I don't believe that the problem can be solved by substituting '-' for ',', I believe the problem at its heart is one that needs restructuring. The sentence just has a lot of things going on, and it might read better broken into two and reworded.That's just my opinion though.
Your intentions are perfectly clear in this sentence, it simply feels very hurried to me and seems to come together a bit unevenly. More a structure and flow nitpick than anything else.
Bookmarks