Anyone else empathize far too much with people?

**tibilicus** · 12-30-2009, 02:41

Well, anyone? I'm pretty certain this is a problem of mine. I mean I know a good dose of empathy is good but I'm really at the extreme end. I'm the sort of guy who can't watch t.v shows or films if there's a really awkward bit in it, I have to turn over. It's worse in real life, If I found out about an embarrassing/ bad situation of a friend I empathize so much it's literally like being in their shoes.

So, any tips to cast out these shackles of empathy?

**pevergreen** · 12-30-2009, 02:44

Originally Posted by Bender

Stop giving a rat's ass.

Yeah, that doesn't really work. Trapped same area meself. I just hide it and go on.

**Thermal** · 12-30-2009, 02:48

Tell your friends you hate them, once your friendless you won't empathize as you'll have no one come to you to unload there burdens on you.

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 12-30-2009, 03:13

Originally Posted by tibilicus

Well, anyone? I'm pretty certain this is a problem of mine. I mean I know a good dose of empathy is good but I'm really at the extreme end. I'm the sort of guy who can't watch t.v shows or films if there's a really awkward bit in it, I have to turn over. It's worse in real life, If I found out about an embarrassing/ bad situation of a friend I empathize so much it's literally like being in their shoes.

So, any tips to cast out these shackles of empathy?

Empathy is not a weakness, but you clearly need to learn how to process it better. You could try channeling it into something.

**tibilicus** · 12-30-2009, 03:18

Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla

Empathy is not a weakness, but you clearly need to learn how to process it better. You could try channeling it into something.

I guess, trying to find what to do with it though is hard.

Originally Posted by Thermal Mercury

Tell your friends you hate them, once your friendless you won't empathize as you'll have no one come to you to unload there burdens on you.

Considered this, would probably just end up focusing my empathy some where else. Possibly towards my dog..

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 12-30-2009, 03:55

Originally Posted by Thermal Mercury

Tell your friends you hate them, once your friendless you won't empathize as you'll have no one come to you to unload there burdens on you.

This would just make you miserable. If you are particularly empathic you're probably dependant on the imput in order to remain emotionally healthy.

**rory_20_uk** · 12-30-2009, 11:56

Nope

**Kralizec** · 12-30-2009, 12:25

Generally no, but no that you've mentioned it...

I'm the sort of guy who can't watch t.v shows or films if there's a really awkward bit in it, I have to turn over.

Several years ago I always quickly felt shame by proxy, if that's a proper term...meaning that I get the urge to turn away when someone is making a fool of himself in front of other people, that kind of thing. I know it's a common reaction but I even got it from watching TV. That was about it and it's mostly gone now, but I remember it clearly.

**InsaneApache** · 12-30-2009, 13:06

Originally Posted by rory_20_uk

Nope

Spoken like a true medic. Not having a go here, not at all. Imagine if you did empathize with all your patients, they'd be carting you off in a yellow van within a fortnight.

**Hosakawa Tito** · 12-30-2009, 13:29

There's worse crosses to bear than feeling compassion for the less fortunate. You'll find the right balance for yourself eventually.

**rory_20_uk** · 12-30-2009, 13:36

Originally Posted by InsaneApache

Spoken like a true medic. Not having a go here, not at all. Imagine if you did empathize with all your patients, they'd be carting you off in a yellow van within a fortnight.

Sad but true. I last got emotionally attached to a patient when I was at Medical School. I became distraught at the state of a demented lady who was constantly crying as she had no idea where she was or what was happening and wanted her dead mother / dead husband (unaware that both were dead of course). There are other, more recent cases that one thinks are terrible (sending a 85 year old lady home on Christmas eve who is unable to stand back to an empty house with no carers with diarrhoea, to think of one recent case) but due to repetition the effect lessens.

One can tell the newbies as they start wanting to connect with their patients. Give 'em a few months and they're all diseases rather than people.

Of course the general public doesn't want to know this and hence why in all medical programs all the staff are constantly getting emotionally involved with every last patient; similarly women like the idea of being with a Doctor as they're all caring people. I suppose after the "honeymoon" fantasy wears off they're still well paid and have a final salary pension.

**CountArach** · 12-30-2009, 13:55

I don't think empathising too much with people is really possible. Empathy is a good thing... providing the people deserve it and aren't just making mountains out of mole-hills. I'm very much an empathetic person but there have been times when I've just rolled my eyes at some of my friends' problems because they are just so insignificant compared to other problems people are going through.

**Viking** · 12-30-2009, 15:02

Originally Posted by rory_20_uk

Sad but true. I last got emotionally attached to a patient when I was at Medical School. I became distraught at the state of a demented lady who was constantly crying as she had no idea where she was or what was happening and wanted her dead mother / dead husband (unaware that both were dead of course). There are other, more recent cases that one thinks are terrible (sending a 85 year old lady home on Christmas eve who is unable to stand back to an empty house with no carers with diarrhoea, to think of one recent case) but due to repetition the effect lessens.

One can tell the newbies as they start wanting to connect with their patients. Give 'em a few months and they're all diseases rather than people.

Of course the general public doesn't want to know this and hence why in all medical programs all the staff are constantly getting emotionally involved with every last patient; similarly women like the idea of being with a Doctor as they're all caring people. I suppose after the "honeymoon" fantasy wears off they're still well paid and have a final salary pension.

In the medical encyclopedia I just read, it is said that empathy is an important part of being a doctor; and so I think too, because if you can't place yourself in other peoples boots to some extent, it sounds harder to come up with a diagnosis. Emotional attachment is what sympathy is for.

I don't think empathising too much with people is really possible. Empathy is a good thing... providing the people deserve it and aren't just making mountains out of mole-hills. I'm very much an empathetic person but there have been times when I've just rolled my eyes at some of my friends' problems because they are just so insignificant compared to other problems people are going through.

Again, I think the word being described is sympathy and not empathy.

There's worse crosses to bear than feeling compassion for the less fortunate. You'll find the right balance for yourself eventually.

And again, if I've understood tibilicus correctly; it's not about feeling sorry for anyone, it is just that the situation is uncomfortable, and you want to try to escape it somehow.

I haven't really experienced such feelings in the real world, because I have power there. If my friends did something stupid, I'd laugh as them as well; because that was what my personality was like. I loved to cause them trouble anyway.

When it comes films and books however, things change. I think it is because it makes me feel without power; the situation is not in my control, I cannot intervene or provide feedback any way. I don't know.

**InsaneApache** · 12-30-2009, 16:13

No it's empathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is recognizing what they are going through and understanding the effect that has on the person.

**Mithrandir** · 12-30-2009, 17:02

Read some books by the dalai llama... he says sympathy is the base of happines.

At least, it's a very important part of it. He has some very good books in which he describes exercises to improve your awareness of behaviour and thoughts and how to turn it into something constructive to achieve happines.

I bow to the dalai llama

If ever there was someone I'd like to photograph, it wouldn't be some hot chick, it'd be him. That sort of says enough..

**Centurion1** · 12-30-2009, 17:30

I'm the sort of guy who can't watch t.v shows or films if there's a really awkward bit in it, I have to turn over.

i do this unfortunately. like during the office.... whenever michael speaks.....

whcich is ironic because im usually a pretty harsh realist. i am a good listener according to most of my girlfriends though.

**Viking** · 12-30-2009, 18:05

Originally Posted by InsaneApache

No it's empathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is recognizing what they are going through and understanding the effect that has on the person.

Yes, that was the distinction I made.

To empathise with someone who have a broken foot is not to scream in agony, it is to recognise that they are in severe pain.

Probably also clever to make distinction between social and physical empathy.

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 12-30-2009, 18:05

Originally Posted by rory_20_uk

Sad but true. I last got emotionally attached to a patient when I was at Medical School. I became distraught at the state of a demented lady who was constantly crying as she had no idea where she was or what was happening and wanted her dead mother / dead husband (unaware that both were dead of course). There are other, more recent cases that one thinks are terrible (sending a 85 year old lady home on Christmas eve who is unable to stand back to an empty house with no carers with diarrhoea, to think of one recent case) but due to repetition the effect lessens.

One can tell the newbies as they start wanting to connect with their patients. Give 'em a few months and they're all diseases rather than people.

Of course the general public doesn't want to know this and hence why in all medical programs all the staff are constantly getting emotionally involved with every last patient; similarly women like the idea of being with a Doctor as they're all caring people. I suppose after the "honeymoon" fantasy wears off they're still well paid and have a final salary pension.

So long as you can still fake it and are determined to cure the patient, I don't care that much.

Originally Posted by InsaneApache

No it's empathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is recognizing what they are going through and understanding the effect that has on the person.

Almost, sympathy is sharing someone's emotions, positive or negative.

**Fragony** · 12-30-2009, 18:12

That is not empathy that is shame by proxy.

**Sasaki Kojiro** · 12-30-2009, 20:08

If you can't stand awkward situations in movies, it might be because they bring up bad memories or associations. I guess it depends on how much you put yourself in their shoes as you watch. Like how some people have trouble watching people get stuck with needles in movies. Well, I don't really have any advice, just try and be laid back about it keep things in the right perspective. Like if you were watching a seen where someone gets stuck with a needle, you could remind yourself that it's just a prop they are sticking it into.