The big C...

**Kadagar_AV** · 12-09-2009, 19:21

This is a rant / vent about cancer in the family...

Long story short, my dad got the "big C"... And as health care is several times faster and better in Austria, living at my place (In Sweden he would have had to wait some month to get the chemo and radiation therapy).

I had NO idea how hard this disease is on the patient, or his suroundings. Actually experiencing the disease from as close as you can without actually having it, I must say that I now have the deepest respect for all who fought through it, and their families...

He is 71 year old, used to be very fit and healthy. People who met him would believe he was 50! Now he seems more like 90...

He has aged some 40 years in just a few months (2?), and lost about 1/5 of his body weight.

He faints, cant keep food down, get slight memory problems, have huge problems eating, its constant pain, he cant sleep properly but are too tired to be awake.

This is a former Spetznaz Captain, it is NOT a guy wou would ever complain or show any sign of weakness. Now he needs help taking a shower, and needs almost full time surveilance.

And taking care of him IS hard.

Don't get me wrong, I love him and I am glad I can be there for him. But... Well, sometimes it's just hard.

Just to give you an example:

I went way away to get a hold of his favourite food... Hoping it could help.

Spent an hour or so cooking it...

30 seconds into the meal, he throws up over the food... The stress and work from puking makes him faint...

I clean him up and carry him to the bedroom...

Just when I am done cleaning the kitchen, he wakes up and is pissed off about the food not being ready yet, as we were supposed to have been eating almost an hour ago...

Anyone heard of Sisyphus?

Sorry, I don't even know why I am writing this here. Maybe someone have been through similar? I do hope there is some kind of light at the end of the tunnel... Cause the road to getting rid of cancer is damn hard, not just from the patient, but for his surroudnings.

Would have been easier if there were more people to back him up, but I am only family he has here... My mum will come down over christmas and new year though, phew, will def feel like vacation!

/rant

**Ser Clegane** · 12-09-2009, 23:08

I do not have any personal experiences with cancer in my close family that I could share, so let me just share my hope that your father wins this fight and will recover - and that you have the strength to help him win the fight

**Beirut** · 12-09-2009, 23:27

Kadagar,

I feel your pain. Both my parents died of brain cancer and it was nothing less than Hell on Earth. My dad went from 220lbs and an IQ high enough to boil water to a weak, scared, thin shadow of his former self. he lasted about nine-months. My mother lasted about six-months, and I could live five lifetimes and never completely get over the stress of pushing her back and forth around the house at two in the morning in her wheelchair while she listened to "anti-suicide" feel-good tapes on Walkman to keep her spirits up.

You have few options except for patience. You simply have to learn to survice, grasp what happiness and quiet you can during the person's illness and know that in the end, even when the end means the death of the person, peace will come to you.

Read the classics, have a beer, watch a funny movie, do anything that brings you even a moment's peace of mind. Those koments will hold you together. And try to find some kind of spirituality that gives you strength.

Survice, my brother, survive. You are living the human condition and you must never for a moment regret or feel guilty about finding peace of mind.

**Kadagar_AV** · 12-10-2009, 03:04

Originally Posted by Beirut

Kadagar,

I feel your pain. Both my parents died of brain cancer and it was nothing less than Hell on Earth. My dad went from 220lbs and an IQ high enough to boil water to a weak, scared, thin shadow of his former self. he lasted about nine-months. My mother lasted about six-months, and I could live five lifetimes and never completely get over the stress of pushing her back and forth around the house at two in the morning in her wheelchair while she listened to "anti-suicide" feel-good tapes on Walkman to keep her spirits up.

You have few options except for patience. You simply have to learn to survice, grasp what happiness and quiet you can during the person's illness and know that in the end, even when the end means the death of the person, peace will come to you.

Read the classics, have a beer, watch a funny movie, do anything that brings you even a moment's peace of mind. Those koments will hold you together. And try to find some kind of spirituality that gives you strength.

Survice, my brother, survive. You are living the human condition and you must never for a moment regret or feel guilty about finding peace of mind.

Thanks, I guess this is what I looked for as I wrote the post...

It means a lot just hearing there is someone else who has been through it... And of course my condoleances, and deepest respect for what you have been through.

At least I still have some vague hope of it all going well, but, 2 operations and some chemo/radiation later, it gets very hard to keep the hope up.

Sir Clegane, thanks!

**KukriKhan** · 12-10-2009, 04:26

My heartfelt feelings go to you and yours Kadagar.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

That was late 70's, early 80's. Medics have come a long way since then. Two women at work successfully beat the Big C with new therapies (and chemo), and they both are doing fine. When I was growing up in the 50's & 60's, the big C was a death warrant. "Got it? Sorry... adios."

Now there's some hope. People survive. Some don't. But it's no longer an automatic death sentence, with no chance of appeal.

But I'm not trying to be a cheerleader here, saying "It'll be alright". It might not. My only regret was that I couldn't get to Mom the first time, to tell her all the things I should have told her years before.

It turned out, she had more years left in her at that time. Sort of: my reprieve. After she recovered the first time, we sat down and reviewed our 20 years together - Adult Mom to Adult Son - and sorted out all the lies and misunderstandings and misconceptions we'd experienced in those days. I ended up with a whole new appreciation of her as a human being, and she, I. We learned to see each other outside our roles. That was a good thing.

My advice (from an internet guy you've never met and have no reason to trust): when Dad gets any kind of break from the doc's, hang out with him. Confront his death; talk about it. See if there's anything he wants you to do. Clear up the past (that's a big one). re-Learn to smile in the face of pain and death. It'll help him. It'll help you. [/unsolicited advice]

**AlexanderSextus** · 12-10-2009, 06:43

Marijuana will at least make it easier for him to eat and lessen his pain, This is a proven fact.

Of course, It's illegal. But you say he's in austria? Is Medical Marijuana legal in Austria?

(europe tends to have better laws for this type of thing)

I'm not saying this to be cliché or anything, i'm dead serious. My aunt died of leukemia and she lived in california, and before she died the MedPot helped her A LOT. Same things would happen, she would never be able to keep food down.

The first time she vaporized a little weed, i was amazed to watch her eat a half a sub sandwich with no problems at all!

**Beirut** · 12-10-2009, 14:53

Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV

It means a lot just hearing there is someone else who has been through it... And of course my condoleances, and deepest respect for what you have been through.

I think going through it is much harder than having been through it. My best thoughts are with you.

Surviving and saving yourself is the best and only advice I can offer. When all is said and done, you'll still be here and you have every right, regardless of what has happened to those around you, to be as happy as you possibly can be. Never ever feel guilty about feeling good.

(Sorry about the attrocious spelling in my post, I must have been on a rant and not looking.)

**Kadagar_AV** · 12-10-2009, 20:38

KukriKhan, Thank you for the advice. To openly talk about the death and stuff... I never thought about it. Right now he is in no state to talk about anything serious, so I have some time to consider it. Your point seems very valid though, appreciated!

AlexanderSextus, WOAH - great advice!

Have now looked into it... Medical Cannabis is indeed legal in Austria as you say.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The problem is however that the program has just started, and the hill-billy doctors we have here dont know much about it. Also, there is not enough state-sanctioned cannabis to go around. I do however have contacts so I could get some illegaly and treat him myself, no problem. Am now in a process of convincing my mum to convince dad...

Andres, no joke it's tough... A "normal" day in my life would have shocked me only weeks ago... Just cleaning the toilet 3x a day isnt exactly normal procedure...

Fragony, I guess there is always some hope. It is, however, not looking very good. The doctors are not very optimistic. I haven't given up though! Sad to hear about your dad! And yes, not being able to do much to help him feel better sucks, I feel kind of useless.

Wakizashi, that is rough! Damn... My father doesnt seem suicidal or so, but given the state he is in (day after day), I guess he is thinking about it. Thank you for the insight, any little bit helps me.

Ronin, Sad to hear, and thank you!

Centurion1, 7?! I dont even know how to comment that... That is just horrible! Sometimes the world can show a very ugly face...

CountArach, thank you!

Beirut, Those words meant a lot. Yesterday when he fell asleep I went out on a bar for an hour, just to meet some people. However, the thought of him being somewhere alone, passed out on a floor kind of kept me from having much fun, and made it a very short night.

Work and taking care of him leaves very little time for doing anything for myself... Lately I have took time from sleeping just to have a beer with the guys (or chrush the AI in total war).

All, some truly insightful advice here! Also, HUGE thanks for the support! Just knowing you are not alone with this kind of experiences helps a lot.

EDIT: I can't believe I just had a long talk with my mum about illegaly supporting my dad with Marijuana...