De Vita Auli Aurelii - A Romani AAR

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 14:36

nevermind

**Fluvius Camillus** · 12-30-2009, 19:58

LOL!

What do you guys think we are? Some Hollywood Legionaries? You plebs should watch less movies and fight more Gauls...

The Gaesatae first checked his butt...

And then there appeared from the woods, GAESATAE!
They were stoned and angry as hell...

In a heroic fight Aulus reached the plaza, and there he saw his rapist, he ran straight towards him, but then floating stars appeared around his scrotum, and his scrotum started glowing...

This was a sign from Iupiter himself! Aulus slew the Gaesatae and offered the glowing Gaesatae penis to Iupiter the same day!

GREAT!! I will follow this, keep it coming!

The only criticism I have:
You mix up Lugians and Ligurians, also you mix up Segesta and Segestica. Everything else is great!

Dont take Mediolanium or you will face the wrath if the Epeirote Empire!

~Fluvius

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 20:04

Originally Posted by Fluvius Camillus

Dont take Mediolanium or you will face the wrath if the Epeirote Empire!

~Fluvius

Too late, I'm invading the Epeirote Empire now, but I won't tell exactly how, that will spoil the rest

**Skullheadhq** · 12-30-2009, 21:16

Chapter 4: Fat Man's Dead

2 huge Roman armies rushed from the south, one veteran Sicilian army which destroyed the Poeni a decade ago, and another Hoplitai-army recruited in Rhegion.

The besieging forces where quickly flanked and destroyed...

Now Mediolanum was secure, and the shady Gaesatae sacrifice was complete.
After the priests hear about his pious crusade, they appoint him Pontifex Maximus, and given the key to the Vestal Virgin quarters, which he used quite often when his wife was yelling at him at home...
He financed many a temple in Gallia Cisalpina, and razed the Toutatis temples, this made him very popular in Roma.

After this Aulus moved to the Alps, to take his soldiers to their well-deserved ski holiday, and one day when Aulus was snowboarding, he saw a huge celtic army move to Italy, quickly he and his soldiers grabbed their gladii...

Alas they just got owned and Aulus fled to Mediolanum, his army lay dead in the Alps, so he would need a new army...

When he arrived in Mediolanum, he was told that the consul had died. Aulus cried and cried because the consul was his personal friend...

He remembered the good time he had, like the time old Cnaeus walked down the Senate steps, and caused an earthquake which destroyed the entire senate building, or the time he farted, and the roof of his villa urbana was blown off...

Luckily the timing to lose his army couldn't be any better, the Polybian reforms kicked in!

After 10 (!) years of training his army, he shipped in for Greece. The Epeirotes have insulted us a few years ago. The senate bribed an Illyrian settlement, and were happy with the mining profits, but then those evil Epeirotes decided to bribed the settlement back!

When we landed on the shore, we were greeted by steel...

Luckily, not much steel, thanks to the Steel Crisis...

And all went well, before long, our legions stood before the gates of Pella.

And strangely enough, the garrison was a joke.

Because our soldiers were extremely bored after they defeated the Pella Police Department they started raiding Serdike. But we had a little more sword fodder there.

And there were lot's of worthless hoplites, ready to be ripped apart.

Even the velites wanted to plunge their butterknives in the enemy their backs.

And even floating shield were present!

Thanks to this butcherering of levy's, the senate approved of his Triumphus request.

While being in Serdike, the Makedonian Basileus tryed to regain lost lands and backstabbed Pella.

Bravely Aulus approached the besieging Makedonian forces...

And was squashed like a bug!

And if it wasn't enough, our enemies started conspiring against us!

Dark times are awaiting the Res Publica, our forces are drained, enemies besiege us on every frontier, we must be watchful, well at least Aulus would get his Triumphus and cookies.

The World, 232BC