Casey the Casse: a (humorous) Casse AAR

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 2- Ictis
The king decided to move Casticos and his army, which was refitted with many heavier troops, towards Ictis.


But before we arrived at Ictis, our diplomats tried bribing the city to surrender, but it didn't work and we had to lay siege to the town.


A year passed before the enemy decided to sally forth. They had no hope.


We hung back in the woods while the main army advanced.


The enemy army, badly depleted due to starvation, began to file sullenly out of the town.


Our skirmishers harassed them while they formed up.


Soon our forces met in a titanic struggle as the enemy put everything they had in order to stop us.


They did not succeed.


We soon captured the main gate, with little price for us, but the path to it was paved with the bodies of the enemy,


The enemy withdrew to the town center, and our men stormed it.


The enemy was soon surrounded in the town square and they fought to the last man, preferring death to surrender.



Ictis was ours. We now looked northwest, to Scotland and the land of the lightning-farting giant and to the far north, where we hear there are ferocious whales that repel all invaders. Once again, my friend disagrees, saying that it's just a spelling error, but I don’t believe him.
I wish my King was satisfied with the land we have now, but he says that it's our destiny to own all of the British Isles. Why he wants it all, I have no idea, but if he wants it, I suppose it's my duty to obey.

[Salahedin]

not bad : made me smile. Oh, and I'm in a bad day ya know...

[Hooahguy]

as i continue to learn about british culture ill (hopefully) be able to think of better jokes to put in. worse comes to worse ill just drop the humour part of the AAR.
stay tuned.

[Brennus]

If you have any questions about Iron Age Britain I will be happy to help ya, i study it almost everyday at uni. By the way where is "the land of Metal"?

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 3- Land of the Lightning-Farting Giants
I got another two suitors today. They came up to my door, expecting a well-formed woman, but to their great disappointment, a man showed up. I bet you my father is still laughing.
In any case, the King, the most exalted Barae, has ordered Casticos back to London, because he was showing signs of disloyalty and we needed to win him back in London. In the meantime, the King himself would take over the operation to take Ynys-Mon.
We expected that we would follow Casticos back to London, but we were wrong. I, among twenty hand picked soldiers from Casticos’s bodyguard, joined the King’s bodyguard.
His bodyguard is much different from ours. He fights on foot, like a true king. According to him, chariots are for babies (to tell you the truth, I couldn’t agree more) and he was currently phasing them out from all bodyguard units, as well as the army as a whole.
The new bodyguards were well-trained infantry, called Calawre. Over the next six months, we were re-trained not to be charioteers, but to be sword masters. And I was enjoying it thoroughly. Plus we got life insurance! Not to mention a health care bundle that came at the King’s expense. God, I love unions.

After we got a stronger army together, we marched towards Ynys-Mon. I think the people there couldn’t be more scared of us. I began to doubt the rumors of giants with lightning coming out of their arses.


The siege lasted for five long seasons.
During the siege, one of our diplomats got to the Iberian tribes, and secured an alliance with them.


But it wasnt until afterwards that we realized that making this alliance would cause problems later on during our conquest of Iberia.

Finally, the famished garrison of Ynys-Mon sallied out.


What our King feared most was a crushing attack by the Druids, who were the most feared soldiers in the British Isles to date. The enemy had two bands of them, but so did we, so we weren't so afraid.
The enemy Druids attacked our right flank first.


While our right flank was involved in heavy combat, some weaker troops attacked our left flank. We took care of them easily.


We watched from a hill in the distance. I asked King Barae why we didn't join in the fight. “If any of you men die, not only will I have to pay for your funeral and your life insurance for your family, it will raise the health care rates for the rest of the group” was his answer.
How touching.


We pushed forward, massacring all in our wake. Seeing his men falling, the enemy general rushed out to assist his men. It was a fool’s mistake. He fell just as quickly as the rest of them.


The remainder of his bodyguard decided to stay and try to save the gate. But it was hopeless for them.


We slowly pushed them back from the gate.


They sent in more troops in an attempt to hold us back.


But they caved in eventually, and fell back towards the town center.
King Barae began replacing the exhausted troops who had just captured the main gate with fresh troops in the rear. Needless to say, everyone was happy.


Fresh troops charged the town center, facing very feeble opposition.


Not long after, we took the town.


After the battle, the view of the front gate was, at minimum, repulsive due to the number of dead men clogging the area.


What was surprising is that even though we were facing tougher opponents, we lost fewer men in this battle than we did in the last. In fact, we only lost 179 men this battle, compared to the 194 men we lost at Ictis, and the 612 men we lost at Ratae.


It wasn’t a change of tactics, because we used the same general tactics as we have in past battles.
Probably that good ol’ British luck doing its part.
In my opinion, I think it was the relief that there weren't any giants to fight. That relief caused us to be more confident, and as a result, take fewer casualties.

We renamed Ynys-Mon as Baraeville, in honor of our king. He wasn’t very flattered, strangely enough.

King Barae informed us that we would head north, starting next season (fall 265), to take the northern part of our island. At first, many people were scared because the whales lived there, but then we were comforted with the fact that so far, all rumors we have ever heard have been false.

[Hannibal Khan the Great]

Haha, I just finished reading the book "And Then There Were None". Very Nice. But be careful about editing city names. I heard it can screw up the script.

[Hooahguy]

yea, i know about the problem. im almost positive the only effect changing city names does is to make it so you cant win unless you change it back. but dont worry when i fulfil the win conditions ill just change it back to their normal state for a turn, get the win banner, then change it back to my custom names.