Payai Dunai

[The Persian Cataphract]

You guys have the uncanny ability of dodging the humour of my last comment... I give you that much. It was meant as a joke, but since we're talking about attracting the ladies with history-talk... Consider the challenge accepted.

Of course, you don't need the "techno-babble" if you know the glorious and under-rated art of boasting, and that of story-telling. It's all in the presentation! Get rid of the technical and big words, and use flowery language. It gets even better if the broad has had a few pints or cosmos or whatever non-Jägermeister shit they aren't drinking. All you need to say is just this:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

"Baby... I shouldn't be telling you this, you wouldn't understand."

(Create curiosity)

"Imagine, a great world..."

"...Great salt marshes..."

"...Steppes... Where horses roam wild and free!"

(Always mention horsies; girl will usually think about modern black-coated Arabians prancing madly... Not the ugly Przewalski beast that barely qualifies as a horse)

"...Surrounded by the Himalayan and Pamir mountains."

(Normally, attractive ladies wouldn't have a single clue of where the Tarim basin is located; just describe the landscape instead)

"...But laying hidden in the oasis far and few between..."

"Civilization!"

"People, building great cities, rearing tens of thousands in a life of abundance and luxury!"

(Actually, commoners would take a dump in the public cesspool, and in occasion shed the blood of their horses in times of need... A city of that time and era wasn't exactly smelling of rose-petals either bBut you don't want to tell her that...)

"In a world devoid of mercy, imagine the contrasts! Civilization!"

"No blackberries. Ipods. Tivo... Or the things we take for granted today."

(You might want to go light here... Saying that night-time being pitch-black with little to no source of light makes people think the past was particularly harsh and unforgiving... Which is pretty true, but it's not going to help you get inside her panties...)

"Now the culture has long since passed."

"But through a little ink written with a quill... They have survived in spirit."

"I can speak their tongue."

"Now... I know... For what use? Why?"

(Preempt any stupid attempts by chicks of playing down on your interest, you want respect)

"Perhaps out of respect? Admiration?"

"Some people collect stamps."

"Others collect bottle-caps."

(This is basically where you recount people having, no offence, useless hobbies; you're upping your own value)

"I indulge in long forgotten words, barely survived in texts... So old... So ancient..."

"...And to think, that from an old parchment, one step shy from turning into dust..."

"...I have managed to contribute to its greatest form of survival and immortalization."

"I have been part of bringing it back to life."

(When saying this, the chick will subconsciously think of you as some kind of hero saving some enigmatic culture from total extinction; what she doesn't know is that you're part of some mod-team with a fanbase dominated by male nerds, for a virtualized game of toy-soldiers; you only mention it's a project observed by tens if not hundreds of thousands. ALL ABOUT THE MARKETING!)

"Can you imagine how that feels like?"

"Some of these texts have survived for millennial times..."

"...Withstanding all the scourges of Mother Nature's lamentation!"

"Isn't that a kind of life of itself?"

"A testament of man's will?"

"Wouldn't everything in our future falter without our past?"

"That only a single tome written by an adventuring Englishman centuries ago..."

"...Is our only key to that past?"

(Now, technically, the book is cross-referenced from several sources as is any reputable historic or linguistic reference, but you're here to make noise, not to spill minute-detail truth about a concise book by Iranists who as usual forego even basic grammar)

"Can you imagine? Truly?"

(Now chick thinks twice before ever questioning your hobbies!)

"Nothing brings me a greater joy than to take the fragile treasures of our so worldly past...!"

"...And turn them into indestructible obelisks. Available to everyone. To all curious minds."

(Passion! Chicks dig guys with passion! The reference to obelisks is unmistakable, at this point she'll consistently be looking at your crotch)

"Is there a greater homage a man could pay in service of mankind's tapestry?"

(At this point, you're literally Superman in her eyes; Vodka+Red Bull works its charm here)

"Now, I ask you..."

"...What is your passion?"

(At this point, she is so enamored with you, she is already envisioning a way to make her girlfriends' meatheaded boyfriends look even more stupid; and why not, you're contributing to worldly culture, and not kicking and chasing some oval-shaped pigskin ball for a college team)

^If that didn't give you a boner, you're a filthy liar or you need Viagra.

Come on guys... When did interest of history become some stigma for dating chicks. Today's generation of recently turned 18-year old girls read stuff like Twilight and Harry Potter and fall so easily in love with illusions of sexy vampires and all things magical and otherworldly. Fluent historians could rival a pick-up artist any day because historians are already innate story-tellers. Mystique equals glory. Have we already forgotten Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones

Granted, you don't include the cognate-shifts between related Middle Persian and Tocharian nomenclature for noblemen, but you're not supposed to lecture the fairer sex either