Post 951 of main thread.

Day breaks in the Frontroom. All is quiet. The white van had pulled up to yet another house, picking another target.

*ding dong*

Joooray opened the door, staring at the mafioso.

"Mafioso," the mafioso said simply, trying a different tactic. "I'm here to bludgeon you to death with a rolling pin and then flatten you."

"Okay, come on in," Joooray said, obviously taking some time to process what had just been said to him. "Kitchen's on the lef-wait, what?" That was as far as he was able to get, as the mafioso, true to his word, had taken out a rolling pin and started beating Joooray with it.

"Hey! Ow! Quit it!" Joooray screamed in protest, trying to back away from the mafioso but never quite succeeding. Desperate to gain some distance, Joooray searched around the room for something, anything, that could be used in self-defense. The best thing he came up with was a flowerpot. "Better than nothing," he muttered, still taking a vicious beating from the rolling pin. He gripped the pot and chucked it at the mafioso, who had to pause and break the incoming pot apart with his rolling pin.

This diversion provided Joooray all the separation he needed, as he sprinted upstairs and out of sight. The mafioso, deciding that a slow and deliberate pursuit was more psychologically prudent in this situation, slowly made his way up the stairs, calling out for Joooray. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," he said, in one of the single-most tired cliches in existence. "You can't hide from my rolling pin!" he said, his voice rising. "It only stops beating you once you're dead, and you ain't dead yet! Do not deprive the rolling pin of justice, Joooray!"

Finally, something snapped. Joooray leaped into view from seemingly nowhere and tackled the mafioso. Together the two of them tumbled down the stairs, Joooray landing on top. After delivering one solid punch to the jaw, Joooray scrambled to get up and ran out the door, in the direction of the mafioso's van.

"Think I'll drive this right up to the police station!" he called out gloatingly, for the mafioso had no chance of catching up to him. "Surely Lemur will be able to find something in there that points to you! Have fun getting your neck measured!" he cried, turning the key and jamming the gas pedal, speeding out of sight.

The mafioso calmly took a detonator out of his pocket and pressed the button. He could hear the explosion and see a brief flash of light. Strolling up the street a couple houses, he came upon the ruins of his van and Joooray, mortally wounded but still alive, sprawled out on the ground, coughing and panting.

Kneeling on the ground, the mafioso wordlessly proceeded to hit Joooray with the rolling pin until he finally expired.

Later in the day, pevergreen had decided to visit the Frontroom zoo. The animals still seemed to be well cared-for despite the rapid drop in the town's human population, and for this pever was glad. An animal lover at heart, pever hated to see suffering of any kind. Indeed, the various animal noises soothed him. The majestic roar of the lion, the thunderous growl of the bear, the incessant call of the howler monkey, the somewhat demented-sounding "moo" of the cow...

...waitaminute, that last part can't be right, thought pever. There were obviously no cows at the zoo. pever put it out of his mind as he kept walking. He was at the elephant exhibit now, marveling at the sheer power that was their trunks, the prehistoric wonder of their ivory tusks, their somewhat demented mooing sound...

...there it was again. Now officially disturbed, pever began walking at a brisk pace not coincidentally towards the zoo's exit. He thought he was home free, but passing through the bird exhibit, he heard a distinctly un-avian moo. This is when pever decided to abandon all shreds of dignity and flat-out ran for the exit.

He didn't get very far though. A dart of some kind had pierced his neck. pever stopped and reached up to pull it out, but before he did he crumpled to the ground. Struggling to get a good look at his predator before he lost consciousness, he saw a man in a cowboy hat riding a clearly mad cow. The man looked down and regarded pever with curiosity.

"You know, the signs all say not to feed the animals. However, they only apply in the actual exhibits. You, my friend, are on the zoo's main path and thus fair game. Dinner is served, Bessie!"

The last thing pever heard before losing consciousness for good was a very appreciative "moo".

Later that day, Chief of Police Lemur gathered the remaining villagers in the Frontroom Square in order to make an announcement.

"All right everyone," he began, "Look, the mafia have been here for a week and we still haven't gotten rid of them yet. Their influence is clearly felt. Nobody trusts one another anymore and our numbers are almost in the single digits. For everyone's sake, start getting this right!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still alive: (13)
Sasaki Kojiro
Askthepizzaguy
Beefy187
Methos
Kagemusha
Subotan
Captain Blackadder
Renata
Thermal Mercury
Ibn-Khaldun
woad&fangs
Psychonaut
Reenk Roink

Wrath of God:
Cultured Drizzt fan

Killed:
Crazed Rabbit
Andres
atheotes
Double A
Centurion1
Csargo
Winston Hughes
johnhughthom
spL1tp3r50naL1ty
White_eyes:D
Secura
Beskar
Joooray
pevergreen

Executed:
Diamondeye
Chaotix
Yaseikhaan
Sigurd
shlin28
TinCow

Voting will close at 17:00 US Eastern, although I may not be around then due to a train ride that day (I'm going home for Easter). If that's the case, keep voting until I expressly close it.