I respectfully request guidance.

[CrossLOPER]

I have not been an active member of the Org for about a year. Since my self-imposed exile, I have have gone in odd directions. In most cases, I have found some success. However, I feel that today is a critical day that will have some determination as to where things will lead. Strange as this request is in its nature, I think that some of those here may impart some wisdom to me.

I have been led astray.

I prefer not to give too much information here, though the situation is somewhat complex. Essentially, I feel that I have behaved inappropriately to someone, and they appear to be hurt. To what extent, I am not even entirely sure. The result of my behavior was unintentional, but that is unimportant. The implications of all of this have both personal and professional academic bearings.

I think I should apologize. I want to apologize. I probably won't see them until Monday, assuming they want to be seen. This makes things worse since it is better to conduct an apology in person. However, I feel that every second the effects of the poison become worse and I want to contact them NOW. E-mail, phone... anything.

The timing of all of this is horrendous. Monday is a special day for them, and I would hate to foul it. This is yet another reason to send something now, however. I could promise further apologies, but I don't know if they'll take it seriously.

This has happened before and I did nothing. The results could have been infinitely worse, but I just happened to be lucky. I do not want to rely on that now.

[PershsNhpios]

Having placed so much effort in describing your predicament without disclosing any details whatsoever, you must now have found the answer for yourself.

Truly s'ah! I am not making a poor joke.

If I were in trouble and in such a desperate state of mind as to seek personal advice from the fellowship here, well-meaning as they are, my illusion would last only to the moment when I first began receiving replies.

I would then realise that I had provided myself with the answer and know that the question was not necessary.

[CrossLOPER]

You are right.

[Kadagar_AV]

Case closed then :)

I hope it goes well!

[Ice]

My advice is wait. Emotional decisions usually do not trump logical decisions. Take the weekend and think it over. If are you aren't comfortable with Monday, wait till Tuesday. It doesn't seem like a few days would that much of a difference, and the value of logic is immeasurable.

[Major Robert Dump]

I think you should give us all the meaty details.

[CrossLOPER]

Here's my logic: I feel that I were to wait, it would seem as if I didn't care or I am too scared to try right my wrongs.

I do care. A lot. More than I probably should.

They seemed obviously hurt, and from such a simple mistake. Again, I hurt someone from a lack of good judgment before and did nothing. They apparently brushed it off, but the way they looked at me for years later haunts me still. I feel as if that was a warning.

I think you should give us all the meaty details.

It's really more pitiful than tragic...

[Aemilius Paulus]

What is it about us Russians that makes us injure people, whether verbally or physically?

[Ice]

Here's my logic: I feel that I were to wait, it would seem as if I didn't care or I am too scared to try right my wrongs.

I do care. A lot. More than I probably should.

They seemed obviously hurt, and from such a simple mistake. Again, I hurt someone from a lack of good judgment before and did nothing. They apparently brushed it off, but the way they looked at me for years later haunts me still. I feel as if that was a warning.

Caring is good; Nice guys do not finish last, but do indeed finish first a lot of the time.

I understand your logic, but if the most effective way would be face to face communication then it would be worth the wait. It would also give you some time to think about the issue, calm down a bit, and collect your thoughts. However, only you know the situation so you obviously are the best judge of this. I just don't want you to make the situation worse as I have many times by acting carelessly and not thinking my decisions through.

Yes.... many times it did involved women.

[CrossLOPER]

OK, maybe I am not gushing care so much as actually feeling bad that I acted like an idiot towards them and made them uncomfortable. It was one short action, but I feel it had its (unintended) impact.

[HoreTore]

NEVER talk to ANYONE when you're in an emotional state of mind.

Only speak to people once the emotions are gone.



Also, if the situation involves women; you're doomed. It's physically impossible to communicate with those creatures. Only thing to do is to find someone new...

[Beskar]

Nice don't finish last, but over-controling, over-whelming, obsessive ones do.

[Husar]

Meh, call them on the phone, writing an apology via e-mail or any other medium that does not yield a direct response, where you don't even know if or when they read it, just makes it all worse, you might even write something they will misunderstand yet again etc. blabla.
I know that because I'm apparently good at not getting replys to messages.
The vacuum this leaves is worse than not communicating at all so I usually just choose the latter, for the sake of my own sanity.

Now it's up to you, wait for a face-to-face talk or pick up the phone but my advice is against any other method.

[KukriKhan]

Men are clumsy. We cause offense all the time. When we do, we apologize as soon as possible after the offensive event.

Apologies come in 3 parts:

1) I'm sorry I _______________________________.
2) My mistake was ______________________.
3) How can I make it up to you?

And then you stop. You've done your duty. Whether you are forgiven or not is not up to you, rather, it's up to the offended party. A man accepts their decision as final.

[rory_20_uk]

Men are clumsy. We cause offense all the time. When we do, we apologize as soon as possible after the offensive event.

Apologies come in 3 parts:

1) I'm sorry I _______________________________.
2) My mistake was ______________________.
3) How can I make it up to you?

And then you stop. You've done your duty. Whether you are forgiven or not is not up to you, rather, it's up to the offended party. A man accepts their decision as final.

I think that point 2 should be 2) I think that my mistake was ______________. Am I right? [Possibly "my reason for doing this was _____________]

Then besides the female penchant for not correcting and still being in a mood about something that she has knowingly chosen not to share is then her issue, not yours.

Phone or neutral territory is a better option. Phone is quicker and cheaper, coffee shop shows you're investing more time and effort into it; I know that on this logic serenading by a quartet is much better, but that rather blows things up rather.

[CrossLOPER]

I'm fairly sure they will at least get my message, and I hope it was worded well. I kept it as simple as I could, and ended with an opening for a personal meeting. I will not obsess as I cannot afford to. All I can do is wait.

What makes this worse is that we are depending on each other to get a project finished. There are five people who have no clue what has transpired and if this gets bad everyone is screwed. I'm a master at screwing people over, apparently.

[KukriKhan]

Then besides the female penchant for not correcting and still being in a mood about something that she has knowingly chosen not to share is then her issue, not yours.

Ha! If I had a penny for everytime...

[ICantSpellDawg]

Cheat on a girl and the relationship is over. The choice has been made. Further dwelling serves no purpose.

[CrossLOPER]

Um... I'm not sure what the misunderstanding would be in that case. I don't think what I did is that horrible.

[Devastatin Dave]

What is it about us Russians that makes us injure people, whether verbally or physically?

It turns me on thats why I do it.

[Beskar]

Trouble with females, they hate it when they are wrong and you get blamed for it if they are.

You could innocently sit down at the computer, only to find out only the screen was turned off, and when you turn it on, you find out your partner is having highly sexual conversation with another male and infact been cheating behind your back with them, and they go female fenzy crazy at you, because you apparently invaded their privacy and the situation is only a problem because you now know about it.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Also seeing the guy offering sperm tea as a susposed sexual turn on was hilarious.

[HoreTore]

Trouble with females, they hate it when they are wrong and you get blamed for it if they are.

You could innocently sit down at the computer, only to find out only the screen was turned off, and when you turn it on, you find out your partner is having highly sexual conversation with another male and infact been cheating behind your back with them, and they go female fenzy crazy at you, because you apparently invaded their privacy and the situation is only a problem because you now know about it.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Also seeing the guy offering sperm tea as a susposed sexual turn on was hilarious.

You're not the only one in that situation, my friend...

In my situation though, the response I got was "None of your business! It's my body! You don't own me!". That was after 2,5 years, 1,5 of those spent living together....

Yeah, who am I to think that's any of my business.....

[Beskar]

You're not the only one in that situation, my friend...

In my situation though, the response I got was "None of your business! It's my body! You don't own me!". That was after 2,5 years, 1,5 of those spent living together....

Yeah, who am I to think that's any of my business.....

I am always of the opinion of an honest and open communication relationship. If two people want to have a relationship where they see other people that is fine, if some one wants to see other people, then it is their duty to inform the other person in the relationship of that intention.

The act of concealing something in such a relationship is an act of dishonour. If they were open and frank about it, then it is just a case of either allow that to happen, or figure that the relationship is not right for you.

Rather be told by some one that we are not right together than find them in bed with some one else. At least then you don't feel betrayed.


Edit: There is also the argument that cheaters also cheat themselves into thinking what they are doing is fine or acceptable, or want things as they are. etc

[Fragony]

Men are clumsy. We cause offense all the time. When we do, we apologize as soon as possible after the offensive event.

Apologies come in 3 parts:

1) I'm sorry I _______________________________.
2) My mistake was ______________________.
3) How can I make it up to you?

And then you stop. You've done your duty. Whether you are forgiven or not is not up to you, rather, it's up to the offended party. A man accepts their decision as final.

You still don't get it, asking what you did wrong is the greatest offense by not knowing.

[KukriKhan]

You still don't get it, asking what you did wrong is the greatest offense by not knowing.

Huh? Wait, look at the time. Late afternoon in Dutchistan, beer-thirty. :)

The blank lines

1) I'm sorry I _______________________________.
2) My mistake was ______________________.

are where you fill in what you did wrong.

Unless you were making a comment about never knowing what one did wrong in relationships wit teh wimmins. In which case:

[HoreTore]

Unless you were making a comment about never knowing what one did wrong in relationships wit teh wimmins. In which case:

I know what I did wrong in one relationship; I'm not the kind of guy who comes home drunk and beats the crap out of my girlfriend... As that's what she wanted, she dumped me....

[Fragony]

Well I forgive you it was a horrible thing to say but I can let it go. These shoes do look good me, and you know it.

[Ja'chyra]

I know what I did wrong in one relationship; I'm not the kind of guy who comes home drunk and beats the crap out of my girlfriend... As that's what she wanted, she dumped me....

I find giving them a good beating once a week keeps everyone happy.