Since I've been away for so long perfecting my knowledge of the military arts (with plenty more training still to come, unfortunately) in order to be better able to defend our way of life, I thought I'd just take a moment to reassure all of you that my core beliefs remain unchanged:

1) teh handguns r bad
2) allowing gays to form civil partnerships with all of the benefits of marriage is a moral requirement if we are to call ourselves civilized
3) Israel good / Palestine bad
4) I heart socialized medicine
5) Leave Iraq, stay in Afghanistan
6) Intelligent design should stay the eff out of science class
7) The DH rule has made baseball a more exciting game
8) Anything larger than a C cup is wasted flesh
9) Abortion should be legal at any moment up to the end of the first trimester
10) I would have sex with Britney Spears anytime, anywhere, whether she was in her hawt leather outfit phase, or her fat white trash mode.

Thank you all for your attention...