The United Kingdom Elections 2010

[Louis VI the Fat]

Do you know that genius postmodern text generator? It is a program that automatically produces an interesting (at first glance) postmodern text. Out of just a few words and concepts, endlessly mixed and re-arranged, the programs manages to produce an infinite number of texts.

I say the Telegraph has managed the same. The paper is filled by spambots, several programs written by the Telegraph, which automatically create daily, endlessly repetitive articles based on just a few concepts and phrases, written into a new daily outrage article simply by tossing about the order of these handful of concepts.

I feel like Groundhog Day when reading the Telegraph.



Here you go, if one wants to have a real laugh, instead of laughing at legislation that actually makes Britian safer for British people, read how the Telegraph simply repeats its own articles with intervals of eighteen months. The trick behind this is, the reader vaguely remembers he has read it all before, so thinks to himself that what is written is probably true - since he has heard it from multiple sources.

This is how you are being taken for a ride.

This is the real problem of British politics: the media moguls, the clique of billionaires in London, their lackeys in Westminster.
In the case of the Torygraph, the two billionaire tax exiles who run their channel island - made into and kept a s a private tax haven by London - as feudal barons. And who hold a disproportionate stake in British media, to spew an endless daily diarrhea of false or misleading information to the British people.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Labour has created 3,600 new offences since 1997.

The Government has created more than 3,600 criminal offences since it came to office in 1997, almost one for every day in power.

By Chris Irvine
Published: 7:40AM BST 04 Sep 2008




Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman, will reveal the statistic as he sets out a fresh initiative to cut crime.
Critics of the new laws blame a government addicted to pushing complicated legislation through Parliament, and keen on grabbing a cheap headline.

A total of 3,605 offences have been introduced since May 1997, an average of 320 a year.
They include 1,238 brought in as primary legislation, which means they were debated in Parliament, and 2,367 by secondary legislation, such as orders in council and statutory documents.

The worst offender is the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, which has created 852 new offences.
This is followed by the Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform, and its predecessor the Department for Trade and Industry, which between them have created 678 offences.
Meanwhile the Home Office is responsible for 455 offences.

Among some of the more bizarre criminal offences created in the past five years include disturbing a pack of eggs when instructed not to by an authorised officer, or offering for sale a game bird killed on a Sunday or Christmas Day.
Under Tony Blair, Labour introduced 160 new offences in his first year, but in 2003, 493 offences were created.

Mr Huhne said "In what conceivable way can the introduction of a new criminal offence every day help tackle crime when most crimes that people care about have been illegal for years.
"This legislative diarrhoea is not about making us safer, because it does not help enforce the laws that we have one jot. It is about the Government's posturing on punishments."

Here is a list of some of the new criminal offences brought in under Labour:
- Creating a nuclear explosion
- Selling types of flora and fauna not native to the UK, such as the grey squirrel, ruddy duck or Japanese knotweed
- To wilfully pretend to be a barrister or a traffic warden
- Disturb a pack of eggs when instructed not to by an authorised officers
- Obstruct workers carrying out repairs to the Dockland Light Railway
- Offer for sale a game bird killed on a Sunday or Christmas Day
- Allow an unlicensed concert in a church hall or community centre
- A ship's captain may end up in court if he or she carries grain without a copy of the International Grain Code on board

If disturbing eggs is illegal, someone fetch me a carton
With Labour's laws creating a new kind of crime every day, Bryony Gordon is not sure which to break first.

Published: 7:58PM GMT 22 Jan 2010

I don't know what you're planning to do this weekend: a spot of shopping, perhaps. Some household chores. A nice walk in the park with the family. If you're anything like me, you will spend it doing absolutely nothing at all, apart from lying under your duvet with only a good book for company, the good book perhaps later being joined by your close chum, self-loathing.

Anyway, whatever the case, stop! Stop shopping, and cleaning, and walking, and wallowing in self-pity! Drop everything! For I have a suggestion about how to spend your two days off, and it is this: go swimming in the wreck of the Titanic.

Pardon? Eh? What's that you say? You're not sure that exploring a shipwreck is really a safe activity for all the family? You don't much fancy the depths of the north Atlantic in January and, anyway, you wouldn't know where to get a wetsuit at such short notice? Ah. Probably just as well, seeing as it is now a crime to enter the hull of the Titanic – at least without receiving permission from a Cabinet minister first.

This wacky regulation, we learnt this week, is just one of almost 4,300 crimes created by Labour since they took power. I barely need mention the big ones that we all know – smoking in a pub, for example, or hunting a fox – but it's worth taking a look at some of the lesser publicised ones, if only for a laugh.

For example: disturbing a pack of eggs when directed not to by an authorised officer, selling game birds shot on a Sunday (or Christmas Day), and "reporting to the master or other officer in charge of the bridge a door to be closed and locked when it is not in fact closed and locked" (that one from Merchant Shipping Miscellaneous Amendment Regulations).

Also illegal: causing a nuclear explosion. You'd have thought – nay, hoped – that this would already be classed as a crime. But never mind – I can't imagine there will be all that many police around to ask "What's going on here, then?" in the event of an A-bomb going off.

The law, then, is an ass – but who knew quite how many weird and wonderful ways one could break it? Under Gordon Brown, the Government is dreaming up about 33 a month, beating his good pal Tony, who only managed a measly 27. In total, criminal offences have been created at the rate of about one for every day that Labour have been in office. It's a wonder they've had time to do anything else.

Last night, Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrats' home affairs spokesman, attacked the Government for an "acute and prolonged bout of legislative diarrhoea". Thanks for that image, Chris. Huhne wrote to the Justice Secretary, Jack Straw, asking him to repeal some of the laws. Straw, referring to the crime of disturbing a pack of eggs, responded thusly: "Egg marketing inspectors must be able to ensure that eggs suspected of being marketed in contravention of EU regulations are not tampered with." He added that he was "sorry that you regard these offences as unnecessary. In their different ways, they are important pieces of legislation."

So. It is OK for the Government to invade a country illegally, but if you fiddle with a packet of eggs, it's off with your head? The phrase that springs to mind here is, of course, "law unto themselves" – but since, for the time being, they're still running things, here are some suggestions for a few other criminal offences they could create before being booted out later in the year:

• In future, it will be illegal to keep food beyond its sell-by date. Why? Because it could kill you, you absolute idiot. Although you're not allowed to throw it away. No. That would just be wasteful.

• On that point, we don't do waste. Not any more. Waste is bad, especially when your local council doesn't bother to pick it up for weeks on end. Also, some of you stupidly mix your plastics with your paper, which just won't do. From now on, it's a crime to create waste of any kind, unless of course that waste happens to be in the form of legislation such as this.

• However, it is now illegal for supermarkets to sell you something without giving you something else for free.

• After the roaring success of the Asbo, we will introduce the SuBo, under which anti-social beings will be rehabilitated in X Factor-style boot camps under the guidance of Lord Cowell of Wembley.

• Any scrutiny of the spending habits of Members of Parliament is to be made illegal. Offenders will be given community service, which might involve repairing bell towers or sorting out dry rot.

• Thinking freely, for yourself, without instruction from the Government, is also banned. Who on earth do you think you are? A sentient human being? Honestly, the cheek of you people.