De Vita Auli Aurelii - A Romani AAR

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 11:39

Chapter 3: De Bello Gallico

The Gaesatae fled to the Aedui town of Mediolanum and even granted this pervert asylum, when Aulus heard this, he was OUTRAGED and immediatly gathered his battle-weary veterans from Bononia and marched right to Segestica, and thus:

The small coastal town of Segesta was since a few years controlled by the Aedui Council, and only a small garrison was present, thus it was the first target in the Cisalpina Campaign.

And of course, the town was easily taken and the Aedui Governor was executed at the Town Square, after being humiliated by Aulus his soldiers.

The town was pilaged, the women and children were deported to Roma as slaves and throats of the men were sliced and then the corpses were dumped into the sea. The Senatores were pleased with the amount of female slaves they received, and decided to send Aulus even more troops for his campaign.

Meanwhile the people of Roma cheered as well, an hated enemy was defeated, and the shame of the sacking by Brennus was undone by Aulus. Also, the equites quite enjoyed their new hot blonde celtic slaves as well...

By this, Aulus was even more convinced of his plans to attack Mediolanum, the last Aedui settlement left in Gallia Cisalpina, and with the loot he could get there, he could easily take the fight to Transalpina... but first, the Oppidum of Mediolanum had to be taken.

So, Aulus took his soldiers to Mediolanum, but Eathomos confronted him on the open field...

But those Celts couldn't stop Aulus, he send forth his Lugian Mercenary's to exploit the weakness of these lunatics...armor!

Alas, the Lugians didn't have enough javelins for a warband this size....

Luckily, there's a strength like none other, and nothing on this green earth is stonger then the Roman Legion, because there is nothing on this green earth that is stronger than a Roman Legionary...Legion Strong, Amen!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

And this unparalleled force killed the enemy general in cold blood:

And then there appeared from the woods, GAESATAE!
They were stoned and angry as hell...

Alas, they were too late to save their comrades from getting impaled...

And Victory was ours, praise Fortuna!

After this glorious victory, Aulus was too tired to sleep with his blonde Celtic slave girls...
Anyway, he took his victorious army to Mediolanum the next day.

The first siege attempt failed thanks to a pyromaniac who torched our ram, but the second time...
This was Aulus his battle, the dual of fates, on the frozen streets of Mediolanum he would face his rapist again, and would Aulus even survive this battle?

Victory means that Aulus regains his honor, but if he would die, he would go into the history book as that wifegeneral that was abused by a Gaesatae...

First he ordered his Hastati to scale the walls...

After that it was a walk straight to the plaza, with the Gaesatae on it...

In a heroic fight Aulus reached the plaza, and there he saw his rapist, he ran straight towards him, but then floating stars appeared around his scrotum, and his (the Gaesatae, duh!) scrotum started glowing...

This was a sign from Iupiter himself! Aulus slew the Gaesatae and offered the glowing Gaesatae penis to Iupiter the same day!

All his soldiers partyed all night long but then the soldier who stood on watch on the wall came running to Aulus his throne

SIR! SIR! WE'RE UNDER SIEGE! A HUGE CELTIC ARMY STANDS BEFORE OUR GATES!

What will happen next?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 14:36

nevermind

**Fluvius Camillus** · 12-30-2009, 19:58

LOL!

What do you guys think we are? Some Hollywood Legionaries? You plebs should watch less movies and fight more Gauls...

The Gaesatae first checked his butt...

And then there appeared from the woods, GAESATAE!
They were stoned and angry as hell...

In a heroic fight Aulus reached the plaza, and there he saw his rapist, he ran straight towards him, but then floating stars appeared around his scrotum, and his scrotum started glowing...

This was a sign from Iupiter himself! Aulus slew the Gaesatae and offered the glowing Gaesatae penis to Iupiter the same day!

GREAT!! I will follow this, keep it coming!

The only criticism I have:
You mix up Lugians and Ligurians, also you mix up Segesta and Segestica. Everything else is great!

Dont take Mediolanium or you will face the wrath if the Epeirote Empire!

~Fluvius

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 20:04

Originally Posted by Fluvius Camillus

Dont take Mediolanium or you will face the wrath if the Epeirote Empire!

~Fluvius

Too late, I'm invading the Epeirote Empire now, but I won't tell exactly how, that will spoil the rest

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 21:16

Chapter 4: Fat Man's Dead

2 huge Roman armies rushed from the south, one veteran Sicilian army which destroyed the Poeni a decade ago, and another Hoplitai-army recruited in Rhegion.

The besieging forces where quickly flanked and destroyed...

Now Mediolanum was secure, and the shady Gaesatae sacrifice was complete.
After the priests hear about his pious crusade, they appoint him Pontifex Maximus, and given the key to the Vestal Virgin quarters, which he used quite often when his wife was yelling at him at home...
He financed many a temple in Gallia Cisalpina, and razed the Toutatis temples, this made him very popular in Roma.

After this Aulus moved to the Alps, to take his soldiers to their well-deserved ski holiday, and one day when Aulus was snowboarding, he saw a huge celtic army move to Italy, quickly he and his soldiers grabbed their gladii...

Alas they just got owned and Aulus fled to Mediolanum, his army lay dead in the Alps, so he would need a new army...

When he arrived in Mediolanum, he was told that the consul had died. Aulus cried and cried because the consul was his personal friend...

He remembered the good time he had, like the time old Cnaeus walked down the Senate steps, and caused an earthquake which destroyed the entire senate building, or the time he farted, and the roof of his villa urbana was blown off...

Luckily the timing to lose his army couldn't be any better, the Polybian reforms kicked in!

After 10 (!) years of training his army, he shipped in for Greece. The Epeirotes have insulted us a few years ago. The senate bribed an Illyrian settlement, and were happy with the mining profits, but then those evil Epeirotes decided to bribed the settlement back!

When we landed on the shore, we were greeted by steel...

Luckily, not much steel, thanks to the Steel Crisis...

And all went well, before long, our legions stood before the gates of Pella.

And strangely enough, the garrison was a joke.

Because our soldiers were extremely bored after they defeated the Pella Police Department they started raiding Serdike. But we had a little more sword fodder there.

And there were lot's of worthless hoplites, ready to be ripped apart.

Even the velites wanted to plunge their butterknives in the enemy their backs.

And even floating shield were present!

Thanks to this butcherering of levy's, the senate approved of his Triumphus request.

While being in Serdike, the Makedonian Basileus tryed to regain lost lands and backstabbed Pella.

Bravely Aulus approached the besieging Makedonian forces...

And was squashed like a bug!

And if it wasn't enough, our enemies started conspiring against us!

Dark times are awaiting the Res Publica, our forces are drained, enemies besiege us on every frontier, we must be watchful, well at least Aulus would get his Triumphus and cookies.

The World, 232BC