Belief under "general morals" from my perspective.

My other half is a Christian. I'm used to having some Christians try to convert me which often leads to interesting chats.

We went to a discussion evening with her flock and preacher and after calling God a genocidal megalomaniac for such acts as the seven plagues she's not taken me back there... The preacher has also since resigned his post.

But other than that there's a lot more to life.

Ah yes, the familliar story. If I had a penny for every time I've heard...

Admittedly, I still don't understand, but this is all very interesting. I know some people, women in particular, pick a person they like and then try to nudge the religion in a certain direction. Same principle as getting you to leave the toilet seat down, I suppose.

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

I feel I should dissagree here...

[HoreTore]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

The priests daughters, yes....

But the naughty ones tend to be ex-christians

Same principle as getting you to leave the toilet seat down, I suppose.

HERESY!!!!!

The toilet seat stays up. That's the one thing I won't ever compromise on.

Edit: I have no idea how I managed to swap up and down there....

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

The priests daughters, yes....

But the naughty ones tend to be ex-christians



HERESY!!!!!

The toilet seat stays down. That's the one thing I won't ever compromise on.

Christian girls tend to be pickier, but they also tend to be worth working for because when they do finally give in... well.

as to the toilet seat, I just don't want to know.

[HoreTore]

Christian girls tend to be pickier, but they also tend to be worth working for because when they do finally give in... well.

If I have to "work for" a woman, they have already shown themselves incompatible with my morals, and therefore no relationship will work.

I refuse to engage in a relationship with a woman who regards sex as kind of a treasure or reward that I will be given if I work hard enough. There are plenty of women in the world, I'll spend my time with women I regard as morally sound and healthy.

[Fragony]

Christian girls tend to be pickier

Yeah right.

No.

[rory_20_uk]

I'm with HoreTore on this.

Compromise is fine and is part of life, but playing into someone's gimp fetish isn't my idea of fun. I'm an adult, I'd like one as a partner.

[Rhyfelwyr]

If I have to "work for" a woman, they have already shown themselves incompatible with my morals, and therefore no relationship will work.

I refuse to engage in a relationship with a woman who regards sex as kind of a treasure or reward that I will be given if I work hard enough. There are plenty of women in the world, I'll spend my time with women I regard as morally sound and healthy.

This. Ain't no ho having me running round like a lap dog just cause she's a stuck up

The worst thing possible is when women start calling the shots in a relationship, especially when they are immature or insecure, ugh some stuff makes me cringe. Of course, it's not right when it's just the male taking all the power either. Although I have no experience in this whatsoever, if I was in a relationship I would like it if it just worked, instead of one person running the show.

Anyway, more in line with the topic, I wouldn't go out with someone who isn't Christian. The denomination wouldn't really be important, although Catholicism is probably a bit too dodgy for my liking, and it can lead to complications here. Also, I probably wouldn't be able to get along with a liberal Christian, for the same reason I wouldn't get along with an atheist or someone of a different religion (talking about marriage-type relationships here, obviously I have friends who are atheists), we would just have too drastically different worldviews and not enough in common for people who would be living the rest of their lives together.

[CountArach]

My parents are different religions. No big deal

In fact I would dare say it helped me to become more tolerant of other's beliefs.

[naut]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

Amen.

[TinCow]

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

IMHO, a mixed religion relationship would not work for you. I am in a mixed religion relationship. I was raised Jewish, but am currently an atheist. My wife is episcopalian and while she does not attend Church, she believes in God and prays. Other than some difficulties with the actual mechanics of the wedding ceremony, religion has had no impact on our relationship whatsoever. The reason for this is that we both respect each others' views, do not consider them wrong in any way, and are content to simply believe different things. She does not think I am going to hell and I do not think she wrong for believing in God. We don't even have a disagreement on how to raise our children religiously.

The point is simply that it is about compatibility and it is no different than with any other aspect of a relationship. If your religious views are so important to you that you cannot tolerate someone who does not agree with those views, then any relationship you have with someone like that will either fail or be less fulfilling than it could be. If your religious views are such that you do not care what someone else believes, then different beliefs will have no impact on you. This is no different than relationship differences based on politics, race, education, job, culture, or any other thing of which you could possibly think.

[miotas]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Look, I started a topic!

So, I have a question particularly for those of a devote religious persuasion here. As you'll know if you've been here any amount of time, I have deeply held religious convictions of the Christian variety. I'm much more flexable about some parts of my Faith than others; I am, for example, much less bothered about form of worship, tradition, divorce, and homosexuality than I am about predestination, charity and abortion.

This isn't actually about my beliefs though, it's about how they inform my worldview and the way I live my life. Every day I see the hand of a benevolant and all-powerful God at work in the world, a God who is both monarch and universal father. This informs my relationships with others, my reactions to my environment, my every decision and belief.

Put simply, my Faith is the linchpin which anchors my understanding of my own existence.

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

What would you feel about someone who had all the same morals as you but just didn't believe in god?
Eg. you say "I believe we should do "x" because god told us to"
and she says "I also belive "x" but because that's how my parents raised me, not because god told us to"

I was kind of rasied as an atheistic christian and evened out to an agnostic. My parents would probably say they belive in god if they were asked what their beliefs were but like most aussies they just say they are christian, but never do anything even remotely religious (appart from religiously based swear words). My religous beliefs are basically; you can believe what you like just as long as you don't try to convert me.