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Hello... welcome to my attempt to create a crazy AAR... well, I suddenly gotta this weird campaign idea when discussing the effect of weeds with Jebivjetar. So, to made something clear, I disapprove the usage of weeds because they'll made someone start blurbing crazy stuff, and if someone with power are addicted... bet many crazy stuff will happened (imagine what happened if your president / prime minister are crack addict!). In this campaign, I gonna roleplay that some the Karthadastim senate are heavily addicted by weeds, and because of that... they start to doing some random crazy stuff everywhere... Anyway, because of this AAR has primarily launghingstock comedic nature, you'll find me obviously doing cheating on purpose... but believe me... sometimes they'll also blow everything up and leave a good city for apparently no reason... so sit back and enjoy my story... Thank You!

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PROLOGUE : Jebivjetar Barca, The Weed Trader


"Oh yeah... and for that talent of gold, I shall give you this shipload of weeds... Nice deal doesn't?" Jebivejtar grins happily as Mago orders his servant to weigh the gold coins in front of their eyes. Well - well, let me introduce this certain shady guy... Jebivjetar Barca. Yes, as most of you may know by his obvious name, he was actually a time traveller by accident when he is high and arburdly enter a Nuclear Reactor's core... Instead of getting instantly roasted and sent to the afterlife, the fission energy rip a dimensional wall and sent back this guy to the North Africa in 275 BC. Luckily, aside from his clothes, he also carried a bag full of marijuna (what?!? he carry as much as that?!? What the ****!?!) and somehow manage to trade a bit of it with a rather large farmland, and as you can expect, he start to plant the remaining seeds and sold it at 'ridiculously' high price. It looks like he was in his lucky terms because the first man he trade his weeds (and the first Karthadastei addict), is none other than the Shofet Mago himself... Thus, by supplying the weeds in exclusive terms to the Karthadastim senate, he got a considerable influence on them.

For about years, he has build a rather large scale weed production on north Afica, and by this time, most of the Karthadastim senate members has become heavily addicted on them. They feel so refreshed and think, if this miracle drug was fallen into another faction's hands, what kind of tragedy will befall on theirs? should their miracle drugs are lost? So at this time, almost all of the weeds goes to these Karthadastei upperclassmen, and they paid Jebivjetar rather generously, showering him with gold and giving him a large influence on their decision...

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NOTE : I allready got a permission by Jebivjetar Barca himself.... he deserve this balloon of course

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Hamalcar's Bad Day At Sicily

Hamallcar is gettin a trial of Incompetence because he lost the entire Karthadastei elephant corps, and when he was called in Kart-Hadast he just said this first: "I just simply don't understand... why those pinkie trunkie are so easily killed when I order them to clear the way from wall ruins... It's simply not my fault because I've done this for our soldier's sake."

"Are you idiot or what?!? Can't you see? Clearin the wall's ruins? Are you disaster rescue team or... They are Akontistai and Peltastai according to your men's report! And You are supposed to be careful with those beast! One of them is worth ten minai of weeds!" The Shofet Mago said that rather angrily...

"Oh... please brother... at least I had driven off the Mamertimes out from Messana... Is that wasn't enough?"

"Simply not!!! **** the Mamartimes! So you wanna said that filthy city are worth of our entire pinkie trunkie?!? Can't you think with your ass? You should board some kerkuroi fleet and sent to sleep with the fish you ****** brother!"

"OI.... STOP THIS ****** TRIAL!" Suddenly Jebivjetar Barca shouted. "We could just gettin moar pinkie trunkie from the south, as they won't be in endangered status until 2250 years from now... just keep'em captured and we could regenerate'em again!"

"But, Lord Jebivjetar... Incompetence and Idiocy is unforgiveable sin..." Some random senators bubbled when they heard Jebivjetar's shout...

"NO NO NO... I told you guys... killin those Mamers ain't easy business... and for some good reason... we should hear Hamalcar's story about that first, and then... we'll have our time to think about our Judgement... now Hamalcar... tell us about the truth you remember..." Jebivjetar calmly continues his speech and give a chance for Hamalcar to have his defense.

"uh... guys.... so this story was happened after I sign the peace treaty between us and Epeirotes..." Hamalcar start his story. "I told you... Pyrrhos sent his diplomats to sent the letter and I was first think about bargain for some money... but I simply couldn't resist when their clothing reveals their smooth thighs and ass... I got carried and asked him to doing that the Hellenic way, and some cretain aggrements for a permanent peace treaty..."


"And so we have our decision here... We are strongly conservative politician here... and we disapprove ... You are guilty because homosexuality destroy family values, and you should be sent to our death Kerkuroi fleet..." Mago replies calmly with a really disgusted face.

"Noooo! I didn't say that I doing that with men!!! Pyrrhos' diplomats also carried some really hot girls... That's it...!!!" Hamalcar suddenly becomes very affraid of the most senator's cold and disgusted faces.

"But you said 'Doing it the Hellenic way'...."

"I means these girls are just hot hetairas from Hellenes!" Hamalcar replies really quickly, as he try to cover something.

"Oh... so if this are the truth... continue your story..." Mago said.

"As we talk about the agreements... the Epeirotes are telling us that Pyrrhos is very pissed off with Hiero, king of Syrakousai, his former general that betray his trust... so they ask if we took the Sicily down, when he have his own fun time claiming Makedonian throne... then, he won't become the launghingstock of the Mediterranians again..."

"But your action made us to become the launghingstock!"

".......... But.................. That was just tactical mistake........."

"And how did you capture Messana?" Jebivjetar asked.

"Well, all start when my troops wandering into Sicilian heartlands... we start to walk a long way, but when at the way arround... our supplies goes low because of the pinkie trunkie start eating too much... and I decide that we should loot some food from a nearby town first... but it was my men's fault, not me! as they ask me when I was high... and I just point out Messana for our raiding target."


"And here we go... I just ordered the Elephants to smash their head to their walls"

"Not their gate?"

"I forgot to said that... I just said... smash the walls!"


"And then our heavy cavalrymen dash forward... breaking their pitiful line of defence..."


"After sucessfully give a shell shock to them... I ordered the infantry and elephants to enter the carnage... and before long... I found that we are victorious... the street are filled with soo many corpses, that our pinkie trunkie loves to trample'em flat..."


"Getting more confidence of my skill, after getting more reinforcements, we decide to take on Syrakousai some month after that..."

"So... your secret deal with the Epeirotes are come in play huh?!?"

"Yep.... a bit off......."


"First, we blast their wall... but then, I look something.... strange with that..."

"What strange?"

"The psiloi's corpses who just fallen down the walls... they attract the pinkie trunkie..."

"So what happened to the Elephant corps?"


"Well, actually... that time... some of my weed stock was missing, and I found out that the Mahout stole them... Understand that they are just wanna be hippie after gettin so much kill ratio (24 elephants trampled and kill over hundred guys), I gonna let em have the fun..."

"And what did they do?"

"Well, aside from doing many things you'll only do when high... they fed some of the weed to the elephants..."

"Holy ****, I bet these beast are goin to have a sweet dreams.... and...." Jebivjetar suddenly realised.

"Bet they look for those psiloi's nuts... as they love nuts to eat... hmm, that's interesting" Mago add. "And when you ordered those pinkie trunkie to put aside the debris to made a safe entrance.... they can't run as fast beause in their mind, they search for nuts!!!!!"

"Eheh.... uh... yeah brother...." That's the story..." Hamalcar continues. "So after some sucessful initial break against the Syrakousai Hoplitai that guard the entrance... they suddenly stopped bite even our men's nutsack... as they gone wild... everyone throwing their spears to these beast... and made their escape...."

"Ouw.... Nuts..."


"And those psiloi that was left on the walls start pelting us with anything they have.... and we got soo many victim...." because of that, even I got to run as fast as I can to safe my life from that carnage.... I think... that's all"


"So... next time.... safe your weed really well, don't let your pinkie trunkie eat that... get my point? Now back to your province, and repay that elephant's debt from your province's cash!" Mago then close the trial with that word...

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Some hours after... at the port...

"So... how about those Epeirot diplomats?" Jebivjetar ask Hamalcar.

"Well, that's a bad day afterall.... I know that my brother are soo damn conservative guy... and he doesn't have the open-mindedness of the Hellenes had... Let this story forgotten..."

"Nope... I know that you're a ... Because two years ago, when you first getting high... you admit that you love Hellenic boys.... And made all of us run away as you start to open your clothes..."

"Ouw.... ****!!!!"

"Don't worry... just focus on your duty now... my next shipments will come to karali next autmn... Good luck, and don't let your elephants eat em..."

"Ok.... thanks.... wanna some bear hug pal? Mmmmmmmmwwwwww......ach"

(Jebivjetar runs away in screams....)

PART 1 Finished....

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oh, man: this is AWESOME!

and, yes, i was time traveler, but my conquest failed because most of my soldiers get high and so they decided not to fight anymore (they are some kind of proto-hippies: they like to sing a lot about some peace, and wear funny clothes with flowers) : so they went to Gaul and there settled with some "naked fanatics" with their local narco-guru (lesser king) somewhere around Alesia. Oh, man, i dont know what to do: i made them too peaceful with my good ancient weed

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I came. I saw. I loled.

The Basileus give his approval =]

One for you, Jevi; One for Lykos.

I also commision you two to oversee the Romaioktonoi exclusive 'supplies' shipments.

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"Because the prevailing opinion on international climate change, that some civilizations are undoubtly destroy the nature, and their activities resulted in substantial global warming from some hundred years arround. The effect of industrial growth on some factions is simply staggering, and they start to throw away their harmful emmision for the other's exspense... So we are here... to discuss and sign the ratification of international law and restrictions in the harmful industry."
Pyrrhos of Epeiros; Delivering the opening speech of Ambrakia Summit.

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OH AWESOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I check this forum again after hearing you write an AAR cutewolf, and hey... this kind of AAR are really SICKLY HUMOUROUS!!!!! as I see you twist today's issue into a terrible shape of EB AAR....

Well, I'll watch your progress.....

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"Pyrrhos sent his diplomats to sent the letter and I was first think about bargain for some money... but I simply couldn't resist when their clothing reveals their smooth thighs and ass..."

I LOLed at that...

You are a very funny man, Mr. Bond!

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It's nice to see some orgahs spare their time to read this AAR and give sole lol...

So I'll write the Part 3 and Part 4 faster..... just wait about the updates!...

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? LOL ! ............

What kind of language did cutewolf use? I think he allready asterisked all those swearwords...? or did anyone offended by this AAR?

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They were only partially censored: the rules are that they should be fully asterisked.

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Oh, The Democracy

Times goes by, since Jebivjetar comes and becomes the most prominent figure, that indirectly dictates the decisions that the Karthadastim senate made. But as you know, a life as a weed farmer ain't always on happy and high terms. Sometimes, Jebivjetar becomes soo bored that even his finest weed only doing a bit of improvement on his mind... because he was bored seein his weed fields grows, cut them, dry them and sold them... repeatedly for some consequentive years. Soon, after the Ambrakia summit that create the Ambrakia Protocol was come into effect in the Spring of 266 BC, his boringness is culminating so he start babbling 'philoshopical' things about politics when he goin high.

On the other side of the Kart-Hadast, the Old Shofet Mago was thinking about the improving education for future Kart-Hadast leaders, and his mind seems to imagine rome really wild things and improvements that could be done... but he only think about that when he was high. So, some of his advisor also think that this effects was the trance to a good philoshophical conditioning, and they have a good idea, why not asking Jebivejtar to lead the education reform in Kart-Hadast? So, at his first realization of the hidden potential that lies deep in Jebivjetar's mind, Mago summons some of his brightest advisors, and they made a visit into Jebivjetar's countryside palace. They come when the time is completely right (or wrong), as Jebivjetar is still high... and grumbling about how democracy sucks...

"Oh... he talks about democracy... the things that those Hellenic Philloshopers babbling about and always try to refine!!!" some of the Advisors said that. "The Gods must infest him with such degree of wisdom... Lord Mago... We think you allready got the right man to give some lectures on the akademia from now..."

And that's Why Jebivjetar is trusted to give this following lectures to some of the brightest of the sons of Kart-Hadast nobilities this day.

(Jebivjetar enter the classroom)

"Good morning boys! How are your high-time doin?!?"

"Awesooomeee Sir!!!!"

"Oh.. ok.... now just get relax, and listen to my story about what the Hellene call 'democracy', and don't forget to write your note... not burn it."

"Now, I heard your previous Hellene lecturers are allready given their opinions about democracy, but I'll start this by giving mine. Just look at this illustrations that I draw... here's the first"


"And compare that with the second!"


"And now, I have a question... which is 'democracy'? Oh, who choose the first pic, and who choose the second pic? Well, whatever you choose, you know, they are both represent democracy in some forms."

"The first one, is the first dogma of democracy, as all of you can see, represent how democracy works at the peace time... you can see plusle, pikachu, and minun there... they have different charges stored in their body, and that represent some political views, either positive currents, alternating currents, or negative currents. The same goes for our great federation of Kart-Hadastei... we could have Barcids, Anti Barcids, and much more... but we are still friends, and every difference on the matters of opinion, must be resolved peacefully in peace time... that's why we, the upperclassmen, have a right to vote, and giving our part to our nation's development."

"But the second, is a really important second dogma when we face some kind of threat, either external or internally... If the executive body feels that some kind of traitors, or potential traitors start to grow from inside, and try to tearing up our unity... the strongest components, such as military, or tigger in this example, should try to eliminate that threat as quickly as possible, with all matters if necessary... then, the remaining components won't become distatisfied, and they'll be happy... look at their happy face after tigger killing pooh... Such dogma lies also in the Pre-Emptive strike doctrine that Kart-Hadast follows, as we often found some potential threat growing from outside, and we must smack them as quickly as possible."

"We have a lot of good example on our first dogma... we should look for our Shofet election that way... well, actually, Lord Mago hold the title "honorary Shofet" because he was doing something good before... but the real Shofet is Bomilkar this time... in the shofet election, we, the senators, propose some certain silly figures that we could dominate as a puppet, leaving the real power on my hands, and then, we choose to determine, which puppet is the stupidest to become a shofet. That's true... the silly Ha'Hamor is a real deal, because the lower classmen will think that his stuborness is a good proof on his indomitableness, while the upperclassmen saw that he didn't have any guts at all."

"The recent example of the second dogma is a better one, as at Iberian lands, Hadrusbal allready crushed some Iberian ecological resistance that block our trade route. There, we got their nerves broken as we raze their city to the ground, and sent their native inhabitants to our concentration camps, so we, Phoenicians, could fill their city with ourself, and some willingly collaborationist natives."

"The battle starts when some ecology-leader, headed by Eskutino, didn't want to remove their blocade on our trade route to Lusotann. Even we allready give our ultimatum and they only stand there, and start bubbling 'Freedom to Iberia! Freedom to Iberia, The Imperialist Kart-Hadast must Gone from our land!'... well, their bubbling was a certain sign of rebellion, and if this situation quickly escalate, the Ambrakia-Protocol signers, especially Epeiros and Sweboz, could then called for truce and try to drag us into a peace confrence, that in truth, has a hidden meaning of giving their freedom. Put aside their Makedonian affairs, Pyrrhos has innate lust to become the international peace maker, and that is another threat"


"To made that matters on Iberia looks like just another rebel-quelling activity, we decide to use minimal Phoenician forces, and use our elite Iberian troopers as the primary 'silencer', with several collaborationist natives as a method to 'prove' international community, that their rebellion isn't justified by their own people."


"First, after they see our troopers assembled, they try to continue their demonstration peacefully... so that's why we use our equites caetratii to skewer some of them, and rouse them into more violent actions, so we could report to the international community, if their meddlesome activity is irritatingly high, that the 'ecology activists' start to attack us first, and report the initial casualities by our equites caetratii as 'accident'."


"So after they get some casualities, their cavalry start to give chase to our equites caetrati and some of our caetrati did become victim of their javelins... so we have our justification to use our heavier cavalry to crush them..."


"Hadrusbal also enjoy some sports, skewering the demonstrators with his personal bodyguards, of course, the international community won't be informed..."


"After that, our infantrymen advance and start to kill them in close combat... as we can expect, after we killed their leader, they start to flee and try to take shelter in nearby town..."


"So that's why we get a military justification to besiege the 'nature-loving' town of baikor... So, did you still remember about the speech that a lusotann boy give when the Ambrakia summit was started... that's it! The remaining ecological activists are atartin to lock themself in the town of Baikor, and our intelligence suggests that some Lusotann hands did play something in their activity, it looks like the Lusotann did support some troops to back up their ecological movements."


"So we create some rams to slam our way through their pitiful palisades... and we did use 'collaborationist natives' once again, and everytime we got involved in Iberia, to give international justifications on our actions."


"It looks like they are now more aggresive than we tought before, as they think they defend the bastion of nature-loving community... well **** the nature, because they start showering our troops with javelins!"


"But then, when their gate are broken... they quickly run to their home and try to disguise themself as harmless civilians..."


"And we decide to give them a nasty time... The one that still stand and fight openly are forced to fight against their own 'blood brothers' so they'll reluctant to fight, as these troops are the same militia as them... not the elites that they learn to hate."


"While our elite troops proceed to slay their last leader, and hung his corpse at the central plaza... this was called 'morale reducing method' and contrary to the international opinion... they are valid tactics on battlefield"


"So we cut them down... burn the city... kill everyone that didn't want to join us... and rape all the women there.... wait... no soldiers are reported to rape boys because there was Iberia, far - far away from the gay tolerating Romaioi and Hellenic cultures. Afterall we won the battle, and at the same time... undermine the international law... that it..."


"That's why we could proudly call ourself a Democratic Nation of Kart-Hadastei"

PART 3 Finished

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rofl mao ze ding dong

i got nothing to say except-

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Wakakakakak........ I literally rolling on the floor reading those Part 3......

It looks like you involve some kind of International political critics that way.....

But you're really crazy.....
Just watchout if someone will be offended

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heheh... just wait up till the 4th part comes... you'll abducted into alien spaceship....
Just wait......



Eh?
Who'll be offended by this? I'm made sure that I didn't insult anyone particular with this aar.....

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Well, actually you did write some briliant (and somewhat o the point) critics toward today's issues... and now, I think this AAR is more than just a comedic AAR... This is comedic AAR laced with certain humanitarian, as well as philoshophical values.....

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I knew it, I knew it sooo much : Tigger is a Slogonez... He's a sweboz clubman that dictates democratie just in the sweboz way : with a bigger and studier club than others!!!

Just like other today's nations that, for the sake of friendship and respect, I won't name

Being a philosophe is hard today, as any Idea can ''harm'' somebody... as the saying goes : opinions can be dangerous!... pitty!

Hey cute wolf, that is juuuust great!
Sweboz activist! mouhahahahahahaha STOP BABY BURNING... Because of Baal we can't swim in our rivers anymore without finding a leg or an arm...

Here's a baloon!

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Yeah yeah... I know.... I was a big fan of South Park, and I read many things about democracy and human rights too, and they are somewhat affecting my AAR in a certain way that understandable even by Cartman!

LOL! you sound like a mix of Greenpeace and Anti Abortion activist man! Of course... the Sweboz prefers men to be killed in hot battles rather than burned away as infant! STOP BABY BURNING!!!

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Next update is tommorow... just wait...

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Lol, that's mean i'd fit well as a sweboz nature activist in your AAR!!! hahahahahaha

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I simply enjoy this AAR, Cute Wolf. You're my man!


have this, my friend:

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OO My god!!!!!
how much baloons is in there!!!!
baloon heaven, man- baloon heaven!!!
well, if i could give you a baloon, I should give you one

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Ok, i'm here just to say that in minute ago i spoke with Cute Wolf's hologram on facebook and he said that he couldn't update this AAR today due to some account-related problem.

This are his words:

I'm afraid his account has been hacked, man.

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In that case the best thing to do would be to e-mail TosaInu (his address is on the front page). If he can prove that the Cute Wolf account is his, Tosa can reset the password. However, as CW logged in a few hours ago without doing anything, I am not sure whether anything malicious is going on.

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Soory to made everyone wait for soo long and even I first start to speculate my account was hacked... No, actually I now post this using my friend's computer, outside of my campus' network area...

That was a job by some on the informatics group that set a new firewall that made anyone from my university's network CAN'T POST ANYTHING ON MOST FORUMS! because some internal bad case of the students spreading something "evil" on another forums and we got complained. So to prevent that, the informatics group block acess to that forum (certainly not this org), and place heavy restriction to post on another VB based forum for some time (I also can't post anything on another forums too)

Don't worry, meanwhile, I can post that next sunday from a cafe hotspot instead....
Thanks


Cute Wolf

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Jebivjetar & The Alien Conspiracy!!!

Roma, The temple of Ivpiter... lies under it's basement are a secret chamber, guarded by elite of the elite Roman troops, and under that secret chamber, lies highly secret chamber who only a handful of high powered senatores and prominent nobility entered for discussing highly secretive matters of the Roman republic's affairs, and yet under that highly secret chamber... lies an extremely secret high tech room, made by foreign extraterrestial beings, contain some teleport tube for alien diplomats, and guarded by several automatic plasma gun controlled by highly intelligent AI. Only few high positioned men of the Roman republican office knows... and only three Men, the Pontifex Maximus, along with two consuls could enter that.


The aliens are rumoured to take control of the time... they take indirect control on every major faction in an era... and after the Egyptian dynasty were replaced by those sister ******* Ptolemaioi, they start to take Roman Republic under their influence and to some extent "mind control". That's why, a stupid, barbaric people like those Romaioi are capable to do something that surpass their default level of intelligence, because when the Aliens try to took control on them... their Filthy Barbaropolis are upgraded into a major city, although still contain some of their Barbaricness, the aliens sucessfully teach those Romaioi to copy their more hellenized neighbours...

"So, the irregular flow of the dimensions we decect some years ago, has something to do with your great rival... the Republic of Kart-Hadast. It looks like they had some sort of involvement with that. Just look at the source of this irregular time wave that ends when the chrono vortex reaching the Kart-Hadast region." A Mysterious alien seen in the monitor said that to the Consul and Pontifex Maximus of SPQR, and as most of you can see, he's a grey alien... but how did he comes here? and what intent?

"Yes... we'll do as you ask... we'll try our best to harass the Karthadastim governance, and we'll try to extract as much information as possible sir!" the lone Roman, known as Pontifex Maximus replied directly.

"Well, first you must swear in the name of His Noddliness... The Flying Sphagetii Monster... to keep this information I'll about bring to you as a secret... understand?!?"

"In the name of His Noddliness... The Flying Sphagetii Monster... I swear that I wouldn't let my mouth spill the secret you'll about to tell me. If I couldn't keep my word... Pedobear will molest my ass!"

"So... did you know about this certain shady guy... a weed trader who de facto controlling the Karthadastim senate... Jebivjetar?"

"Oh... I know about him a bit... as he was the only weed trader in this era that was neither Persian descendants nor the Nomads... He was a really interesting stuff of guys... certainly has a lot of knowledge and a sharp mind in the art of war... but as far as we know... he only direct the Kart-Hadastim behind the scene... as he prefer spending his days with his weeds, his wine, and many women..."

"Hoo.... WWW.... Weed, Wine, and Women....... a really hedonistic guy eh?.... So Roman..... what did you think about bring him down?"

"Of course... he allready produce his own weeds.... the Iberians who Karthadastei rule produce much better wine than us... but he wouldn't ignore if we sent a beautiful girl to lure him into the vortex of time... generated by your ship... that's all I can think about..."

"Well... it looks like we also need to take down the empire of Kart-Hadast itself... Prepare your men on the Tiber river valley... and get some Tiberium to power up the teleport machine lies on that site... after that, I will guide the machine to send some of your men to bring a surprise attack on their colony that was dangerously close to Roma... the Alalia... and after that... we will teleport your force directly on their very edge of the City of Kart-Hadast itself... capture it by force when they try to sent their troops try to wrestle Alalia from us..."

"As you wish and we shall obey sir..."

And then... as you can expect... the romans assemble their troops on the side of Tiber river... and they start to initiate the mass teleportation procedure... the first thing was some Hastati and Leves sent to mine the Tiberium, and load it to obvious alien plattform... And high in the sky... the Aliens are watching the Romans finish their job...


And after that this teleport assault force was ready... they are sent to Alalia, which at this time didn't have any guards at all... and quickly take that backyard town without any difficulty... in the process... they sent a declaration of war to the Kart-Hadastei...


Meanwhile... back in the great city of Kart-Hadast.... Jebivjetar barca are now widely hailed as a great philosshoper, morale teacher, and narco guru... that even become more iconic as he often give speech in front of Kart-Hadast military force, and smoke in a charismatic manner... Many of the Iberians and Hellenes especially hail this narco guru with a speech befitted of him.... "Viva La Kart-Hadast!"


Honored almost as living god among the smoking Phoenicians, Iberians, and Hellenes... Jebivjetar manage himself to get a proper way of honourable living... mostly seen giving some philoshopical class, as well as botanical class to plant your own weeds to the upper-class Phoenicians and military force... and then indulge himself with many Weed, Wine, and Women... as befitted as the most notorious narco guru...

But then... the boringness of banging some women again - again and again... made Jebivjetar really bored and he try to get some new women to enter his harem... That night... he and Bomilkar goes to Atiqa's grand bazaar night club, in hope to found some new hottie to be pounded with lusts... But in other side of that hedonistic community, an alien girl, the agent X21+, wait Jebivjetar in the darkness. Unsurprisingly, when Jebivjetar comes near her... she called him....


"Loorrdd Jebivjetaaarrr........ remember meeee?"

"Oh man! what a pretty girl......... euh... did you know me.....?"

"Of course I did.... You bang me six month ago, when the Atiqa's new temple of Astrate was opened... I'm the holy prostitute that works there...."

"Ouw.... holy... ****.... you re really a hottie there.... come on... come to my place..... well, what about you Bomilkar?"

"Ehem... she's all yours... I think I will search for a food befitting to serve the Lord Pedobear..." Bomilkar calmly replies.

"Ouw... damn.... are you sayin that you're a Pedobear follower now, what the... what will Lord Baal say when he hear about that... he was omnipotent god, at least that I heard from those priests everytime I attend Baal's praise and worship?" Jebivjetar say that with a shocked face...

"Hey... just calm.... don't you know about the new cult of Baal-Pedobear? They're a cool new cult! You should try some..."


"Of course I know... that was a really sick cult... now back off or I'll... well, next time, I'll try to attend the Pedobear's praise and worship service... in which temple?"

"Just near the Kart-Hadast marketplace... Pedobear approves!"

"Well, just don't said that to those Sweboz ambassador who resides near there, as he often said STOP BABY BURNING!!! And then randomly club some libyan slaves to the dead... well, the Sweboz ambassador are quite eccentric."

"Yes, yes... I know him... as he often take a walk on the Grand Bazzar with nothing, just paint his body all black, and...."

"EXCUSE ME LORDS...... DID YOU WANNA TAKE ME ONE NIGHT STAND OR NOT?" The hot girls that they've ignored for a while said that loudly... because apparently she was ignored for a quite long time.

"Jebivjetar... just take her down and bang her... Leaving a holy prostitute waiting is not a good manner." Bomilkar said.

"Allright pal... now, we should part our way here, as I'll search for a love hotel here...."

And so, Jebivjetar and that hot girl (that was in fact an alien agent) take some rest on the nearby love hotel. As they've got inside and lock the doors, drink some wine, and close the windows... now the girl started to open her clothes one by one...

"Ouw.... dear... I just wanna too....."


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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jebivjetar suddenly screams as a mysterious ray just comes out and kidnap him to a some kind of flying saucer.... an Alien Spaceship!!!!!


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"Where am I... Ooppsss.... I forgot to take my clothes... ****!!!!!" Jebivjetar suddenly realized that he was lying on the spaceship's floor... naked.

But some kind of time vortex was opened in fron t of him, and he realize that he see another man... the more he see, that man is clearly resembles him... wearing heavy silver armour, and riding armoured horse, and even his thorax has the mighty Romaioktonoi symbol, really majestic posture to behold. Everything looks fine, except he carrying a wooden oak club, spiked with coarse and rusty iron.

"The Romans have ruined the time vortex... Fight them with me my friend... Kill them all!" that men said that to Jebivjetar.


"Who... who are you... Ouw men... am I still high, I didn't touch my weeds yet!" Jebivjetar complied.

"Foolish junkie! I am you! I am yourself! Need more question? The mighty Pedobear has awaken me, your inner conciousness, and from there... you shall named Xanthipphos... and you will lead some Spartan bands of junkies to a mighty victory!"


"Huh... I am Xanthipphos? I heard Xanthippos are Hellen?"

"No, the crack the Romans made on the time vortex cause you to become the Xanthipphos... well, in reality, you remember what you did yesterday? You give a band of Spartan hippies free weeds as treat... and they want to honour your kindness by stand beside you and fight for you..."

"Ouw... so that's the truth?"

"Yes, you command some Spartan hippies!"

"And so, I'm not ridding any horse..."

"True... because this horse was only an Illusion... oh... the sweboz's club of time's power just faded... quick, take this club anbd smash this damn alien spaceship's windows, so you can escape with this jump jet suit!"

"Jump jet suit? Sweboz's club of time? And you're sent by the mighty pedobear? What the heck is happening here?"

"Just follow my orders stupid... I am yourself!" and then the mighty men vanished... leaving just a dirty and rusty spiked wooden club, along with a jump jet suit.

"Urgh.... what the ****" Jebivjetar thinks of that experience, and as he was still naked he quickly don the jump jet suit, he then screams like a Slagonez and smash one of the spaceship's window.

"HAIIIYAAAAA WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"


And he quickly land on the right site of battle, as some Kart-Hadast's mercenary army still on duty, has somewhat been carried there by some spiritual means... and facing them are a mighty cohort of Roman army... ready to lay waste on Karthadastim land!

"Oh... that's the lord Jebivjetar... We can fight now! We will win!!! Horayyy!!!!!!!!" A glorious, mighty speech culminating when he change his jump jet suits into full body armour and stand beside the Spartan hippies who adress him as lord Xanthipphos (apparently Xanthipphos was some kind of name he randomly blurbs when he's high).

And before he assemble the troops, the sky opens and a mighty figure in the form of Bear comes down... It's Pedobear!


"Hiya... I choose you Jebivjetar... You must crush those Romans! as they are the Flying Sphagetti monster's followers!"

"But I never worship you before Pedobear?!? What the heck you are coming and command me?"

"Oh, you don't know that I and Baal are one entity? So you know the truth now... Why the babies and childrens are roasted to become my offerings.... I love to eat them as well done steaks"

"Ouw...."

"But I'm just recently opened my cover, and inspire some priests to opened the first temple of the cult of Baal-Pedobear.... so do my command! or I smack your head!"

"As you wish lord...." and Jebivjetar start the battle!

As usual, the skirmisher cavalry sent forward, and lure the Roman Eqvites to their doom at Jebijevtar's spartan Hippies pointy sticks...


With the Roman cavalry shattered... the Liby Phoenician cavalry now take on the offensive...


As they slam their spears right onto a line made of hastati.... ouch! That must hurt the Romans a lot....!


Bored of being killed without any chance of retalition, the Roman lines advance! but the Numidian archers stand ready and relase their volleys of flaming arrows toward them...


So great that the dread Jebivjetar give the Romans... that their line start to falter, even before most of them make contact with their enemies... the Roman Hastati (who allready suffer heavy casualities, thanks to the Liby Phoenician cavalry) start to rout first, and never come back!


And so, with some slams of cavalry to their side and back, the Roman teleport invasion force was entirely defeated today...


And after that... Pedobear, the true lord Baal, smiles in the sky....

- Now back to Roma -

"How did this lose comes! I think the soldiers you sent to smack those Kart-Hadastim are enough! I've never heard a full fledged infasion force was beaten by a band of mercs that has only half their strength!" The Mysterious Alien on the monitors angered as he heard about the sore loss the Roman had...

"But... I know this wasn't your fault either..." Those aliens are speaking to frightened Pontifex Maximus.... "It was the Flying Sphagetti Monster's rival... the Pedobear, behind all of this failure.... and for worse, Pedobear has reveal himself as his incarnation... he tells them that he was Baal..."

"Oh... forgive me lord.... For the Flying Sphagetti Monster's Nodliness Grace... we shall try again..." The Pontifex Maximus said that while he still cowers and covered all by cold sweats...

"No... next time I fought against them... I'll sent unit from the imperial time to take care of them... that's easy for us... just create a chrono vortex and start inputting create_unit! Beware Kart-Hadastim... this is not the last.... This was only THE BEGINNING!!!!"


Part 4 finished

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Man! Wolf! O MAN !! Omg i don't know what to say... but: this update is so god damn cool so i must throw myself through the window just to calm down a bit! Your ideas made my brain so so i laugh like a maniac! i just have to put my head in some ice because my brains will explode due to hot temperature!!!



MAN I WANT TO MARRY YOU!!!!

i dont know... man... and your fotoshops made me :laughinglunatic:

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Ok.... the Senate will sent you on their death Kerkuroi fleet because they are blatant conservative politician and they dissaproove . I allready have Hadrusbal executed that way.......

Just joking.... eheh.....



So, who's the next Romaioktonoi member want to teleported back in this story?
But this time, I need someone who wanna take a role as "Anti Weed Movement" leader..... If anyone doesn't so I'll teleport myself.... (I'll pick the first poster)

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Lol the Karthadastei worship Pedobear as well??
A balloon for both Lykos and Jeb the dealer.

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Well, those stories made me crazy....
Moar - moar - moar .... or Pedobear will molest you!

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Uh, yeah.... I just can't resist to not post this!!!



Since that time Kart-Hadast will be much older than 1900 era.... why did the Pedobear looks so modern?

Oh yeah... I think Jebivjetar will be this after completing the course of this AAR!!!


And... you forgot to add:

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These stories make me Crazy to. Why do the romans would have help from the aliens?????

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