Welcome to the org polyglot, enjoy your stay.

The vanilla Ai's relationship with the player are designed to worsen over time, and this leads to the situations you describe, especially if you play hard and very hard.

However AI parameters are given in data form and various mods have calibrated them, so that AI behaviour is far more reasonable. Some of them are mini-mods, and the have the word AI in their title, just seek them out in the mod section here and in the TW centre. I am pretty certain that you can find something that can suit your playing style more or less eventually.