Finding "the one"

[pevergreen]

No I'm not asking advice on how to get a lady.

I have a christian friend. She believes that God will magically come along and show her who she should be with. God created her and him for each other. They were meant to be together.
Some people think that they are fated to be together. It was destiny.

Does it work like that?

I want to say no. From personal experience, as Tim Minchin said "the affection simply grows over time".

Yet I believe that I experienced such an event. I believe that myself and this lady were put there by something out of our control to see each other.

Or am I just being silly?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

If it makes any difference, that happened around a year ago, so I'm not coming home after it annoyed or anything.

[HoreTore]

No, there isn't a "one", that's rubbish.

It's simply a matter of finding someone you like a lot, and then being together. If she waits for perfection, she will die a spinster.

[Beskar]

God won't come down like the national lottery hand and go "It could be you!"

Basically, in real terms, the idea of "the one" is that there is some one out there who you could get along with. You should show this lady friend a good time, pevergreen and make her feel you are the one.

[Fragony]

Lucky should you find it, friend of mine is one of these incredibly handsome guys, he can get just about every girl, including the hot ones that are smart and funny. But he prefers his rather bland but nice (and she is nice, very smart and funny) girl he met ages ago, she's the one for him. We used to mock him a bit for us taking the pretty ones upstairs but he is perfectly happy.

[Louis VI the Fat]

God helps those who help themselves.

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

[pevergreen]

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

I don't believe in screwing with someones beliefs like that.

[Louis VI the Fat]

I don't believe in screwing with someones beliefs like that.

Would I be wrong in assuming you are a Protestant?

[Hosakawa Tito]

God helps those who help themselves.

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

Perceptions are reality. Louis is just trying to show how you can make it work for you.

[Scienter]

I don't think 'fate' brings people together. Chemistry does. Or lust. Or a friendship that turns into something else. I don't think there's one and only one 'perfect' person for everyone. If I had never met TinCow, we'd both be involved with other people. It's unromantic but true.

I'm not well versed in the Bible, but I think that your friend is being naive if she thinks that God is going to cause her to cross paths with a man who is perfect for her. Passively waiting for the right man to come along is a recipe for being single.

[Subotan]

By that logic, non-Christians would never get married.

[HoreTore]

Yet I believe that I experienced such an event. I believe that myself and this lady were put there by something out of our control to see each other.

This one needs an extra comment:

I've felt that too. In 2005, I met the perfect woman completely by accident, there is nothing that suggests we would ever have met each other if not for that one day(and night...).

3 years after that I finally realized that she's miles away from perfect, and now I just don't care about the b anymore...

[Lemur]

I have a christian friend. She believes that God will magically come along and show her who she should be with. God created her and him for each other. They were meant to be together. [...]

Does it work like that?

In a word, no, and there's no scriptural basis for it. That's some kind of Barbie Dream Pony logic mixed up with the Gospel.

On the Biblical front, the good book describes polygamy and monogamy without ever suggesting that one is better than the other. Even incest and rape are given air time, with no indication that these are bad things. Your friend's belief that Heavenly Father will pick out a perfect match for her has more to do with the movie Pretty Woman and the novels of Jane Austen than anything in scripture.

Taking it from a practical perspective, we're all capable of loving many, many people. Honestly, think about the odds if there were only one suitable match out there for you. What if she was born in Madagascar? What if she dies in a car crash before you meet her? What if she's put in an arranged marriage before you find her? In all these scenarios, you're borked.

No, the truth of the matter is that there are many, many people with whom we can be happy. It's a question of finding such a person and doing the work necessary to have a successful relationship.

This Cinderalla-inspired junk where the girl finds Mr. Perfect and is swept off her feet ot live happily ever after, well, it's a joke that has been selling books, movies, toys and TV shows since the dawn of time. No relationship to reality.

[pevergreen]

Would I be wrong in assuming you are a Protestant?

No, agnostic. Was a lutheran as a kid.

In a word, no, and there's no scriptural basis for it. That's some kind of Barbie Dream Pony logic mixed up with the Gospel.

On the Biblical front, the good book describes polygamy and monogamy without ever suggesting that one is better than the other. Even incest and rape are given air time, with no indication that these are bad things. Your friend's belief that Heavenly Father will pick out a perfect match for her has more to do with the movie Pretty Woman and the novels of Jane Austen than anything in scripture.

Taking it from a practical perspective, we're all capable of loving many, many people. Honestly, think about the odds if there were only one suitable match out there for you. What if she was born in Madagascar? What if she dies in a car crash before you meet her? What if she's put in an arranged marriage before you find her? In all these scenarios, you're borked.

No, the truth of the matter is that there are many, many people with whom we can be happy. It's a question of finding such a person and doing the work necessary to have a successful relationship.

This Cinderalla-inspired junk where the girl finds Mr. Perfect and is swept off her feet ot live happily ever after, well, it's a joke that has been selling books, movies, toys and TV shows since the dawn of time. No relationship to reality.

Which is pretty much what another christian friend of mine said. And of course, thats much more reassuring.

but I don't want to date anyone for fun or just as friends. God is all the love I need really, and if His plan for me includes a relationship with someone (as a precursor to marriage), it could only be with a christian who would help me grow in faith and love of God.

Thats the easiest to find quote about the subject from her, she said it a few days ago.

The scary thing for me though is, that while we were at school (graduated 14 or so months ago) she was a female version of AP. Then in December 07 she magically converted after years of anti-christian behaviour. And it completely changed her. Now, I don't think that it can't happen, i just, yet again, don't believe why she thinks she has to give up, as she says, 'smart things' to be happy. (science etc, she used to speak about stuff so complicated only 1-2 out of 20 could understand her) However, she still studies french and russian.

[Scienter]

No, agnostic. Was a lutheran as a kid.


Thats the easiest to find quote about the subject from her, she said it a few days ago.

Originally Posted by That first friend I was talking about in the OP
but I don't want to date anyone for fun or just as friends. God is all the love I need really, and if His plan for me includes a relationship with someone (as a precursor to marriage), it could only be with a christian who would help me grow in faith and love of God.

I don't mean to be insensitive here, but if this is how she feels, do you think that she would be compatible with you if you're agnostic? She sounds very devoted to her religion, to the point where she wouldn't date outside of it. Also (keep in mind I have no idea how old you are), since she is very religious, my guess is that most er... physical aspects of a relationship would be out of the question. Do you know why she became a Christian? Did something happen to her? In my experience, those who convert to Christianity tend to be quite zealous. If you guys are both young (college?), maybe this is a phase for her and she'll be back to her "old self" if she doesn't find what she's looking for through religion.

[naut]

I think the important question is: Is she cute?

Do you know why she became a Christian? Did something happen to her? In my experience, those who convert to Christianity tend to be quite zealous. If you guys are both young (college?), maybe this is a phase for her and she'll be back to her "old self" if she doesn't find what she's looking for through religion.

As a former Christian, those types of Christians tended to freak me out. So enthusiastic. Yet, often with time people give up their faith, especially if it is gained during adolescence, (myself included), much like how many young ladies go through the vegetarian phase.

Honestly she sounds harmless, but a little naive. If anything I think she'll end up getting her heart-broken by someone down the line, but that's for her to experience. And in my honest opinion I don't think she's a fool for believing in "the one true love", some people need that sort of idealistic hope to help them get through life. It's a similar to the hope her faith provides her.

If you want to go after her, do so. If it doesn't go anywhere what has either of you lost?

[Beskar]

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

So we're all ignoring the fact that pever said he wasn't after her?

[Viking]

Does it work like that?

Wouldn't that mean that beaten wifes were meant to get beaten all since their conception? Ouch!

[Jolt]

Does it work like that?

Or am I just being silly?

pever...you're just being silly. :P