Should I?

[Fragony]

And again, not American. For Pete's sake, this is the second time you've done this this month alone.

No offence to our American friends, but it's irritating.

In any case, a 30's or 40's year old man preying on girls in their teens/early twenties is considerably lacking in class.

If she is older then 17 what's the problem, old enough to fend for theirselves. I am 32, I'll sleep with a 17 year old girl. I will however never abuse anyone

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

If she is older then 17 what's the problem, old enough to fend for theirselves. I am 32, I'll sleep with a 17 year old girl. I will however never abuse anyone

Not all 17 year olds make good choices (most make bad ones), if you are trying to pick up 17 year olds you are pitting your own experience against their relative naivity. Also, there's no chance of a relatio nship, so the whole exercise is cynical.

Not cool really. I'm not quite 23 and I know it would be easy for me to wow 17 year old girls, I prefer a more even playing field.

[Fragony]

Not all 17 year olds make good choices (most make bad ones), if you are trying to pick up 17 year olds you are pitting your own experience against their relative naivity.

I would never do such a thing, behaviour like that isn't exacly my thing.

[Samurai Waki]

This thread is quickly moving into the backroom arena.

Suffice it to say, I don't think Frags, nor the Netherlands is in the wrong on this one. Elsewise, we would have a much smaller prison population of just over 18 sex offenders. The argument is a dubious one at best.

[Beskar]

Many people never grow up.

[Strike For The South]

Many people never grow up.

So we can never have sex with them?

[Craterus]

Not all 17 year olds make good choices (most make bad ones), if you are trying to pick up 17 year olds you are pitting your own experience against their relative naivity. Also, there's no chance of a relatio nship, so the whole exercise is cynical.

Not cool really. I'm not quite 23 and I know it would be easy for me to wow 17 year old girls, I prefer a more even playing field.

People ('women' would probably land me some points) make poor relationship choices into their 30s and beyond. You're making a fair point, but older women can be similarly 'duped'.

This is more about intentions, IMO.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Many people never grow up.

People ('women' would probably land me some points) make poor relationship choices into their 30s and beyond. You're making a fair point, but older women can be similarly 'duped'.

This is more about intentions, IMO.

Fair points, but what kind of man in his 30's tries to have sex with a teenager, I mean actually walks into a club/coffee shop etc. and goes for a woman so much his junior?

My sister is 18, I wouldn't go below that age now, to be honest at (nearly) 23 I'm not comfortable with going after teenagers any more, they're just so "young" compared to women in their 20's. Their outlook etc. is often totally different.

[Fragony]

Fair points, but what kind of man in his 30's tries to have sex with a teenager, I mean actually walks into a club/coffee shop etc. and goes for a woman so much his junior?

My sister is 18, I wouldn't go below that age now, to be honest at (nearly) 23 I'm not comfortable with going after teenagers any more, they're just so "young" compared to women in their 20's. Their outlook etc. is often totally different.

Why not? I would never take advantage of her, but 18 isn't unnacceptable to me.

[Craterus]

Fair points, but what kind of man in his 30's tries to have sex with a teenager, I mean actually walks into a club/coffee shop etc. and goes for a woman so much his junior?

As long as he intends to go about it the right way and treats her with respect, I don't really have a problem with it. As long as both parties are happy, it's nobody else's business.

I understand what you're saying and I imagine a fair proportion of the guys in relationships like that are pretty sleazy but I don't think an age-gap is something that is intrinsically wrong.

[Prussian to the Iron]

in adults, no an age gap is not wrong. my 45 year old mom and 36 year old dad have been together for 10(11?) years, and they've almost never had any problems. the problem is that a 30 year old going after a teenager is not only creepy, it would never be a real relationship.

even at 14 1/2 i can tell you it is hard to put up with teenage girls; they squeal and scream for no reason all the time. no way a 30 year old is going to have a relationship past sex with that.

[KukriKhan]

Back to "Should I"?

Andres's story is a good lesson to hear. I've been with a couple of 'crazies', and the biggest downside is that you're never allowed to be the crazy one. Everybody has to go a little nuts once in awhile; be irrational, emotional, temporarily childish. When you're with a crazy you never get that time, they get all the crazy attention, and you get to be "the rock". Over time you really do become the rock - humorless, all-business, hard - and eventually that "love" you had, when mixed with simmering resentment at being held back from life, turns into disgust and hatred. Or worse: apathy.

My recommendation: don't do that to yourself. Deep down, you already know what you truly want, or you wouldn't waste time asking "Should I"? I submit that your feelings for the ex spring more from your sense of duty, than from actual appeal. Hence the need for you two to take longs walks down Memory Lane to find feelings of happiness, cuz you're not happy now.

High marks for persistence and a highly-developed sense of duty. But I gotta give you an "F" if you entertain and keep the notion that you have any actual obligation to ex.

Wait... that's too harsh. Discover, then admit (to yourself) what you really want to do. Then do it. We'll all back you, whichever way you go.

Good luck.